suggested song: Casual Affair by Panic! at the Disco

chapter 1

As many times as Gerard looks at Frank, he silently remembers how they had come to this. Lovers meeting in the dead of night, to share the silence of intimacy. He has lost count of how many times he's submitted to the wonderful, terrifying world that was making love to Frank; nor could he see this affair ending any time soon.

But with a jolt he remembers that this very well could be the last time. Jamia had begun to question where Frank was late in the night; LynZ, it seemed, had figured it out. But with another child on the way, Gerard has to force himself to quit his biggest addiction: The wild, beautiful man he'd come to love over the last fifteen years, known as Frank Iero. For his wife, for his baby.

Frank, however, was willing to leave it all behind for Gerard; Jamia had grown cold since Cherry and Lily were born. Miles was barely even on her radar- all the new-born care was pushed off to Frank. When the girls turned 5, she had begun to neglect him and the children, instead focusing on her family of prescription painkillers. Frank has been raising the kids basically alone for the past four years. It seemed that since then, Gerard has always been there to help Frank. Just like old times, when Frank saved Gerard ... And, just like old times, Frank felt his resolve slipping. He was falling for Gerard again. So one night, when Jamia forgot to pick up the girls from school because she was high off Vicodin and Cherry and Lily stood in the rain alone for 2 hours, until someone finally called Frank from work, it seemed natural to pack bags and go over to Gerard's. LynZ was at her parent's house to visit, and had taken Bandit. That night, after the girls had gone to bed; Gerard and Frank lay in bed, together. Just like old times. Except this time, it was Gerard holding Frank while he sobbed brokenly over the mess his life had become.

And when Gerard had suddenly pressed his lips to Frank's, something changed inside of them. That night, every emotion from the past ten years had come pouring out, the men hungrily devouring each other in a desperate, passionate act. And it was then they knew, there was no going back.

The pair silently falls onto the opposite bed, laying on top of the comforter, staring at each other. They are exhausted but light years from sleep. "Wanna roll one?" Gerard whispers and Frank nods, sitting up and reaching for his bag, pulling out a Ziploc baggie.

It seemed like after that first time, a new sort of hunger had been unleashed between the two. It wasn't so much that they were constantly horny; it was as if they were making up for years of lost passion and intimacy. They couldn't get enough of each other, stolen kisses and quickies while their wives took the kids out to play, giving them "bonding time." LynZ knew; she had always known Gerard more than anyone seemed to realize. Gerard truly loved her, she was a beautiful woman and had given him one, now two beautiful children; but he was in love with Frank. And although it hurt her, she told Gerard, she knew that love wasn't a choice, she couldn't force him to love her. She loved him so much that she just wanted him to be happy.

Frank's eyes fall on Gerard's soft, pink lips as a cloud of thick, pearlescent smoke drifts from between. Gerard passes the joint back to Frank and he takes it between his inked fingers, lowering his eyes as he takes a deep drag and holds it in. Looking up at Gerard, he blows a small ring of smoke at his lover. He drinks in the sight of him; his skin is pale and soft looking. He's let his hair grow long and shaggy, hanging around his face in a dark curtain; this has always been Frank's favorite look, since they were teenagers. Gerard's face is thinner, sharper. Older. He looks tired and his hazel eyes look wise. He's grown more muscular and looks healthy. But when he flashes him a small smile, Frank catches a glimpse of the little imp that stole his heart all those years ago. The devilish, playful side of Gerard that, it seems, is reserved only for Frank and their girls, nowadays.

Gerard still felt attracted to his wife. He still loved her, and she wanted a family. She had always wanted a family. So when he found out that LynZ was pregnant again, he was overjoyed. He could have his Frank, and his family. It was perfect. Until LynZ finally spoke up.

The two men inch silently closer to each other as Frank takes a drag. He exhales as Gerard latches their lips together, sharing the sweet smoke with the beautiful man. Gerard slowly lowers Frank to the bed and Frank stubs the joint out in the ashtray on the nightstand.

LynZ couldn't keep living in this. She loved Gerard and understood that he loved Frank, but she was still a fragile, insecure being. She was bearing another one of Gerard's children, and while she was overjoyed, she felt slightly used. She was unsure of why Gerard would still string her along, when it was obvious he wanted Frank. So she stood up for herself, finally told Gerard to choose. Frank, or LynZ and his family. And no matter how hard he tried, Gerard couldn't bring himself to be mad at her for making him choose.

Now, they are silent as Gerard slips off his shirt and Frank observes every inch of him, the body of this man as familiar as his own, every freckle and tattoo and painfully beautiful scar. Their eyes meet, dark and hungry, as they strip themselves and press together, soft moans and quiet whispers, pleading and promising and wanting. They needed each other; it was anything but casual, and they knew it. But even though they knew that it was love, they knew that it couldn't last. Jamia had pretty much figured out that Frank was cheating; she just didn't know who with. And with LynZ's ultimatum, they had already decided. Now if only they could find a way to quit each other.

Frank had come home late from being at Gerard 's. Jamia had waited up. And as she stood, asking where he'd been, he could tell from the look in her eyes that she already knew. So he just shrugged dejectedly, and she stomped off to bed, crying. She threatened to leave the next day; she didn't though. For the kid's sake, she said. They rarely talked anymore.

As soon as the men came together, nails digging into flesh and names whispered raggedly in the stale night, they knew. This was over. This causal affair had timed out. It was finally time for them to say goodbye. They didn't even bother to put clothes on; they simply held each other, crying, as close as they could physically be but farther away mentally than they'd ever been. They were already starting to force their mindset back to their families. But as Gerard held him, Frank couldn't help but cry for what he was losing. Gerard was leaving. They couldn't stay friends... They couldn't torture themselves. Even as they cherish their last night together, they grieve for it.

So early, early the next morning, when they check out of the motel, they get into their separate cars, and go on to lead their separate lives.