Daria Season 5 1/2
"Goodbye to Hell"
Rated TVPG (Swearing)
Summary: Gearing up for Daria Season 6, Daria and Jane must say their last good-byes to Lawndale before setting out to collage.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything here accept for this plot. The characters are copyrighted by MTV. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________
(Roll normal Daria intro)
Title: "Goodbye to Hell"
ACT I
(Cut to DARIA sitting in her room reading a book. The window shows nighttime Lawndale) (There is a knock on the door. DARIA puts down her book.)
Jane(VO): Yo. Daria: Hey Jane. What did you call for? Jane(VO): I've been thinking... Daria: Wow. News to me. I have to try this 'thinking' thing. Jane(VO): Don't. It hurts your brain. Anyways, so I've been thinking that we need to leave one last mark in Lawndale. Daria: Mm-hm. Jane(VO): So, I found my dad's old megaphone in the closet- Daria: THE closet? Jane(VO): Fine, A closet. Why the hell have you been correcting me like that since we graduated? Daria: English classes in Raft. Just practicing. Jane(VO): Anyways, I thought "Why not shout it out on the rooftops: 'LAWNDALE SUCKS! GOODBYE LOSERS!'" Daria: In answer to "Why not," I have come up with 50 reasons not to. Want to hear 'em? Jane(VO): No. Daria: Good. Now let's think of another way. Jane(VO): Hmm... I know! (THUMP noise is heard in background) (Quiter) Dammit, Trent! Turn that damn amplifier down or I will come down and rip out your spleen! Daria: Why not throw his spleen from the rooftops. Jane(VO): ARGH! Daria, I'll call you later. Trent has gotten drunk again, so it shouldn't be hard to take him and his damn amp down. Daria: Ok. Bye.
Phone: (CLICK)
(Cut to Pizza King. DARIA is sitting across from JANE in a booth.)
Daria: What about security guards? Jane: Do you think Ms. Li is gonna use school money for security guards? I don't even think we- Daria: THEY now. Jane: Whatever. anyways, I don't think there are any security guards. So that's the plan. Any questions? Daria: No, Colonel Jane. Jane: Remember to look out for the Nazi troops.
(TRENT walks by)
Trent: Hmm... Nazi March. How would that be for a song name? Daria: Trent? What are you doing here? Trent: I came to get some pizza to take home to eat during rehearsal breaks. So how's the name? Jane: Scariest thing since Frankenstein. Trent: Hmm... I guess I'll ask the group about it. Well, I gotta leave now. Bye.
(TRENT leaves)
Daria: Yeah, That's drunk. Jane: Look out, or Trent's gonna think it's a year ago and ask you out. Daria: And Tom is gonna ask you out. Jane: (mumbling) Must... repress... memories... Daria: (Mona Lisa Smile) I love it when a sarcastic remark backfires.
(Cut to outside Pizza King. Daria is waiting for JANE. TOM drives by.)
Tom (looking/talking out opened window): Hey Daria. Daria: Hey. Tom: I just wanted to let you know I'm leaving tomorrow to Brownwwell. Daria: Ok. Tom: Ok then. Daria: See you. Tom: Write to me, ok?
(TOM drives off. JANE walks out of the Pizza King)
Jane (mumbling): Damn bathroom cockroaches the size of your head... Daria: Hey, it's better than that gas station we went to on that trip with Trent. Jane: Anyway, so what do we do now? Daria: There's that Sick Sad World marathon... Jane: Ok, to your house it is. Daria: No, to yours. My house has 4 cockroaches the size of YOU. Jane: Let me guess: Fashion Club meeting? Daria: Yep. Jane: Screw cockroaches, those things are tarantulas!
(Cut to TV screen, showing squirrels with saws cutting wood and squirrels with hammers hammering nails into what appears to be a house made out of nuts.)
Sick Sad World Announcer: It's a REAL nuthouse! Carpenter Squirrels next on Sick Sad World.
(Cut to JANE's room. DARIA is lying face up on the bed while JANE is at the easel painting.)
Daria: So, when are we gonna do "the plan" again? Jane: Two days from now. I need to go get some spray paint. Daria: The last day of Lawndale. Jane: I'm getting an inspiration for a painting. Daria: Just don't cut of your ear, Van Goh. Jane: Where is my pocketknife, anyways?
(A loud THUMP is heard. The room shakes)
Jane (yelling): TRENT! TURN THAT CRAP DOWN! Trent (VO Quietly): Fine. Daria: That was an amp? It's more like an atomic bomb. Jane: Maybe it should be the "Trent Turn That Crap Down March." Daria: He's actually gonna use that name? Jane: Daria, he almost still has a crush on you. Daria: Right. Jane: Seriously! He's thinking of using that as his band name. Daria: HOW much beer did he have last night? Jane: Shhh! The show's back on!
(Cut to TV screen. There are squirrels standing around a large pile of nuts drinking little cans of beer.)
SSW Announcer: Slacker squirrels are a common problem among the squirrel housing industry. But...
(Cut to outside JANE's House. It is early. JANE and DARIA are outside the door.)
Jane: Ready? Daria: Yes. Jane: Good. Now let's leave our last mark on Lawndale.
(Cut to some Lawndale High lockers. "Daria & Jane 2001" is spray-painted on them in green.)
(Roll clip-thing before break showing the carpenter squirrels drinking beer.)
(END OF BREAK)
ACT II
(Cut to MORGENDORFFER residence living room. DARIA is packing her bags with some help from JAKE and HELEN.)
Daria: Well, that's the last of it. I guess I should be going now. Jake: (hugs DARIA) See you, kiddo. Helen: (hugs DARIA and JAKE) Daria, call us if you need anything. Daria: Especially when I break out of the window. Jake: WHAT!? Helen: Sarcasm, Jake. Jake: I knew that. Helen: I wish Quinn would be here to say goodbye to you. Daria: Trust me, she won't miss me. In fact, she'll finally have the house to herself and the Fashion Club. Helen: (mumbling) Damn. Daria: I guess I should be going now. See you later.
(DARIA walks out of the door)
(Cut to: JANE's house living room. TRENT is helping pack JANE's bags with her.)
Jane: Thanks for getting up at this hour. Trent: Eh, 2 PM isn't so bad. Jane: Right... Trent: Ok, I think it's all packed. Jane: (hugs TRENT) Bye, brother. Trent: See ya, Janey.
(JANE walks out of the door)
(Cut to: Outside Lawndale. It is the afternoon. DARIA walks in from the left and JANE walks in from the right. They stop when they meet.)
Jane: Yo, amigo. Daria: Yo, Mexico Posero. Jane: Whatever. Anyways, I guess it's time to go. Daria: See you tomorrow... or the day after that. Jane: You have the phone number, dorm number, and room number, right? Daria: Yep. You? Jane: Yep. See you.
(They walk off opposite the way they came in.)
(Cut to: Road with sign "THANK YOU FOR VISITING LAWNDALE!". Pause.) (Cut to: Interior, DARIA's car. DARIA is driving.)
Daria: (thinking): Here we go. The last breath of Lawndale contaminated air.
(Cut to: Same road as before. DARIA's car drives past the sign.)
Daria(VO): Thank god.
(Fade to black. The Daria Logo appears. Under it are the words, in script, "Thanks, Lawndale, for the memories, and no thanks for some of the other memories. -D.M. 2001."
THE END (Roll Credits)
Rated TVPG (Swearing)
Summary: Gearing up for Daria Season 6, Daria and Jane must say their last good-byes to Lawndale before setting out to collage.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything here accept for this plot. The characters are copyrighted by MTV. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________
(Roll normal Daria intro)
Title: "Goodbye to Hell"
ACT I
(Cut to DARIA sitting in her room reading a book. The window shows nighttime Lawndale) (There is a knock on the door. DARIA puts down her book.)
Jane(VO): Yo. Daria: Hey Jane. What did you call for? Jane(VO): I've been thinking... Daria: Wow. News to me. I have to try this 'thinking' thing. Jane(VO): Don't. It hurts your brain. Anyways, so I've been thinking that we need to leave one last mark in Lawndale. Daria: Mm-hm. Jane(VO): So, I found my dad's old megaphone in the closet- Daria: THE closet? Jane(VO): Fine, A closet. Why the hell have you been correcting me like that since we graduated? Daria: English classes in Raft. Just practicing. Jane(VO): Anyways, I thought "Why not shout it out on the rooftops: 'LAWNDALE SUCKS! GOODBYE LOSERS!'" Daria: In answer to "Why not," I have come up with 50 reasons not to. Want to hear 'em? Jane(VO): No. Daria: Good. Now let's think of another way. Jane(VO): Hmm... I know! (THUMP noise is heard in background) (Quiter) Dammit, Trent! Turn that damn amplifier down or I will come down and rip out your spleen! Daria: Why not throw his spleen from the rooftops. Jane(VO): ARGH! Daria, I'll call you later. Trent has gotten drunk again, so it shouldn't be hard to take him and his damn amp down. Daria: Ok. Bye.
Phone: (CLICK)
(Cut to Pizza King. DARIA is sitting across from JANE in a booth.)
Daria: What about security guards? Jane: Do you think Ms. Li is gonna use school money for security guards? I don't even think we- Daria: THEY now. Jane: Whatever. anyways, I don't think there are any security guards. So that's the plan. Any questions? Daria: No, Colonel Jane. Jane: Remember to look out for the Nazi troops.
(TRENT walks by)
Trent: Hmm... Nazi March. How would that be for a song name? Daria: Trent? What are you doing here? Trent: I came to get some pizza to take home to eat during rehearsal breaks. So how's the name? Jane: Scariest thing since Frankenstein. Trent: Hmm... I guess I'll ask the group about it. Well, I gotta leave now. Bye.
(TRENT leaves)
Daria: Yeah, That's drunk. Jane: Look out, or Trent's gonna think it's a year ago and ask you out. Daria: And Tom is gonna ask you out. Jane: (mumbling) Must... repress... memories... Daria: (Mona Lisa Smile) I love it when a sarcastic remark backfires.
(Cut to outside Pizza King. Daria is waiting for JANE. TOM drives by.)
Tom (looking/talking out opened window): Hey Daria. Daria: Hey. Tom: I just wanted to let you know I'm leaving tomorrow to Brownwwell. Daria: Ok. Tom: Ok then. Daria: See you. Tom: Write to me, ok?
(TOM drives off. JANE walks out of the Pizza King)
Jane (mumbling): Damn bathroom cockroaches the size of your head... Daria: Hey, it's better than that gas station we went to on that trip with Trent. Jane: Anyway, so what do we do now? Daria: There's that Sick Sad World marathon... Jane: Ok, to your house it is. Daria: No, to yours. My house has 4 cockroaches the size of YOU. Jane: Let me guess: Fashion Club meeting? Daria: Yep. Jane: Screw cockroaches, those things are tarantulas!
(Cut to TV screen, showing squirrels with saws cutting wood and squirrels with hammers hammering nails into what appears to be a house made out of nuts.)
Sick Sad World Announcer: It's a REAL nuthouse! Carpenter Squirrels next on Sick Sad World.
(Cut to JANE's room. DARIA is lying face up on the bed while JANE is at the easel painting.)
Daria: So, when are we gonna do "the plan" again? Jane: Two days from now. I need to go get some spray paint. Daria: The last day of Lawndale. Jane: I'm getting an inspiration for a painting. Daria: Just don't cut of your ear, Van Goh. Jane: Where is my pocketknife, anyways?
(A loud THUMP is heard. The room shakes)
Jane (yelling): TRENT! TURN THAT CRAP DOWN! Trent (VO Quietly): Fine. Daria: That was an amp? It's more like an atomic bomb. Jane: Maybe it should be the "Trent Turn That Crap Down March." Daria: He's actually gonna use that name? Jane: Daria, he almost still has a crush on you. Daria: Right. Jane: Seriously! He's thinking of using that as his band name. Daria: HOW much beer did he have last night? Jane: Shhh! The show's back on!
(Cut to TV screen. There are squirrels standing around a large pile of nuts drinking little cans of beer.)
SSW Announcer: Slacker squirrels are a common problem among the squirrel housing industry. But...
(Cut to outside JANE's House. It is early. JANE and DARIA are outside the door.)
Jane: Ready? Daria: Yes. Jane: Good. Now let's leave our last mark on Lawndale.
(Cut to some Lawndale High lockers. "Daria & Jane 2001" is spray-painted on them in green.)
(Roll clip-thing before break showing the carpenter squirrels drinking beer.)
(END OF BREAK)
ACT II
(Cut to MORGENDORFFER residence living room. DARIA is packing her bags with some help from JAKE and HELEN.)
Daria: Well, that's the last of it. I guess I should be going now. Jake: (hugs DARIA) See you, kiddo. Helen: (hugs DARIA and JAKE) Daria, call us if you need anything. Daria: Especially when I break out of the window. Jake: WHAT!? Helen: Sarcasm, Jake. Jake: I knew that. Helen: I wish Quinn would be here to say goodbye to you. Daria: Trust me, she won't miss me. In fact, she'll finally have the house to herself and the Fashion Club. Helen: (mumbling) Damn. Daria: I guess I should be going now. See you later.
(DARIA walks out of the door)
(Cut to: JANE's house living room. TRENT is helping pack JANE's bags with her.)
Jane: Thanks for getting up at this hour. Trent: Eh, 2 PM isn't so bad. Jane: Right... Trent: Ok, I think it's all packed. Jane: (hugs TRENT) Bye, brother. Trent: See ya, Janey.
(JANE walks out of the door)
(Cut to: Outside Lawndale. It is the afternoon. DARIA walks in from the left and JANE walks in from the right. They stop when they meet.)
Jane: Yo, amigo. Daria: Yo, Mexico Posero. Jane: Whatever. Anyways, I guess it's time to go. Daria: See you tomorrow... or the day after that. Jane: You have the phone number, dorm number, and room number, right? Daria: Yep. You? Jane: Yep. See you.
(They walk off opposite the way they came in.)
(Cut to: Road with sign "THANK YOU FOR VISITING LAWNDALE!". Pause.) (Cut to: Interior, DARIA's car. DARIA is driving.)
Daria: (thinking): Here we go. The last breath of Lawndale contaminated air.
(Cut to: Same road as before. DARIA's car drives past the sign.)
Daria(VO): Thank god.
(Fade to black. The Daria Logo appears. Under it are the words, in script, "Thanks, Lawndale, for the memories, and no thanks for some of the other memories. -D.M. 2001."
THE END (Roll Credits)