Holla. What's up, everybody. This one here is a fourth and I guess final part of a Taito series which also include "Night in Kyoto", "The Survivor" and "The Paris Chase".
I'll give you a breif description of what went down in first three parts so that you wouldn't get confused.
- "Night in Kyoto": In the age of fifteen Yamato runs away after being raped by his drunken father (no, I don't take Ishida-san as Mr. Evil Personafied. He just had a bad day). Four years later Taichi accidently bumps into him in Kyoto. Taichi is a student in the Tokyo university while Yamato makes a living by, shall I say, "entertaining" wealthy businessmen, politicians and such. He tells Taichi his story and before they part ways makes him promice he'll keep their meeting in secret.
- "The Survivor": About a year later a traffic accident kills Sora and leaves Taichi a broken man both physically and mentaly. It takes a visit from Yamato to restore him to his old strong and cheerful self. It also makes him realize something else... in a word, three weeks later he moves in with Yamato
- "The Paris Chase": After a fight which causes Yamato to once again vanishTaichi goes abroad to find him, make up and bring Yamato home.
This fic does not really involves Taichi but rather tells about Yamato's attempt to reunite with the remains of his family. Drama, PG-13, songs used belong to the Pet Shop Boys and Bryan Adams, Digimon and it's characters are owned by Toei, I don't own anything, don't shoot me.
Reviews are welcomed.
Enjoy,
God bless!
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QUESTIONS IN THE DARK ROOM
...Walking into Momojima, The Peach Island, a night club popular among Kyoto's sexual minorities, Yamato was loudly greeted by Jewel, a round fellow almost a foot taller and dressed in hot pink vynil pants and black silk shirt. Jewel, real name Hattori Juro, was notorious for his obsession with gem rings and other trinkets - hence the nick. He also had a desperate and hopeless crush on Yamato.
"Yama-chan!" he squealed happily, rushing towards the youth and shaking his hand vigorously. "I see you're alone today! Please tell me you broke up with that masculine boyfriend of yours, please, please?"
"Cool it, Jewel" laughed Yamato. "Tai's doing extra hours at the office, that's all. So looks like you blew it."
"Story of my life, dear. I'm always blowing something." sighed the fat gay. " By the way, I do totally like the T shirt you're wearing. I love it when you wear those skin-tight Ts. Allows me to enjoy the sight of every curve of your magnificent torso... Ah, and those gorgeous, gorgeous abs! You do truly have the most incredible body, does Tai-chan ever tell you this?"
"Well thanks for the compliment. But the last time I saw a body like yours it had five harpoons stuck in it."
"Oh dear. And the last time I saw a body like yours it was sitting on my face!"
They laughed. Despite being too talkative and a bit annoying at times, Jewel still was quite kind and humorous dude.
"So," he continued "You're enjoying your night-off in privacy?"
Yamato shook his head and showed Jewel a plastic bag he was carrying.
"Strictly business. Yoshi did order a couple of CDs from the store I work at, and Katagiri-san knows I visit here often so he asked me to make the delivery."
"Understood. Speaking of business," Jewel pressed an index finger to his lips and stared at the ceiling thoughtfuly. "I'm told there's a writer here today, collecting info on us Nellies for some story I assume. Haven't got to see him yet, the place being jam packed as you see, but from what I hear the boy is absolutely lovely. Straight too, which is a shame... but oh well, it's an imperfect world we live in."
As he spoke, the vollumes located on the ceiling and the walls came to life. Pairs started to gather on the dance floor, slowly rocking and spinning to a soft melody of some 80's hit.
Jewel tapped Yamato on the chest.
"Anyway, I'll see you around petal. Do take care. And remember, if you ever decide to leave Tai-chan, I'll be..."
"Yeah, yeah. Piss off, Jewel."
"Oh, I love it when you talk dirty!" he giggled and hurried away, humming " La la la... I've been waiting for a boy like you... to come into my mouth... er, I mean life!"
Yamato made his way through the crowd to the bar stand. Yoshi, the owner of Momojima and sometimes doubling for the bartender, was busy mixing cocktails for a pair of girls who stood waiting by the stand. The girls were slim, pretty and neo-punk: leather jackets, stiletto-heeled boots and colorful spikey hairdos. Finished, Yoshi handed them the glasses - the punkettes headed towards the nearest table, hands wrapped around each other's waists - and waved, noticing Yamato.
"Yama. What's been up?"
"Hi Yoshi. Your CDs."
"Mucho gracias," smiled the bartender. "Would you like to have a drink? My treat."
"Thanks Yoshi, but I'm driving. Next time maybe."
"Sure. Say, could you do me a favor?"
Yamato raised his eyebrow.
"You see," Yoshi began to explain, " We have a guest tonight..."
"I know, Jewel told me."
"Ah. So what I'm asking, could you please go talk to him? Answer a few questions, you know. The kid's gathering stuff for a book or something."
He shrugged. "Uh, okay I guess... But why me? I mean the place's full and you could..."
"Yama, please. Like you don't know what kind of blokes I have hanging in here. Sex-driven fools, they are. Sent three guys over to him and they all tried to get into his pants. Can't blame them because the kid is pretty hot, but he is not here for that."
Yamato grunted sympatheticly.
"Now you on other hand, I know you're mature and responsible enough not to hit on him. So could you..?"
"Yeah, okay, I told you I'll answer his questions. Where is he?"
"Great!" beamed Yoshi. "Thanks man, I owe you one. Right there, see, at the corner table. His name's Takeshi or Takaishi, something like that... Hey Yama, are you okay?"
Yamato's fingers clawed the bar stand as he was barely keeping his knees from buckling and feeling his heart thumping somewhere in his throat.
TK.
His younger sibling whom Yamato havent' seen since he hit the road - it's been eight years - was sitting at the table with a laptop on his knees looking around curiously. From time to time he'd lower his head to the computer, type for a few seconds and go back to observing the half-dark crowded club. Takeru was wearing dark-blue jeans and a black T-shirt undeneath a leather jacket of the same color. At twenty years of age he looked no older than seventeen; no wonder Yoshi keeps calling him a kid, Yamato thought.
"... Yama? Hello? Are you feeling alright?" he heard Yoshi's concerned voice from far away; he nodded, eyes still locked on the slender youth sitting in the corner.
"Hey, I've just noticed, you guys are both blond," the bartender was saying meanwhile with a smile. " That's unless the guy dyes his hair. One would say you two are..."
"'Scuse me, I gotta use the bathroom," muttered Yamato not paying attention at what Yoshi was saying and disappeared in the crowd before he could react.
"Damn you TK. You had to show up here, of all the places? Hell are you doing in Kyoto? There aren't any gay clubs left in the capital?"
In the empty bathroom Yamato stood still for a few minutes, breathing deep and slow trying to stop himself from shaking. He then splashed cold water on his face. He was desperately trying to gather his thoughts. Yamato's first, almost instinctive urge was to flee, run out of the club, get into the car and drive away, as far away as possible. Everything to avoid facing Takeru. Because for Yamato it meant once again facing the hauntings of the past - his father, whom Yamato still remembered with mixed feeling of fear and pity, the sugar daddies whom he hated; facing the suffering he unwillingly put his family and friends through; facing guilt and shame of what he was. Feelings Yamato thought he got rid of a long ago were rushing back, overtaking him.
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When I look back upon my life
It's always with a sense of shame
I've always been the one to blame
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common, too
It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin
It's a sin
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Yamato closed his eyes and rubbed his temples with his knuckles as he sighed. Part of him was saying he'd rather kill himself than go out there and let his little brother see him; the other part was screaming, idiot, you haven't seen him forever, you miss him every day, and now when you have a chance you'll let it slip?
"I can not let him know what happened!" he said out loud. "I can not!"
Yamato walked to the mirror and stared at himself; the longer the stare was, the more he felt frustration, hatered and disgust building inside of him.
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At school they taught me how to be
So pure in thought and word and deed
They didn't quite succeed
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common, too
It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin
It's a sin
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"Fuckin' faggot!!!"
Yamato's fist smashed the mirror as a furious cry echoed against the tilted walls of the bathroom.
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Father, forgive me, I tried not to do it
Turned over a new leaf, then tore right through it
Whatever you taught me, I didn't believe it
Father, you fought me, 'cause I didn't care
And I still don't understand
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Head lowered and teeth clenched, he stormed out, pushed his way to the front door and crossed the parking lot, heading to his car. Screw it all. He was going to go back home and try to forget the whole damn thing.
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So I look back upon my life
Forever with a sense of shame
I've always been the one to blame
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common, too
It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin
It's a sin
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But then... As Yamato's hand laid on the cold metallic suraface of the hood of his Honda, he suddenly stopped. Unwillingly, almost as if being forced, he turned towards the club.
"You can go now if you wish," a voice in his head whispered. "But you're not going to forget what happened tonight. You'll have to live with it for years remembering you had a chance and blew it. Not even blew it - gave it up on your own free will. If more nightmares and regrets is what you want then go ahead, get in the car and drive home."
He spent a minute or so in hesitation,opening the venchile's door to get in then slaming it shut; finally, Yamato made a decision. Taking a deep breath he turned around and walked back towards the club.
"Yama, you sure you okay?" Yoshi wondered as he returned to the bar stand. " I mean you've been in the bathroom like forever. Your stomach is giving you a hard time?"
"I'm okay. Is he still here?"
"Yeah, there he is."
"Good." Yamato said abruptly. "Yoshi, you know, I've changed my mind. Fix me a drink please... yeah, tequila will do."
As the bartender turned to the row of colorful bottles standing on the shelf behind him, he continued.
"And something else. I don't want to talk to him here. Too much noise and all... you know. Can we use your office?"
"Eh?" Yoshi looked at him over his shoulder, perplexed. "My office? Okay, sure. But hey, you're not going to hit on him, right? I'm trusting you, remember."
" Yeah, I know, don't worry. He's not my type. Tell him to wait for me in the office. The lights must be out. I'll be there in ten minutes or so."
"Lights out?... Yama, you..."
"Damn, Yoshi, you want me to to talk to him or not?!" snapped Yamato. "You don't trust me, fine, I'll go. You can ask someone esle to answer the kid's questions. Or you want me to fucking castrate myself before you allow me near him?"
"Whoa, chill man, chill, I didn't mean to insult you. Sorry, okay? Here's your drink."
"Thanks." he took a small glass and downed it in one shot. "And Yoshi, when you talk to him, don't mention my name. Please."
"Okay, got it." nodded Yoshi.
Takeru, with his computer still resting on his knees, was sitting in Yoshi's worn-out leather armchair; the only other furniture in the club owner's small office with no windows were a safe in the corner, a desk and a folding metal chair. It was dark in the room and Takeru, who was facing the door, could only see a dark silhouette which appeared in front of him in a square of light.
"He-" Yamato cleared his throat. "Hello."
"Good evening," his younger brother bowed his head and smiled pleasantly.
Yamato walked in and shut the door, filling the room with darkness. The only illumination was a glowing monitor of Takeru's computer, which was not giving much light. He knew Takeru would not see him, but just to make sure he'd be totaly unrecognizable Yamato was wearing bandana, dark shades and a scarf which was more or less hiding his lower part of the face. The shades, with a tiny diamond in the corner of a right lense, belonged of course to Jewel; bandana was Yoshi's and the scarf was borrowed from Amy, another friend of his.
"Thanks for agreeing to help me out," Takeru was saying as Yamato brought the chair to the middle ofthe room and settled down, facing the youth. He could feel his hands shake. "I assure you it won't take much of your time... excuse me, what should I call you? "
"Omori.", he blurted out the first name that came in mind.
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I had a dream of a wild open prairie
I had a dream of a pale morning sky
I had a dream - we flew on golden wings
And we were the same, just the same, you and I
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"Very well, Omori-san, thank you. My name is Takaishi Takeru. You see, I'm writing a book... a thriller kind of story. Tells about a girl named Mariko whose boyfriend stole money from yakuza and was murdered for it. He did, however, hide the money before they caught him and now yakuza is after Mariko because they believe she knows where the stash is. Yakuza chase her around the country and when they ultimately catch up with her one of the gang members listens to Mariko's pleas and sort of switches teams, shoots a few of his, say, colleagues and runs away with the girl. While on the run they develop feelings towards each other, of course..."
"Interesting," nodded Yamato.
"Thank you. Anyway, there's an episode in which Mariko winds up in Kyoto and turns for help to a guy named Kenzo. Him and Mariko are childhood friends and are tight with each other, he is like a brother to her, you could say. They grew up and went to school together, but nowdays Kenzo lives in Kyoto. Kenzo is homosexual; he hides the girl in the gay night club assuming the gangsters would never come looking for her there. But they do and Kenzo gets killed trying to fight them off thus giving Mariko enough time to flee."
"I see. Interesting indeed, Takaishi-san."
I bet he's blushing now, Yamato thought. Always blushes when someone compliments him. Has always been shy, the pup.
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Follow your heart, little child of the West wind
Follow the voice that's calling you home
Follow your dreams but always remember me -
I am your brother under the sun
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"Now, also in this episode Kenzo and Mariko have sort of a heart-to-heart talk; he tells her about his boyfriend, how did they meet each other, describes their relationship and such... you know."
"I understand, Takaishi-san, that's where you need my help,".
"That is correct, Omori-san. I would be grateful if you could share your experience. Of course, the names of you and your boyfriend will be changed when the book goes to press."
Yamato again took a deep breath and cleared his throat. His mouth was dry. And he couldn't stop his hands from shaking. Damn.
"Alright, so about my boyfriend first?"
"Yes please," Takeru's soft voice sounded in the dark.
"Okay, his name is Ta- er... Tamura, he is twenty four, half a year older than me," Yamato added a year to his and Taichi's actual age. "We knew each other since we were kids; didn't quite like each other when we first met," he chuckled "Used to kick each other's ass on almost daily basis. But still somehow managed to become the best of friends. I had no idea he was into guys; I guess he had no idea either. He had a girlfriend, a mutual friend of ours; we used to hang out together. They did really love each other, but... how shall I put it... what was going on between them was more of a friendly kind of thing. Tamura and her were having sex now and then I assume, but they still were more like friends, or even brother and sister... not lovers. Anyway, a few years back..."
Yamato became silent. Sora. A girl whom he once loved himself - who used to be his girlfriend. More than a girlfriend - a confidant, a shoulder to cry on, a sister. A girl with a heart of gold, whom everyone liked. Gone.
He inhailed throught clenched teeth. Takeru was waiting passionately.
"She died a couple of years ago. Tamura, he was devastated. Totaly wiped out. He did not want to live anymore."
"You mean, he tried to commit suicide?" Takeru's fingers were floating over the laptop's keyboard.
Yamato remembered Taichi lying in the hospital bed, usual spark gone from his eyes, pale and limp, reminding more of a rag doll. Broken and emptied. Saying he will never walk again.
"Yes, you could say so."
There was silence. Takeru sighed.
"Please do go on, Omori-san."
"I helped him to get back on track, more or less," said Yamato. "And it looks like the time we spent together during his recovery changed... no, not really changed... the term we're looking for here is "brought to life", I guess... yes, brought to life a side of him he did not know exsisted."
"I understand," said Takeru, typing.
"We do still fight every now and then, you know, for the old times' sake. But it's nothing serious. Tamura's still a kid at heart so he feels he has to prove he's the boss from time to time. Other than that he's one hell of a guy. Loyal to the core, crageous,sincere. Damn funny, too." Yamato chuckled again. "A little hot-headed and sturbon, but no one's perfect. All and all we do get along great. We've been best friends before we became lovers and it helps."
Takeru nodded with a little smile; the shadows on his face grew a bit deeper.
"I can see where you're coming from Omori-san."
Of course you do, TK. You and Kari have been friends for how long? Twelve yeĞ°rs now?
His younger brother hesitated before asking. "Tell me please Omori-san, ... er... excuse me if it does sound offending in any way, but you and him... when you... I mean, which one of you..."
Yamato laughed quietly.
"I'm a uke, he's a seme. It's no big deal Takaishi-san, no need to blush to the cores of your hair."
The youngster looked confused. "Ahem... okay, thank you. Now Omori-san, you've told me about your boyfriend. Now would you mind please telling me a bit about yourself?"
"About myself?" Yamato was kind of caught by surprise.
"Yes please. I mean you've just described Tamura-san. How would you describe yourself?"
I should be careful, he thought. TK can get on me if I don't watch myself.
"Me... well I'm more of a laid back kind of guy. You know the one who'd rather be found kicking back with a book or something rather than outside playing sports." Yamato kept quiet for a while trying to gather his thoughts. "They say I'm quite peaceful when left alone, but I really hate when people start bossing me around. You know, "you don't tell me what to do and I won't tell you where to stick it" kind of thing. As for talents I don't really have any. Though I used to play in a band in the high..."
Takeru tensed and leaned forward in his chair.
Oh, shit.
"You used to play in a band?"
"Y-Yeah, I was playing drums." Yamato tried to sound causaly. "Why?"
"No-no, it's nothing... never mind."
Again, there was silence in the room for a couple of minutes. Takeru was staring down at the screen of his laptop but Yamato could see his stare was blank, as if "the pup", as he used to call his brother when they were kids, was deep inside his thoughts.
Shit, I'm sorry TK. I'm sorry.
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We are like birds of a feather
We are two hearts joind together
We will be forever as one
My brother under the sun
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"Oh... Beg for your forgiveness Omori-san. I've just remembered something... well never mind, " said Takeru finally. "Please excuse me. I really appreciate your help. Could you please tell me when and in which circumstances did you realize you are attracted to men?"
" I... I was... " Yamato swallowed. "I was about fifteen then. And..."
That's it! Enough! Shut up before it's not to late! Shut up and get out! Just get out of here!
But he simply could not do so, glued to the chair as the words were flowing against his own will.
"It was my father. My mom and little brother weren't at home - they weren't living with us - and dad, he broke up with his girlfriend on that day, got drunk and when he came home he raped me. He did not know what he was doing. I left when he fell asleep, I really did not know what to do, I could not tell anyone, mom and my brother, I just could not tell them, I love them too much and it'd destroy them, and besides, I hated myself for that, on some level I did actually like what happened, so I just took off; there were those sugar daddies, I hated them, each and every one of them, but I still hated myself more for what I was and what I was doing and..."
A tear was slipping down Takeru's face.
"Takaishi-san? I-I'm sorry, I-"
"You've just reminded me of... You see, I too had a brother," Takeru said quietly. "Our parents were divorced, like yours and like you he..."
Suddenly he stood up, shuting his laptop close.
"Excuse me, Omori-san. That would be it, thank you. You've been most helpful. " his voice broke down and he sobbed. Crossing the room he opened the door...
"TK."
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Wherever you hear the wind in the canyon
Wherever you see a buffalo run
Wherever you go I'll be there beside you
'Cause you are my brother under the sun
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Takeru froze in the doorway. Then, ever so slowly, he turned around, blinking from a bright light now filling the room. Yamato took his hand off the switch. He could barely utter a word, so instead he removed the shades and the scarf and ripped the bandana off his head, allowing the blond locks to fall down on his shoulders.
Takeru's lips were silently moving, as he stared at his brother.
"M-Matt... Matt?..."
"TK, I-"
"Matt!!!"
The laptop made a dull sound as it dropped on the carpet. A second later Takeru rushed across the room nad embraced Yamato, hiding his face in his brother's shoulder. Yamato hugged him back as Takeru's body was trembling in his arms, tears burning his skin through the T-shirt.
"Come on pup... hush... it's okay... it's okay, pup..."
Minutes were passing as they stood in the middle of Yoshi's office embraced, Yamato stroking Takeru's hair and petting him on the back, calming him down like he used to do when they were kids.
"Matt... you're not disappearing this time, right?" finally asked Takeru, raising his head from Yamato's shoulder. "I don't care who you are, I don't care what you do, just don't disappear again, okay?"
Yamato smiled down at him.
"Promise, TK. I promise."
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We are like birds of a feather
We are two hearts joind together
We will be forever as one
My brother under the sun
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The End.