This one-shot came out of nowhere. Actually, it began as a conversation Bella and Edward were having inside my head, I typed it down, and yesterday when I wanted to continue the other fic I'm working on (major writer's block, I still really like the idea, but the story's just not coming how I want it to), I clicked on the conversation I'd saved, and I started writing (11 pm!)…and this came out. Nothing big, like I mentioned in the summary, this is a little less than a week before Bella's wedding, so it's Post-Eclipse but still Pre-Breaking Dawn.
Enjoy, I hope! Also, please review if you've read it! ALL critiques are appreciated, especially constructive reviews. :) So review away! A virtual hug and cookie awaits each reviewer. (Ahhhhh bribery!)
--
"Are you nervous, love?" His cool breath tickled my neck.
You betcha. Quoting Emmett? The nerves must've really been getting to me. I tried very hard not to think about how my wedding was less than a week away, and failed quite miserably. I could see the huge lawn of the Cullens, decorated the way Alice had planned, I saw myself in Alice's dress, tripping my way down the aisle- I shook my head, trying to get rid of the fear-inducing vision.
I swallowed quickly, not wanting my voice to sound raspy when I answered.
"I'm fine."
So much for the effort. I'd always been a bad liar, something that amused most of the Cullens immensely, but there was no way Edward could believe me with my voice shaking, my pulse surely a lot higher than usual. Acting like a natural lie detector.
He chuckled softly.
"You know Bella; you never were the best liar out there."
I scowled, though knowing he wouldn't see it with me lying in his arms, crossing my arms over my chest, pretending to be annoyed. Only pretending, of course. As if I could stay angry at him for any longer period of time. Ha!
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
I could almost see his grin widening.
He seemed to somber up then, his arms tightening -if that was possible- around me, his thumb rubbing soothing circles across my arm.
"You should know though…..you're not the only one."
I frowned, having no idea what he was getting at now. "You've lost me."
He seemed to take a particularly long breath, and I knew it wasn't due to lack of oxygen.
"Bella, I'm nervous, too… about the wedding. This is the final step. Once we're married, I'm pretty sure you won't let me keep you human very long."
I could feel his body stiffen against mine through the quilt he always insisted on putting between me and him, the intent being to keep me away from his stone-cold body. If he only knew that I desired the exact opposite. To be as close as possible to him in that way. But he did know. And I knew he felt the same way.
My frown deepened, and I tried to make my voice sound indifferent, while fighting the voice inside my head that was telling me, urging me, to believe the opposite of what I was going to tell him. That there was no happily ever after for me with Edward because I didn't deserve him. And that he didn't want me. The second being indefinitely worse.
"I thought….you wanted that too, now? Don't you want to turn me into a vampire?" I couldn't help my voice cracking, and I struggled to look away, embarrassed, my cheeks flushed.
Stupid vampire strength. He gracefully twisted my body so that I was lying next to him, his arms no longer embracing me; one wrapped quite firmly, almost possessively around my shoulders, the other one was bringing my chin up, making it impossible to avert my eyes from his. Those burning, passionate pools of topaz gold. Making the hand cupped around my chin absolutely unnecessary, I couldn't have looked away now if I'd wanted to.
"Isabella Marie Swan. I love you with every fiber of my being, with every single part of my silent heart. Will you please finally believe that and accept it? We're going to get married Bella, and I promise, no I swear that I will never, ever leave your side again. Though, if you get tired of me one day, I'd be willing to step out, if that's what you wanted," he teased.
"Don't be silly," I murmured, pressing my lips to his hand, then taking it in mine, and tracing over the perfect, smooth, marble surface, "I'll always want you. Every second of forever."
That seemed to get him back on track. His eyes darkened. "Can you understand then, Bella? That making you one of us," his lips formed into a snarl, until he sighed, piercing me with another gaze through his unbelievably gorgeous, golden eyes, "is the event I look forward to and want to stop most in the entire word? I want to spend forever with you, Bella. There's nothing else I want to do more, there's nothing else I would do otherwise. There's no way I'd be able to continue my existence without you. You brighten my universe, Bella Swan, but if it weren't for you, there wouldn't be any universe for me anymore. It will make me happiest to only be able to make you happy for the rest of our lives. And I know that making you a vampire will make you happy, or at least the thought of it does."
It felt so good for him to say those words out loud now. I snuggled closer to him, closing my eyes and relishing in the sensation. I swore to never take him for granted. Never, not in ten, a hundred, a thousand years. I shivered slightly at the thought, eager yet scared at the prospect.
"But the fact that I'm going to be the one to end your human life, the life you should be living- it pains me so much, Bella, you have no idea. I'm going to be the one turning your wonderful brown eyes into red ones, making sure you never blush again, giving you a physical thirst for your natural kind, making you go through three days of indescribable pain. Maybe to say I felt like a monster before I met you would be incorrect- I feel like a monster now. And I won't and can't do anything to change that."
I squeezed his marble hand gently. "Not red. Topaz, Edward."
His still agonized expression made me hurt deep inside. I took his precious face in my hands, tracing over his cheeks, his nose and his lips with my fingers.
"Edward. I know that you feel responsible for all those things, and I know that probably nothing I can say know can change that. But you need to see my side, too. The price is high, yes. Saying goodbye to Renee, Charlie, "I swallowed inwardly, suddenly very aware of just how hard it would be to do that without them knowing what I was really doing, "Jacob, Angela and my humanity will be very hard. But it's a price I'm willing to pay, a price I want to pay. Because contrary to your belief, I think it is worth it, because I get you in exchange. Forever. I know it may be hard for you to believe," I smirked, "but the way I love you is unwavering. I don't think there'd be a way for me to live without you at my side for even a day now, Edward. You're my true soul mate. I love you."
His eyes were positively glowing, almost as alight like in the night I'd agreed to become his wife. I realized I'd never told him how much I loved him in just so many words. Although I wasn't finished speaking, his icy lips came crashing down on mine, utterly happy- no, jubilant, melding to mine in new, strange but delightful ways, breaking the boundaries he'd worked so hard to create and reinforce.
He broke away unwillingly then, sensing my need to take a breath. He stroked my cheek gently, lovingly, with his cool thumb.
"Thank you." He said simply, smiling his crooked smile at me, leaving me no other choice but to grin back stupidly until I regained consciousness.
I shook my head, trying to form a coherent thought again. Not easy. But I hadn't been done talking to him yet.
"Can you please do something for me, Mr.Cullen?"
He grinned at my addressing him so formally. "Anything for you Bella, of course."
"I know it's hard for you Edward, really I do, but could you try, only try to concentrate on the positive parts of my change? Because I know that's all I'm concentrating on now. And seeing you in pain is hard for me, too, harder than you can maybe possibly imagine. Please, Edward. It would just make it that much easier for me."
He gazed at me sincerely for a long time, until a small smile lit up his face, and he leaned his face closer to mine again, his sweet breath making me dizzy, the proximity of his face not a good influence on the intelligence of my thoughts. How embarrassing, the effect he had on me was still exactly the same as in the time I'd started getting to know him better. Port Angeles. The meadow. The night we'd spent together afterwards. The day at the Cullen's place.
"If that's what you wish, Mrs. Isabella Cullen."
Before I could grimace, and I knew he'd sensed it from the wicked grin on his face, he pressed his lips onto mine again, softly first, then moving with mine in complete harmony.
I forgot I was supposed to be annoyed with him, that I'd been about to grimace. I forgot what we'd been talking about before he'd started to kiss me. I forgot my own name. All I knew as I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling myself closer to him, that I was completely content in his arms.
--
AN: So, I don't know if I need to clear it up or not…the reason Edward was so happy because Bella was confessing to him how much she really loved him…and the word soul mate just made him happy. Or at least, that's how I would imagine it.
So, was it awful? Did you like it? Was it really OOC? Is their something you've found my writing style really lacks? Please let me know.
Hug. Cookie. Hug. Cookie. Hug and a cookie. You know you want one. ;)