A/N: Hey guys! This is a present for my good pal Meg, or Firithnovwen. Check her out, she's amazing. She gave me a gift fic, so here's hers. Sorry it's so short! I promise it's still really good!

Anyway, most of the usual stuff. This is a Fuck (Puck/Finn) fic, kinda slice-of-life but also very fluffy (in the best way Puck can be fluffy). Please enjoy. Rated for Puck's mouth and lots of mentions of semi-underage characters sexing.

"Hey Puck?"

"Yeah, what's up, bro."

"Do you think I'm hot?"

"Huh?"

"I mean I was talking with Sam the other day… he's got a freaking perfect stomach, and did you know his pecs can move, dude? I mean, I didn't even know dudes could do that with their chests, I thought only girls got to bounce!"

"…"

"I know I don't have your guns, but I still was the quarterback. I look okay, right?"

"… you're kidding me, right?"

"No, why?"

"Dude, I just spent three weeks in juvie worrying that I was going to be someone's bitch in the showers, until Quinn visited me and told me to stop watching Shawshank because I was in minimum security. Then I come home to find that this new punk-ass queer blonde kid has been making the moves on my ex-babymamma. Then of course my mom says that my sister missed me so now I have to go right after school every day and watch her instead of tossing chess geeks in the dumpster. THEN after I come to school, and of course the only thing that gives me some fun is trying to turn Wheels into a stud. Now I have to go to HIS house to play Call of Duty because you live with Hummel and then we can't fuck on your bed because he's always there… on top of all that my grades are shittier than usual, Santana's not putting out, and Berry is already waiting outside my window at night with a Mohawk trimmer."

"Dude, I'm sorry, I didn't know. I just… felt kind of insecure about it, that's all."

"Get it together, Hudson. You're not some chick that I need to sleep with so she feels good about her body. If you were turning into Tanaka, I'd tell you way in advance, or force you on Coach Sylvester's diet."

"…"

"What is it now, Finn? Jesus, look at me, okay? I didn't mean to yell at you, alright? You're just… supposed to be there and solid."

"…"

"Not that you're turning into lard now or anything. Seriously. I mean I'm just used to you coming too early and having to wash jizz out of my Mohawk."

"…"

"I'm used to asking me dopey questions like 'is that gun they use at the starting line a real pistol', or 'how do you eat chicken with a fork' or other shit like that."

"…"

"I mean, you've always been there since we were in kindergarten. Remember? You, me, Brittany, and Aretha in kindergarten, that first day? I pushed Berry down the slide and the three of you helped me when she and Santana threw a Barbie doll at my head? I always knew you were cool."

"…"

"I'm serious, don't give me the ice treatment, please! You're the best friend a guy can ask for and the second best fuck I've ever had."

"…"

"Alright, first best, okay! You're better than Santana, I swear it! Come on, dude, what's the problem already?"

"…"

"I'm fucking SORRY. There, I said it. I'm sorry I blew up on you like a chick with PMS, I'm sorry that I've been thinking of myself, and I'm sorry."

"I've got it."

"Huh? Got what? Dude, spit it out!"

"Kurt's transferring to Dalton Academy to get with this guy Blaine. That'll get him out of here a lot more often. Then you can go tell Sam what he's doing, he likes Kurt a lot. Just tell him it's for the team unity, Rachel uses that on me enough to get me to step up. Sam'll get distracted, and dude for all we know he does like Kurt. That way, you can get Quinn back as long as you really did get that vasectomy and you sweet talk her a bit. I'll come with you on the afternoons to watch your sister right after school now that football season is almost over. We can play that new Call of Duty if you want and invite Artie over, or we can put her in front of the TV and go have sex in your room. That way you can go date Quinn in the evenings when she's done with Cheerios, while I go study with Kurt or go on dates with Rachel. Oh, and I'll tell her to back off with the razor, it's her week to learn a lesson about tolerance anyway. Then some of the rest of those evenings you can come study with Kurt and I to improve your grades, or we can even bring Sarah and your mom here, she'll love Burt and they already know my mom."

"…"

"Yeah? Did I do a good job there? Rachel and Kurt have been teaching me about problem solving and communication skills."

"Finn, you're a fucking genius! Aw man, did you get a brain transplant or something, because that was amazing!"

"Hey, thanks man. I'm glad to help you out. I'm always there for you, the team is there for you if you need it."

"Uh… you forgot 'Tana though, right?"

"Well you said I was better. So maybe… uh… you can forget her? You know, for your best friend?"

"…"

"Puck?"

"Yeah, I'll do it. Just make sure you keep Sam or whatever it is out of the picture. Same with Hummel, he's like your brother now, and that's kind of gross."

"What makes you think I want to share you now that I've got you for myself?"

A/N: Please review and let me know if I got it or not! And thanks again, Meg!