The Utter Truth.
Genre:Humour. Just humour.
Rating:Teen. (T)
Anime characters involved:Eighteen.
From Death Note;
Beyond Birthday (B),
Mail Jeevas (Matt),
Miheal Keehl (Mello),
Nate River (Near),
L Lawliet (L),
Alternative (A),
Light Yagami (Kira!),
Taota Matsuda (Matsuda).
From Ouran High school host club;
Tamaki Suoh,
Mitsukuni Haninozuka (Honey),
Kyoya Otori,
Takashi Morizawa (Mori),
Kaoru Hitachiin,
Hikaru Hitachiin.
From Soul Eater;
Death The Kid,
Chrona Gorgon.
From Panty and Stocking with Graterbelt;
Breif.
Wow...That's a whole lot of characters... I forgt how many people lived in the warehouse...
Warnings: Contains sever swearing on account of Mello and others, implied Matt x Mello yaoi, small amounts of twincest (only at little more than is acctually in OHSHC), fangirl-ness, extreme weirdness, severe crack, OOCness, many, many different Anime characters and British jargon. Ha. Like to see you Americans decipher that. Also, it'll be rather long.
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, Ouran High School host club, Soul Eater, Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt, any of the spin off books or any brands mentined in the fic.
This fic was thought up when chat-roleplaying with my friend Tiger on another site. We are always chat-roleplaying with Anime characters, adding to the list as we dicover more. Thus this fic was born... Hope you guys like it. Reviews make me and Tiger smile.
For all you Mighty Boosh fans, I snuck a couple of Boosh references into later chapter. Tell me if you spot them.
This is written purely for the purposes of humour, do not take any off it seriously. The characters are supposed to be annoyingly OOC.
Also, B is slightly less mad than he is portrayed in LABB as A is not dead. :P
Oh and me and Tiger are NOT OC's we are really people and this is how we really act. And even though Tiger cosplays Matt in real life, I thought it would be better to have us cosplaying both M's instead of just the one. If we seem Mary Sue-ish, then that's how you'll see us in real life.
Beyond Birthday was bored. And, if you know B, you'd know that bad things tend to happen when he has nothing to occupy himself with.
He, Matt, Mello, Near, Light, L and Matsuda were lounging around in the wearhouse, sluggishly tossing paper balls into a makeshift basket ball hoop and looking awfully listless, waiting for their other flat mates to return from their three day long road trip. Matsuda sighed loudly only to receive a paper ball in the head from an irritated Mello.
"Ow! That hurt Mello!" He whined, rubbing his head.
"Oh, take it like a man you pussy." Mello retorted, throwing another ball at the young police officer.
"Would you guys shut up? I'm trying to play Mario Kart here!" Matt interrupted, glaring at both the offending people. Mello muttered something about Matt's sexuality under his breath and Matsuda gave a dejected snivel, crawling over to a quite corner for a good long sulk. Light pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering why exactly why he hung out with the idiots. Near looked up briefly then quickly returned to his Lego whilst L sucked absent mindedly on a cherry flavoured lollipop. B chuckled softly, getting to his feet, padding towards the kitchen at the back of the building to retrieve some of his beloved jam. As he opened the fridge he noticed a small leaflet stuck to the door, the paper read:
Los Angles Monthly Anime Convention.
Monday 28th June.
11:00am - 5:30pm.
Meet all your favourite Anime stars! Ash and Misty from Pokemon, Sasuke from Naruto, Yugio from Yugio GX!
Located at the North-West avenue mall.
Tickets $5.00.
Autographs available.
B grinned, pulling the paper from the fridge door, folding it neatly into a small square and placing it in his pocket before opening the fridge and grabbing a jar of strawberry jam from it's depths.
Upon returning to the the other room, B was met with the sight of Mello holding Light against the wall by his throat.
"You fucking call me a girl! Do you have a bloody death wish!" Mello screamed at the caramel haired teen "Then you punch my Matty? You must be fucking suicidal because I am pretty damn close to to fulfilling your morbid fantasy... You got that buddy? DO. NOT. MESS. WITH. ME."
Light nodded his head vigorously, looking like he was going to faint..
"Good. Now we understand each other." Replied Mello, dropping Light to the ground with a smirk.
"Faggot." Light replied quietly, clearly hoping for Mello not to hear. He wasn't in luck.
"What did you just call me...?" Mello whispered, his voice brimming with anger. Slowly he turned to face Light, who backed away slightly "Because, if you called me what I think you called me I will use the gun in my belt to blow your brains out all over the wall." Mello's left hand was resting on the forementioned gun and Light's brown eyes went wide with terror, while 'Matty' was rubbing his slightly reddened cheek.
B just watched in amused silence as Near and L seemed to be having an extremely engrossing game of chess while Matsuda cowered in a corner. Finally B spoke up.
"You could kill Light, it is a very good idea, or we could do something less boring...Either that or you let me help kill him." B mused, studying his severely chewed nails.
"You stay the fuck out of this head case!" Mello spat, glaring at B.
"Temper, temper Mihael." B replied calmly, with a slight smirk. Mello, deciding to ignore him, pulled the gun out and cocked it at Light's head.
L glanced up and got to his feet to stand beside his doppelgänger.
"Beyond is correct, your incessant quarrelling is becoming quite tiresome." L said in his normal monotone voice.
"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." Mello hissed, taking a step closer to Light who was cowering on the floor like the child he is.
"Mihael... please refrain from using profanities." L replied sternly, staring Mello down "I will kick you..."
"Shut up you queer!" Spat Mello, directing his attention away from the quivering Light.
B was finding this all very uninteresting, so, without really thinking it through, he grabbed a handful of jam and threw it straight at the back of Mello's head. It hit home with a resounding squelch.
Slowly, the ex-mafia boss reached a pale hand to the back of his head, his fingers sinking into the jam, pushing it further into his once pristine hair.
"Who. The hell. Threw that?" He asked, enough venom in his voice to kill small animals. B quickly threw the jar at Matsuda, who, unfortunately for him, caught it.
"It was Matsuda, I belive." Said B, with a Cheshire cat like grin.
Mello, angry enough to belive anything, turned to to quivering detective, who was still cowering in the corner, and saw the jar of jam in his hands. To say Mello's face went purple, would be an under statement.
"M-Mello... Please be r-rational!" Squeaked Matsuda, looking very much like he was going to wet himself.
"You got jam in my fucking hair!" Mello exploded, his free hand balling into a fist while he pointed his gun at Matsuda's temple with the other.
"P-p-please, Mello! Please!" Matsuda squealed, covering his head with his hands and sinking closer to the floor, snot running down his face from crying.
"Ugh, your snivelling makes me sick. You're pathetic." Mello said, disgusted, walking away from the crying man, gun safely back in it's holster.
"Well, now that's over, we can go do something fun..." Said B with a smirk, licking jam from his slender fingers.
"Yeah" Matt piped up, suddenly enthusiastic, putting his DS back in his pocket "Lets go have a good time!"
Mello raised an eyebrow but shrugged all the same "Let me take a shower and wash this shit out of my hair first..." He growled stomping off towards the bathroom.
"He seems to be in a bit of a jam!" B commented tastelessly, laughing loudly at his own joke, a wide grin splitting his pale face.
"That was not kind of you, Beyond." L stared at his twin "Miheal is not at all happy..."
"Well no shit Sherlock..."
"I am a already great detective Beyond, referring to me as 'Sherlock' is not in the least insulting."
"It's called sarcasm..." B rolled his crimson eyes at the world's greatest detective, or should that be detectives, as he is all three "If you weren't living in your own head you might just understand it..."
"I have a perfect sense of reality Beyond-kun"
"Oh yeah, riiiiight... You keep on believing that..." B smirked, staring L in the face "Anyway, I have an idea of something we can all do today... And no it's not some sick twisted, sadistic, kinky, bondage party like last time. Though that was a laugh... Heh..."
"Well, what is it then?" Matt inquired, looking confused.
"An Anime convention..." B grinned, surveying the shocked faces of his friends.
"An... Anime convention?" Questioned Matt, wondering what was wrong with B and weather he actually took his pills today.
"Well why not? Anime is cool... And you never know but there might be some interesting people there..." B smirked.
"I just never had you pinned as the type who would like Anime..."
"Well... I do..." Said B, feeling slightly offended.
"I belive this is a good idea... They may have some limited edition action figures..." Near added in a deadpan voice.
"Well, I'm all for it..." Said Mello, returning from his shower in only a towel, his hair still dripping wet. Matt looked at Mello with an audible gulp, his eyes lingering on the flat plains of his best friend's stomach.
"Like what you see Matty?" Mello asked, gesturing to himself with a smirk.
"Uh... No w-way!" Matt stammered a little to quickly, turning away, his cheeks dusted in a faint pink blush.
"Whatever you say Matty, whatever you say..." Mello winked at the gamer before returning to his bedroom.
"I am also in agreement with Beyond-kun's idea." Said L, cutting through the awkward silence. There was an loud sigh or relief from Matt's direction.
"I'm cool with that." Light chipped in, getting up from the floor and dusting himself off.
"I-it's okay with me..." Added Matsuda, clearly still shaken "As long as I don't have to sit next to Mello in the VW..."
-
Yay! First chapter up, with an severly long Author's note. This is un-Beta'd as my pending Beta has yet to get back to me. I've written much of the rest and let me tell you, it get more crackish by the minute. I'll probably have another chappie up by Thrusday, give you reviewer a bit of scope. :L Good day/night/afternoon/evening to you all!
~ Lawli.