A.n.: Just kind of came to me, angst Spuffy, season 6. Spike POV
Disclaimer: I don't own it
Taboo. That's what it was. Taboo to touch her. To reach out to her, if he had anything on his mind other than causing moans and gasps to part from her bee stung lips. He tried to hold her hand once, was shocked by how fast she yanked hers from him. Another time post sex, he had held her to his chest, arms wrapping around her in a protective vice and she had woken up and jerked away from him. He wasn't allowed to speak, or comfort, or love her. Unless she gave him permission, gave him control. Every once in awhile she would beg him as she was about to come to say he loved her. And he would, his mouth giving words to the inexplicable feelings that haunted him. She would tell him to shut up, capture his lips in her own with such ferocity that it seemed to Spike she was trying to force his emotions back into him. She very rarely collapsed when they were done, choosing instead to dress and keep her back turned to him. If she didn't face him, she didn't have to acknowledge where she was…and who she was with. This time she turned back with what looked to be tears welling up in her eyes. She swallowed hard once, then twice, taking in a shuddering breath as she faced him. His hands trembled with the need to touch her. She shook her head meeting his gaze. 'You break it you bought it.' Spike thought entranced with her green orbs. He could see the depths of her pain there, the self hatred that raged underneath her sorrow. As she turned away he wondered if Angel knew just how much debt he was in.
A.w. thanks for reading!