A/N OMG this is sooo silly and has no structure and no point other than to be ridiculously cracky and silly. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I snorfled writing it. Written at the behest of Valyria and inspired by Lamb's Ear. MWA!
Spock was making his way from one of the ship's science labs to the bridge, hands clasped behind his back and head held high, the epitome of the dignified Vulcan. The corridor was unusually busy but even through myriad faces crossing his line of sight, his spied Nyota in the crowd. He always noticed Nyota, she was impossible to miss with her eye catching appearance, her infectious laughter, the playful twinkle in her eye when she smiled that dazzling Human smile. "It's that Vulcan brain of yours," she had quipped once tapping her fingertip against his skull and slouching in his lap in the afterglow from another of the frequent and protracted mind melds that the pair of them engaged in when they were alone. Spock allowed himself a frisson of pleasure at the memory before pushing the emotion to the back of his mind and focussing on the matter at hand.
It was the middle of her shift and Spock's natural curiosity led him to question quite what facet of Communications might require their Chief Officer to engage in a meeting in such an unconventional location. She was turned slightly away from him, obscured by a red ladder as she stood tucked into an alcove to one side of the corridor. She had a large PADD pressed against her chest as she engaged Helmsman Sulu in animated conversation that Spock could not make out. Chekov was standing in front of them, half in and half out of the alcove and looking up and down the corridor with an anxious expression on his face. Spock's interest was piqued and then confirmed as he saw something small and red pass from Sulu to Nyota, the pair of them glancing about with equal furtiveness. Whatever it was, it was hurriedly hidden from view behind Nyota's PADD and Spock found himself grow ever more curious, diverting from his intended destination and stepping towards them.
"Commander!" Chekov bleated in surprise as Spock approached, his face taking on an expression akin to a startled Terran deer. Spock glanced from the young Ensign to his colleague as Sulu bumped into him from behind, meeting Spock's eyes with a look of surprise.
"Commander!" Sulu parroted and Spock raised a brow at the pair of them in response. Chekov's eyes were wide as deflector dishes and Sulu coughed slightly, giving his friend a shove as he stepped into the hall beside him. Spock was not certain if it was his approach that dispersed this unusual gathering or if it was merely that whatever secret business they were conducting was concluded but before he could open his mouth to speak, Sulu grabbed Chekov by the elbow and fairly dragged him away down the corridor. Spock's eyes tracked them as they hurried away but when Nyota stepped into view his attention snapped immediately back to her.
"Oh!" she chirped with some surprise before she composed herself and continued in a more demure tone. "Commander."
"Lieutenant," Spock drawled, casting his eye up and down her slim form appraisingly. Nyota's brow twitched a little and she jerked a chin ever so slightly as she caught his roving eye. She cleared her throat and took another step out into the hall, ignoring his inquisitive stare. "If I may enquire," Spock said in a typically dignified tone as she flicked her hair over her shoulder and turned down the corridor. He fell into step beside her and craned his neck towards her.
"If you may enquire what, sir?" Nyota asked with faux congeniality as they made their way along the busy concourse, smiling at a passing crewmember with whom she was acquainted. Spock's brow went up again and his eyes glanced momentarily at the retreating form of their colleague as she disappeared from his peripheral vision.
"If I may enquire as to the purpose of this somewhat unconventional gathering, Lieutenant?" he stated placidly, not missing Nyota's surreptitious glance in his direction as she strode purposefully down the passageway.
"I beg your pardon?" she replied with mock ignorance that was utterly transparent. Spock narrowed his eyes at her in response.
"Your convocation, Lieutenant, with Misters Sulu and Chekov mere moments ago" Spock intoned with the slightest hint of sarcasm. Nyota coughed a little and her brows went up away as she schooled her face with a mask of innocence, staring straight ahead as they made their way through the crowd.
"Oh nothing really," she assured him pleasantly, glancing around nervously at the crewmembers passing by in both directions. "Just ships' business."
"I see," Spock stated neutrally as they turned a corner and came to a halt in front of the turbolift. "And the emergency access shaft is of course a most logical location in which to discuss...ship's business." Nyota's eyes glanced briefly towards him as she adjusted her PADD against her body. Her eyes widened a little the incriminating rustle that emanated from beneath. "Nyota?" he uttered in a more severe tone, a dour expression on his face. Nyota's eyes darted about and she coughed a little.
"Not here," she said hurriedly, her voice very low. Spock's nostrils flared as he let out the slightest breath of dissatisfaction but before he could respond the turbolift doors slid open and Nyota was hurrying inside.
Spock followed and once the doors were sealed behind them, turned to give her a pointed look. "Explain," he demanded in a commanding tone and she licked her lips, stepping from foot to foot.
"You can't say anything, alright," she said, looking him in the eye and giving him a serious look.
"Nyota," he began with something akin to a sigh. "You are well aware that my duties as First Officer require that I..." he continued but Nyota cut him off.
"No, no, it's...it's not like that, it's..." she stammered, shaking her head vigorously.
"It is not like what?" he said gruffly and stepping closer, gratified that she had the decency to appear mildly chastened.
"Sulu got it for me," she uttered, looking decidedly shifty.
"Sulu got what for you?" Spock asked, stepping closer still and narrowing his eyes a little.
"It was meant to be a surprise," she told him meekly, peering up at him through her lashes and giving him an innocent look. "And you know how hard it is to get a hold of these out here okay, so...he doesn't want anyone to know."
"Get hold of what?" Spock urged, his eyes scanning her face with a searching gaze. Nyota opened her mouth to speak but then closed it again, adjusting her PADD instead and tilting it forward slightly to reveal the item she had secreted there minutes before. Spock's eyes travelled downward, pausing only momentarily at the gentle swell of her bosom before continuing down to the gleaming red package wedged between the PADD and her body.
Spock's mouth fell open and he froze, his eyes going wide as he took in the object hidden beneath the PADD.
"I called in a favor," Nyota explained as he stared at it, the bright red lettering emblazoned with gold stirring up emotions he had tried so hard to contain . "Because I know how much you like them. How much we both do."
Spock was struck dumb, his heart already racing as a deluge of sensation surged forth to flood his conscious mind. He let out a ragged breath, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides and his mouth watering at the sight before him. He took a deep breath and held it, glancing up to meet her eyes for a moment and his stomach flopping at the wicked glint he saw there.
"Just...keep it to yourself, okay," Nyota implored quietly and Spock nodded mutely. She tilted her head slightly and he swallowed hard. "And after this shift is done," she continued, raising her hand to fiddle with a crease in his shirt. "We can..." Nyota trailed off as the turbolift slowed, pulling the PADD firmly against her chest once more. She took a step back and Spock straightened up, willing himself to project a calm he did not really feel.
"I love you," he blurted out as the lift came to a halt and Nyota smiled smugly.
"I know," she told him as the doors opened. Spock watched her as she sauntered away down the corridor as nonchalant as a Vulcan, his eyes tracking the glorious sway of her backside beneath her uniform as she went. The sight of her smooth brown legs encased in the bright red of her uniform putting him in mind of the smooth brown contents of the small red package she had stashed about her person and which were almost as delicious as she.
Xxx
Spock struggled to focus. All afternoon his mind and body betrayed him with torturous images of Nyota spread out across his lap, his arms around her waist and her fingers brushing his lips as she fed him morsels of the precious delicacy she had acquired.
He stared absently across the conference table as Jim and Bones discussed the upcoming routine medical screenings for the crew with a level of interest Spock found unconscionably tragic. He had not previously considered the Captain and the Doctor in such a way, feeling at first pity before that emotion soon gave way to thinly veiled irritation. He had better things to be doing than discussing the dietary requirements of his subordinates, such as seeing to his own dietary requirements which this evening would necessitate licking peanut butter off the stomach of an extremely beautiful woman.
Spock sighed with despair. His shift was due to end in five minutes and he was finding himself troubled at the distinct possibility that this meeting might go on beyond that time. The subject of the crew's physical condition was considerably less compelling at that moment than the physical condition of the one particular crew member that would be awaiting him in her quarters mere minutes from now. He curled his lip with disdain at the two men seated opposite him and counted down the minutes, calculating the exact number of nanoseconds until he was released from this purgatory and into the sweet bliss of her quarters where they could be alone. Just him and her and that creamy, crunchy...
"Are we boring you Spock?" Jim quipped and Spock looked up to find them both staring at him with mildly confused expressions on their faces.
"I do not experience boredom," he replied a little too rapidly and Jim and Bones glanced at one another sceptically. Spock swallowed hard and attempted to project an appropriate level of interest when a moment later Scotty entered and informed them of an as yet uncharted gaseous anomaly that had just been detected nearby. The chief engineer was voicing his concerns about potential adverse effects on the warp nacelles and that it might be pertinent to alter the ship's course to avoid it. It seemed to Spock in that moment that the only gaseous anomaly worth avoiding was the abnormally high level of carbon dioxide being generated by his incessant yapping. Lulled into an almost hypnotic trance by the dreary murmur their voices, Spock allowed his mind to wander. He was practically drooling as he imagined his teeth sinking through the creamy peanut butter, the satisfying crunch of cookie, sucking traces of chocolate from Nyota's elegant fingertips. He stroked his palms across his thighs and smacked his lips loudly.
"Is there something on your mind, Spock?" Jim asked, his tone mild if his expression was a little stern.
"Not at all Captain," he blustered. Spock became aware of the silent stares aimed at him and cleared his throat before continuing. "I failed to meditate properly this morning," Spock said smoothly, finding himself unconcerned at the ease with which the falsehood tumbled from his lips.
"Yeah, you've been a little distracted this afternoon," Jim replied, furrowing his brow slightly.
"I apologize," Spock said insincerely.
"You okay Spock?" Bones asked, regarding his Vulcan companion with some concern as Spock took several deep breaths in through his nose.
"I am perfectly fine," Spock assured him tersely, rising from his seat abruptly and stuffing the stylus in his hand aggressively into a slot on the top of his PADD. "I believe it may be prudent for me to return to my quarters." He was by now overcome by the fire that was surging through his veins, that had been smouldering since Nyota left him in the turbolift hours before. The irresistible, incandescent Nyota with her illogically long legs wrapped around his waist, two delicious chocolate fingers gripped in her delicious chocolate fingers. "If you will excuse me," he uttered breathlessly, turning swiftly out of the door before Jim's feeble "You are excused" had even left the his mouth.
Xxx
Spock tore through the corridors, twitching with barely concealed impatience as he was forced to wait with a crowd outside the turbolift. Once inside, he found himself taking ragged breaths, glaring at the numbers on the display as the car seemed to stop at every single deck between the bridge and Nyota's quarters.
"Ponfo mirran," he hissed under his breath as he finally escaped to prowl along the hall, his fierce expression only melting when he spied Nyota approaching her door from the other end of the corridor. Their eyes met and Spock froze for a moment to take in her elegant form before his feet compelled him down the hall towards her.
"Spock," she uttered breathlessly as they met at her door.
"Nyota," Spock gasped in reply. She grinned devilishly and raised her hand to the access panel, her eyes never leaving his as she stepped backwards through the opening door.
As soon at they were inside Spock was on her, dragging her into his arms and kissing her soundly on the mouth. Nyota gasped in delight and returned his fevered embrace with a hunger that left Spock breathless. When they broke apart he was gasping, his fingers clutching her dress in a desperate grip.
"Why...why don't you light some candles while I slip into something more...comfortable?" she purred, stroking one finger along his nose and toying with his lower lip. Spock growled, nipping at her hand as she slinked out of his arms. His expression was feral, his lips curled back in a deranged smile as he tracked the sway of her hips while she pranced across her quarters to the bathroom. As soon as the door closed behind her, he spun on his heel and moved with lightning speed across the floor to light the candles stowed in various locations around the room. He ground his teeth impatiently as he clutched a box of Deltan incense in his hand, fumbling as he plucked a stick from the packet and rammed it into the burner on her desk. As the sensual aroma filled the air he moved to the console on the wall, jabbing at the controls as he scanned through the files. The tantric strains of Orion music drifted around the room and he began to smile maniacally, recalling with glee Nyota's skill in the art of dance. He steepled his fingers together for a moment as he contemplated the evening's possibilities before he tugged his sweater over his head and tossed it to one side before stooping to pull his boots off. They smacked against the wall with a dull thud as he cast them aside, hopping from foot to foot while he peeled his socks off enthusiastically. He balled them up, sending them flying through the air after his discarded footwear and was just reaching for the fly of his pants when the bathroom door slid open to reveal a scantily clad Nyota.
"Ashayam," she breathed, leaning against the doorframe and bending her knee to give him an unparalleled view of her smooth, sculpted thigh.
"K'diwa," Spock choked, his eyes wide as he ran his gaze over her. Her hair was tumbling down around her shoulders, her eyes sparkling in the flickering candlelight and her lips were parted in a sensuous pout. Spock's whole body burned with desire at the sight of her wearing only highly illogical ergo highly arousing lingerie. His cock twitched in approval and when a moment later he heard the soft crinkle of foil emanate from where her hands lay hidden behind her back, he began to pant hard.
"Tsk Tsk," she tutted. "You're wearing too many clothes," she quipped in a sultry tone, quirking a brow at him as she let her eyes flick up and down his burly hair covered chest. Spock let out a snarling grunting sound and tore at his pants, the metal button flying across the room to impact against a bulkhead with a high pitched clang. Within seconds he had divested himself of his trousers, hurling them behind her couch as Nyota slinked across the floor towards him.
"Spock," she cooed, stroking one hand along the point of his ear as his hands reached for her.
"Nyota," he gasped, scooping her up and burying his face in her neck. His tone was so utterly pathetic that it made her heart melt.
"Ooh," she said in a simpering voice that was bordering on maternal. Spock let out a sniffling, mewling sound and squeezed his arms around her in a needy embrace. Nyota let her legs coil around his waist as he turned towards the couch, nuzzling his face and cooing softly at him. "Spock-kam," she crooned as he sank down on the cushions, cupping his face in one hand and rubbing her nose against his. Spock swallowed hard, his thick fingers sliding up and down the elegant line of her spine.
"I have suffered," he told her, pouting at her sensuously and giving her a sehlat cub look.
"Oh have you my darling?" Nyota asked softly, pouting back at him before kissing him on the lips. The rustle of foil in his ear made Spock tighten his grip on her.
"Do not torment me any longer!" he implored and she smiled, batting her lashes at him as she slowly raised the shiny object between them. Spock's eyes fixed immediately on the bright red and gold packaging and Nyota chuckled devilishly as she slowly tore the wrapper open. Spock's nostrils flared as he took in a sharp breath, the heady aroma of chocolate and peanut butter assaulting his senses. His eyes fell closed and when he opened them he spied Nyota likewise enthralled, her eyes screwed shut and a look of rapture on her face. Torturously, she removed one finger from the packet and ran it under his nose before raising it to her lips and taking a slow, crunching bite. Spock licked his lips and panted hard, his hands squeezing her hips in an inhuman grip as she hummed with orgasmic delight."Nyota!" he begged and she smiled again, pulling the finger of Twix slowly from her mouth to trail it agonizingly over his lips. Spock opened his mouth to take a bite and Nyota's grin morphed from rapturous to wicked as she snatched the Twix away from him. Spock's face screwed up as though he were agony and he let out a stuttering whimper of despair before she finally relented and gave him what he had been fantasizing about all afternoon.
Spock groaned as he sunk his teeth into the chocolate coating, down through the creamy peanut butter to the crunchy cookie beneath. He gasped, a sensation akin to orgasm coursing through him as the flavor of the Twix overwhelmed his conscious mind. He chewed slowly, closing his eyes and savoring every precious moment as Nyota looked on with approval. When he finally opened his eyes, his pupils were dilated and the whites of his eyes flushed green with blood.
"Nyotaaaa," he fairly hissed at her, his hand coming up to connect with her cheek.
"Spoooockkhhhh," she moaned in approval, her eyes rolling back in her head as his consciousness rushed into hers. His heady chocolate euphoria overwhelmed her for a moment and she went slack in his arms, moaning with pleasure. Spock took advantage of the situation to greedily scarf down the remnants of the Twix in her fingers before flinging her down onto the sofa with a lustful snarl.
Xxx
Jim Kirk couldn't figure his First Officer out but then again, it was well known that being a genius tended to make one eccentric and Spock was certainly that. As they stood side by side in the turbolift, Jim glanced up briefly at his friend's face and it seemed to him in that moment like Spock wasn't quite all there. The Vulcan was staring straight ahead, his expression so totally blank that it was frankly disturbing.
When the turbolift came to a halt and the doors swished open to reveal Lieutenant Uhura waiting on the other side, Spock seemed to come back from wherever it was he had gone off to in his head. Jim was not exactly surprised, she was gorgeous.
"Captain," Uhura chirped politely as she entered.
"Lieutenant," he replied, smiling slightly and trying his hardest not to let his eyes wander downward with Spock so close by.
"Commander," Uhura said, her voice an octave lower as he stepped to one side to make room for her between himself and the Captain.
"Lieutenant," Spock practically purred and Jim's lip twitched as he attempted not to notice the smouldering look the pair exchanged before both turning to face ahead once more.
As the doors closed and the lift began to move again, Jim chanced a sideways glance at Spock and noticed that he was staring off into space again. Jim frowned and turned away but not before he glanced down at Uhura to find her staring blankly ahead with the same morose expression. He cleared his throat and shifted from foot to foot and a moment later when he glanced back at the pair of them, he froze as he watched their eyelids slowly blink in tandem. Jim's brow furrowed and his lip curled of it's own volition.
"Is something wrong Captain?" Spock asked passively. Jim's brows shot up and he glanced up to find Spock looking him right in the eye.
"Ah no, nothing's wrong," he blustered, turning to face ahead as though the turbolift doors were the most fascinating thing he had ever seen. When a moment later he surreptitiously glanced back at Uhura, he found her looking at him with an expression that was eerily familiar, one elegant brow raised questioningly. Jim swallowed hard and crossed his arms over his chest, attempting not to squirm too much under her appraisal and staring ahead once more.
"Afternoon'!" Bones chirped with reassuring Humanity as the doors slid open, stepping aside to let Uhura and Spock out of the car.
"Good afternoon," Uhura said gently as she passed the doctor who smiled at her broadly for a moment.
"Doctor," Spock added neutrally as he followed her out.
"Spock," Bones said, with a nod of his head before stepping in to stand beside the Captain.
Jim frowned again, shaking his head as the doors closed once more.
"What's wrong with you?" Bones asked gruffly.
"They're so weird," Jim muttered.
"Who? Spock and Uhura?" the Doctor asked, crossing his arms over his chest and rocking back and forth on his heels as the car began to move again.
"Yes, Spock and Uhura." Jim groused, glaring at Bones for a second.
"Meh, she's alright," Bones commented, sniffing and reaching up to scratch his cheek. "And he's just...Vulcan."
"I just...sometimes they're...they're so...gah!" Jim exclaimed.
"Hmmm mmm," Bones added vaguely. "Kinda makes you wonder," he said a moment later.
"Wonder what?" Jim said, scowling again but Bones merely shrugged.
"I dunno," he mumbled, glancing up at the ceiling.
"Oh no, Bones, stop it!" Jim complained, grimacing with discomfort at the implication. Bones pulled an innocent face.
"Stop what? I didn't say anything!" he protested but Jim was unconvinced.
"You don't need to," Jim countered, narrowing his eyes at his friend and shaking his head. They fell into a companionable silence for a minute before eventually Bones spoke again.
"You know Nurse Chapel's room is right next to Uhura's." Jim's head snapped around. Bones eyes darted from side to side.
"Bones," he said in a warning tone and the Doctor coughed with phoney ignorance.
"Just saying!" Jim swallowed and licked his lips, falling silent for a moment before the compulsion became too strong. He caught Bones' eye and gave him a pointed look. "Hmmm?" Bones huffed, looking confused.
"Bones!" Jim cried, nodding his head and glaring at his friend. Bones made an O shape with his mouth and glanced off to one side, twisting his lips up in a contemplative expression.
"Well ah...last night Spock was there," he explained to a wide eyed Jim. "Ahem, apparently sometimes Uhura helps him to ah... meditate." Jim frowned and sucked his teeth.
"Bullshit!" he jeered and Bones grinned.
"According to Christine, dealing with all those...feelings... can be...turbulent," Bones finished sarcastically, his grin growing more wicked. Jim's eyes unfocussed for a moment and his lips morphed into a sly smile. "Oh to be a fly on the wall," Bones said with a wistful sigh as the turbolift came to a halt and slapping Jim heartily on the shoulder before the doors opened.
"Hmm mmm," Jim agreed, working his jaw from side to side for a moment before following Bones out of the door and into the corridor beyond.