Weevil Clothing Project
I've always wondered why Weevils wear clothes and how they got their boilersuits. Staring Captain Jack Harkness, Owen Harper and the ever-fun-to-play-with Ianto Jones.
Timeline: Sometime shortly before Everything Changes (the first episode).
Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood or any of its characters. Just try to fill in some of the blanks.
"Owen, Ianto, I'm not sure this is a good use of your time."
Captain Jack Harkness stood outside one of the Torchwood cells looking in at his male employees. Ianto and Owen were wresting a blue boilersuit onto an unconscious Weevil. Sweat gleamed on Ianto's forehead and grime covered his usually pristine suit, although his jacket rested unmarked over the back of a chair outside the cell. Owen's eyes were bright, and, between grunts from lifting the alien's limbs, a grin turned the corners of his mouth upwards. "Trust me," he said.
"Owen, I don't doubt your expertise as a doctor and you know more about the Weevils than anyone, but it seems like a lot of effort for something that might not work."
"We've been through this Jack. Weevils want to be dressed. I think they must've been some sort of slave race and their masters programmed them to wear clothes. I mean you wouldn't want to see these things naked if you could help it.
"We've seen them raiding clothes lines again and again. That's where the majority of the attacks have happened. And there's nothing more terrifying than a Weevil wearing grundies and a flowery dress. If we provide them good hardwearing clothes, they'll stay in the sewers, and everyone's happy. Besides Ianto's already bought the suits."
"And very lovely they are. Well done Ianto very... fetching," Jack said.
Torchwood's youngest employee nodded in acknowledgement as he bent the Weevils arm back at an awkward angle towards the sleeve.
"Although," Jack continued despite the sharp look from Ianto, "I'm not sure about the Torchwood insignia. Perhaps a bit blatant. Even for us. Are we taking our corporate branding a little too far?"
"Ah." Ianto said, pulling the withered skin of the Weevil through the sleeve. "There was a little confusion with the supplier. But I was thinking, perhaps it's like a dog tag, return to owner and all that. So I've sown in our phone number into the collars."
Owen smirked. "Might have been better to sew it across the front. In big letters. If people are close enough to read the collar, it's probably too late."
Jack observed the crestfallen expression on Ianto's face and temporised, "It shouldn't matter anyhow. Owen, you said they all had trackers on them so we know when they leave the sewers. That's if you can get the suits on all of them, this seems to be a fairly inefficient process."
Owen pulled the zip up and Ianto levered himself out from underneath the alien. The Weevil was starting to moan.
"Na, it will be easy," Owen said, "Just need to dress a couple more, we've already got them in the cells. We're going to drop the clothes in strategic places and then let these ones go. They'll set the trend and the Weevils will be putting on the suits like their going out of style."
"So this is a Weevil super model?" said Jack.
"Well doesn't throw up every meal, but otherwise, yeah," said Owen.
Owen and Ianto clambered out of the cell just in time. The Weevil slammed its now suit clad body against the reinforced perspex. The three men stood back to admire. Owen pointed at the Weevil's feet, "Ianto, we've forgotten the shoes."
"That's ok, there here." Ianto walked over to a shoebox resting on the chair with his jacket. He opened the box. "Oh. Bugger."
Owen and Jack looked into the box. Inside the box a pair of pink leather stilettos, large enough to fit a male foot, each adorned with a large silver rose above where the large toe would sit.
Ianto rushed over to a larger box. He pulled out a shoebox, opened it, threw it on the floor and then pulled out another and did the same. Soon boxes and a selection of green, orange and pink stilettos littered the concrete floor.
"I told you not to mix spring and winter colours," Owen said.
"I ordered two hundred and fifty. The company has gone out of business. It's non refundable." said Ianto.
"Let's look on the bright side," Jack said, "Our Christmas party is going to be fun!"
A/N: If you're wondering, in Everything Changes you can see a Torchwood insignia on the Weevil's suit. I always wondered. Why there was a Weevil free wearing a Torchwood boiler suit and why are the Weevils always wearing clothes even though they seem so wild. The other explanation was that Torchwood were carrying out some weird experiment on the Weevil in the hospital and it got loose. But that is another story... Please review.