Ghost Files 4-Transitions
By Dark Poltergeist
Chapter 1
The lack of warmth prodded at Carolyn's subconscious as she opened her eyes and she saw the other side of the bed was empty. She sighed, unhappy that Daniel was absent from their bed yet again in the early morning hours. She looked at the clock and groaned when she saw that it said 4am. She swung her legs out of bed, stood up and put on her light robe. She then looked out at the balcony and saw him standing there, leaning over the rail, staring out at the dark sea.
She opened the door and went outside to join him, noting he was already dressed for the day. She shivered as she stepped up to him and placed gentle hands on his arm. He must not have heard her at all, because he jumped and then took a deep breath to collect himself.
"I'm sorry if I woke you," he said.
"You didn't. I woke up because I found myself alone in bed." She didn't add the word they both left unsaid.
Again.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Really."
She studied him with concern, knowing that he wasn't telling her everything. She squeezed his arm and waited for him to meet her gaze, when he did he couldn't hide the pain in his blue eyes.
"Daniel, please talk to me."
He shook his head.
"After all the years we've had together, after everything that we've been through, what can possibly exist that you can't talk to me about?"
"Carolyn, you don't understand…"
"Then help me to understand."
He allowed his fingertips to graze her cheek and she leaned into his touch.
"I've missed that," she gave him a mournful look. "Except for a chaste kiss and sleeping in the same bed, you've hardly touched me since you became human, since everything was reset…"
"Carolyn…"
"I need to know why. Chaste is something that vanished a long time ago when you learned to be corporeal."
He dropped his hand away from her face. "My apologies, my dear." He paused. "This transition to becoming a living person is more difficult than I anticipated."
"How? Why?"
He shrugged and moved past her to the doors and into their bedroom.
"Daniel? Where are you going?"
"I need to walk," he said and strode across the room, leaving the Master Suite and shutting the door behind him.
Carolyn stared at the door and tried very hard to stifle the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes.
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Unable to sleep any longer, but not wanting to wake his wife, Mulder gently removed himself from her arms. It was early, early enough that he had time to go out and see the sunrise from a great vantage point on the cliffs. He got dressed and quietly exited the bedroom.
He stretched out and had only jogged a little way down the road towards Gull Cottage when he spied a familiar figure walking up the road towards him. He jogged up to him and stopped.
"Danny, what are you doing up so early? And here?"
The Captain regarded his friend with amusement. "I have always been an early riser, too many years at sea. And as for here, why not?"
"Are you looking for me?
"Why would I do that?"
Mulder fell in step beside his friend. "Anything I can help with?"
"Not sure," the Captain said as they walked along the cliffs.
"Danny, I can be a good friend, give me a chance."
The Captain laughed. "Fox, though I am reluctant to admit it, because I pride myself on being entirely self-sufficient, I do need friends. My family and now, you and…Dana."
"Still not comfortable with saying another woman's first name, are you?"
The Captain shook his head. "Despite the fact that I am here and miraculously alive, I am still a product of the times I was born in."
"She doesn't mind, you know. She considers you and Carolyn family too."
"I realize that but…
"It's okay." He stopped as the Captain walked out to the edge of the cliff and looked out into the ocean. "I used to stand here when I was in port and admire my ship. The sweet lines, the sheer beauty of her because she was mine."
Mulder cautiously walked over to stand by the Captain who eyed him with concern.
"Careful, Fox. If you fall off the cliff this time I won't be able to save you."
"Danny, I don't make a habit of falling off cliffs," he huffed but walked very carefully and stood a few steps back from the edge. "You loved the sea, didn't you?"
"Aye, there was nothing to compare to it. The feel of the deck beneath my feet, the roll of the wave, the salt air, knowing I was in command, and the pride at controlling my own destiny. It was freedom beyond measure and I couldn't contemplate trading it for anything." He expelled a breath and closed his eyes, lost in the memories.
"Not even a woman?"
He turned and regarded Mulder, a smirk on his face. "There were many women, Fox. Possibly not as many as I first led Carolyn to believe, but still a considerable number."
"I'd wondered about that since you have a way with the ladies, but you're so devoted to Carolyn."
"I did not know her in my time."
"Do you think you would have if you hadn't died?"
"Do you mean reincarnation?" The Captain appeared a bit skeptical but shrugged. "So much has happened that even I can't explain despite all that I've been through. It could be, I suppose."
"Does that mean that you believe in aliens too?" Mulder grinned.
The Captain grumbled but didn't deny anything.
Mulder placed a hand on his friend's shoulder for just a moment. "What's bothering you, Danny?"
He gave a short laugh and shook his head. "Being alive again, it's overwhelming. I had thought that I would be overjoyed, astounded beyond reason, grateful to have my life back…"
Mulder frowned, not sure he was following his friend's line of thought. "And you're not?"
"I am, but I am…overwhelmed." He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. "Completely and utterly. You have no idea how it feels to come back from the dead…"
Mulder swallowed and gave the Captain a very somber look. "I wasn't dead as long as you, but I do have some experience in that area."
The Captain met his friend's gaze and nodded. "Of course, you do. My apologies, Fox, I had quite forgotten."
"No problem, I do my best to forget about that part of my life too." He said quietly.
The both stared out at the ocean for a few minutes.
"How did you deal with it?" the Captain asked at last.
Mulder snorted. "I didn't, at least not well. Of course, when I became aware of being alive the first person I saw was Scully. She was tired, exhausted but there by my bedside and I was so relieved to see her. She was my only reason to keep living, the only thing that kept me sane during my abduction when those bastards were experimenting on me, drilling holes in my head, opening my chest…"
A hand suddenly fell on his shoulder and surprised, he looked into the Daniel's compassionate blue eyes.
"Fox, enough."
Mulder took a deep breath and tried to refocus. "Right, you're right. Anyhow, the next time I saw her I realized she was pregnant, very pregnant. I had no idea how much time had passed, and I didn't know how to deal with it. I was an ass. Really, I was. I don't know why she put up with me."
"You didn't believe the child was yours?"
"Hell no. When I was taken I didn't know she was pregnant. When I returned I had no idea how long I was gone, it could have been years." He struggled to speak, taking a deep breath. "I couldn't stand it. Coming back from the dead was hard enough, and then to find out that my partner, the only woman I can ever truly love, was miraculously pregnant and had moved on without me. Overwhelmed. Completely. Utterly."
After a few moments, the Captain spoke. "Well, I have always wondered why she puts up with you," he said drily but with a smile.
"You're not the only one. Sometimes I think she must be a saint…"
"As is my Carolyn."
"They shouldn't put up with us."
"Agreed, but it's a damn good thing for us that they do."
"So yeah, Danny, I get it. At least, near as I can tell, you haven't been an ass about it."
"True but I've been aware of what's going on, not suddenly pulled from the ground like you were."
"What's so hard, Danny? Fess up."
"Everything. Human senses are completely different from ghostly senses, which are more a product of using one's mind to manipulate things. It is the ability to control one thing exceptionally well." He frowned. "Human senses are different. The mind is one piece of a larger whole which also consists of emotional and physical pieces. And that doesn't even include human senses." He frowned. "I can barely get used to one sense when another one rises within me." The Captain appeared more skittish than Fox had ever seen him.
"Deep breaths, Danny, deep breaths. What are you feeling?"
The Captain laughed but it was an unhappy sound. "Anxiety, heart pounding, short breaths…"
"That's anxiety all right. But why?"
"Are you dense? It's because I'm human! I thought I would be happy, instead I am at odds with myself." He gave his friend a pleading look. "I know how to be a powerful spirit, but I no longer know how to be a man."
Mulder studied the Captain as he bowed his head and looked more lost than he had ever seen him.
"Danny, you just need to take one thing at a time, which means you should be somewhere you're comfortable, probably at home."
He shook his head. "No, Carolyn's there."
"I don't understand, why is that a problem?"
"She thinks I'm normal, that I've embraced being human again and that I'm fine."
"Because you gave her that impression?"
"Yes, I didn't want her to know that I'm having…difficulties."
"I think you suffering from a form of PTSD…and I have some experience with that as well. Post-traumatic stress disorder, it was probably called something different in your day, it's mostly associated with veteran's returning from a war." Mulder sighed and looked at his friend. "I'm sorry. Just like Carolyn I thought you'd jump back into life. It never occurred to me that it might be difficult." He cautiously looked at the cliff but stepped towards his friend anyway. "I'll help you out if you'll let me."
"How? Why?"
"Wow, you really aren't used to having friends, are you?" I will help you because we're friends, and I will help you because I can." He paused. "You're like the rest of us mere mortals now and are forced to communicate with words. I think you need to tell Carolyn."
The Captain snorted. "Like anything about the lot of you is mere."
"Well, we are a special bunch," Mulder agreed with a smirk. He paused and inclined his head back in the direction of his house. "It's a tad early for a drink, but…"
Daniel held up his hand. "Thank you, but no. Just as you say, too early."
"Can you run?" Fox asked, appraising him. "You look in reasonable shape, but…"
"I never ran much."
"No time like the present to learn. It might do you good. If not running than I suggest you take up some other sort of physical exercise. It's a great release as you well know and helps to work out all kinds of stress."
"Yes, I'm aware of the value of physical exercise."
"It will let you get acquainted with your new body all over again."
"But running?" He frowned.
Mulder shrugged. "Try it, if you don't like it there's lots of other things."
The Captain swallowed and appeared to have as difficulty speaking. "Will you help me, Fox?" he asked in such a low voice that Mulder almost didn't hear.
"Help you what, Danny?" Mulder wasn't sure what the other man was asking.
"Help me to be human again…"
The Captain asking for help of this sort was huge, and the fact wasn't lost on Mulder. "Danny, I'll help you in any way I can, you already know that." He grinned at his friend.
"Thank you."
Mulder nodded. "Do you want to learn how to run now?"
"I know how to run," Daniel said, scowling.
"Not long distance, I bet. Do you have some jogging sweats?"
The Captain's brow wrinkled. "Sweats?"
Mulder laughed. "I'm taking you shopping later, you can't run in those," he indicated the Captain's form fitting slacks. "Too tight." He shook his head and laughed. "Come on, back to my place. I'll loan you some sweats so that I can give you your first lesson in jogging."
The apprehension on the other man's face was clearly visible.
"Trust me, please."
After a tense moment, he unclenched his jaw and nodded, and the two men turned to walk back to Mulder's nearby house.
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AN: As always, I love to hear back from you. Reviews are awesome - always!