Thank You
A Sakio and Shizuru one-shot
It's been months and still I try not to think of him. It's so hard though, I try to shrug it off like it means nothing at all. My feelings were true though, he meant so much though I hardly knew him. I'm afraid to come to an understanding with my feelings, in fear that it'll make this all hurt more.
I sigh softly as I stare out the window of the living room. The Dark Tournament was an interesting experience. I had experienced and learned a lot about myself and my little brother. I met someone to whom I fell instantly in love with. He died though, at the end of the final match leaving me behind.
For a while I tried to hold onto the small hope that he had survived, but in my heart I knew that he hadn't. I found it hard to face for a while but slowly came accept his death. Still, I can't move past the sadness that I feel about it.
It was true that I didn't know him, only his name and that he was the owner of Team Taguro. That's all I knew. I whisper his name sometimes to myself just to make sure I know it was real. I look back at pictures we all had taken while at the island trying to understand how this could possibly be reality.
Somehow, I doubt it really happened at all; demons, love, huge tournaments and battles. It's just so hard to believe though I found it was oddly easy to accept. How the two of us met, all by accident. He helped me for no real reason at all, I never did figure out why he did what he did. I didn't understand his reasoning behind it. I was thankful for it though for it was the first memory of him I had.
I couldn't help but feel unhappy about his passing. I just wish I had had more time with him. I wish now that I had stayed with him even if it was just for a time.
Sometimes I wonder if he had feelings for me also. I'd like to believe he did, though I can never be sure. The lighter he gave me, I still held it close. The one thing I had that I could remember him by. It wasn't much but it meant a lot to me.
I never told anyone of my feelings for him or what had happened at the end of the tournament. Koenma never told either to which I was thankful. I didn't wish for anyone else to know of it. I still don't want them to know. They don't need to. That's just how I feel.
I looked away from the window; Kazuma would be getting home from school soon. That's if he doesn't stop at the arcade or get into any fights along the way.
Maybe things are better this way. I mean, meeting him and experiencing my feelings for him. I heard this saying once, it's better to have experienced love then to go forever without. It was something like that anyways. Maybe this is something like that.
It doesn't matter though. I'm glad that I had met him and I'm glad that I got to say good bye – or something close to it anyways. I will never regret anything that happened. He was someone of importance to me and that's all I need to know. That's the only reason I need to keep him in my heart and my memory. I'll never need a better reason then that.
Thinking about it now though, I suppose I never wanted a better reason. Well, I never needed a reason at all. I suppose that's fine. Maybe one day we'll meet again, as cliché as it sounds. It's a nice thought. It helps to ease away the pain though only some.
I stood up and left the room going into the kitchen to have a cigarette. He meant a lot to me and I'm glad we had a chance to meet even if it was only for a short time. I'm happy for the small moments we spent together and for the memories I now hold dear to me. For now, that's all I need and it's all I really want right now.
So this is to him, the love I hardly knew.
I lit the cigarette with the lighter he'd given me. I hadn't used it once since he'd given it to me. Taking a small puff of the cigarette I ran my thumb over the initials on the lighter carefully.
Think you, Sakio,