Chuuin: Watakushi wa Dragon Ball Z no shoyuuken issai arimasen. Douzo yoroshiku onegai shimasu.

Author Notes: The only excuse I can come up with for this story is to blame a friend of mine. It started with a joke about what the kid would look like. I thought about it and figured that if you picked the right combination of features it could really cute. Then this little story popped into my head and would leave until I wrote it. I decided to go with Mr. Satan instead of the english dub of the name because at the time I couldn't remember how to spell it and I didn't care enough to look it up. I picked Machina because I like the way it sounds, no other reason. It made coming up with a title easier too, even though the title really has nothing to do with the story. Oh well.

If you notice any glaring grammatical errors, please be kind enough to let me know so I can fix them.

It seemed to have been many long years since the last time the event was held. Now, after all this time the announcement had finally gone out, the banners had been put up, the arena had been cleaned to a sparkling shine, the crowds gathered in anticipation and the doctors patiently waited to treat the first casualties. The World Martial Arts competition was about to begin.

Of course the world champion would be there. Mr. Satan took in a deep breath of the fresh air as he stood on the balcony, enjoying the knowledge that it was he who the crowd came to see. Behind him a small group of reporters burst through the door, camera lights flashing and microphones waving. He instantly started up with a series of poses that made his muscles bulge impressively.

"Mr. Satan, Are you excited to be here?"

"What do you think of the other fighters in this year's competition?"

"What of the rumors that this will be your last year entering this tournament?"

He raised his hands to signal silence and waited until his audience had quieted before addressing their questions.

"It's always a great honor to be here. I love this tournament with all my heart and wouldn't miss it for the world. Some of my own students as well as my daughter are entering this year, so there should be some good matches. Of course, not a one of them will be able to lay a finger on me." To emphasize his point he dropped into a fighting stance, showing off his might and power.

"Your stance is weak and your left side is completely unguarded."

The reporters all went silent, the cameras stopped flashing and Mr. Satan upset his balance and almost tumbled over.

"Our pet could take you out in battle if that's the best you got." All eyes turned to the speaker in flabbergasted wonder. Mr. Satan bent down to look the small child in the eyes.

Smiling as wide as he could, he said. "Hello, little girl. What are doing here all by yourself? You should head back to your mommy. I'm sure she's worried about you." He patted the child on the head.

"Probably not. I can take care of myself," The child said. "My Mama says that you're a jerkwad who can only take credit for other people's accomplishments and Daddy says that it's probably because you're compensating for feelings of inferiority as both a warrior and a man. Whatever that means."

Mr. Satan felt a muscle in his jaw twitch and the reporters were all whispering to each other. He could see them taking notes, most likely trying to decide if they could make a story out of this.

He looked away from the child and spoke louder then necessary, "Kids say the strangest things these days." He turned back to the girl, who could be no older then five or six, and said, "Your parents shouldn't talk so freely about things they know nothing about."

"My parents know a lot, they taught me and my brothers how to fight." The girl said in a matter of fact tone. The reporters were now listening intently to every word and the news cameras were zooming in on the child's face. Everyone waited for his response. Mr. Satan's grin returned. He could get out of this easily now.

"Ah, I see now. Jealousy from inferior fighters is an ugly thing." He put on a grave expression and nodded his head in understanding. The reporters all relaxed and laughed now that everything was made clear. Now to show what a good sport he was about the whole thing. "You go back to your mommy and daddy and tell them that I would be willing to give your whole family a free lesson, just to show that there are no hard feelings. Doesn't that sound like fun, little girl? Free lessons from the champ," he said in condescending placation.

The little girl scrunched up her face in defiance. Crossing her arms and glaring at him, she said. "My parents are not inferior fighters."

"Do you even know what that word means?" Mr. Satan asked.

"Yes, Mama called you that the last time you were on tv and she told me what it meant then. My family trains every day and we are all entering the tournament. If you want to get your butt kicked by them that badly then I'm sure they would be more then willing. You're the defending champ so I don't think the officials would say no to you if you said you wanted a match with them. Here's a picture so you can find them."

She dug into the small purse that was draped across her shoulder and pulled out a pocketbook. Flipping it open she held out a family picture and began to point each person out. Mr. Satan planned to only give it a quick disinterested look, but something about it caught his attention. Oh shit, he had seen some of those people before. The color fled from his face as he remembered with horrifying detail just where he knew them from.

"This is my mama, in the middle are my brothers and the one scowling is my dad. Good luck, you'll need it. I have to go now, I sense that it is here." She said as she turned and skipped out the side door she had entered through, leaving a pale faced, terrified Mr. Satan in her wake. He was so screwed.

*

Seven years go by fast when you're having fun. Normally one would think that being dead might put a damper on your mood, but there had been so many interesting people to meet and fight that Goku had lost track of time. He was very surprised to find that it had been as long as it had and was even more excited when he was told about the tournament in the living world.

Now he was back, for the day, to participate and see all his old friends. He could hardly believe it. Even better they were waiting for him when he got there. They had all crowed around him before he was able to clearly see them. Well, maybe not all of them, but what did he expect from the likes of Piccolo and Vegeta. They weren't exactly the most sociable people.

"Hey guys, long time no see," Goku said with a big smile on his face. "How's everyone been? Anything exciting happen while I was gone? They don't tell us much about what's going on in the living world." He asked when they had calmed down enough. Gohan had gotten tall in his absence, but children did that. Chichi and Bulma still looked the same and he'd definitely have to ask Krillin about all that hair.

His question seemed to caused a bit of awkwardness. Had he done something wrong already? That couldn't be it, Chichi would have scolded him by now if he had. Someone cleared their throat nervously and most were now avoiding eye contact. Chichi stepped forward and Goku cringed out of reflex, waiting for the blow to come. Instead she smiled shyly at him.

"There have been a lot of things you've missed since you left us. Why don't I start with an introduction. Goten." She turned and motioned a small boy to come out into the open. A small boy that looked just like him. "This is your son, Goten."

The boy looked up at him with wide, awe-struck eyes and said, "Are you really my father?"

Goku smiled at him, "That's what they tell me. Hey, you look strong. You're going to be in the tournament, right?"

"Yeah, Mom said it was okay to enter as long as I got all my homework done by yesterday."

"Wow, really. I'm surprised. Chichi doesn't usually like it when we fight." This statement earned a couple of snorts from some of the others. Chichi turned a vicious glare on the two that were standing away from the crowd. Goku knew that look, someone was about to get an ear full. Before the yelling could start Gohan stepped up in his mothers defense.

"Mom has kinda gotten back into the habit of training again. Right, Goten," he said in explanation.

"Yeah, Mom's strong. We all train together every morning and every night. Mom and Dad are both real tough on us." Goten added to his brother's statement. And there was that tension back again. Something was off about what he had said now that Goku thought about it. He finally figured out what was strange with it and turned to Chichi in confusion.

"Huh? Wait, I thought you said I was his dad. How could I be tough on him, I only just met him today?" He waited patiently for an answer. He looked to each person in turn for an explanation but no one seemed comfortable with giving him one. He turned his attention back to Chichi only to notice that she seemed to be bracing herself for something.

"Now Goku, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but well, you've been dead for seven long years. And you said you weren't going to come back this time, so you see...," she trailed off looking around her for support, received nods of encouragement from several of them and continued, "I've moved on Goku. I remarried not long after Goten was born. He was there for me, for us, when we needed someone the most. We even have a child together. I hope you aren't too upset."

"Really, that's great Chichi. I'm glad you're happy. I know how important being married is to you." Was that all? That was what everyone was nervous about. Why would he be upset by that? Wait, there wasn't a problem, was there? "You are happy, right?"

She smiled wide and nodded at him. "Somehow, I had a feeling that was how you would react. Unless it's about fighting or food not much phases you, does it?"

"Nope. So, who's the lucky guy? Anyone I know?" He looked around trying to see a new face in the group or trying to pick up any hints. Before Chichi could answer him he saw someone moving through the crowd towards them.

"Oh no, everyone look out! It's one of the androids," he shouted. His body tensed, ready for a fight.

"No Goku, it's fine," Krillin said, a wide smile on his face. "She's good now. In fact, that's my wife. She took a couple of the kids over to the concession stand while we were waiting for you." He walked over to her as she approached them, what had to Trunks at her side and a little girl on her hip.

"Hey, Trunks sure has grown. Is the little girl she's holding yours Chichi?"

"No. That one's mine and Eighteen's," Krillin told him. "It turns out she used to be human. Isn't that right, honey."

"Yeah, whatever. Listen, there's a problem. The little brats decided to try and take off. I managed to catch this one on his way towards the girl's locker room," she gave a tug on a disgruntled looking Trunks' ear, "but the other one got away. I've looked everywhere I thought she might run to, but no luck."

"How in all the hells could you lose that one. It's not like she blends into the crowd," Vegeta said. He gave grunt of derision and received a slap up the head courtesy of Bulma followed by a low growled "Watch it." from Piccolo.

"I'll go look for her, Mom. Don't worry I doubt she went far. She seemed interested in meeting Dad too." Gohan offered. He hadn't taken more then a few steps away when a sudden burst of power grabbed everyone's attention. A shout was heard and everyone looked up to the sky. Goku, not expecting to be attacked just yet, was taken a bit by surprise when a pair of heels collided with his face.

"Return to the grave, zombie menace!"

Goku tumbled backwards to the ground in shock. There was a small weight sitting on his chest. He adjusted himself to get a good look at his opponent. It was a little girl, trying to pin him to the ground. She was preparing to blast him in the face when Chichi's voice distracted her.

"Machina, stop that right now! Goku is not a zombie!"

"He's not?" The girl let the small blast dissipate and gave him a considering glance.

He smiled, "Hi there. I'm Goku, nice to meet you."

There was a long bemused silence then Piccolo turned to Gohan and said, "You let her watch Zombie Slayers Four last night, didn't you?"

"I didn't know she was up until it was too late. Videl and I got into the movie, next thing I know Machina is asking for more popcorn." Gohan held his hands up in surrender as Chichi turned on him with a glare that would have sent Cell packing. Goku tuned out the lecture, it didn't have anything to do with him this time, and removed the child from her seat on his chest. Sitting up, he introduced himself again, this time getting a welcoming smile from her.

"I'm Machina. You're Gohan and Goten's biological father. I learned that word the other day."

"Mom taught it to us when she told us we would get to meet you today. Mom, Dad and Gohan tell us stories about you all the time," Goten added as he came over to join his sister.

"Only the good ones I hope. By the way, what does 'biological' mean?" He asked. It had to do with fathers so it wasn't a food. Maybe it had to do with fighting. Machina and Goten stared up at him in wonder.

"It means you and Mom made me together, but Machina's biological dad is the one who helped raise me," Goten said slowly. Machina nodded in agreement. "That's what Mom said," he added.

"Oh, okay. I guess that makes sense. So Machina, who is your father? No one has told me yet. Is it someone I know?" His question grounded all other conversation to a halt. They were all staring at him in disbelief. The silence was getting heavy when Machina broke it.

"Seriously? You're joking, right? Look at me. Who do you think my father is?"

Goku did as instructed and looked at her carefully. Her black hair was tied in two buns on either side of her head, resting just above large pointed ears that were a bit too big for her head. Her large black eyes were set into a pale green face. She gave him a big smile, revealing a set of a white teeth with vampire like fangs.

"You know, now that you mention it, you do look kind of familiar. But I give up, just tell me already." He laughed sheepishly when everyone let out a collective groan.

"I can not believe anyone is really that stupid, let alone one of my own race. Even Nappa would have been able to figure it out," Vegeta said.

"Now now, give him a break guys. It was a surprise for all of us as well. I mean, come on I didn't even think they could, you know," Krillin said, he made wild hand gestures as he tried to back up is friend. This seemed to only upset Chichi who began to tap her foot irritably.

"No, I don't know, Krillin. Perhaps you would like to fill me in on what I can and can not do with my husband."

"That's not how I meant it Chichi. Tell her Piccolo."

"Tell her what? I'd like to know myself what you're getting at." Piccolo moved to stand next to Chichi and treated Krillin to a look he hadn't given any of them since he was trying to kill them all. The small man backed down and retreated behind the protection of his wife.

"Like you're one to talk," Chichi mumbled. Goku glanced back and forth between them all. Something was going on here that he was missing and it was probably something he should have been able to figured out. He stood up as he considered everything that he knew. He had two sons instead of one and Chichi had remarried and had a daughter with her new husband. It must be one of them. As he stood in thought the two kids next to him continued to stare. Finally, bored Machina and Goten both wandered over towards where Chichi stood.

Machina, however, bypassed her mother and gave Piccolo's pant leg a tug to get his attention.

"Daddy, he's making a funny face. Like his head is going to explode," she told him, pointing in Goku's direction. Goku's eyes nearly popped out of his skull as Piccolo panted her on the head before picking her up.

"He's just not used to thinking this hard about anything. I doubt his head would actually explode. Even if it did, it's not like it could kill him," Piccolo told the girl. Goku, completely missing the insult, pointed at the two of them.

"I get it. Piccolo is her father. I can totally see the resemblance now."

Vegeta shook his head in disgust and said. "It's been a long time, I can't remember. Was he always this stupid or has being dead caused his brain to completely atrophy?"

"Nope, same old Goku," Bulma said with a laugh. Feeling embarrassed, but not sure why Goku laughed along with it. Now that the mystery was solved there was just one thing left to do.

He walked up to the family and said, "Congratulations. Now let's go sign in shall we? Let's all have a good fight."

He was answered with smiles and cheers of consent. As they all headed towards the sign up booth, Goku felt a familiar thrill run through his veins. He was glad he was given today to come, it looked like it was going to be lots of fun.

There you go. Hope you enjoyed it. Any questions, concerns, or comments? Push the reveiw button.