One year ago they had stood on this spot and promised to see each other today. They had planned to stay in touch and for a while they had. Things had changed for them in the last twelve months. Some for the better, others for the worse. They themselves had changed in that seemingly short amount of eternity.
One year ago today they had said goodbye to a friend for the last time. Gone too soon, everyone had said as they shook hands or hugged them while they cried. No one could understand what had happened, what could have gone wrong. I'm so sorry for your loss, they had all murmured over and over again.
One year and three days ago their friend and the vocalist in the band had been found dead in his home. The cause of his death had never been released to the public. Only family and a few very select friends, such as his bandmates knew what had happened.
The rumors had flown around the internet, radio and television as soon as his death was announced. Drugs, depression and disease had been the three most popular rumors at the time. Little did the world know it had been something of all three combined.
Kai had known about the disease killing their friend almost as soon as Ruki had discovered it himself. He had needed someone to talk to about it that would be able to keep his secret. The drummer had been the only one he had told the entire story to. The rest of the band had known something was wrong but he had just waved it off saying it was a cold or he was just tired.
Kai had gone along for support to doctors visits and been there as test after test was taken. Through the long difficult months of trying to combat the disease with any medication on the market and all the homeopathic treatments as well. In the end there was nothing more to be done and that was when the depression had set in.
Ruki had taken to locking himself away from his friends, spending more and more time alone with just his dog for company. They had all taken turns trying to talk to him and get him to come out or just let them in for a while. Nothing had worked. In the end he had sat at home, alone in his misery and pain and began drinking.
No one was sure if it had been an accident or intentional that he had overdosed that night. The pills for pain and the ones for nausea had similar names and were kept in the same cabinet. They were both white and round and if a person was drunk as well as ill and having a hard time reading the label it would be an easy mistake.
Both bottles had been on the counter with their lids off. There were several of each found on the floor as well as in the vocalists stomach. In the end the doctors had declared it an accidental overdose and that had been enough for the police to close the case. It hadn't been enough for his family or his friends but it was all they had gotten.
On a beautiful fall day, just like the one they were having now, they had held a memorial service right here. This section of the cemetary had been closed to the general public for the day so that family and friends could mourn in peace.
Kai stood by the stone marker with his friends name on it and waited, hoping that his friends would come. He had arrived as the sun had come up and made his way to the little corner he now sat in. How long had it been since he had last spoken to everyone? Last seen them?
He stood up and stretched as he saw someone approaching him. Long, dark hair and a slender frame was all he could make out as the sun glared from behind the peron. A hand raised in greeting as the other man saw him and he waved back.
"Uruha? Damn it's good to see you," Kai said as the guitarist came up to him.
"Kouyou, now. I haven't gone by Uruha for a while now," he said as he pulled the former drummer in for a bear hug. "Glad you made it here, brother."
"I wouldn't have missed the chance to see you guys again. I don't suppose you saw anybody on your way in?"
"Yuu's here too. He was just going to pay his respects to someone else before he joins us."
"Good, good. How about Reita? Have you seen or heard from him?"
"Not in a long time. You?"
"No. Last I heard he was going to stay with his mom for a while."
"That didn't work out too well for him. He was only there for a few weeks and then nothing. It's like he fell off the face of the Earth."
"Damn. Are you sure he's not?" Kai paused, unable to finish the thought.
"We'd have heard if he was dead. The police would have told his family at least and I talk to his mother and sister both."
"I can't believe how far down he's fallen. How about you, still sober?"
"Yeah. Haven't touched a drop since we got the news."
"That's great. I'm so proud of you." He looked behind his friend and saw they had company. "I think that's Yuu now isn't it?"
"Yeah, that's him," Kouyou said as he grinned.
"Kai!" the oldest of their group exclaimed as he ran to them. "How long have you been here?"
"A while," he admitted as he was once again crushed to one of his friends.
"I told you we should have come sooner," he said to Kouyou as he released the former drummer.
"You're the one who couldn't decide what to wear. I was ready for almost two hours waiting on you."
"You could have stepped in and helped me if you wanted to speed things up," the elder said with a playful push.
"I did. You didn't like any of my suggestions though," he reminded.
"Well since most of your suggestions would have gotten me arrested..." he trailed off. "Any how, Kai, have you heard anything about Reita? Like if he's coming or locked up somewhere?"
"No, sorry," Kai replied sadly.
"Damn, Yuu. A little tact would go a long way," Kouyou scolded.
"I know he's you friend and all, Kouyou, but I can't keep pretending that he's not screwed up. I'm tired of pretending a lot of things."
"Fine, then as soon as Rei gets here you can tell them."
"Seriously?"
"I guess it's time to let them know."
"What are you two talking about?" Kai asked, feeling a little left out and a lot confused.
"They're gonna finally admit that they're fuck buddies," said a deep voice, startling all three men.
"Reita? Is that you?" Kai asked in astonishment.
They all looked the former bassist over as he stood several feet away from them. His once blonde hair was now a greasy black mess that didn't look as if it had been washed or brushed in some time. While he had never been the sharpest dresser in the group, his current grungy looking clothing was worse than ever. The shirt and jeans both had holes in them and his light jacket looked ready for the garbage. In one hand he held a cigarette and the other an almost empty bottle of alcohol.
"Akira," Kouyou whispered sadly.
"What no hug for your oldest friend?" he slurred as he took a step forward. "No, hey good to see you?"
"Have you smelled yourself recently?" Yuu asked angrily. "For fuck's sake, Reita, pull your sorry ass out of the bottle for once would you?"
"Yuu! Not today," Kouyou said as he moved between the two men.
"Fine," he ground out between clenched teeth. "Just stay downwind of us."
"Oh piss off you little pansy ass bitch," Reita said as he lifted the bottle and finihsed off the contents.
"Don't be such an asshole, Akira," Kouyou said his own anger surfacing.
"Yeah, go ahead and side with your lover," he sneered.
"Enough! All of you!" Kai yelled. "Do you really think this is what Ruki would have wanted? Us standing over his grave, yelling and swearing at each other?"
"Fuck you, Kai. You have no idea what he would have wanted. None of you do. I knew this was a fucking waste of time. Have a life and leave me the fuck out of it," he swore as he began walking away.
"What the hell is your problem, Reita?" Yuu demanded as he grabbed the back of the former blondes shirt. "You think you have the market cornered on missing him? You think you're the only who's hurting? Think again, asshat."
"Get the fuck off me," he said shoving at the older man. "You have no idea what you're talking about."
"No, obviously I don't know what it's like to lose a friend. It didn't leave a hole in my heart when he died. I don't miss him every time I hear one of our songs on the radio. I don't think of him every time a horror movie comes out. But yeah, I have no idea what I'm talking about."
Reita threw the empty bottle in his hand against the nearby headstone, shattering it into thousands of pieces. He charged his old friend and swung at him with all his might. His face lit up when he heard the terrible sound of flesh striking flesh and swung again. Yuu took the first two hits in stunned silence before his instincts kicked in and he fought back.
They rolled on the glass covered ground trading blows as the other two tried to pull them apart unsuccessfully. Kouyou backed away after he was kicked in the shins repeatedly and Kai only stopped when his nose was smashed. They finally stopped when a security guard came up and threatened to arrest the both of them.
Kouyou grabbed some tissues from the box he had brought with expecting there to be tears not blood and wiped at the cuts on the other guitarists face and arms. Kai had taken a bandana from his pocket and tried to stop the blood flowing from his own nose. Reita sat amidst the glass shards not even caring that his hands were already raw and bleeding.
"If you think we don't know what we're talking about, why don't you tell us Reita?" Kai said some time later.
"Why don't you go fuck yourself?"
"Nevermind. Kouyou, Yuu, what were you going to tell us when Reita got here?" he tried.
"We're engaged," Kouyou said.
"What? When? Why didn't you say something sooner?"
"Whoopie," Reita sneered.
"A few weeks ago," Yuu answered, ignoring Reita.
"Congratulations!" Kai said sincerely.
The four men sat together and talked of their plans for the future as the shadows lengthed and the air cooled around them. After a while even Reita had given more that insults and monosyllable answers. Kai was still in the music business and was now managing an up and coming act. Kouyou and Yuu had given up the lifestyle and now had a small but successful clothing line. Reita didn't say where he was staying only that he was getting by.
As the sun sank and they were able to see their breath leaving puffs of smoke in the air they all stood and brushed themselves off. One by one they took turns saying farewell to the fifth member of their former band. Kouyou and Yuu left together promising to let them know when the wedding was as Reita faced the small marker.
"Can I give you a ride somewhere?" Kai asked as the now somewhat sober man stood to leave.
"No thanks," he said as he wiped his face with the dirty jacket.
"How about we grab a bite together then? That sushi place you like is still open just down the road from my place."
"I'm good."
"You don't have a place to stay and I've got an extra room. Just stay for a while until you're sober and can get back on your feet. Look, I know I'm not Ruki. I know there's nobody that can replace him. I wouldn't even want to try. I'm still your friend and I care about you, even if that's all it ever is."
"Kai, I can't. I just," he stopped for a moment as he felt a push on his back and caught the familiar scent of Ruki's cologne. As he felt another push he took a deep breath and wiped away fresh tears. "Yeah, okay. Maybe it's time I came in from the cold."