I don't own Spike or Dawn, or any other Buffyverse character. (Wish I owned Spike, though...)
"Everything in our lives had changed. There was only before and after she…
God, I'm so silly, I can't even say died without crying. But I'm not supposed to be seen crying. They blame me, naturally. The outsider who caused her death… And such a coward. Why couldn't I bring up the courage to jump… at least the pain would've ceased. I'm not sure if I can bear the feelings any longer, but if I end my life, then her sacrifice would've been pointless. What am I to do? "
She stopped writing, tips of her hair brushing the pages where her tears where smudging the words. It was a week after the little funeral in the woods. A quiet week. A time of silent mourning. No one to blame or express any feelings. Xander and Anya went on a 'a little holiday'. Willow and Tara had a fight. Neither of them comes any more. Giles moved back to England. And Spike… Spike was the only one left. The night of Buffy's death he seemed broken, lost. But he fought his sorrow to tend herwounds: both physical and emotional. Dawn smiled at the memory. She still felt amazed at his strength. After some time she continued to write: it was the first entry after Buffy died.
"I live with him now. With Spike. It was difficult to persuade Giles. He was the only one who seemed to care. He tried to convince me to go with him to England. A 'change of scenery' and people might have a 'reviving effect' on me as he put it. What he didn't understand is that nothing could have a 'reviving' effect on me…not since… it happened."
She closed the little red diary. She didn't have any strength left to write. But she couldn't move either. When Spike entered the crypt she was still in the same position.
"Morning, lov'." He said, while he put a few bags on the table. "Did a bit of grocery shoppin' at the 24h shop. Got your favorite chips, Bit."
Dawn still didn't move. She was staring soundlessly at some unnoticeable dot on the diary's cover.
"What's going on, Nibblet?" He crouched in front of her chair, his arms on the handles beside her. "Come on now, up you go." He said as he helped her up.
"Look at me, will ya?" His tone was almost angry. She looked quickly up. He hadn't spoken harshly to her since then. Dawn expected it though. After all, it was his turn to accuse her. Spike pushed her hair behind her ear.
"You need to stop doing this to yourself. I can't make you but I can damn well try." She tried to interrupt him. "Hush. I don't want to hear another word of this. If it was anyone's fault it was mine. You can't take everyone's blame. What's done is done and there is no turning back. You have to understand that! You can't change the past, no matter how bloody much you want to. And no bloody reason to get yourself worked up like that."
Just as he thought he'd fixed it, tears started streaming down her cheeks.
"Bloody hell! What now, Bit? You know I'm not good with that. "
"I… I'm sorry….I didn't mean to make you angry…" She gasped for air, while all the tension and pain that were bottled up found their way out. "I …. I can't lose you too, Spike."
Spike reached and pulled her to his chest. Her head, he noticed felt so right… she really belonged with him, he realized. Tender feelings started flowing through him. His hand rested on her soft hair.
"You'll never lose me, Dawn. Never."
At the sound of her name, Dawn looked up and she saw in his eyes that he really meant it.
"Spike?"
"Mhm?"
"Passions must be on: morning marathon or somethin'. Wanna watch it?"
"Morning marathon? It's today?! Bloody well you told me, Bit. I completely forgot." He grinned. "He looks sexy when he grins." She thought and blushed at the impropriety of the thought. She quickly realized his arms were still around her. That really got the heat to her face.
"I haven't noticed she looks cute when she blushes. But why am I making her shy?" He wondered. He slowly removed his hands and moved towards the table.
"I'll turn the TV on." Dawn was still nervous as she turned the switch on and sat on the sofa.
Spike threw her a bag of tortilla chips and sat beside her.
"Haven't we watched that one?" Dawn asked after a few minutes, a bit bored.
"Dunno. But even if we have that's a classic. Jude is still chasing after Ted" "She really is bored", he thought, "How about some color in her cheeks, again..."
He grinned, as he casually slid his arm around her.
Dawn looked quickly up and caught the grin flash before he again appeared to stare at the monitor.
"So that's the way he wants it?" She smiled inwardly and put her head on his shoulder.
Tell me what you think and if you'd like it continued. Cheers.