A/N: I usually don't write these kinds of stories.
I really like the idea of having Hermione and Harry together under the same consequences as the last book left for us. And that's how I always wrote my stories before the seventh book.
This though, was different. It's in the future where Hermione is in fact together with Ron and she is deeply in love with Harry, her best friend of all time. I wrote it before the seventh, during the summer. Now I've changed a few things, rewritten the ending and it's finally ready to be published. But hopefully you'll give into my thinking and not be too confused. If there's anything you're wondering about in particular, feel free to mention it in a comment! I always answer questions ;P I hope you'll enjoy!
Summary: Hermione is together with Ron. She hasn't told Harry, but he knows. And in reality she loves Harry, and somehow she feels like she's unfaithful to him...
Unfaithful
(A Different HHr story)
Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company
"Well, as long as it's not Krum."
Hermione laughed at Harry's comment.
"I'm not even going to answer that", she said as she put on her coat.
"But… he can't be more important than your best friend! Think of me!" Hermione rolled her eyes when her friend pouted his lips, looking like a little child.
"Ha. Ha." Hermione rolled her eyes. "I'm with you almost every day, Harry, so you shouldn't be jealous." A cold sensation appeared in Harry's emerald green eyes as he said:
"I guess I thought more about Won-Won. It's been a while since you two hung out, hasn't it?" Hermione averted her eyes as she searched for her shoes. She didn't want to meet his gaze when she answered him.
"Was it? Are you sure?" He knew. She knew that he knew. But she just couldn't tell him. She had dated Ron, one of her two best male friends, in about three months now but she still hadn't told her very best friend.
It was kind of funny that she had the world's famous Harry Potter as 'best mate', or as Ginny should've called it bff (best friend forever) considering how much they'd gone through. How much he'd gone through with her beside him. He was always hunted by the paparazzi (and I might add that they are a lot worse than usual ones – think of Rita Skeeter!) and reporters from famous magazines, papers and even famous writers who wanted to have a statement from him. They scuttled around like cockroaches; charmed their way into trying getting a word from him and one had even put a full-body-binding spell in frustration on him once. Love potions in his glass by fans, mostly women in his age, weren't uncommon either. But to Harry's great advantage he had Hermione Granger as his best friend, always faithfully standing by his side. She could make up a spell to protect him while she was discussing the terrible London weather or drinking a cup of tea. He could always feel safe and even though he now could preform all of the spells himself he always wanted Hermione with him.
You might think that this would bore someone like Hermione who' s always looking for new ways to dare herself but... she never got tired of being with him. Somehow she could spend days in a row in his apartment just talking and still she wanted to stay longer. And even now she felt as if she didn't want to leave him. Because he could read her like an open book... and he knew.
He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
But clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true
"Wait a second", Hermione said as she couldn't find her shoes. She turned to Harry and gave him one of her most famous glares. "Harry", she asked firmly, "where's my shoes?" Harry just grinned boyishly and said:
"How should I know?" Hermione rolled her eyes again and tried not to laugh.
"Alright. Sirius, where's my shoes?" She shouted into the compartment. Harry's smile widened.
"You have to ask in the right way", he told her teasingly.
"I know, I know..." Hermione muttered and cried: "Sirius, where's Hermione's keys?"
A bark from the room next to the hall was heard and soon a big, black dog came running towards them with two green, comfortable looking shoes in his mouth.
Harry and Hermione had gone to the dog pound to get a dog so that Harry would feel safer, but it hadn't stopped Hermione from coming to spend time with him anyway. Since Crookshanks had gotten killed when the deatheaters had attacked the Burrow three years earlier she had felt lonely, but now a little bit of the hapiness of having an animal in the family had returned to her.
They'd been walking down the path that was surrounded by hundreds of different cages, laughing at several dogs which had looked funny. Harry had looked terribly frightened at the sight of a bulldog (he'd mumbled something that sounded like "Ripper") and Hermione had been forced to drag him away from a dog that looked more like a sheep than anything else. But finally they'd found the cage where Sirius had been. He had suddenly started barking, just when they passed his place, like he'd recognized them and when they saw him they'd both jumped in surprise. The big, black animal that had wagged its tail hysterically was the exact copy of Padfoot, or Sirius Black that is; Harry's former godfather. They hadn't even needed to talk about it; they just knew he was theirs now. And of course they had him named Sirius.
Strangely enough Sirius and Daphodil, Harry's new owl, had accepted each other from the moment Sirius had entered Harry's appartment and they were like the two best friends in the world. Like the famous Trio once had been. Now it was... what was it? She didn't know. But Ron loved her. And she loved... Harry.
And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
Hermione patted the dog as she retrieved her shoes.
She always expected him to look up at her and say: "Hullo Hermione, it's been a while". He never did, but somehow she wouldn't be surprised if it happened some time in the nearest future.
She put on her shoes and brushed back her hair from her shoulders. When she looked up she noticed Harry looking at her. As well did the dog.
"What is it?" Hermione asked. Hermione wasn't the one to blush... but he could make her flush in a very serious-looking colour – one that could stop cars if they'd been outside. Sure, Ron did too... Like when…! …No, that was Harry, but it had been because of Ron! ...No, it was because Harry had noticed it… Well, on several occasions he had made her blush. Like in sixth year. And… other times.
She obviously enjoyed Harry's company on a very high level but she wasn't like one of those madly in love teenagers. She was twenty-one after all. She didn't get embarrassed all the time. But sometimes he made her face flush in a colour of the deepest red. Like when he gave her that look; when he looked right trough her. When he knew she lied or when he was up to something. Which one it was right now, she couldn't tell... but maybe it was both.
"You need to do it, right?" Harry asked the dog. Sirus barked as an answer and went to get his collar. "Great! We'll walk you home Mione", Harry ginned and put on his shoes and took the dog's leech. Hermione tried to protest but Harry just laughed.
"Oh, common Hermione. You don't want to be late for your date!" Hermione huffed.
"Harry James Potter..." But Harry didn't listen, he just selected his coat and then toook her hand and draggged her out through the door. Sirius followed and soon the compartment was empty. The last sound was created from the little 'click' when the door was locked from the outside.
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer
"Harry, you really shouldn't", Hermione protested.
"It's okay", Harry said, something in his voice unsteady. Hermione kept studying him as they walked down the street. 'What are you up to?' she asked him quietly in her head.
"So, Hermione... how is this bloke?" 'I knew it', Hermione thought, but she didn't mention it.
"Well... he's nothing special."
"Then why are you avoiding my question. Because it's none of my business?"
"You're damn right it's none of your business", Hermione laughed. Then she sighed. "We know each other too well."
"We do", Harry said, smiling. Her arm attached to his and they walked on under silence for a while. The quiet night was pretty cold even though it was summer. The mist was hanging lightly above the ground and the sand crunched, like when you crush a hand full of popcorn, beneath the two friends' feet. Sirius were trotting beside them, soon stopping to smell a bush with pink flowers in it and then diving in. They slowed down and waited for the dog to come out again. While they waited Hermione's gaze crept down the path they where following. They were in a park with trees creating some kind of tunnel overhead. But still there was a little trail of the sky up there and you could see the stars twinkling above their heads. Hermione took in a deep breathe and the wonderful scent of the rosy flowers in the bushes filled the night with a spicy smell and a promise of a just as wonderful tomorrow. Hermione leaned in on Harry, closed her eyes and whispered:
"Where is that dog?" They waited for him to run out in front of them and bark as he always did. But this time… nothing. The minutes passed them by and Harry had called severeal times. He frowned and they let go off each other to go after the dog.
"Sirius!" Hermione called, but there was no answer.
"Stupid dog", she heard Harry murmur as he came up to Hermione's side once again.
"It's so quiet here..." she whispered. Suddenly something jumped to the back of her and she gave up a frightened cry and jumped forward, hugging Harry.
"Sirius, bad dog!" Harry said as his arms were wrapped around Hermione's shaking body. She felt like she had a hard time breathing, beeing so close to him. Suddenly she was very aware of it; his scent, his warmth and the feeling of his soft sweater against her face. Hermione was brought back to reality when she remembered what she was doing and pulled away. Harry pretended like nothing had happend, but she felt how her cheeks grew rosy pink as the flowers as she blushed. It had felt so good to be close to him.
"No... Let's apperate, I think he's gotten his walk", Harry murmured and took a hold of the dog and brought up his wand. "Ladies first", he said and Hermione nodded simply and apparated to outside her house. Short there after Harry appeared beside her. Hermione sneaked a glance at her wrist watch and inhaled rapidly.
"Oh Merlin, I'm really late! Thank you for the walk Harry, I'll see you tomorrow, right?" She cried over her shoulder as she hurried to the house, keys at the ready.
Harry slowed her pace after just a few steps by suddenly saying:
"Is he that good?"
"Oh, stop it Harry", she gushed. "I don't have time for your teasing or jealousy."
"No really! Is he that good?" Hermione stopped and smiled strangely, still showing her back to him.
"Not as good as you", she said softly and she meant it.
I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss up on my cheek
He's here reluctantly
As if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well
Hermione felt ashamed of her behaviour and went up to him. Then she bent forward and kissed Harry's cheek before rushing for the door.
"Bye Harry!"
But Harry stopped her before she could reach it, pulling her wrist so that she faced him. He kissed her cheek back, which he never did, and Hermione almost sighed in a mix of pleasure and surprise. Then he leaned his cheek to hers in a coupple of seconds, whispering:
"I love you." Hermione froze as he let go of her and took a handle of Sirius.
"Harry!" Hermione called as soon as she got her voice back, but he just apparated away. And a second later - he was gone.
She really tried to get her hair to look good, but she couldn't.
It just didn't want to stay the way she demanded it to. Ron really liked it when it was no curls left... or he would probably hardly notice. She knew Harry liked her hair just the way it was. How come she knew that but not what Ron preferred?
Oh well, it didn't really matter. Probably because she loved Harry… and he loved her! Hermione was almost struck by panic for the third time in a half an hour. Stumbling to the sofa she sat down and inhaled deeply. A tear escaped her eye and slowly slipped down her cheek.
"Oh, not again", she mumbled as she hurriedly wiped it away. Slowly Hermione felt her body relax again and her heartbeats slowed its speed. She took the pillow beside her and hugged it tightly. It was Harry's pillow. She had left it there since the last time he had spent the night. He did that quite often, on the sofa. And if Hermione was alone the night afterwards, she would sleep in the same sheets, just so that she would feel as if he was still there, sleeping beside her.
Hermione buried her face in the soft pillow and inhaled the sweet smell of Harry. This wouldn't do, she would have to pull herself together. Ron had turned out to be a great guy to be dating and she was sure that she could eventually, after some time, develop certain feelings for him. At least, she was sure it was how it would- might be.
But was it really fair to Ron; being with him but dreaming of someone else entirely? Hermione had her heart suffering so much that her mind was shut off in the process of healing her broken heart.
She would've never imagined for Harry to feel the same way about her. She knew very well that the way Harry loved her was beyond friendship, she'd heard it all in his voice and this meant that she could have all her deepest and purest dreams come to life. But there was one problem; taking the first step. Harry had done it this evening, but would she be able to? There was more than one person's heart on the line. Either she could break Ron's heart and maybe even loose his friendship forever, or she could break Harry's and her own and loose Harry forever. It was a hard decision but she had to do it. She had to trust her instincts.
Rising, Hermione let the pillow fall to the floor and with one last look in the mirror she took her keys and left the apartment.
'Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
She watched the streets outside.
People hurried by, their cloaks so long that they almost stumbled over them. A stray cat walked outside, cruised through the crowd as if it wasn't there and opened its mouth over and over again, letting out a mew that Hermione couldn't hear but certainly feel. 'Poor one', she thought and as if it'd heard her it turned its head around and looked at her with its green eyes, the pupils thin as a page in one of her books. Hermione smiled and caught a glimpse of Ron reflecting in the glass. His red hair was hanging down in his face as he showed the meat and potatoes into his mouth. She studied his long arms, croaked nose and the way his hand held the fork. Would she really be able to spend her life with him? Before she'd thought he'd been something more than this, but now she realized what he was. He was Ron, her annoying, stubborn, stupid male best friend, and nothing more and nothing less. And she loved him for it.
Ron looked up at her just then and asked:
"Is there something wrong, Hermy?" She hated that nickname. It reminded her too much about Grawp, and she despised it. Yet she turned to face him with a small smile.
"No, nothing at all. Just thinking."
"A nought for your thoughts?" he mused. Ever since hearing Harry accidently slip that muggle saying Ron had used it in wizard ways – all ways. He found it terribly amusing.
Hermione looked down at her plate and pushed her vegetables around for the hundredth time before picking up a boiled carrot.
"Just thinking about the origin of carrots," she said with a bored voice. "You see, they are originally from…" But before she could say more Ron held up his hands as in a way to protect himself from her blabbering mouth.
"Uh, you know what? Never mind." Then he smiled at her so that his blue eyes sparkled friendlily. Hermione couldn't help but smile back because her plan had worked just the way she'd hoped. If it'd been Harry he'd probably listened carefully and then said, 'Oh, that's interesting. Now tell me what was really on your mind'.
Merlin! She needed to stop thinking about Harry. Ron was sitting in front of her, opening up a possibility (and a very large mouth) of a normal life with a normal guy! With him she could walk into a café like this one without having to worry about any paparazzi or ministers or fans… or even Rita Skeeter. Hermione felt her eyes well up with tears. She missed that. She didn't care about getting a normal date, because she didn't want one. She wanted Harry, and wherever he took her she would love because that would mean she would get to spend a magical evening with him as her date.
………………………
Ron kissed her mouth and Hermione found her back pressed up against a rough and cold stonewall. She tried hard to resist the urge to push him away.
His lips went down her neck, kissing, biting, licking. She hated it, despised it. Despised this too. She had always enjoyed Ron's kissing before, but now everything about him was wrong. Wrong as in truth scarily not Harry. And nothing but Harry was OK.
'Please, oh no!' Hermione thought as her hands went to Ron's chest instead of wrapping around his neck. He kissed her again. His lips massaged hers, and she was oddly reminded about a fish's mouth. Salty, slimy and cold. The goldfish she'd owned as a child was identical to Ron; not just in fishy lips. Even in colour – blue eyes and orange pigment. Hermione had loved her fish very much but would never in the world try to kiss it.
"Ron, wait," she said directing her head in another angle so that Ron couldn't reach her. His hands went to her breasts instead, grabbing fistful and squeezing her uncomfortably hard. "Stop" Hermione told him firmly, gripping his wrist very hard back.
"What's wrong Hermy? You wanna get home first as usual?" Did Ron ever think about anything other than food or sex… or Harry? Her nails bored into his flesh. She doubted it. Oh wait, there was one more thing! Quidditch.
"Seriously Ron, don't you think we should talk a little too? I mean, you told me you loved me and all…" Ron took a step back and Hermione felt herself relaxing.
"Hermione, we're finally ready to give this another try and you want to talk?"
"Ron…" Hermione silently wondered to herself how she would be able to tell her friend about everything. If it hadn't been for Harry finally revealing the truth she was sure she would've married Ron, become a mother and well, built up a family with him. Not because Ron was her soul mate or anything, because things like that just never worked out; but because she longed for a family. Hermione didn't want to be alone anymore. She wanted people to share the magical world with. The world that she'd missed out on for eleven years of her life.
But at the same time Hermione longed for a life for her children to grow up in the muggle world. She loved her original world as much as she loved the magical one. And she knew very well that Ron would never even agree to just try the non-magical one. He might drive a car and might use muggle clothing once in a while, but he would never follow her out onto the London streets when she felt like go drown herself in small bookshops or eat a sweet muggle cake at a little café.
"Ron" she said again. "You told me that Harry had said all those things about us feeling only sisterly and brotherly about each other." Ron nodded and almost rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, Hermy. But that was six years ago." Hermione recalled the day. They had been collecting the Basilisk fangs when Ron had told her everything. Yes, the sight of her and Harry as created together by Voldemort. What Harry had said and everything he'd ever said about Ginny. Hermione'd felt like she was going to break down into a million pieces. Harry had never been good with other people's feelings, and obviously not hers either. She had loved him blindly, but seeing there was no future for them she had started liking the way Ron had treated her and had shut her eyes for Harry's sake. But she'd still stayed blindly by Harry's side when Ron had left. She had not only stayed because it was the right thing to do. She had decided a long time ago to follow her heart, and her heart had still been inside that tent with her and so she had never left.
Remembering the pain she had gone through was hard and a lot of it had been because of Harry's rejections and how he had been too reserved with his former best friend that he had hardly spoken to her. She had missed Ron, but she had also realized that she and Harry weren't the two people that could be alone and still be happy and share such wonderful moments. When Ron had finally returned she wanted to kill him for causing her to realize her love was forever lost and that love wasn't any stronger than magic. In fact, it was very weak and often lost the battle. And she had most defiantly lost the battle.
But then Harry and she had grown close again. Harry hadn't gotten back together with Ginny even though he still had contact with her – she was in Romania at the Quidditch World Cup at the moment – but he hadn't talked to her about getting back together yet and a lot of years had passed. Hermione and Harry had turned into the two best friends they had always been and Hermione had slowly started to get her hopes back. She was still in love with Harry but since she had been convinced that Harry's feelings were strictly platonic she had easily been able to stay only as his friend.
Up until now. He had confessed his love to her without any warning signs, without any complicated matters… He'd just told her he loved her and that this was it. No expectations.
"It feels like yesterday" she confessed to Ron. "And I think he lied."
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer
A knock was heard on the door.
When Harry went to open it all he had time to catch was a vestibule before a big blurr of brown bushy hair covered up his sight and Hermione had thrown herself at him and given him a hug that had been very close to knocking him flat.
"H-Hermione?" Harry asked. Was he dreaming again? No, he could feel the scent of her 'Strawberry and sweet sunrise' soap. This was real. Too real.
"Oh, Harry", she sobbed into his shirt and cuddled closer. "I'm so sorry!"
Harry had no other choice but to pull Hermione to him and put his nose into her hair, blowing his warm, mumbling, sweet nothings into her mane in a soothing manner. He felt almost light-headed by the feel of her body pressed up so close to his and her smell was almost too much for him to handle. Especially after his emotional confession only hours before.
Now the girl he'd confessed to, Hermione Jane Granger, was in his arms and clung to him like she never wanted to let go.
"God, Harry", she hiccupped and pushed her lips against his shirt as if he was a filter that made the poisonous air around her clean again. He could feel it because a warm and wet spot was forming on the fabric where her face hid.
She started to relax in his arms and even if she didn't stop crying, she seemed to have calmed down. Her hands went to stroke his back, like that was going to soothe her more than his constant rubbing of her arms. She drew a shaky breathe as if her hands enjoyed his warmth like some guilty pleasure and sighed.
"Hermione, tell me what's wrong", he asked her quietly. His voice had such a sad hint in it that Hermione pressed her face harder into his chest. Then she directed her gaze to his left shoulder and leaned onto his chest with her cheek.
With another, calmer sigh, another step closer so that her legs and knees were touching his, she said calmly:
"Me and Ron are over." Harry almost jumped five feet up into the air in fright and felt a chill go up and down his spine.
"What?!"
"Yeah" Hermione answered just as peacefully and rubbed her cheek to him, listening to how his uneven heartbeats acted up because she was so close.
"Wait Hermione, you what?" She finally seemed to be able to tear her ear away from listening to the sweet heart of his and looked up into Harry's eyes.
"I just broke up with Ron." She said, staring at a spot beside his ear; like she was trying to dare him. Dare him to kiss her? No way! He had to stay focused and act like a normal best male friend that had not let it slip that he was in love with her.
"What? Why?" He took her by the shoulders and shook her, not being able to stop himself. Hermione hands still stayed put over his ribs like warm, well, hands.
"You liked being with him so much, why Hermione?" Harry kept on realizing Hermione's touch had made his thoughts run away together with all the Centaurs inside the Forbidden Forest.
Hermione's cheeks were wet with tears that had been running before, but now she finally met his eyes, something he had thought she'd never do again after what he'd said earlier that evening and he was so much in shock that he couldn't stop himself from staring back. Then he realized how worse for wear she looked.
Hermione had dressed up for her date with Ron; she had the sweetest blue sweater and pair of jeans that was perfectly showing off her curves. The text upon the shirt said Breathe in. Breathe out. That's what life is all about. But Hermione herself looked like she had a hard time breathing properly. She probably hadn't done it during the whole time they'd been apart.
Her hair was starting to curl again after what looked like thousands of charms to keep it straight and shiny. The mascara she had once wore upon her eyelashes was now splattered everywhere around her eyes and some of it had followed the tears down her face to her chin. Now Hermione stood there, trembling, with black streaks all over her face, sad eyes and a hair that looked like Medusa's herself except for the snake's eyes and teeth.
"Your hair looks like a bird's nest," he said without thinking. Hermione looked at him and almost smiled.
"Doesn't it always look that way?" Harry shook his head and looked deeply into her eyes.
"Usually it's a beautiful, bushy mess and don't you dare let anyone tell you anything different." Now Hermione did smile. Harry let go of her to give her some tissues or maybe find a towel to wash her face, but someone tugged at his sleeve. He turned to meet her but only found Hermione staring onto the floor. Harry decided to grab a couple of tissues on the table nearest them and reached it out to her. When Hermione didn't look up he forced her face upwards with two fingers under her chin and started rubbing it gently.
"There, the make-up is ruining your pretty face. I can't believe he liked you to wear this sticky stuff." He looked at Hermione's eyes and realized new tears were taking form. "Would you please tell me why now, Mione?"
Hermione finally looked up at him. She wanted to snog his breathe away but she knew she couldn't do that. She needed to get her own feelings out before she exploded. So she opened her mouth and began to speak:
Our Love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore
Anymore (anymore)
"B-because... because I..." She swallowed and then cried: "I love you!" Harry looked back at her, shocked. Whatever it was he'd expected that wasn't it. He could've seen her tell him that Ron was her friend and she didn't want to risk her friendship with him over just a fling.
He could see her tell him that she was in love with some other guy and that this was nothing to put especially much feeling into.
He could've seen her tell him that Ron had proposed to her (which would never happened, Harry knew) and she'd been too freaked out to say yes.
But there was no way he could've imagined Hermione standing there in front of him, telling him that he was the reason. And not because of some silly friendship thing either.
"Huh?"
"I love you, I love you! I loooove you! Do you hear me!? I love you so much Harry!" She was out of control now. She was howling it out loud. 13 years was a hell of a long time waiting. She loved him so much and the nought that had been growing around her heart could finally be tied loose. She cried it out, more tears came and she felt her throat go sore.
"Ok, shut up Hermione," Harry begged and took a hold of her face. "Quiet." Hermione shook her head and smiled.
"I love you so much Harry." Harry let go of her and shook his head in disbelief.
"I think you're taking this too far, Mione." Hermione frowned.
"Are you nuts?" He turned around to face her with a pained expression on his face.
"No, you're the one who's nuts! You just said that you loved me!" Hermione looked at him, confused.
"Because I honestly do."
"No." Harry looked like he was afraid that a dementor was near. "You're wrong. You're in shock. What did Ron do to you!?" He took her by the shoulders, shook her roughly.
"Stop it, Harry." Softly. Hermione reached out with one hand and stroke his cheek softly. "Do you honestly believe I couldn't love you back?" Harry couldn't get out a word. He only stared at Hermione in pure shock. Hermione leaned in and let her hands tangle in his hair.
"I've always loved you Harry." Slowly, pulling the petrified young man closer to her. Standing on her tiptoes she reached out until their noses where touching. "Always."
A tear escaped her eye and slipped down her cheek with a bludgers speed. And the way it hurt inside of Harry to see it's journey across her skin, he was certain it had been just that.
She wanted so badly to kiss him, but there was still something stopping her. It wasn't the fact that she'd hurt Ron, because even though she hated it she didn't have any regrets. She couldn't possibly regret something that had been plaguing her for the past six years of her life. Harry was still in shock, and didn't do anything to reach down. It hurt her even more and she started wondering if it had anything to do with him regretting his confession. But, she realized, it was because he couldn't understand how she could possibly love him back. He desperately tried to hang on to the only small thread keeping them from crossing the lines between friends and lovers. Even though they'd confessed to being in love with one another, they hadn't sealed the deal. They hadn't kissed.
Hermione let go of him, looked away, stumbled to the sofa and sat down, her knees to her chest and her face in her hands.
"You're impossible, Harry" she mumbled. Tears were still running, but she couldn't help but smile. The pain would soon be over she knew. He wouldn't be able to bear the urge and pain much longer if it was only a tenth share of the pain she was feeling inside of her.
"Why did you lie to Ron?"
Hermione dared to take a peek between her fingers, awaiting his answer. Harry had turned his back to her, sighed and stroke his face with his big, soft hands. She wanted to have those hands caressing her face, going through her hair… Most of all she wanted to kiss them - if only to see how they were to react under her touch.
Harry looked really bothered by her question. She could tell that he knew what she meant – he'd obviously thought about it as much as she had… but it must've been different for him. He'd lied and seen those horrible images of them. Hermione had almost started crying in fear of just hearing about how she and Harry had been half Voldemort as they snaked together. That could give anyone nightmares for a lifetime. The worst part was that it must've tested Harry's strength and feelings. The Voldemort replica had not only been after weakening Ron that night… She had a feeling that Harry had known that.
"I… I didn't want it to happen."
"What?" Hermione looked up from her prison behind her fingers and watched his back. The muscles hiding under the t-shirt was moving in an uneven pattern. He was obviously disturbed and feeling awkward by answering such a question. She knew the feeling.
"The images, they…burn…" She could hear in his voice that he was crying now. The fear he was feeling was reflecting upon his whole body language. What would it be like seeing those horrific images and knowing that you wanted nothing more than just that?
"It was like he read my mind… wanted to ensure me that this was how my future would be like if I chose to be selfish. If I choose…" He swallowed hard, took a deep breathe. "…his path."
The tears were starting to give Hermione a steady headache. She was in no control to stop the sobs from escaping her lips. Her whole body rocked as she tried to brace herself.
"But I couldn't stay away." He was looking down at his hands, still not facing her. His crying was quiet and it felt wrong. Hermione wondered how much you'd have to cry over a matter to be able to stay quiet as another wave of emotion hits you. Or maybe it was fear that shut him up. That's how fear works after all; it's like a big, dark cloud that makes everything stay still and echoing in silence.
She let her feet come down to the carpet that was lying on the floor. Hermione slowly walked up to him, stayed behind him as if she was too afraid to touch. She knew he didn't want her to.
"I just couldn't stay away from you." Hermione felt like her last breath had been drawn right out of her. Have you ever gotten news so chocking that it feels like it's going to kill you? Like the crying breaks free inside of you and pull all of your organs away, something is ripping at your heart and a full-grown giant is most defiantly using you as his new armchair.
And it's so cold, even though you're pretty much numb, so there's no feeling in your body at all and all you can do is pull in deep breathes because otherwise you might not survive?
That's how it felt for Hermione looking at Harry at that time. And she felt everything with him and still she couldn't let him go.
And so she went and did something she knew he'd hate her for. She threw herself at him from behind and hugged him tightly. She was squeezing him so hard that she knew it hurt.
Harry's hands came to hers, held them tightly in his and tried to calm himself down. He clawed at her arms with the fingernails he hardly had left after all the biting he'd done for the last couple of hours.
Hermione's body pushed against his back and made him slightly desperate. He felt like there was something missing deep inside – a hole than nothing but she could fill. His arms went back to her shoulders. Slowly and with a lot of force he managed to get her to face him instead and she still clung at him like a starving leech.
And so he forced her face upwards and kissed her. A short, soft kiss that made the sensitive skin on both of their lips grow hot and left it tingling. Hermione felt like it was hard to breathe without him there even after such a quick touch. Harry felt like it was his first time breathing.
And so Harry took a step backwards, sat down in an armchair and kissed her again, this time with an open mouth and she answered, leaning down over him. But it was just another short taste. They were only taking enough to survive.
Now Harry opened his arms to her. Hermione smiled, looking into his eyes as she sat in his lap, straddling him. She came close, hugged him tightly and enjoyed the warmth of Harry's body next to hers. She sighed in bliss. Harry kissed her face, her hair and breathed in deeply to get the scent of her inside every corner of his body.
Hermione buried her nose in the nape of his neck, smelling his warm skin with closed eyes. Something deep inside of her stirred as she felt his scent.
And that's all they did. They sat together in each others arms, embracing.
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer
But they'd crossed the line. They had most definitely crossed the line that had been merely as thin as a spider's net, but strong enough to keep them apart. Invisible so that it could hardly make itself present, with a lot of spiders in it to lure them into the trap. The trap they had gotten stuck in long before the line had even been made.
And now that they had escaped they could kill those spiders one by one – together.
THE END
A/N: I have so many moments in the seventh book that makes me overly happy about the ship. I still believed pretty strongly as I read the book, even though I had my suspicions. When I read the ending I was hoping that JK could use the possibility she had and change the ending. Maybe she could pair up Ron/Luna and of course H/Hr. But then she went and did the obvious, and one of the main reasons for me was that Hermione didn't hug Harry as they met at the station. They never even talked directly to each other. This used to be the main function of the books.
Anyway, I assumed that Hermione would through the years still be a very important person in his life. She was the first one with him to visit his parents' grave, obviously. And she's the one who's saved his life a thousand times and she always stayed by his side. That's why I like the idea of this. Hope you did too!
Please comment! I love comments! I might bake you some cookies!