"Shutquietlyshutquietlyshutquietlyshutquiety…" he muttered, watching the door swing shut behind him.
SLAM!
"…Damn it…" he sighed, pulling off his boots and placing them in the hallway, standing to attention.
"Oh!" a golden-haired head popped out from the door to the living room, a smile spreading across Canada's face, genuinely pleased to see him. "Welcome home, Gilbert!"
"Thanks… you're awesome." No matter how hard he tried, Prussia couldn't help himself. His shoulders were slumped and his expression dejected. The light that once shone in those ruby eyes of his had been reduced to a dull, feeble one that he couldn't tear off the carpet for fear of revealing more than he wanted to. Gilbert knew without a doubt, however, that Canada would know something was wrong. He always did… he supposed it came from so many years of watching, never getting involved but watching how others hurt each other and were hurt in return. It was from this, it was obvious to Gilbert, Canada's fear of doing things wrong stemmed- if someone even went so far as to learn the bespectacled nation's name, he would instantly be more than careful never to put a foot wrong for fear of being left out, left behind, hurting people and damaging a relationship that was never truly there.
"Are you okay?" Right on cue came concerned nation's voice as Matthew emerged from the sitting room. Prussia bit his lip, straightened up, but that only made the weight on his shoulders harder and harder to bear.
"Awesome, as usual…" Gilbert's tone was less convincing than Canada had thought possible. Pangs of worry stirred in his stomach- Prussia had always been so hard to see through; so confident, so self-assured… something was really wrong.
Gilbert felt his knees collapse under him and he sunk to the floor, no longer caring about keeping up a strong front for Canada. His pale hands grasped at the embroidered carpet that Seychelles had bought them to celebrate their moving in- it was one of the few presents they had been given, most nations not knowing who Canada was or wanting anything to do with the loud-mouthed ex-nation. Gilbert had often mused how easy it would be for them just to disappear, to escape their nationhoods and live normal lives, inconspicuous and incognito for the rest of their time. Become 'that nice couple at the end of the street', instead of 'America #2 and his nonexistent boyfriend'. Gilbert could already feel himself slipping away, fading from their high-powered world where nobody knew their names and into a world where people could care who you were.
Alas, Prussia knew that world didn't exist.
But, as he sobbed (he didn't even know when he had started to cry, all he knew was that something had broken under the weight on his shoulders), Gilbert knew he longed for the glory of conquest again. When people would shout his name as they charged onward to battle (to beat up Austria and break every one of his stupid, piano-playing fingers) or yell that he was coming with fear in their eyes. The rain that lashed his face, trickled from his hair and slipped in rivulets across his body as he stood, triumphant. Now, those good old days were gone. There was nothing in this new world for him. Everyone else had adapted- Austria, Germany, the Italies, Spain, France… even England had begrudgingly made a place for himself. Now, nobody cared about him. They would always ask for Ludwig, Ludwig, Ludwig. Hungary had given up speaking to him even if he spoke civilly, and his neighbour Poland was too pre-occupied with whatever he and Lithuania did all day to even try to get along with him. There was nothing left- he was clutching at the final few pieces of paper as they fluttered from the bonfire, trying to hold onto some scraps of what he once was, but they slid through his fingers and disappeared like smoke.
Suddenly, a pair of strong arms wrapped around his form, a cheek and the cold metal of a pair of glasses pressing against the side of his face. Soft blonde hair tickling his neck.
"Gilbert…" Matthew mumbled- his fears evaporated as he enveloped the German in a hug. He no longer worried about Gilbert pushing him off him or shouting at him, walking out or forgetting his name because he had used his human name and hugged him. All he was worried about was Prussia and his tears and how to stop them from flowing. The ex-nation never let anything bother him- this was a first for Canada. He held him close, on his knees on their fish-covered carpet from France's favourite female nation, willing to hold Gilbert until he could smile again- willing to hold him for as long as it took for him to grin that grin again.
As long as it took him to snigger whenever he found anything compromising about his brother and Northern Italy, like more tomatoes in his cupboards than before.
As long as it took for him to get drunk with France and Spain again, then call Canada at three in the morning making chicken noises and laughing as if it was the funniest thing in the world.
As long as it took for him to threaten jokily to invade Matthew's vital regions in a broom cupboard at a UN meeting, then nudge him into one after the meeting had finished.
As long as it took for him to catch his hand in the pouring rain and drag him through puddles, laughing and claiming to invade them all.
As long as took for him to be Prussia once more.
Gilbert lifted his head away from Matthew's shoulder, not far enough to break their contact but just enough to look into his lover's sympathetic eyes.
"Tell me something honestly, Matthew…" Gilbert's eyes searched Canada's face as he nodded. "Am I still awesome? Is everyone wrong?"
Understanding dawned. That was why he was so upset. Canada had never quite been able to shake the feeling that he and Prussia had that much in common-= hardly anyone recognised them as nations in their own right. Sometimes it was lonely- who was he kidding? It was always lonely. Except when he arrived home to be tackled by Gilbert, greeted by his grin and stories of the day and his simple, extraordinary conquests. He needed Prussia and, right now, Prussia needed him.
"You'll always be awesome in my eyes, Gilbert." Matthew smiled, and Gilbert instantly knew he was telling the truth. Canada leant in a planted a soft kiss on his cheek, holding him so close he could feel the heat that emanated from Gilbert's body.
It almost felt like the weight had gone, even if he knew it would be back. His worries weren't gone by any stretch of the overactive imagination, but with Canada by his side, Gilbert felt as if there was a place in this world for him.
And that was next to the man he loved.