We all know the story. Eight kids and their teacher get stuck in an abandoned school with ghosts trying to murder them. Sad stuff happens, people get stabbed, and schoolgirls become traumatized for life. But what happens when your loveable gang of idiots get stuck in there? Will they make it out? Will they meet the Kisaragi kids and help them? Will Grif be pissed about going on another adventure? Probably! Definitley! And yes! I don't own Corpse Party or Red Vs Blue. Takes place before Season 15 of Red vs Blue and in the universe of Corpse Party: Tortured Souls.
Sachiko, we beg of you…
Sachiko, we beg of you…
Sachiko, we-
"Hey Reds! It's movie night! Come on!"
"God, don't tell me Tucker's picking again!"
"No! We're picking one together, remember?"
"Ok, fine! I'll get Sarge and Simmons!"
"And get the pink guy too!"
"It's lightish-red!"
"We'll be there in five minutes! Simmons! Bring along our non-negotiable list of negotiable movies!"
"Yes, Sir! Hang tight, Blues!"
"Bow Chicka Bow Wow!"
"Tucker! Get back in the base!"
"Church? I thought you were dead!"
"I'm always dead, asshole!"
"And I AM ALSO TALKING!"
"Shut up, Caboose!"
"An interesting opening dialogue, don't you think? Yes, for our color-coded friends, their adventure has yet to come. Still standing around talking. But don't you worry. Soon enough, they'll be in a predicament so horrible, so terrifying, that they may be scarred for the rest of their lives! Who am I? I am Vic. 555-VICK, doodlydoo~! And today, the blood gulch compadres you know and love, are about to embark on a journey of epic proportions. They will meet new people, save damsels in distress, slay evil skeleton guys and become heroes. That may have been an overstatement dude, but here's the deal: You are about to read what could possibly be…The worst horror story ever. Duderino."
Recruitment-Red vs Blue plays
Corpse Party: The Blood Gulch Chronicles
Written by LaverniusTuckerAKATheAquaMan
Narrated by Vic
Chapter 1: A Charming Beginning
"Now, before we get into the whole premise, we have to go through a little introduction, and some backstory. It's boring, I know. But you gotta be patient, dude. It's like the appetizer before the main course. You can't just go to a Ruby Tuesday and order the barbecue bacon cheeseburger off the bat! You gotta order your drinks, get some fried pickles, maybe some of those little hot dogs wrapped in croissant bread-Mmmm-Mmm! Point is, dude, is that there's gotta be a beginning. And the beginning starts now."
"Ohh… My head!" Yoshiki said, sliding out of bed. His visit to the bar after talking to Ayumi was a bad idea. The taste in his mouth was horrid. He rubbed his head, pushing aside his blonde hair. Today was going to suck. The whole culture festival was total bullshit in his mind. The only reason he even went along with it was...because of her. In fact, he figured she was the only reason he felt like living anymore. Well, at least it would be nice to see Mayu on her last day.
As he dragged himself to school, he kept looking around for that special someone. His head snapped back and forth, trying to get even a glimpse. Finally, he saw her. She was beautiful. Her blue hair seemed to flow in the wind. Her hips moved almost perfectly. Her smile was like a thousand suns. Maybe today would be… not so bad after all.
"Naooommiii! Hurry up! We're gonna be late!"
"Coming!" Naomi yelled back as she slipped on her shoes and ran out the door.
"Geez, Seiko, it doesn't take that long to get to school, y'know." She said as she caught up to her friend.
"Yeah, but I wanna stop by the store and look at this cool new game console." Seiko replied.
"Since when are you into video games?" Naomi asked, perplexed.
"I'm not," Seiko confessed. "But Yuu's birthday is coming up, and he's been talking about it for a while."
"Hmm, alright." Naomi said. "I guess we have enough time."
Morishige looked down at the photos he had taken. The cat was alright, but he felt that it needed more lighting.
"That's a good one." He swerved around to see Mayu, pointing at the picture he had taken of her.
He smiled. "Any picture of you is good."
Mayu giggled, and hugged him.
Yuka and her brother Satoshi turned the corner of the street as he explained some things.
"Remember, don't forget to call me when you get home." He said to his sister.
Yuka nodded frantically.
"When will you be home, Onii-Chan?" She asked.
"Pretty late, but you shouldn't stay up until I get home. Sleep is important, you know." Satoshi replied.
"Mmmhmm." Yuka said.
[Red vs Blue reconstruction intro plays]
"Shut up!"
"I'm telling you, dude! It's a thing!"
"That's just the stupidest thing ever!"
"Oh, come on! Don't tell me you don't wanna know what garlic bread shot into space tastes like!"
"I could tell you exactly how it would taste! It would be cold, and hard as a rock!"
"How do you know, Simmons? Have you tried it?"
"No, Grif! I know, because I know what space is like!"
"Simmons! Grif! Quit yer' yappin'! I need you two front and center on the double!"
"Uhhh! Fine!"
"Yes, sir!"
It was early morning on the moon. The sun had just started to rise, and Sarge had already appeared to have a plan up his sleeve to destroy the "Dirty Blues" once and for all. As the two soldiers, Grif and Simmons, walked over, the Red Team leader pointed his shotgun in the air and started loading a shell.
"What's the situation, sir?" Simmons asked cautiously.
"The situation? The situation?!" Sarge began. Grif prepared himself for another stupid rant from his idiotic commander.
"Uhh...I don't really know."
"What?" Grif exclaimed. "Then why did you call us over here?!"
"I'm an old man, Private Grif! I forget things sometimes!" The gruff leader shot back. "What was I gonna…Oh! I remember now! Today, is the day we finally destroy the Blues!"
"That's what you said the last five-hundred times. And what didn't happen each and every one of those times? You didn't destroy the Blues!" Grif said condescendingly.
"Shut up, Dirtbag!" Sarge growled. "Or I'll pump a lead hose in ya! Like the last five-hundred times I did! This time, we are no doubt about it, gonna get those dirty Blues, once and for all!"
"How, sir?" Simmons asked, curious as to what he had up his sleeve this time.
"Simple! You know what they say, if you can't beat 'em, send 'em to another dimension!" Sarge replied.
"I don't think that's how that saying goes." Grif said.
"Eh, it's the thought that counts." Sarge replied.
"Oh boy! You want me to build a machine that will transport people to another dimension? Wow! I didn't think you had that much confidence in me, sir!" Simmons said, a bit too hopeful.
"What? No! Of course not! I need you to lure the Blues to our base!" Sarge replied.
"But, who's gonna-" Simmons began, but was cut off by Grif.
"Who do you think?"
"Oh…"
"[Well at least you get to do something without having someone misinterpret you every five seconds.]"
"Grif, I want you to try luring them here, too! Maybe if you let them shoot you they'll go along with it." Sarge said.
"Uhh!" Grif groaned. "Fine! Let's get this shit over with." He and Simmons started walking over to Blue base.
Meanwhile, at Blue base, Tucker and Caboose were standing on top of their base.
"Hey."
"Yeah?"
"You ever wonder-"
"Caboose. If you ask me 'Do you ever wonder why we're here' one more time, I'm going to bash my head against a fucking rock."
"Uhh, no! Tucker! That-that was obviously NOT what I was going to say." The blue idiot retorted.
"Well then what were you going to say?" Tucker asked.
"I was going to ask, you ever wonder, uh, WHY-No, wait, uh, WHO we're here." Caboose replied.
Tucker let out a sigh.
"I'm going back inside."
"When did Agent Washington and Carolina say they would be back?" Caboose asked.
"I don't know, Caboose. But I'm surprised I've managed to survive this long without them." Tucker said.
As they headed in, Grif made his way up the hill with Simmons.
"Man, when did Sarge suddenly obsessed with 'destroying the Blues'? Didn't we find out that it's all a lie like, 3 years ago?" Grif asked.
"Sarge has always been obsessed with killing them. What are you talking about?" Simmons replied.
"No, but I mean, since Carolina and Washington joined the Blues, Sarge just shouted orders to us and made us fight 'other' enemies." Grif said.
"I can't believe he actually declared war on gravity." Simmons added.
"Wow, Simmons. When did you stop being a kissass?" Grif asked.
"What?" Simmons replied. "Uh, I mean, maybe he sees this as an opportunity to insure victory?"
"Yeah, that sounds more like you" Grif said.
They walked over to Blue Base, and saw Tucker.
"What the fuck are you guys doing over here?" Tucker asked. "Get back to your own base! This is our base!"
"Dude, chill out." Grif retorted. "Sarge sent us over here because he thinks he found a way to send you guys to another dimension."
"Yeah, right. You just want to sell my kidneys or something like that." Tucker replied.
"Yeah!" Caboose agreed.
"What? Why do you think we'd sell your kidneys? We've known each other for like, 14 years." Grif asked.
"Why do you think you wouldn't sell my kidneys?" Tucker asked.
"Yeah!"
"That doesn't even make any sense!" Simmons exclaimed.
"Look, Tucker. If I go back, and tell Sarge you said no, you're gonna have to answer to him. And he's in a real shooty kind of mood right now." Grif said.
"Okay, fine." Tucker replied. "I'll come over. But only for 5 minutes, and only if you give me 10 dollars."
"Yeah!"
"Shut up, Caboose."
"Yeah!"
"Deal." Grif replied.
"Okay...Let's go." Tucker sighed.
They made their way down to Red Base.
"Ahh, there's the dirty Blues!" Sarge said. Next to him, Lopez was working on some kind of machine.
"Yeah, great." Tucker replied. "What do you want?"
"Oh, uh, nothing, Blue." Sarge said. "Just stay riiight there."
"Yeah, sure." Tucker responded.
Lopez stood up.
"Ahh, you finished, compadre?" Sarge asked.
"[I used the pages of a LEGO instruction booklet to put this together.]" Lopez responded.
"Ahh, don't worry about the small problems, Lopez. It's not like we're sending someone important through that." Sarge replied.
"[The controls are made of claw machine joysticks and pieces of cardboard.]"
"Okay, do you have to slide the lever to make it work?"
"[The chances of this working are 9 million-to-1.]"
"Alright, you don't have to shout!" Sarge said. "I got it."
He pressed a couple of buttons, and all of a sudden, a portal opened.
"It worked!" Sarge said.
"It worked?" Grif asked.
"It worked?" Simmons asked.
"It worked?" Tucker asked.
"[It did? No it didn't.]"
"Great glaucoma, Lopez! You're a real madiaci mechanic!" Sarge exclaimed.
"Yeah, uh, nice job, Lopez." Grif said.
"Great work?" Simmons added.
"[I hate all of you.]"
"Well, go ahead, Tucker." Grif said.
"What? I thought we agreed that I would come over. We never said anything about going through the thing!" Tucker exclaimed.
"You're just afraid of getting black shit on your armor again." Grif replied.
"No! No, I'm not. Really." Tucker said. "Okay, maybe I am a little afraid. But still. We don't know what it does."
"Uh, it's a portal." Grif deadpanned. "It takes you to another dimension."
"No, but what kind of dimension?" Tucker asked. "What if it takes me to a dimension where aqua-colored armor is punishable by death?"
"I'll give you 100 dollars." Grif replied.
"I'm not doing it for 100 dollars!" Tucker said.
"200?"
"No!"
"250?"
"I'm not doing it for money, dumbass!" Tucker exclaimed.
"Well if you're not gonna do it for money, how about I pay you in kindness!" Sarge retorted. "And by kindness, I mean shotgun shells!"
"Should've taken the money." Grif added.
"Uhh! Fine!" Tucker said. "Caboose, go through the portal."
"Okay!" Caboose replied, before he walked right into it.
"Wow." Grif said. "That was easier than I thought."
"With Caboose, it's either really easy, or really fucking hard." Tucker added. "Bow chicka bow wow."
"Well, you're next, cupcake!" Sarge said, cocking his shotgun.
"I'm not going in there!" Tucker said. "What if it makes me sterile?"
"Oh, please. What's the worst that could happen?" Grif asked.
"Dude!" Simmons exclaimed.
"What?" Grif asked.
All of a sudden, the machine started sparking.
"Grif." Sarge said, slowly turning to the orange fatass. "I hate you a little extra."
"Brace for impact!" Tucker exclaimed.
"This is gonna suck!" Simmons shouted.
"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Grif yelped, as Sarge whacked him with in the head with the butt of his shotgun.
BOOM!
"Seiko! Did you hear that?" Naomi asked.
"Yeah." Seiko replied. "No way that was an earthquake. That was a full-blown explosion."
"It came from inside that classroom." Naomi said, pointing to a room nearby."
"Do you hear shouting?" Seiko asked.
"Yes." Naomi replied. "It sounds like someone's fighting."
They ran over to the classroom and pressed their ears against the door.
"Grif! Simmons!" Came a muffled voice.
"Who is that?" Naomi asked.
"Doesn't sound like anyone we know." Seiko remarked.
"Over here, Sir!" Another voice.
"Ugh, where are we?" And another.
"Beats me." The first voice replied. "But this is all your fault!"
"My fault?" The third voice retorted. "You're the one who had Lopez build the fucking machine thing!"
"What the-Well Lopez didn't design it to my specifications!" The first voice said.
"Sir, I think we need to worry about other things right now." The second voice interjected. "Like, where the hell are we?"
"Isn't it obvious, Simmons?" The first voice replied. "We're in another universe!"
"But, what kind of-" The second voice started, but was interrupted by the first.
"Or dimension. Universe or dimension. Whatever the difference is."
"But what kind of universe?" The second voice asked. "We don't know if there's a reverse law of gravity, or a black hole every 5 steps you take, or really anything."
"Well, let's see, Simmons." The third voice replied. "We're in some kind of classroom, which obviously means: We're fine!"
"Should we open the door?" Seiko asked, a little worried.
Naomi had her doubts, too. They had learned how deceiving this school could be. But, the voices sounded like normal people.
"Well, I guess this is new Red Base." The third voice said. "What are the house rules, Sarge?"
"None, you disappointing tub of lard!" The first voice, Sarge, replied. "I'm not having a military base in the middle of a damn school! We need to renovate it first! Put in some kind of second floor, remove the debris, and clean this place for god's sake!"
"Sounds like Donut's thing." The second voice, Simmons, remarked.
"Yeah, where even is Donut, anyways?" The third voice asked. "Didn't he help at all? And where's Doc?"
"Doc is off on vacation, and Donut is with him. Didn't you pay attention during the last staff meeting, Grif?" Simmons asked.
"Okay, let's open the door." Naomi said, sure now that at the least, they were just a bunch of harmless morons.
"Ready?" Seiko asked.
"Staff meeting? When was the last one?" The third voice, Grif, asked.
"Ready." Naomi said.
"Last one was two days ago!" Sarge replied. "I even had Simmons set up a powerpoint of the whole trip!"
"And…"
"Oh, I was asleep during the whole thing." Grif said.
"Pull!"
The door swung open. Naomi and Seiko were caught completely off guard by the sci-fi soldiers with weapons.
"Huh?" A yellow soldier asked, and turned around. "Uhh, guys?"
"You were asleep?" A maroon soldier exclaimed, back turned to the girls. "But you talked during it!"
"Uhh, yeah, well…" The yellow one, who they determined immediately to be Grif, replied. "There's people behind us."
"Oh." The bright red soldier, who they guessed was Sarge, said, turning around.
"Uh, hi!" Naomi said, caught off guard, but still maintaining her composure.
"Who are you?" Grif asked.
"Uh, I'm Naomi, and this is Seiko." She replied. "Are you stuck here too?"
"Uh, I guess so?" Grif said. "We just kinda...Exploded our way in."
"Yeah, no thanks to you, fatass." The maroon one, who sounded an awful lot like Simmons, replied
"Hey, you have no proof I did anything!" Grif said. "All I said was, 'What's the worst that could happen?' And you made it seem like I just set off a nuke!"
"I mean..." Seiko interjected, "If you make a statement like that, usually something's bound to happen."
"Aw, come on!" Grif exclaimed.
"Hey, just saying."
"So did you guys do the charm too?" Naomi asked.
"Uhh, by charm do you mean had a spanish robot build a interdimensional portal out of cardboard?" Sarge asked.
"You what?" Naomi asked.
"Hey, where is Lopez anyway?" Grif said.
"Who knows? Probably slacking off." Sarge replied.
"Who's Lopez?" Seiko asked.
"He's our robot." Simmons said.
"Cool." She replied. "Is he like, a Gundam or something?"
"If a Gundam spoke only Spanish." Grif said.
"And was a slacker!" Sarge added.
"Why doesn't he speak Japanese?" Seiko asked.
"Uh, I dunno. He was supposed to speak English, but there was some accident that happened." Sarge explained.
"Accident?" Grif asked. "You didn't ground yourself when you put the speech unit in!"
"Now, now, let's not throw around crazy suggestions." Sarge replied.
"No, you did it."
"Supposedly."
"It was you! I saw you!"
"Eyewitness testimony is flawed."
"Uh, wait, why would he speak English if you speak Japanese?" Seiko asked.
"Uh, what? We're not speaking Japanese." Grif said.
"I can hear you though." Naomi added. "It's clear as day."
"No, I'm pretty sure we're speaking English." Sarge said.
"Unless…" Grif thought out loud.
"What?" Simmons asked.
"Maybe we are all speaking in our own language, and it's just...translated." Grif suggested.
There was a pause.
"Grif...That...Is...The...Stupidest thing I've ever heard!" Sarge yelled. "And that's saying something coming from you!"
"Wait, maybe he's right." Seiko said.
"I mean, we are in another dimension." Simmons added. "Anything could happen."
"Grnnn…" Sarge muttered. "I guess it's plausible."
"Did you just agree to something?" Grif asked. "Wow. First Simmons stops being a kissass, now Sarge is being a somewhat decent leader. Have I seen everything?"
"Ow, fuck!" Tucker yelped, as he got up from the cracked floorboards.
"Well hello there, dimwit." A familiar deep voice greeted.
"What the…? Doc?" Tucker asked, as he looked up at the purple figure.
"Hey, Tucker! Fancy seeing you here!" Doc exclaimed.
"I thought you and Donut were on vacation." Tucker said.
"We were, and then Donut suggested we do some sort of charm, and then we ended up here." Doc replied.
"Oh. Did you get cursed or something?" Tucker asked.
"I guess. But if this is a curse, it's pretty boring." Doc said. "Did you guys do the charm too?"
"No. We built a space travel machine thing and got teleported to this dimension." Tucker explained bluntly.
"Really?" Doc asked.
"Yeah. And I had to go through it while being held at gunpoint." Tucker replied.
"That doesn't sound good." Doc remarked. "Well, what should we do?"
"Find a way out of here, I guess." Tucker said. "If there is one."
"Uh, ok." Doc replied. "Maybe we should go see what's in the hall?"
"Yeah, I guess." Tucker said.
They both opened the door. And were startled by a human body, mutilated in front of them.
"Oh, dude. That's fucking gross." Tucker remarked.
"Yeah, who would have known that blood makes terrible wall decorations." Doc said.
"SUZUMOTO-SAN!"
"What the fuck?!" Tucker exclaimed. They ran around the corner, only to have a human body slam into Doc and send him into the wall behind, breaking it and trapping him in it.
"Son of a bitch!" Tucker yelled.
"Son of a bitch!" Doc yelled.
"Suzumoto-san?" A middle-aged woman ran down the halls toward the body, which appeared to be a living teenage girl.
"I'm fine, Sensei! I landed on something." The girl responded.
"Ah! Am I dead? What happened?" Doc asked.
The girl whirled around, and saw the purple-armored man.
"Oh! I'm so sorry!" She exclaimed, and jumped off of him.
"Ah! Tucker! I think I'm stuck in the wall!" Doc said.
"Fuck-what? Again? Goddamnit, dude. Fine. I'll cut you out." Tucker replied, before activating his sword.
"Woah, what is…" The girl started to ask, but stopped and watched as Tucker cut Doc out of the wall.
"There."
"Whew, thanks." Doc said. "This reminds me of that time with the Meta."
"Who are you people?" The woman asked.
"I'm Medical Officer Dufresne, and that's Tucker!" Doc introduced.
"Du-what?" The girl asked.
"We call him Doc." Tucker replied.
"I'm just a medic, though." Doc explained.
"I thought Church said you cheated on the MCAT?" Tucker said.
"You what?" The girl asked in disbelief.
"Nah, that was the first time around. The second time, I aced it with a 65!" Doc replied.
"65 Isn't a passing grade, dumbass!" Tucker exclaimed. "That's the opposite of passing!"
"Well, they gave me my license afterwards, so I guess either they passed me with a failing grade, or I did pass." Doc said.
"Why do I feel like it's the first of those two options?" Tucker muttered.
"Well, good meeting you." The woman said. "You seem like...interesting people. Really, really, interesting."
"Hyeah, that's one way to describe us." Tucker replied.
"I'm Yui Shishido." The woman introduced. "I'm a teacher. And this is my student, Mayu Suzumoto."
"Hi there!" Mayu said.
"A teacher? For this school?" Tucker asked.
"Uh, no, for another school." Yui replied.
"Oh, ok. Because whoever teaches at this school should sue them." Tucker said.
"I'm not sure if this is that kind of school." Yui remarked. "We saw...well, you may not believe us, but this school appears to have...ghosts."
"Ghosts?" Tucker asked. "Like, the things you see at halloween, or the thing Doc had when O'Malley was in his head?"
"I'm gonna go with the halloween version." Mayu replied.
"Oh, well in that case, yeah, I'm gonna call bullshit." Tucker said.
"But we saw them! You have to believe us!" Mayu exclaimed.
"Uh, no, I don't." Tucker replied. "I wanna see some hard evidence before someone-" He stopped, as the two strangers turned white and pointed at something behind him. He turned around. There, floating a few feet in front of him, stood two glowing blue figures. One appeared to be a little girl, with a missing eye. The other had her entire upper jaw, along with her face, missing.
"You ruined our fun." The girl spoke. "Now we're going to have fun with you."
"Oh, yeah, fucking right!" Tucker shot back. "You're just a bunch of A.I!"
The girl was put off by this. "A-What?"
"A.I!" Tucker replied. "Y'know, artificial intelligence?"
"I don't know what that means." The girl said.
"Oh, shit! A.I, and your memory's lost! I bet you got some kinda Project Freelancer background."
"Project Free-What?!" The girl exclaimed. "What are you even talking about?"
"Hey, Tucker?" Doc asked.
"Yeah?" Tucker replied.
"I don't think that's an A.I."
"That's what I said!" The girl said.
"No, dude. That's totally an A.I." Tucker argued. "See the blue? That means they planted it in our heads while we were asleep."
"Planted what?" Yui asked. She saw some questionable people, but these people...Well, she never tried to judge a person by their intelligence, but, they were...Idiots!
"Some microchip thingy that they implant in your brain." Tucker replied. "That lets you see the A.I."
"Tucker, are you feeling okay?" Doc asked. "I think you're coming down with something."
By now the two sprites were just plain confused. Two morons in strange colored armor just came out of nowhere, and now it seemed like an episode from "Ancient Aliens".
"I-I'm gonna go." The girl said. "These people...Just not worth my time…" And with that, the two sprites floated away, the girl shaking her head.
"Hell yeah. We showed them!" Tucker cheered.
"What just happened?" Yui wondered out loud, completely dumbfounded.
"I think the spirits just got bored." Mayu remarked.
"You really think they're AI?" Doc asked.
"Hell no. Those are fucking ghosts, dude." Tucker replied.
"Wait. What? You knew all along?" Mayu said.
"They were floating, and were blue." Tucker replied. "In my book, that makes them ghosts."
"Then why did you call them...whatever you called them?" Yui asked.
"Oh, dude. I know all about how to make a ghost go away. Step one, don't admit they're a ghost." Tucker said.
"Seems like it works." Doc remarked.
"Well, I should go and find my other students." Yui said. "If you want to help me, I'd be very grateful."
"I'll come along." Doc replied. "You never know when you'll need a medic."
"I almost did." Mayu said glumly.
"You're fine now, Suzumoto." Yui stated. "You'll be safe."
"I hope so."
"I'm gonna go find Caboose." Tucker said. "If he's not already dead yet."
"But why not come with us?" Mayu asked. "It's dangerous here."
"Psshh, don't worry about me." Tucker replied. "I just told off a ghost, and I got a cool-ass sword."
"Well, good luck Tucker." Doc said. "Hope you don't die, I guess."
"Yeah. You too." Tucker replied, then walked off.
"He's…quite the interesting character." Yui observed.
"You have no idea…" Doc replied.
And with that, we conclude Chapter One! Please leave a review and/or favorite if you enjoyed. There will be more to come, I promise you that!