Somewhere in Britain, a scrawny, elderly man races into his community grocery store. He has one item in mind, and as he makes his way up and down the aisles, the old gaffer seems to be in disbelief. He stops at the cashier, checks his watch, and makes a squished face of disappointment. With a huff, he catches the attention of the muscled, brunette man-woman employee in a rushed manner. He frowns.
"You don't have bloody pickles!" the age old fossil exclaims, flailing his body in all directions to the cashier worker's shock. "I came here for bLoOdY PiCkLeS!"
The cashier ponders with delicacy what words should leave her extensively widened mouth. "Well, we do in fact have a beautiful selection of pickles, from dill to bread and butter!" She explained to the man, who was now foaming at the mouth. "A lovely variety if I do say so myself. Would you like me to direct you to where you can find them?"
His eyes widening with excitement, the elder jumps up and down like a semi-obedient puppy. He becomes so happy, that tears start to run down his delicate cheeks. "The Scientist" by Coldplay begins to play in the back of the store. As the cashier lady, with her veins about to pop in her turkey leg like muscles, points to the 14th aisle, the man starts to sing a very strained version of Hallelujah.
"Bless you! Bless! You!" he thanks the woman, putting both of his hands on his heart, which had enlarged like the Grinch's when he learned of true Christmas spirit. He spun around on the balls of his feet, and started towards his very own north star. Drool was spurting out of both sides of his mouth as he sprinted, stretching his seeking arms out before him. Finally, he had reached his destination. However, something was absolutely and utterly wrong.
"YOU LIAR!" screeched the prune, shaking head to toe. "YOU BLOOMING BERK! These aren't bloody pickles. These are bleeding NORMAL ONES!" I don't want your sweet babies, or your minging gherkins! I want BLOOD! I want GORE!"
The cashier lady couldn't believe her ears. This man was insane! "I'm, uh, very sorry we don't carry what you're looking for, sir. Maybe… another location of our store might have some?" And just like that, the thirsty citizen made his exaggerated way out of the automatic doors, into the unfortunate disturbia.