Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto there would be a lot more Kaka/Iru/Gai fics, but I sadly don't.
KOHOHA'S SEXIEST TEACHER
Chapter 1
Announcer: We have reached the finals of the competition to decide Konoha's Sexiest Teacher! Our three remaining competitors are Umino Iruka, Hatake Kakashi, and Maito Gai."
(a roar of applause comes from the audience)
But one must wonder why none of the female teachers made it into the final round. Konoha has many flat out hot women instructing our aspiring young ninjas and genins, so why…
(the announcer looks over at the judges, who consist of five seventeen year old fan girls)
Uh…never mind. So, are you ready to find out which lucky young educator will be named Konoha's Sexiest Teacher!
(another roar of applause from the crowd)
Okay—let's begin.
All the contestants' scores have been returned to zero to begin with.
(one of the judges—wearing an 'I heart Iruka' badge—rushes a note to the announcer)
It seems that Master Gai is actually starting off with a negative ten points.
(a loud boooo is heard from the Gai supporters, all wearing green and orange, waving banners declaring their undying love for the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha)
Announcer: (afraid that the hissing Gai fangirls might attack) The reason the judges give is that 'Jumpsuits and legwarmers went out with the 60s and 80s and bowl cuts are tacky.'
(the Gai fangirls throw rotten vegetables—carrots and cabbages in support of their favorite competitor—at the poor announcer)
Announcer: (after he has climbed out of the nutritious mountain covering him) So without further ado…The swimsuit competition!
(the crowd nearly shouts themselves hoarse)
First up is Umino Iruka!
(the crowd waits expectantly, but nothing happens)
Announcer: (clearing his throat and talking louder) Umino Iruka!
Iruka pokes his head out from backstage, an adorable blush creeping over his cheeks and nose. With a steadying breath, Iruka forces himself to come out onto the stage. Most of the Iruka fangirls faint on the spot, while the rest of the crowd gives whistles of approval. Iruka's blush deepens as he walks down the runway (A/N: I know 'walking down the run way' sounds weird, but calling it a runway is better that referring to it as a 'catwalk.' Too many jokes, too little time), his white swim trunks contrasting beautifully with his dusky skin. Two of the judges try to rush the stage, but are kept from molesting the teacher by the other three judges. Now that his turn is over, Iruka goes to the far side of the stage, feeling vastly uncomfortable.
Announcer: Now it's time for contestant number two—Hatake Kakashi come on out!
Suddenly the lights go out. They are soon replaced with swirling spots (the tech crew happens to be comprised completely of Kakashi fans), now familiar music begins to play over the loud speaker-
I'm too sexy
I'm too sexy
Kakashi, from out of nowhere, back flips onto the stage. He then proceeds to dance in a manner that's sure to be illegal in at least 23 states. The crowd is speechless, struck dumb by the silver-haired man gyrating like a professional pole dancer. Kakashi's trunks are slinky and black, looking more like boxers than swim shorts. Of course he's wearing his head band and mask as well, but no one is staring at his face. Not with so much glorious pale glistening skin for their eyes to feast upon.
Announcer: (feeling very uncomfortable and starting to question his sexuality) Uh—ah—yes—well, Kakashi-sensei. If you would go stand over there by Iruka-sensei.
With a parting wink for the announcer, he does as he's told. Freed from the spell the dancing has cast on the audience, they start to pant and gasp, all rushing to the one water cooler in hopes of calming down.
Announcer: And now for our last contestant—Maito Gai!
Many have wondered why Gai is known as the Beautiful Green Beast; he isn't extraordinarily attractive, and his clothes and hair cut are beyond tacky. But once Gai came out onto the stage there was no longer any doubt that he deserved his title. If Gai's green jumpsuit was tight, it was nothing compared to the green speedo he was sporting, which didn't leave much to the imagination. Gai had a body befitting the tai-jitsu master that he was; perfectly muscular and hard. He walked with confidence down the runway, delivering his patented 'nice guy' pose (teeth gleaming bright and the thumps-up particularly jaunty). The poor lonely Gai fangirl judge drowned the judges' table with her nosebleed, and many Kakashi and Iruka fangirls converted on the spot.
Announcer: That concludes the swimsuit competition! Next will be the question and answer round!
A/N: Proceed to the next chapter. I'm so happy that you are reading this! (that doesn't sound desperate at all, does it?)