Disclaimer- Ummm, yeah, ok. I think by now you can figure that if I owned this guys and girls, the show would never have ended. Either that or we would have seen a lot more of Hawkeye and Margaret together.


Wishes.

Starlight, star bright,
First star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have this wish I wish tonight.


I just wish...

What do I wish? I wish I wasn't here for starters. There are times I wake up and just stare at my draft notice in disbelief. I wish it had never come. I wish I had burnt it as soon as I recognised it for what it was. I wish I had recognised it.

I wish I hadn't seen the look in my wife's eyes when I opened it. Terror has no place in her life, should have no place in her life. I don't think I'll ever forget the absolute despair on her face as I was driven away. I wish she hadn't been there, but she insisted on waving me off.

I pride myself on now on not crying. I can look at dying children and not even have to blink, but to look out of that car window and to see her standing there, trying so hard to be brave for the kid's sake, I had to turn away. I carry that image in my heart, where no one can take it away from me. I wish I could see them, be with them. I wish I could rub out the fear they now have in my place.

If wished were horses, everyone in this camp would be able to ride home. I couldn't wish for better friends than I've made here. I couldn't wish for better men and women to be under my command. But every night when I go to bed scared and alone, I find myself wishing I had never met them. Every day when I think about my wife and children, my baby son Andrew who I've never even seen, I wish I was home. I wish the leaders of this world would see sense. I wish that all the suffering I have seen would end.

I wish that wished would come true.