For some reason, I have become obsessed with Shikamaru and Temari becoming engaged. Not even the wedding, the engagement for cryin' out loud. Anyway, I just had to get these out of my head, so I thought I might as well put 'em up.
I confess I'm new to the Naruto-verse, so if I have made any mistakes regarding the show or terminology please feel free to let me know (nicely- this is, after all, for fun). Thanks!
I disclaim any ownership of Naruto.
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Gaara sighed and pressed the tips of his fingers together. He was in a bind, and, unlike most of his life's problems, this one was entirely his fault. Well, almost entirely. If that poor excuse for a kage had not asked the question in the first place, Gaara would not have been in the uncomfortable situation he found himself in. If the older man could just have kept his mouth shut, the Kazekage would not have had to taken such drastic measures, and he certainly would not have been frowning and intently staring at his desk while ignoring the fidgeting of his older brother Kankuro off to his right, at least not all at once.
The door opened, "Lord Kazekage, the Leaf Shinobi has arrived," Matsuri announced. Gaara only nodded in response. A few seconds later, in walked the Leaf's resident genius, Shikamaru Nara, hands in his pockets, trademark bored expression on his face.
"Lord Kazekage," he acknowledged flatly, not bothering to greet the room's third occupant.
"Nara," Gaara replied. There was a moment of silence. Kankuro coughed. Gaara shot him a nasty look.
"You needed to see me for something…." Shikamaru prompted, still sounding as if he could not care less what exactly that something was, even after having made the trek to the Village of the Sand.
"Yes…." Gaara dragged, "I need to know your… feelings… concerning my sister." Gaara tapped his fingers together, glaring over them at the man standing before him.
Shikamaru did not so much as raise an eyebrow, "I don't see how that's any of your business," he drawled, his disinterested gaze wandering around the room.
"I told you you'd have to-" Kankuro started.
"Kankuro!" Gaara snapped dangerously, "I agreed to let stay in here on the express condition you not say anything. It hasn't even been two minutes," Kankuro raised his arms defensively, smiling guiltily and halting his speech.
The Kazekage turned back to Shikamaru, beginning to tap his fingers again. He eyed the strategist warily, contemplating his options. Shikamaru stared back steadily. Kankuro looked back and forth between the two of them. This was certainly interesting.
"Well," Gaara decided slowly, "I suppose I owe you an explanation." In the corner, Kankuro could not believe what he had just heard. He looked like he was about to burst out laughing.
"I suppose facial expressions are a-okay, then," Shikamaru commented.
Ignoring this, Gaara continued, "I recently had a diplomatic… meeting… with the Tsuchikage. We usually manage to get along… passably, but I-" Kankuro coughed again and Gaara paused a moment before rephrasing "we have noticed he seems to have developed an…. interest in Temari."
This time Shikamaru looked slightly surprised.
Gaara sighed once again, "I began to make sure she was out on missions or otherwise absent during such… encounters, but he kept asking after her. And this time," Gaara gritted his teeth, "he asked for her hand in marriage."
"And you said?" Shikamaru could not help asking. Whatever Gaara had answered, he knew it could not be good. Either he had created a political rift with a refusal, or even worse, he had said yes. But Shikamaru had not yet figured out where exactly the Kazekage thought he fit into all of this when he heard Gaara speak again.
"I don't like the man. I don't want my sister to marry him. But I had to think of a way to avoid his ridiculous proposal without offending the Rock Village. I knew something like this would probably happen eventually, but I must confess I was not prepared…. So I told him Temari was already engaged."
And it hit him like Choji on the way to an all-you-can-eat barbecue buffet.
Before Shikamaru could even fathom forming a response, the voice of the sand siblings' old sensei came ringing through the door.
"Temari, I think it's best if you stop and try to control your temper," Baki pleaded. Gaara's eyes went wide and Shikamaru froze.
"Crap, she's back early," Kankuro spouted, taking a scroll off his back.
"Hide," Gaara told Shikamaru.
"Wha-?" he asked, only to be grabbed by Kankuro mid-question.
"This is for your own protection as well as ours," Kankuro informed him. Shikamaru found himself thrown hastily into Kuroari, one of Kankuro's puppets. Rubbing the back of his head, Shikamaru sighed. There certainly must have been a better place to hide than inside a puppet.
"Wait a minute," he thought, remembering a certain story Kiba had told him, "Wasn't this thing some sort of death trap." Shikamaru groaned inwardly and tried to stay completely still.
"No Temari, you can't go in there," Matsuri panicked just outside the door.
The door of the Kazekage's office swung open and slammed again violently in Matsuri's face, though Gaara was fairly certain his former student, along with Baki, would be listening through the door.
"Gaara," Temari greeted, voice low and dangerous, with a tone to rival her youngest brother. Kankuro was surprised. Temari always addressed Gaara formally in his office.
"How was the mission, Temari?" Gaara asked smoothly.
"The mission was fine," Temari seethed , "but while in the Mist I happened to run into the ambassador from the Rock. You remember, the nice older man who's always talking about his grandchildren."
Gaara simply nodded. Temari took a breath. She knew he knew more than he was letting on.
"Well, he was able to break from showing me his latest batch of pictures long enough to congratulate me on my engagement," she continued. Her brothers stared back at her. Neither one seemed as if they were going to say anything.
"It gets better," Temari glared at Gaara, "You'll never guess who he- and the entirety of the Rock and the Mist- think I'm engaged to."
"Orochimaru?" one of her brothers ventured cheekily.
"Not funny Kankuro," Temari threatened.
"Come on, sis, lighten up," Kankuro chuckled nervously, accidentally elbowing Kuroari. Shikamaru felt something sharp jab his left arm, kind of like Ino if you said something bad about her hair. Or the flower shop. Or her friends. Or that socially inept artist on Naruto's squad.
"Ow," yelped Kuroari.
"Taken up ventriloquism, Kankuro?" Temari raised an eyebrow.
"Um, yeah, that's it," Kankuro stuttered.
"Out with it."
Kankuro debated for a minute, glancing at Gaara, who had shut his eyes in frustration, before deciding to come clean. He opened Kuroari and pulled out a disgruntled Shikamaru, setting him on his feat.
"What are you trying to do, kill me?" Shikamaru asked indignantly, holding his now bleeding arm.
"Heh, heh," Kankuro chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck.
Temari's eyes were as wide as the stars on her fan, "What the hell is going on here?" she muttered. She still sounded upset, but she pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to Shikamaru.
"You stop bleeding all over the Kazekage's office!" Temari ordered. Shikamaru rolled his eyes and muttered something which sounded a lot like 'troublesome'.
"You stop opening your big mouth," Temari pointed at Kankuro, "and you," she looked at Gaara, "stop trying to be mysterious and tell me how this engagement came about."
"…," Gaara was still glaring down at her over his hands. Temari waited. If either of the other men knew anything, and Temari suspected they did, neither was offering any more information than the Kazekage.
Gaara cleared his throat, "I had to tell the Tsuchikage a bit of a lie to get him to… you know… stop stalking you."
Shikamaru scoffed at Gaara's lapse into informality. The looks he received from the three sand siblings shut him up immediately.
"He didn't," Temari gawked disbelievingly at her brothers.
"He did," Kankuro affirmed solemnly.
"I see," Temari replied after considering for a moment, "And?" she spared another glance at Shikamaru.
"I told him you were already engaged to Nara," Gaara blinked.
Temari twitched, "Then what? You insisted the Hokage send him over here right away on some pretext of an emergency so you could, through various tactics," Temari gestured vaguely towards Gaara's sand gourd, "intimidate him into going along with your little scheme."
"Actually," Kankuro shrugged, "that's pretty accurate."
"But it was an emergency," Gaara interjected as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Meanwhile, Shikamaru was thinking over the situation. On the downside, Shikamaru was beginning to assume Kankuro's deadly puppets had been part of the plan all along. On the upside, Gaara seemed to like him better than… some creepy guy he had never met.
"Why him?" Temari's question brought him back to reality. Her voice was soft and Shikamaru was not sure she had meant to say that out loud.
"For some reason," Gaara mused, "he was the first person that came to mind." If he had not known better, Shikamaru would have sworn Temari was showing the slightest hint of a blush. Shikamaru blinked. This just kept getting weirder.
"Am I really that bad?" Shikamaru smirked.
"I didn't mean-" Temari stuttered, until she saw the expression on Shikamaru's face, "Oh, you know what, you all can just-"
"Temari," Gaara prompted gently, "I was just trying to protect you."
"I know," Temari sighed, "I wish you had just told me about it. It was a bit of a shock." Temari rubbed her temples. Her brothers visibly relaxed.
"Well, now that we've got that straightened out, I think I'm gonna go work on Kuroari a little bit… you know, clean up the blood," Kankuro informed the others as casually as possible. Shikamaru rolled his eyes again.
"But we haven't cleared it up," Gaara told him, oblivious to his brother's intention of leaving the room.
"Oh no you don't," Temari grabbed Kankuro's shirtsleeve.
Realization hit Gaara, "Ah, Temari, perhaps it is best if we retire for a while and let you discuss things with your… fiancé." Leaving suddenly seemed like a good option.
"What? No! This is your problem. You deal with it," Temari insisted, panicking.
"I'm sorry it came to this, but it's now your problem, sister," Gaara stood calmly and walked out of the room, followed by an escaped Kankuro
"The standard threats apply," Kankuro mentioned, waving his arm idly as he and Gaara passed Shikamaru, leaving Temari gaping in their wake. The door closed and there was absolute silence. Temari frowned, looking down.
"I'm sorry you got dragged into this, Shikamaru," Temari said finally, still not looking at him and returning to sounding angry.
Shikamaru shrugged, "It's alright. At least my mom will be happy about it. She's always nagging me about settling down and all that."
Temari smiled gratefully, "It's not too 'troublesome' for you?"
Shikamaru shrugged again, "It's kind of a drag, but…." Sure, a few days ago he had been listlessly watching the clouds and not dealing with the rather scary Kazekage and his equally frightening elder brother. But somehow, he did not quite mind.
Temari noticed Shikamaru's arm was bleeding through her handkerchief. Reaching back to her ninja pack, she rummaged around until she found some bandages.
"Roll up your sleeve," she instructed. Shikamaru looked up at her and blinked, then seemed to realize what Temari had said and did as she told him. Temari wrapped the bandages around his arm, relieved to see it was not a very deep cut. Shikamaru winced slightly.
"There," she said, finishing, "That should be alright for now. Later you should have a medic fix it for real." Shikamaru nodded absently. Silence reigned again.
Temari spoke again, "You don't have to go through with this, you know," she said matter-of-factly.
"I know," he nodded. Temari was irritated by his vague response.
"A man shouldn't let a woman be forced into marrying someone she doesn't want to."
Temari scoffed, "You're gonna bring that crap up again now."
"What do you want me to say, Temari?" Shikamaru kept his voice flat, but was inwardly smirking. She had not said she did not want to marry him.
"I don't know," Temari threw up her hands in exasperation, "You're the genius. Explain to me why I only attract the creeps."
"I resent that," Shikamaru replied.
"Stop teasing me," Temari pouted, crossing her arms.
"I'm not." Temari studied him carefully.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean what I said," Shikamaru spoke deliberately. Silence again.
"Well, alright then," Temari half-huffed.
Shikamaru fiddled awkwardly with the bandage on his arm, "So, how late are the stores around here open?"
"Uh, it depends… nine-ish, I guess," Temari had no idea why he suddenly wanted to go shopping.
"Good. I can catch a nap first," Shikamaru yawned.
"You realize it's after eight?" Temari questioned.
"I figure I won't need more than fifteen minutes."
"If you don't mind my asking, what exactly are you going to buy?" Temari was perplexed by the turn of the conversation.
"Your engagement ring," Shikamaru shrugged as if he was going to pick up a bottle of shampoo at the corner store.
Temari contemplated being angry, but decided against it, "I'll come too. And we can go right now." Shikamaru suddenly realized how many times he had rolled his eye in the past half-hour.
"But then it won't be a surprise."
"It's already not a surprise."
"But the ring won't be a surprise."
"You just told me you were going to go buy it!"
"But I didn't tell you what it's going to look like."
"Why do you care so much?"
"We should at least try to do things properly."
"A little late for that, isn't it," Temari commented wryly.
"Whatever," Shikamaru relented, starting for the door. Temari followed him, smiling satisfactorily.
Outside the Kazekage's office, Gaara, Kankuro, Baki, and Matsuri were trying to put on a good show of playing cards instead of wondering and/or trying to listen to what was going on in Gaara's office. The pretense fell apart as soon as the two they were so anxious about entered the outer area.
"Go fish!" Kankuro yelled as Baki put down a royal flush and Matsuri declared hearts to be trump. Gaara sighed and rearranged the cards in his hand.
Shikamaru and Temari gave them a weird look as they passed, "See you later," Temari waved.
"Hey! Where are you going," Kankuro wanted to know.
"Shopping," Shikamaru answered plainly.
"Wait what?" Kankuro was dumbfounded by Temari's smirk. Matsuri giggled.
"Huh. So that's what they're calling it these days," Baki contemplated suspiciously.
"Mission accomplished," Gaara thought almost evilly. The others swore he was grinning.