Chicken

The march against Daein was progressing well. After the victory at Talrega, Ike and the rest of the Crimean Army were able to advance onward, as the month turned colder and colder.

One day at camp, however, he caught an earful of a certain pegasus knight:

"I'm finished! Done! It's all YOUR fault, Makalov!"

"Aww come on, don't be like that."

"She'll skin me alive!"

Ike had heard enough. "Um, what are you talking about, Marcia?"

Marcia, once a member of the Holy Pegasus Knights of Begnion, had abandoned her post in order to locate her debt-accruing, drinking, selfish, "spongebrain" brother, Makalov. Unfortunately, she had once served under THE Deputy Commander.

"She'll kill me, handsome! She wanted to talk this morning about my resignation! And now there's no where to run…."

"Wait! Hahahaha, I've got a great idea, sister!"

"SHUT IT, spongebrain! It's your fault I'm in this mess to begin with!"

Ike was skeptical. "No offense, Makalov, but you're not the best source of good ideas. Marcia should just be honest."

"Nono, don't you see?" the gambler smiled and rubbed his hands together. "There's plenty of rumors in Begnion that Deputy Commander…..plays for the other team, if you follow me. All Marcia has to do is….play the field."

"A…Are you suggesting she….flirt with Tanith?"

"Heck no!" Marcia squeaked. "She'll just get angrier!"

"Would she?" her brother mused. "I mean…..it's not like you've ever seen her with someone…."

"I dunno….."

This can't end well…. Ike thought.

Surprisingly for Tanith, Marcia had come to her. The stern, terrifying-to-some deputy commander had short brown hair and a steely disposition, unlike her gentle superior, Sigrun. "…..Marcia."

"H-Hullo, Deputy Commander…"

"Don't you mean Demon Commander? That's what you and the other knights liked to whisper behind my back."

"I d-didn't mean to desert you, ma'am! I….um…."

"Yes…..?" Tanith crossed her arms, awaiting the excuse.

"Y'see, I DID leave to look for my brother, since he's a no-good horse monkey, but the main reason is because…..y-you're kinda pretty, okay? I felt scared."

Makalov gave a thumbs-up in the bushes. Ike just watched with the most bewildered expression.

"Pretty. That's the excuse you're going with, Marcia?"

"It's your stunning eyes! …besides, you know those stuffed shirts in the court! I'd disgrace the knights…."

"And you think abandoning your post wouldn't, you stupid girl?" asked Tanith rather sharply. "Commander Sigrun has decided not to punish you, but I still will!"

"Oh geez….just make quick!"

"Tomorrow night."

"…."

"..."

"I'm sorry?"

"Tomorrow night, Marcia. I expect a properly cooked dinner and the appropriate atmosphere. If you're playing to my heart, then you'd better steady the knife."

"…."

She walked off, likely to discuss battle plans with Soren and Titania.

"WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED?!"

"Hey, who's that table for?"

"Ahh." Muarim pointed a finger. "Dame Marcia has been busy making a dinner for someone. She keeps burning the food."

Tormod laughed. "What a riot! I feel bad for whoever it is."

XXXXXX

"Whoops! Hey Oscar, is this too much salt?"

The calm and former Crimean soldier of the Greil Mercernaries was an expert cook, but even he was running out of patience for Marcia's incompetence. "You're not supposed to make the whole top white!"

"Aw, crackers!"

"So instead of telling the truth, you attach this fake crush to her." Soren rolled his eyes. "Do we really have the resources for a date? We have battle preparations to make."

"Aww hush, shortie! I just need one night and I can put this whole night behind me…"

Spoilers: she won't.

The moon was shining bright when at last, the dinner was complete. Tanith emerged from her tent to see a table with two candles.

"Hmmm….."

"Deputy Commander! Over here!"

"Ahem! This is not a meeting, Marcia, you are to address me by my name proper."

"Yes ma'am!"

Tanith huffed, but she sat down. "What is this?"

"Steak, Depu-Tanith! I made it myself!"

"So I should prepare the dry heaving now or later?" came the sarcastic reply. "Cooking is one thing you are decidedly not talented in."

"W-What are you playing at?"

Tanith eyed the silverware, making sure everything was set up to her standards. "I think this is a front just to make a fool out of me. If you really had a crush on me, you'd know steak is not my favorite food."

"Eep! It's what we had on hand."

"…..very well."

Once the two began eating, Marcia watched Tanith like a hawk, hoping she would find things at least acceptable. On the flip side, Tanith watched Marcia carefully, hoping to call her bluff.

"So, Marcia. Would your brother be disgusted with you were he to see this scene?"

You kiddin'? He's probably watching right now, the little sneak… "Uh, yeah. But what about YOU? Say Commander Sigrun flew in right now. She'd berate you for engaging with a soldier?"

"No. Commander has always said I take life too seriously."

"Mhmhmf?"

"Don't talk with your mouth filled!"

Marcia winced but swallowed. "Sorry!"

She really thinks she can pull this off? I am not stupid, Marcia. "Tell me, Marcia. When did you first…..get this crush on me?"

"When I first saw you, of course."

"Uh huh. The weird thing is, I've heard you call General Ike handsome. It strikes me as odd that a woman like you could think like that."

"T-That's a lie! General Ike is handsome…..but only as far as smelly men can go! I was just giving the kid a little confidence booster! Running the army is tough, y'know?"

"I see." Tanith wiped her mouth. "What would you say to me, if I were in Ike's position?"

"Uhhh….nice eyes, of course!"

"Hahahaha charming, but so trite all the same. I prefer compliments with a little weight behind them. Go on, Marcia. No one's around."

Quite the opposite, actually – Calil, Mist, Boyd, Makalov, Uiki, Aimee, Gatrie, Ike, and Elincia were all eavesdropping from their respective tents.

"N-Nice butt?"

Tanith scowled. "How vulgar. Try being poetic, unless of course…..you don't mean it and you're just fooling me?"

"Okay, fine!

Deputy Commander Tanith
A soul so beautiful I want to have it
Eyes so shining, yet so pure
Makes me feel a little demure."

"A little clumsy on the rhyme scheme, but surprisingly well timed. Although I was being figurative with the usage of poetic."

Marcia quickly hid the paper she was reading off (Rhys wrote it for her).

"That settles it. You may take me out tomorrow."

TOMORROW?

"Next time, cease the salt."

"I'm a little confused, Tanith," said Titania during one of the battle meetings, "you think Marcia is fooling you yet you're playing along?"

"Of course. She'll eventually fold."

"I'm not sure…..how many dates has it been?"

"Four, but they can be any number at this point, we have a war to win."

Now the group was en route to Crimea to reclaim the land from the Mad King, but the whole camp was starting to notice the little """affair"""" between Marcia and Tanith. The question was, how far could it be taken?

You have no idea.

"Whoo! That suuuure was a pleasant walk in the woods, Tanith! What do you say we head back to camp?"

"…a moment."

Marcia's pulse quickened. "Y-Yes, honeysuckle?" Makalov had suggested she throw in cutesy pet names to add to the act.

"I'm a woman with standards, Marcia. Someone wouldn't dare court me if they were just going to entertain me with dinner and walks all this time."

"Oh! I get it. You want a….high five!"

Tanith stopped in place. "I thought we were more than friends, Marcia. Unless-"

"A kiss! Y-You mean a kiss, silly me! Well….if you really really want to…."

Please. You don't have the guts.

"Then pucker up!" Wait, WHY did I say that?!

"…..very well."

It happened so fast – their lips closed, they came closer, Marcia was sweating like crazy and praying Tanith wouldn't find it lackluster but the deputy commander lingered for longer than she had thought. When they pulled away-

"Again."

"H-Huh?"

"That was terrible! Do you practice on your horse? You need proper technique."

"…..o-okay…."

So they kissed again. Tanith stared at her. "I must say…..you don't look utterly unpresentable for once….my sunflower."

"S-S-Sunflower?!" Marcia wished she had sprung that nickname first, it sounded better!

"Apologizes. Am I being too forward?"

"I, uh….ain't being forward enough, Tany-poo!"

"….."

"What's wrong?"

"You are to refrain, soldier, from using excrement to describe me. Failure to comply will result in 100 push-ups."

"S-Soldier?! Is that what you see me as? I thought we were lovers!" However, Tanith shook her head.

"Feeling bold, are we, Marcia? How interesting…."

"What's the matter, still don't think I'm serious?"

"…have a good night."

Back in Begnion, Sigrun entered the apostle's chambers with a letter in hand. "I have good news, Lady Sanaki. The Crimean Army is on the verge of retaking the capital. Princess Elincia has kept us up to date."

"Ah, excellent."

"Mmmm? There's something in Tanith's handwriting…."

"Tanith?"

"Goodness me!" Sigrun beamed. "It seems she's taken a fancy to Marcia."

"…..huh?"

Finally, Ashnard had fallen, right in the middle of the courtyard of Melior. The war was over. As the citizens cheered and celebrated Ike and his friends, Ike himself decided to speak to everyone and see them off. When he got to those from Begnion:

"A pleasure serving under you, General Ike. Perhaps our paths will cross again."

"Thanks, Tanith. ..."

"Why the pause?"

"It's just that…you've been holding Marcia's hand this entire time."

"Hmm well, if the deserter wishes to be genuine, then clearly she must not be afraid to show the whole world our alleged relationship."

"Of. Course. Not," replied Marcia through gritted teeth. "In fact, I'm gonna SHOW you how serious I am!"

"Hahahaha what?"

Without warning, she grabbed Tanith, bent her over, and kissed her rather heatedly. Titania covered Mist's and Rolf's eyes, while Oscar did the same for Boyd ("hey! That's not cool, Oscar!). Leanne blushed and whispered something in the Ancient Language.

"N-No sister, that term is vulgar in today's time."

"What did she say, Reyson?" Ike asked, trying to look away.

"Something about carpets, I'd rather not repeat it."

Marcia released Tanith with the smuggest look on her face. "SEE?!" However while Tanith had a slight blush, her expression was its usual setting – Tanith Mode.

"I see. Are you certain you're not being…..false in some capacity?"

"Nuh uh! I meant what I said!"

"Very well. We will marry in two weeks' time."

"Oh that's just EXCUSE ME WHAT THE WHAT?!"

Everyone in the army looked some mix of shocked and happy for the couple, except for Marcia, whose jaw was practically hanging. Elincia asked to attend for Crimean goodwill.

"Yes. Unless you don't think I can be your wife, soldier?"

"Stop this, Marcia. You've taken this too far."

"Aww, she's full of hot air!"

Said Marcia to Ike on the wedding day?, as the sky was blue and birds were chirping. The rest of the knights – barring Sigrun, who was the maid of honor – sat unable to process this whole thing. The senators weren't invited or told for obvious reasons.

"Hot air? She's going to marry you."

"So?"

"…..it's not nice if you're still stringing her along."

Marcia leaned in. "She's just waiting for me to slip up! I've come this far, so if my girlfriend/deputy commander wants to marry, then so be it!"

Then she moved ahead in her beautiful white dress, while Tanith awaited her at the altar. Mist was the flower girl.

"Cripes…." Ike shook his head. "They're both insane…."

XXXXX

"Do you…..um, Deputy Commander Tanith take Dame Marcia to be your wife?" Sanaki asked.

"Yes milady."

"And you, Marcia?"

"Of course! Whatever my little honeysuckle wants!"

"Then…..k-kiss the bride, I guess? This is too weird, even for you, Tanith…."

Made it! I'm finally in the clear! She's forgotten all about the desertion! ….now I can be at peace…. Marcia sat on her bed, exhausted from a long day.

"Oh….are you in there, wife?"

"Well duh, wife!" Marcia replied, sitting up. Of course, she frowned once Tanith came in the room. Her not-blushing bride was dressed in a wedding version of her usual armor, and she was looking at her, like a lion after its pray. "Y-Yeah?"

"Oh, pardon me. I thought married couples are to indulge each other on their wedding night."

"You m-mean….."

"What's that I sense? Hesitation?"

"NO!" Marcia cleared her throat. "You wanna go, then fine! But don't get all bothered if I'm too rough with you."

"Is that a dare?" Tanith smirked, undressing herself. Once she was completely bare, her wife gulped.

Oh, crackers.

"Mmmm….."

"Are you up, Marcia?"

The peg knight stirred. She soon realized she was not dreaming, and she really was with Tanith in the same bed, equally naked as her.

"Oh…..g-good morning, Tanith."

"Good morning." Tanith rubbed her cotton-candy hair. "I must say, you did a good job last night. You actually knew where everything was."

"Hahahahaha….t-that's rich, honeysuckle…"

"Marcia stop. I KNOW. I know this has been a front. The kisses, the dates…..the fact that you've taken it all the way to marriage and post-coitus….well, that just means you're incredibly diligent and incredibly stupid."

"…..So you gonna punish me?"

Tanith gave an odd look. "Why would I do that? We have furniture to shop for and thank you cards to write, immediately. So get dressed."

"W-What?! You're gonna go on with this?"

But Tanith didn't scowl or yell at her.

She laughed.

"Any sensible woman would've quit after the second date. Am I wrong in assuming the experience has gotten real for you?"

"Well…..I guess not."

"Congratulations, you've played yourself. Now get decent for our first breakfast as wife and wife." Tanith slapped Marcia's ass and got out of bed. "That's an order, soldier!"

"Y-YES MA'AM!"

Some things don't ever change.

FIN

Ending notes: How did I write this before Jill/Lethe? 0_0

I'm on part 2 endgame of Radiant Dawn btw.