A/N: This rather depressing one shot is basically a teaser for the event that pulled Jeremie and Aelita apart before A Surprise Patient (don't worry, the story describing that portion will be written! You can all let your imaginations run rampant until then ;) ).
Aelita's decision was necessary. Logically, her mind understood that. Their previously unshakeable bond had slowly crumbled and cracked into fragile pieces easily stomped into dust. Ever since the accident he hadn't been the same. The problem started out slow; something that she took as cute and endearing at first but it didn't stop. It didn't end. It only grew. Rolling over for the countless time to find some way to rest, Aelita stared blankly at the stars visible through the dark window.
Her heart violently disagreed. Aelita knew it would hurt but she hadn't bargained for this level of pain. If she got out of bed there was only one place she would go: back into the old mess without a hope of changing things for the better. Emotions quivered like a permanently tangled ball of yarn within her; they were a fingernail of control away from exploding. She held them in somehow.
This must be how it feels to be literally torn apart. Only there was no blood, no mess, and no outward sign. The pain, however, happily raced along her nerves and greeted her with its message of fire. Aelita felt that she surely must go insane and disappear into madness without a care. Stubbornly refusing to take the easy route, her mind endured each wave and avalanche of agony. All she had dreamed and hoped for was now cast in ruins; the once pristine city of her relationship turned into a slag heap of rubble, fire, and screams. At the epicenter of her mind's eye sat a familiar figure with a dark grin on his face and nothing in his shining blue eyes.
Of course that wasn't the real Jeremie. Aelita was slightly melodramatic at the moment. She really wondered why this utterly destroyed her. Most other relationships ended in a whimper or a bang, not a blast from an atom bomb. Then again, this relationship remained the only one she knew. Defining her life, that bond shattered and took most of her life down in flames with it. Nearly all of her human memories had some link to Jeremie; now she had to make more without him in them.
The practical impossibilities of that loomed before Aelita. A few months of school still remained and she could predict with a hundred percent certainty that they were going to suck. Jeremie was taking this far worse than she was Aelita knew without a doubt. He had always depended on her and his problem only worsened that dependency. Maybe this sudden withdrawal would break his idiocy. I can only hope.
A small whimper passed her bared teeth as another sharp pain wracked Aelita. Forget about worrying how he was going to cope; how was she going to pull through this? Nothing in her life so far gave her any innate resistance. Finding out the true story of her past didn't even come close. How she wished her family name could help her in this instance. Sadly Schaeffer was just a name, a label of identity and nothing more. Names never revealed the abilities of the person they described. Absentmindedly tracing the scar that started it all, Aelita focused on the brightest star in the sky and fervently wished to wake up to a time slightly over a year ago. When nothing could possibly go wrong.
That was a foolish dream. The past remained the past; only the present and future could be changed. Aelita had no chance of influencing either right now. Maybe the eddies in life's stream would fix everything but she didn't have the luck for that. The ever-increasing howl of love in her mind told Aelita to give up this resistance. She refused. Love didn't suffice. A single tear rolled down her melancholy face as she faced the truth of that fact. Jeremie would always remain her greatest love but she required more from him for happiness. He wasn't able to give it. She had seen him try and fail repeatedly; he'd gotten all the second chances he deserved and more.
What remained for her? Her first friend, first love, and only group of friends now lay in ruins. She may have made the final decision but the road to that choice seemed inevitable, unstoppable. The ceiling gave her no answers as Aelita gazed upward with tears shining in her emerald eyes. Already she felt diminished. Her fingers tingled with loss; they knew Jeremie's face just as well as she knew her own.
They had been more than two people. Most of the time it felt like Aelita was in his head and he was in hers. Finding someone else who could have conversations with Aelita by looking into her eyes would never happen. If love ever came across her in the future it wouldn't be the same. Everything seemed darker than usual; the stars a faint pinprick against the nightmarish black.
Memories claimed her. Unfortunately the same shining face flitted through her brain every second. Their trip to Hawaii, a year of bliss, their moments alone with each other. These stood out with brilliant clarity. After Colorado things faded slowly from light to dark. The whole process had been insidious but finally tonight Aelita could ignore it no longer. Now she paid the price. A price she was willing to pay no matter the cost.
A small sliver of control fell into the abyss. Aelita felt her body shudder and another tear tracked down the opposite cheek. Never had the right choice required so much from her. Sacrificing herself for her friends in the face of danger only needed a fraction of her determination. Back then there was nothing to live for. She wasn't even alive. Now Aelita found herself caught up in life's tornado with her safety raft cast away from her, lost to the howling winds.
This was the problem with an all-consuming love. The highs and lows reached incredible distances and nothing could prepare against the inevitable fallout. Wishing with all her being for this nightmare to end, Aelita curled into a ball. Like a phantom imprint she could still feel his arms around her. Limbs that would probably never touch her in that way again. One small spark kept her going: Life was full of surprises. For all she knew he could finally fix his mistakes in the twilight hours that awaited both of them.
Looking at her clock, Aelita screamed inwardly at time. What felt like endless hours really turned out to be fifty minutes. Seven more hours awaited her until morning. Sleep wasn't on the agenda. Oh God. I have to face him in the morning. Self-control barely held back the current firestorm. How on earth could her determination stand against Jeremie's imploring face? It will have to. Until I know he's changed back into the man I fell for then I stick to my choice.
Hours passed; her pillow slowly but surely grew damp. The pain raged on unabated and her heart pumped liquid agony with each beat. One image stood prominently in her mind: the way he had looked when the answer dropped from her lips to his question. It had fallen like a sledgehammer blow on both of them. Aelita remembered how he'd sunk to his knees while she staggered back as the whiplash struck her. How strange that they felt the snapping of their bond in twain physically.
That look in his eyes would haunt her forevermore. The certainty that he was unworthy, always doomed to fail. How she wanted to scream at Jeremie that no matter what he would be the greatest person she'd ever know. No one ever sacrificed as much for her as he had. At the time she'd taken the dwindling spark in the sapphire eyes as a malediction and fled. Reaching out, Aelita almost tasted his dark grief and recoiled back to her own. A double serving of pain did not belong on her agenda.
How she wished love was the only prerequisite for a successful relationship. Everything would be so much easier then. Too bad her wishes and reality failed to coincide. Aelita felt the proof of Jeremie's love every time her heart beat but that fact wasn't enough. Just as her love wasn't enough for him. A lightening sky told Aelita her first torturous night neared a close. Feeling drained and empty of anything positive, the pinkette watched the numbers on her clock change while the past filled her head.
Determination shone in the emerald eyes as she let the final tears of the night drip with an inaudible plink onto the sheets. I survived one night. I can survive the rest. A faint ray of morning sunlight turned Aelita's hair into a nest of radiant pink. Sitting up, the heart-stricken woman stared at that glistening yellow beam and felt her spirits rise slightly. With a faint click Aelita deftly put on the pink stone necklace Jeremie had given her in Colorado. She wore it in memory of him. The man he once was and perhaps could be again. One can only hope.