For what I've done
By SarahMc ~ sarahmc@planetjurai.com
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its
characters. Please don't sue me.
Genre: Monologue, Angst (not much)
Rating: G (I guess – tell me if it isn't)
Summary: A monologue by Dorothy about her feelings for
Quatre (sorry GV, I had to do it!) set after the stabbing incident.
It was
you. It was you alone who cared for me. You who reached out to me. It was you.
No
–one else ever, ever could, ever would. No – one wanted me. No
– one cared for me. They never will and I don't blame them.
For what
I've done, I am sorry. For what I may do, I am sorry.
We always seemed to have a bond. Even when we barely knew
each other. I don't know how I recognised you. Instinct, probably. I
didn't expect to meet you again, anyway. If I hadn't met you none
of this would have happened. But then, if none of this had happened, I
wouldn't have changed.
It was surprising. There
was no way out for you. Yes it was unfair but that's the way I do things.
When we fought it enlivened me. The energy was all there, the thrill, it
awakens me. I love war.
Then you spoke to me. I
expected that. Another silly lecture about how war is evil the way miss Relena
would speak. I've loved war for as long as I can remember. You
can't change that.
What came next I
wasn't expecting. You did something the others hadn't. Their
lectures about peace had never meant anything. They hadn't cared about
me, they'd cared about silencing my views. Never questioning why I had
them. You were different. Instead of telling me about peace you tried to find
out why I loved war. Maybe it was that.
I didn't want to
reveal anything. It isn't any of your business why I love war. Then you
started guessing. I hate it when people guess. Unfortunately you came pretty
close.
You're so stupid,
Quatre Rabera Winner, you and your ideals of pacifism. War is beautiful –
battles are beautiful.
My grandfather was the one
who showed me the beauty of war. I
always wanted to be like him. He was the one who made a difference to my life.
And then there was you.
You who realised the truth. That I don't really like war at all. That war
had hurt me so often in the past that I was used to it now.
I wasn't expecting
that at all. I did the only thing I could, the only thing I knew how to, I
fought even more. Faster and angrier, trying to force my point more.
You didn't get angry
or upset. You just kept trying to show me that I was hiding my feelings. I was
annoyed, mostly because I knew you were right.
Why on Earth am I saying this?
You won't hear it. You've gone, now. Its probably better you did.
At least you tried to help me. But then, I don't deserve help. Perhaps
its better this way.
For what I've done,
I'm sorry. For what I may do, I'm sorry.
*******************************************************
And there it is! My first
ever serious GW fic and its about the one person I didn't expect it to be
about O.o
Anyway, please r&r. Oh
yeah, sorry again, GV! I know you don't like Dorothy but I thought it
would be interesting to explore her character a bit since everyone seems to
hate the poor girl!
