Yoooo it is finished, finally! :D I've been working on this since June ;w; It has been a long, long, long journey *laughs* The title is from "Collar Full" by Panic! at the Disco - I was listening to it back when I started working on this. This is for the TWEWY Bang 2015 - it's been a great experience and I'm really glad to have participated!
I own all the love in the world (literally!) to echoedwings on tumblr, for creating amazing, amazing art for this as part of the TWEWY Big Bang! She was wonderful to work with and you should go look at it on the subasekabang tumblr blog and shower her with love ;w; I'd love to link it but y'know, .. I can provide spacebar-filled links via review replies though..~ *nudge nudge hint hint*
Also! YourLittleNinja here on for ex tempore checking this out prior to me posting it and providing thoughts on it because I asked nicely ;w; You are absolutely a blessing!
Also, thanks to anyone who's read my TWEWY stories before, you guys inspired me to participate in the bang to begin with! Hope you'll like this one (and that it'll make up for the time I've posted absolutely nothing while working on this, haha...) Thank you for existing!
Neku sighed. He'd have to take the line 5 subway home, preferably before his fingers froze off one by one. The lights of the subway warmed his thoughts enough to almost distract him from the fact that he was out at 3AM, even if it was in a wealthy neighbourhood. Crime didn't carry an expensive wristwatch. There was a poetic silence to that time of day though, a quiet disquiet that was usually enough. Today he just had a really bad feeling about everything.
He was finishing off a throw-up that would certainly bring him some more appreciation in the circles – not that he actually associated with anyone. It was enough for him to know that the likes of CAT and 777 would see his work in the streets and know he had what it took to pull off something like this, on the walls of buildings with price tags of seven zeroes.
He was pulled from his self-praising when a boy around his age stopped to look at him when walking by. Sure, he preferred to finish his work without audience, but it was almost impossible around here, he supposed.
"Scram," he muttered to the boy without looking at him, picking up his spray paints and fully intending to follow his own advice.
"I believe the New York City police department would be more interested in your art than the owners of this fine building," the boy commented. His voice was young but his words were old enough to hint at academic studies of some sort, so Neku decided he was a pretentious asshole. He wasn't dressed for the weather, but for a night in front of a fireplace with a mug of hot chocolate – kind of like where Neku wished to be right now. Why had he ever thought this was a good idea? "Mind if I make a quick call to inform them?"
"I'd bet you the police have better things to do at this time than to confiscate young graffiti artists," Neku informed him, turning around on his heel. He hadn't actually had more than three encounters with anyone who seemed to wish to report him to the police, but leaving right now sounded like a good plan regardless. While he still could.
"I wouldn't be so sure," the boy disagreed, already a few steps behind but not trying to catch up, sounding so certain it almost made Neku want to gag. "Considering how the… graffiti artist tried to break into the Kiryu household, rob their valuables and harm the young heir… oh my." He tsked his tongue, like he was chastising Neku for all those things he really hadn't done and wouldn't even do. He was just making a small piece of art, nothing crude, even though it was a bit illegal. What did the people here even care? They never stayed in their homes anyway, probably had extraordinary villas scattered across the country.
"What?" Neku asked in his most pseudo-indifferent tone, hoping to fool the young heir in question as he slowly pivoted around. "But I haven't—"
"It will be your word against mine and I believe mine has a bit more… value, if you will." Kiryu shrugged, which could have been an apologetic gesture except for the fact that it wasn't.
"Go fuck yourself," Neku hissed vehemently. Maybe he didn't know much about the guy but anyone with that much money and this little moral was bound to be rotten to the very core. Not to mention he really didn't want to look that deep into him.
He frowned, like he was actually surprised about this sort of a response. "I was actually going to propose an… arrangement, if I may."
"You may not," Neku insisted. Could he have anything to say that would make it worth Neku swallowing his pride, though?
"I want you to," he started, smiling cryptically, "Escort me to town."
"What?" Neku repeated again. "What the fuck? Why? What do you want me to do?"
"Maybe that way the security cameras pointing at that very wall," he continued calmly, motioning with his arm, "Will show no sign of the culprit either. I'm afraid mother and father are rather disapproving of anyone stepping on their toes, you see…" The what kind of an idiot would presume there aren't security cameras all over Lenox Hill? was definitely implied, which made Neku bite the inside of his cheek. He was that kind of an idiot, apparently.
"And why do you want to go to the city? At this time of the night, too?"
"Perhaps I'm simply bored. Is that so difficult for you to imagine? It's more than a fair deal, to be honest; hacking my own security is such a hassle." He shrugged casually, eyeing Neku's belongings.
Yes, it sounds very shady, he wanted to say. The whole ordeal still sounded downright shady, but at least Neku was rather certain he could better the kid in a fight, if it came down to that. "Yes?"
He chuckled like it was the right answer to the wrong question, "But will you do it, regardless?"
"How do I know I can trust your word?"
"Were I a neutral onlooker - which I don't claim to be, by any means - I'd deem myself more trustworthy than yourself, honestly. Or do you not wander around at nights vandalizing other people's private property?" He cocked his head with a self-certain smirk that did nothing to win over Neku's trust, even if it was a right assumption to make. "Besides, if I were to betray your trust… I imagine you know where to find me."
This was all a game to him. Neku understood this suddenly, like he had spent his life staring at a book only to one day learn how to read. His book was Kiryu and staring at it more accurately meant watching the boy look at him with no fear and no apprehension. He wore clothes with the kind of price tags that would make Neku cry and the world just didn't do anything for him after all this wealth. Everything he came across – Neku's life, even – was just a more or less amusing pastime to keep him entertained until he moved on to the next thing.
"Fine," he agreed against his better judgement. The boy was potentially dangerous but Neku believed his parents to be even more so. This was the lesser evil; a deal with a demon to shield himself from the devil.
"Great," Kiryu replied with a very fake smile, "So what's your name?"
"Neku," he replied. As long as the boy didn't ask for his last name, he thought he needn't really give it away. At least he'd be less likely to be prosecuted if all this turned at out to be a trick of some sort.
"Pleasure to meet you," the other replied with a grin and a very mocking bow, "Even if the current circumstances are not quite desirable. I'm Yoshiya Kiryu, but you may call me Joshua."
"Sure," Neku agreed with a roll of his eyes. "So what did you want to do?"
Joshua didn't reply to that, not at that moment or at a later point in time. He just smiled lopsidedly, starting to walk and expecting that Neku would follow.
"Are you really a Kiryu?" Neku asked him sceptically. Nothing he had seen so far had the right to make him suspicious, but him being there right when he shouldn't be was a bit too coincidental.
Joshua rolled his eyes, not replying right away. "It doesn't sound like something I'd be interested in faking, you know," he then said. "It's an awful chore, living up to a name such as that one…" He sighed wistfully, as if he really thought that riches were something to hold people back from realizing their true potential.
"Yes, financial stability is simply awful," he lamented, kicking a plastic bottle out of his way and earning a snort from his companion.
"You know what they say about painters and bankers?" Joshua asked, "How bankers talk about art during their free time, and painters about money? This is the same thing."
"I thought the moral of that story was that you shouldn't be an artist?"
Joshua rolled his eyes. "I chose a new moral for it; you should adapt."
Neku couldn't understand how anyone could possibly live in the heart of New York City and not go to a 24-hour Starbucks at least once. Wealth or not. And by the look on Joshua's face as he stared at the menu, contemplating his order, he had never been to a Starbucks, period.
The barista seemed to have stayed up at least as long as Neku, if her shaky hands were any indication. She still managed to smile at them reasonably brightly as Joshua recited his order of hazelnut and soymilk and unnecessary Italian words. Neku was left watching in confusion when he thought he saw the first genuine emotion from Joshua as he swiped his credit card through the machine. The frown disappeared so quickly that it felt like a faraway dream by the time Neku looked away from him.
"Now," Joshua said, grinning dangerously wide as he snatched a table next to a window, holding his takeaway cup close to his chest, "Don't you think it would be appropriate if we got to know each other?"
Neku sat down opposite him. The chairs weren't particularly comfortable, but combined with the warmth of the café, Neku wanted to sleep right there for at least a few days. "Hardly," he replied to the question, just for the sake of disagreeing. Then again, there were quite a few things that didn't quite match about Joshua's whole being, so he made some amends. "Fine, shoot if you have to."
"Where are you from?" Joshua asked, leaning back and dragging the cup with him. Fair enough.
"Salt Lake City," Neku replied with a shrug. He didn't really have anything special to say about it, except that he had nothing against it. It was home, after all. His parents still lived there, so maybe he'd move back after his studies. Right now it was just too small and restrictive. Definitely restrictive… so maybe he did have something against the area. "I moved here to—"
"Oh, god," Joshua interrupted him, sighing theatrically and burying his face in his hand. Was the change in his attitude from the warmth or the promise or coffee? Neku wondered what he was like when he actually relaxed, or if he was constantly slightly on alert. "Don't tell me you watched too much Glee and wanted to-"
"No," Neku grit out, huffing exasperatedly. "I wanted to get into NYU, not NYADA. And it didn't work out so that's that."
"Oh," Joshua repeated, though it was lacking in the previous passion this time. He looked away from Neku, busying himself with the frappiato or whatever that required such specific orders to be made correctly. "And you wanted to study art?" he guessed lazily.
"Yeah," Neku admitted, glancing out the window. It must have been near 5 AM; people started sluggishly trailing toward their workplaces even though it was still dark and rainy. He didn't envy them in the slightest, but he didn't exactly pity them either. "Something like that. What about you? Where are you from?"
"New York City born and raised," Joshua replied, mimicking the kind of New York accent most locals seemed to cherish. Neku supposed he was too rich to sound like a normal person most of the time. He seemed serious right now, but Neku was again left wondering whether his sincerity could be trusted. "And I'm going to be an accountant."
Neku didn't really do comedy, but this seemed like a moment where he would have spit his drink if he had one. "An accountant? You?" he repeated, very certain he had understood that very wrong, just now.
"Yes," Joshua agreed, frowning like he was trying to understand a foreign language. "Why? Is there something wrong about that?" He crossed his arms across his chest defensively. Could this really be such a touchy subject for him? For him?
"Not in theory," Neku shrugged, "I just… I don't see you doing something like that. Accounting?" Admittedly he wasn't quite sure what that included, but he had always supposed it meant being surrounded by piles upon piles of papers, crouched over a computer with reading glasses perched on his nose. It was an office job and he couldn't really picture Joshua in that situation.
"What, did you think my talents lie with… international crime or something?" Joshua guessed, cocking an eyebrow and relaxing a bit.
"Anything but paper work," Neku confessed. "You seem too restless for that."
"Hmmh," Joshua replied, sipping his drink in a final way. "I think you're the restless one. You're projecting."
Neku wondered if he too should have gotten some caffeine in his system in order to make it through the night.
"Do you ever feel… meaningless, in a city with millions of people?" Joshua asked him. He huddled about slightly, fidgeting in the vast emptiness of his own life. The frappitiato would have long since grown cold if he hadn't already downed it by the time he asked about Neku's parents. Without the distraction, he just looked lost and he had been growing more so by the minute. And Neku had learned nothing about him. "There are countries smaller than New York. Countries."
Neku shrugged in response. "I think everyone does." He might have mentioned how money, or the kind of money the Kiryu family had at very the least, was apparently a good cure for such a situation. But when he looked at Joshua, it somehow made him want to be honest for a change.
"Fair enough," Joshua agreed, "But you don't seem like the kind of a person who would feel that way. You exist too loudly." It wasn't really a compliment – nothing from him ever was, probably – but Neku liked to think he hadn't just imagined the envious edge to his voice.
"Sure," Neku replied sceptically. "Alright, so my turn…" he leaned back, stretching and feeling the tension in his shoulders attempt to kill him. "What's your biggest dream?"
Joshua frowned, like the concept was foreign and somewhat insulting to him. "My biggest dream?" he repeated.
"Yeah," Neku confirmed, slower just in case his tiredness was getting the best of him too.
"I don't have one," Joshua said, staring out the window as he did. There were so many passing cars already. Neku hoped at least some of those people had dreams, since they both seemed to lack their own. "Maybe I want to be a really good accountant." He shrugged, and Neku would have bet his whole fortune (which was not much, granted) on saying Joshua couldn't believe that. A fucking accountant, right.
"Are you even passionate about filing taxes and all that? You'd have a brighter career ahead of you as a criminal, to be honest." He knew Joshua probably (note: probably) wouldn't do something like that, but if he could really hack the tapes with the ease he portrayed, it was impressive on its own.
"You would know, wouldn't you?"
"I'm not a criminal, I'm an artist," he said adamantly, though it was probably just a testament to how right Joshua was. "Why are we even here?" he suddenly asked, accompanied by a deep, deep sigh. Yes, he did feel meaningless sometimes.
"What?" Joshua asked, "This was your idea, unless you've forgotten. You do sound like you need some more caffeine, actually…"
"No, I mean… why did you want to go on grand adventures at night anyway? And why are we still here? It's like… six thirty or something." Something about it just didn't add up in his awful sleep-deprivation.
Joshua shrugged, though he was obviously getting defensive again, his eyes roaming the inside of the café as if trying to give his mind some leverage. "If you want to leave, go ahead," he finally replied, cold and not at all polite anymore, "I suppose you've done your part."
"That's not what I—"
"Sure, see if I care," Joshua told him, "I think I can find my way home." And suddenly, he was pushing the chair back, up and on his feet – which seemed to have suffered from the all staying still much less than Neku's, honestly – and out the door.
Was it wrong for Neku to find some comfort in how he had left behind the napkin with the barista's number? Probably, since that wasn't really how friends were supposed to act… not that they were friends. Neku supposed that after the way Joshua had stormed off, he'd be blessed if the other kept his end of the bargain and erased the security tapes.
He sighed, staring at the cup Joshua had just moments ago held in his hands like an irreplaceable treasure. The best course of action would probably be laying low on all the graffiti for a few days, at least.
He didn't go to Lenox Hill for a grand total of one week. Returning to the crime scene would have been bad, but since police officers hadn't shown up at his doorway, he supposed Joshua really was meant to be a career criminal.
Walking in the New York City streets suddenly didn't hold the same appeal that had drawn him there in the first place. His thoughts were haunted by the mere idea of a boy his age, living in that very same city, in the same world as him. And Joshua was smart, too – it was like someone had given him too many ways to be successful in life, neglecting other people in the progress. It was just unfair – not to mention that he couldn't bring himself to hate Joshua for it.
Five days into his uncalled existential crisis, he found himself growing restless. He added a few pieces to his portfolio in Queens, but it didn't make him feel much better. It was like he had a deadline coming up and he was doing close to nothing to meet it; the same feeling lurked behind every corner. And it shouldn't have. He was living the same life he always had; doing the same chores, making the same pieces with the same paints.
His resolve didn't last for too long after that, of course.
"Oh, hi," Joshua muttered, blocking the doorway with his body and not really smiling. "What are you doing here?" He was wearing as ridiculous clothes as before, too formal for a day off. His eyes were four purple shades of suspicious, but Neku refused to flinch under his gaze.
"I was passing by," Neku lied, shrugging and shoving his hands into his pockets. The least Joshua could do was to invite him inside, away from the cold. Of course he didn't have that kind of empathy, though.
Joshua made a sound that resembled mostly a snort, mostly unimpressed but also a bit amused. "Vandalizing private property again?" he asked, nodding non-too-subtly in the direction of the stupid security camera that had started this mess.
"Actually I thought of asking if you wanted to… hang out or something?" His voice squeaked regrettably towards the end, making the statement much less casual than he would have wanted.
Shaking his head, Joshua took a step back, leaving his foot in the doorway to avoid slamming the door closed. "Not today, no. I have responsibilities."
"Oh, yeah," Neku agreed, trying again to manage casualness. Joshua sounded a whole lot like not today, not ever, but he decided not to dwell on it. They weren't even friends, anyway. "Sure."
"…I do have a cell phone," Joshua offered after a short silence, shrugging, "Might make it easier next time."
"What makes you think there will be one?" Neku scoffed, looking away. It was maybe a bit undermined by the way his hand was already reaching for his own phone in his pocket, but he didn't care. "Just… type it in," he muttered, handing it to Joshua.
He did as told, surprisingly without any remarks too, and handed it back to Neku. "I'm sorry about today. I have a project due next week." He sounded mostly sincere, but Neku knew better than to trust notions of that sort, coming from him. "Rain check?"
"Sure," Neku agreed, nodding and stepping back, "Good luck with the project."
In retrospect, he shouldn't have been surprised to see that Joshua had saved his number under King of The World.
"Someone's bound to get hurt," Neku muttered quietly. They were sitting at the top of a staircase, Joshua playing some obscure indie rock/pop from his phone and squinting to try and see something after the sudden light attack the screen had caused. He had been complaining the whole night and Neku almost didn't want to hear what was wrong with him this time.
How had they even ended up here?
"We should have gone to a bridge, this would work better there."
"You jumping from it would've worked better there," Neku muttered quietly, trying to wrap his jacket around himself a bit better to shield from the biting wind.
Joshua stopped squinting, only to award him a glare. "And here I thought there was one person in my life who would rather see me alive…" He sounded wounded, but again it could be either practiced or genuine. Neku would trust a schizophrenic with his life over Joshua, honestly. Even the paranoid kind.
"Certainly," Neku agreed, leaning back and looking up. No stars in New York City, of course, but he could squint and tilt his head and pretend to see some in the grey clouds. "And you should probably get a cat for that."
"A dog," Joshua corrected, "Cats don't care about anything, obviously."
"So you two would make a fine couple, I imagine."
"Rude."
"The pot calling the kettle…"
Joshua sighed, throwing his hands up. "One might think I blackmailed you into this, dear."
"You did," Neku noted, nodding to himself and following Joshua's phone with his eyes. He would love to see it fly down the fucking stairs and crack like every iPhone was one day destined to.
Joshua only paused the music with a few taps and pocketed the phone, raising an eyebrow. "I think I only blackmailed you that one time. How did it go after that, again…?" He feigned trying to remember, but only for a second, "Oh, right, you showed up at my doorstep, looking like a kicked puppy and begging for my delightful company. He laughed brightly, shaking his head. "You're most definitely not being blackmailed into this, right now."
"Are you trying to cause a cognitive dissonance here?" Neku asked him sceptically, because it was definitely a textbook example. "You chose this so actually, you must gain some sort of enjoyment from it."
"I wouldn't have thought you'd know what it is but yes," Joshua agreed, and on his defence, he did look mildly impressed. "Did you study psychology in high school?"
"Yeah," Neku admitted. He supposed it was a popular choice for artsy types like himself, who didn't enjoy studying but needed to take filler courses. "Did you?"
"Perhaps," he said with a shrug and sat down at the end of the stairs. "I didn't really enjoy it though. It's mostly just common sense, really."
"With that attitude, I can imagine you wouldn't like most things in life."
Joshua laughed at him. "It's a bit cold here, do you mind if we relocate?"
"Wow, you actually feel cold?" Neku rolled his eyes, "With the kind of clothes you wear, that's completely not obvious."
"Well, it is quite flattering that you're constantly checking me out," Joshua returned, getting up again and shaking the cold away from his arms.
Later (much, much later) he would come to realize that maybe that night had been when he had started to somewhat like Joshua.
"Hey," he murmured into the receiver, cradling it between his ear and shoulder to sneak a look around. He was getting looks that were both strange and judgmental, and breathed deep to calm himself down.
"Neku?" Joshua chirped from the other end, and it would have been too cheerful for the time of day if it had been anyone else. "Glad to see you're using my phone number for good. What is it that you need from me?"
He shook his head, almost managing to drop the phone. "I need you to bail me out of jail," he muttered quietly, like saying it softly could somehow make it sound a little less… bad.
"Huh," Joshua acknowledged, like it was an every day experience for him, "And what's in it for me?" Neku might have been upset with that if it weren't for the shuffling he could hear on the other end and the fact that he actually did trust Joshua this much. Though 'this much' was actually quite a lot, since Joshua had been the first and last person he had thought to call.
"You can have my ever-lasting gratitude and whatever comes with it."
"Your soul is indeed a fair bargain," Joshua reasoned at the other end, and then there was a clicking sound. "Well, I'll see about it. What's your number?"
Joshua showed up, even more chirpy if possible, a few hours later. His appearance was more or less surprising – he was wearing an actual coat and grinning wide, like he was at the top of his world.
The guy who had looked at Neku sideways just a little while prior said that he was free to go, and Neku didn't even try to stop himself from smirking victoriously, giving his friend a high five.
"This has been an adventure," Joshua announced as the first thing after they started heading out, "But you'd better show up in court so I get my money back. I want to buy things."
"Thank you," Neku grit out in response, having previously decided that no matter how annoying Joshua was, he deserved that much for showing up. "That was… nice of you."
Joshua shooed the thought away with his hand just as they made it outside. "It's what I'm here for." He sounded surprisingly sincere, and he must have realized this because he continued, "And free food. You're going to buy me food. Indefinitely. I'm looking forward to it."
"I'm not the one who's filthy rich here," Neku disagreed, though he knew he would agree to it.
"But I am the one who just got you out of jail."
"Yeah, I know. It's a fair deal. McDonald's?"
Joshua made a face, like the sheer idea insulted him somehow. Then again, Neku could imagine he'd only eat really expensive dishes with French names, in proper restaurants where the bills had at least two zeroes tacked to the end, where you also tipped in the hundreds to show off your wealth. "Yeah, sure," Joshua then agreed with a shrug. "As long as neither of us mentions the traumatizing videos of chickens being slaughtered."
"You just—" Neku started, shrugging. "Whatever. No slaughtered birds. There's a 24/7 McDonald's on 1st Avenue, I guess it's the closest one to your place." He probably knew the locations of every single one in NYC; he liked to hang out in McDonald's' at nights, when it was cold and he was hungry. That wasn't a crime, was it?
"How thoughtful of you," Joshua muttered. "Though I'm not sure if you realize that it's like, 8AM at the moment."
He blinked, trying to process the thought. It would mean he hadn't slept for… many hours, and also that he had called Joshua somewhere after 3AM. Nice. If he wasn't messed up, he didn't know what he was. "Oh," he said in lieu of anything smart, a testament to how they should meet up during the daytime once or twice. Neku might actually seem like a functioning human being if they did. "Do you have somewhere to be, then?"
Joshua shook his head, looking quite amused. "It's not like I have a life or anything." He shrugged theatrically, but Neku thought there was something distressed in his eyes, a shadow of a worry that haunted him.
"I might actually believe that, considering how much time you spend—" he cut himself off before saying something stupid like with me, because that might suggest they had something when they really didn't. "—doing something completely unreasonable," he finished instead.
Joshua scoffed, almost seeming hurt over the statement. "I do have responsibilities, I just take care of them during daytime."
"Right," Neku agreed with a shrug, "Whatever helps you sleep at night. Day. Whatever. We should take the subway, by the way. Might get there before afternoon."
Joshua tilted his head at the idea, looking like Neku had suddenly switched to speaking Mandarin.
"Don't tell me you've never taken the subway," Neku groaned, "How did you even get here?"
"Do you want the lie or the truth?"
"The lie, if you have to."
"Oh. I took a cab here." He shrugged, seeming pleased with his own answer even though it was a bit too quick.
"And what was the truth?" Neku continued.
"You'll never know, will you now? You wanted the lie."
Neku rolled his eyes because Joshua was just childish. If he thought it was endearing, he was sadly mistaken. "Fine, have it your way."
Neku hadn't actually taken into account the sheer numbers of morning commuters and the fact that at 8AM, everyone had places to be. He wasn't even claustrophobic but it wasn't far when dozens of people squeezed through the doorways at the same time.
The appalled look Joshua wore was almost enough to make it worth his while though, not to mention the warmth of the fast food joint.
"Do you know how many calories—" Joshua lamented, looking at Neku's Big Mac condescendingly.
"I do, and I don't care," Neku scoffed. He should have known Joshua was one of those people, to be honest. Even if he could be convinced to eat at McDonald's like mere mortals, he would just have to prove his superiority with snarky comments and the whole drill.
"Salt, too," Joshua continued, flicking a French fry in his mouth with no care whatsoever. "And fat."
"I can hardly believe you're eating slaughtered chickens," Neku retorted, "Do you know how those poor little things lived their short, sad lives?"
Joshua threw at fry at him, hitting him on the shoulder and looking more pleased than reasonable in the situation. "None of that, now. You'll ruin my appetite."
"Which is obviously huge, given how you're already throwing food away…"
"I'm putting you in your place," Joshua disagreed with a frown, "You're insulting my meal."
"Your meal in disgusting."
"So is yours. McDonald's as a concept is disgusting, and you're the one who comes here all the time. Ugh." He shook his head and took a nugget. "Imagine all the chickens."
"Now you want to talk about the chickens?"
"I don't know." He shrugged, looking at Neku dead in the eye and making yet another face. "I can't not think about them."
Neku rolled his eyes. "You're awful. Just… awful."
"I know you love me," Joshua replied brightly, not missing a single beat.
It was Neku's turn to throw a French fry at him, and he knew they were flirting. Somewhere along the line, they had turned arguments into… whatever this was, and he enjoyed it. He didn't win as often as he would have liked to, but it was still his favourite thing about life, nowadays.
That was probably a bad thing.
"Neku," Joshua acknowledged the next time Neku showed up at his door. "Sorry it took me a while, I sent the— you know, you really don't need to know. Come in, I'll just get my things and we can go."
Neku nodded, even though the idea was intimidating on its own. The building was fancy on the outside; he didn't know what to do about the inside.
"Don't bother taking your shoes off," Joshua instructed, "We'll just pop by the library really quick." If Neku didn't know better, he'd go as far as to guess that Joshua felt nervous, having him there. Joshua had tells, though he was usually good at hiding them. His hand sometimes went to play with his hair and he tilted his head away, just enough to shield himself. That's what he was doing now, too.
"Okay," Neku agreed, though he felt very bad about it. The floors were mostly carpeted in intricate patterns and the remaining floor was wooden, decorated like the carpets. Neku did not wish to know how much that alone cost. The entrance hall was rather big on its own, with a high ceiling and a huge chandelier looming from it.
Joshua snorted at his wide-eyed wonder, leading him up a marble staircase with a red carpet covering it. The walls were filled with paintings and Joshua was obviously growing less and less impressed with the way he couldn't stop taking in every little detail.
"It's just a house," he tried, rushing to correct, "Or maybe not just a house because it is quite elegant, but… in the end it's just a building. Calm down."
"You really are rich," Neku muttered in response, and he couldn't help it if he sounded a little bit accusing. He had never had any extra money; he used anything he could spare on new paints and CDs.
Joshua shrugged. "It's a curse, it's a blessing. Who knows."
"Is this your room?" Neku asked him when they stopped in a room, though he did notice there was no bed, only bookshelves that dominated the walls and yet another glistening chandelier.
"No," Joshua muttered, laughing. "I have a master bedroom in the fourth floor." He rolled his eyes, but it was a bit too late to pass as a joke anymore.
"Does it have a chandelier too?" He sounded like a tourist, but… he had never been in a house that cost more than a million before, okay? "How many floors are there, anyway?"
"Five." He didn't seem comfortable with the conversation, opting to stuff a file into a folder instead of looking at him. "I can give you a tour sometime, if you want me to."
Neku nodded. "What were you doing before I got here?" he then asked, taking in the stacks of papers that dominated every available surface. It was intimidating because they were neatly arranged and still took so much space. How many were there?
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes, according to Oscar Wilde. I don't know why I'm doing it," Joshua snapped more or less irritably, grabbing what Neku assumed were his keys from the table. There were six keys and six key rings, each different shape and color. Neku wondered if there were many locked doors in the house. "It's very, very bothersome," he explained. "Shall we?"
"And you like it?" Neku pressed on, a bit worried though he would rather die than admit to it. He didn't think it was a suitable profession for Joshua, but he also didn't really want to question his life choices.
Joshua shrugged, tugging a striped scarf from the coat rack. "It's alright. I think I'll let you lecture to me about my future once you get yours sorted out, honestly."
He made a face at that. "It's just… I don't even know what I want to do with my life."
He was awarded with a laugh, chiming in the air for a cutting second before Joshua took it back, shaking his head. "It's way too early for this conversation. Try again after midnight. Where was it that you wanted to go?"
"Oh, right," he agreed, more of a thought than an actual response, "My friend works at a record shop at West 4th Street. I thought it'd be cool to go there with you."
Joshua stopped in his search for different items long enough to raise an eyebrow. "Is this the part where you introduce me to your friends before we take our relationship to the next level?" He was probably the only person Neku knew who could say something like that with a straight face.
"No," Neku scoffed, shaking his head perhaps a bit too vigorously, stepping outside and waiting while Joshua locked the door. "You watch too much TV."
"I happen to have a very refined taste for movies," Joshua argued, "You're just bitter because New York wasn't what Glee made it out to be."
"You have the weirdest obsession with Glee ever. Not to mention – the joke is getting kind of old."
He shrugged, sighing deep. "I can't believe it ended. The series finale wasn't even that good. But at the very least there's no accounting whatsoever, in Glee... I can appreciate that."
"Yo, Phones! Good to see ya here, man!" Beat greeted him with a wave. He was standing at the register, looking cheery as ever and accompanied by his younger sister, Rhyme. "Have you actually brought a friend with ya?" He didn't need to sound so surprised about that, honestly. Neku had plenty of friends.
"Hi!" he greeted back, offering both of the siblings a crooked smile. "This is Joshua, he's… a friend, yeah." He shuffled a bit where he stood, feeling awkward with the introduction but not knowing how to fix it.
"Charmed," Joshua offered with a grin, shaking both of their hands. "I have heard a lot about the two of you, only good things of course." It was such a blatant lie, but if Beat didn't call him out on it, neither would Neku.
Rhyme giggled, smiling wide. "Really nice to meet you!"
"Just wanted to show him the place," Neku explained, wincing at how it sounded. Or was it just him, did he make it worse by overthinking it?
"Right," Joshua agreed, seeming amused. "It's actually quite nice. I appreciate how it's open until 10PM. It might be a niche market, but…"
"Right?" Beat repeated proudly, like it was his doing, "Not many record stores have that, yo!"
"Who even wants to buy CDs at night?" Neku grumbled, shaking his head.
"People like us, of course," Joshua said, glancing at him all too meaningfully. It took a lot from Neku to keep from groaning. He'd be lucky if Beat and Rhyme didn't get any weird ideas from that sentiment – and let's face it, everything Joshua said was more or less set to be a fucking minefield. And if Beat got ideas, Shiki would find out and that would be a disaster.
"Neku doesn't have that many friends," Rhyme commented, and she wasn't trying to be mean, Neku knew, just making observations. "How did you two meet?"
Joshua gave him a look. Neku wasn't quite sure what it meant, but it was guarded and included a special frown, one that seemed to prompt a lie from him. Luckily, he was good at that.
"We got into an argument at Starbucks," Neku improvised, "He likes Oscar Wilde. I figured he's just a pretentious asshole."
"Oscar Wilde was a genius," Joshua piped in, and Neku thought his expression brightened. "An absolute mastermind. How could you not see if? Have you not read Salomé? Not to mention The Importance of Being Ernest?" He shook his head, disbelieving.
"The Picture of Dorian Gray was tedious enough. I don't want to subject myself to any more of that."
"His plays are the best part. Ugh." Joshua glanced at Rhyme like he was actually looking for support from the 12-year old girl who had been giggling since Neku started with Starbucks. "I don't know why I even bother with him; his literary tastes are simply appalling."
"You two are really cute," Rhyme replied with another honest observation, smiling.
Something changed after the night they visited Bleecker Street Records. Something fucking changed, Neku could swear to it.
At first, the problem was that he couldn't put his finger on it. He still painted pieces at nights (without getting caught, thank you very much), still studied in hopes of getting accepted to NYU next year. He continued to meet up with his friends from time to time, and so what if he mostly hung out with Joshua? Their schedules matched; neither of them had a life. Plus, they were quite officially flirting. He could admit that much, he had nothing to lose after all.
After they went to Starbucks a third time, he understood what was different. Joshua had started dressing for the weather, finally losing himself in a thick scarf and warm mittens, and unwrapping the former from his person whenever they entered a building. Each time, he would comment on it – varying from why do I bother, Neku to I would like to formally offer my gratitude to whoever invented scarves – and throw it in Neku's general direction, grinning when he failed to catch it.
The third time at Starbucks was the thing that clued Neku in because after he caught the scarf, Joshua quirked an eyebrow at him.
"Well if this isn't new," he commented, shrugging. "I was sort of hoping you'd never learn. It has been amusing, watching you flail about."
Neku scoffed in response, and Joshua reached out to poke his forehead with a grin. Neku realized that it wasn't just something the other had decided to do on a whim; it wasn't random or spur of the moment. It was something he had been doing for weeks now, casually reaching out for Neku whenever he deemed it appropriate. Neku wasn't sure if he wanted to know why; if asking himself that would mean venturing too far into a territory he didn't wish to know.
And it wasn't that Joshua wasn't… he had a lithe frame and a very memorable face, hard lines and softness that combined into whatever he was. He grinned proudly and frowned more like he was a small child being chastised. Neku honestly believed that most people would agree that Joshua was fairly attractive.
So the problem wasn't what Joshua was – an attractive, awful brat that never failed to get a rise out of Neku – or what he did, since Neku had never exactly tried to discourage him from his set ways. And if this was Joshua's way of… showing attraction, that wasn't a problem either. Neku was bisexual, he wasn't dating, he was—
What mattered was that he didn't understand it. If Joshua was interested and if he was trying to show it, what were his motives for it? Did he want a casual pastime – everything is a casual pastime when you're rich enough, after all – or was he just curious?
"Neku," Joshua chastised, snapping his fingers to refocus Neku's world around him again, and suddenly Neku was all too aware of the way those fingers curled around the cup, leeching warmth off of it and then fidgeting slightly as if not understanding their own place in the world. Neku could relate to that. "You may or may not be aware that I have a… thing coming up."
"A thing?" Neku repeated, frowning. "What thing?"
"An accounting thing," Joshua elaborated, sighing. "With this firm – it's a job opportunity. Or maybe it's not – I think it's probably been set up and I'll get it no matter what – but regardless. It's an important thing."
Neku wasn't really following, but he knew Joshua would be better off without the job, happier doing something or anything else. He didn't say as much. "I get that," he said instead.
"Good," Joshua replied, nodding.
What he didn't say was quite important too – what he didn't say was I'll bury myself under all of their files and you won't see me for weeks and when I do get the job, I'll be as unhappy as ever. Neku would have to see all of this for himself. Then and there, he could only see Joshua's downcast eyes, attempt of a smile and the coffee that was growing cold by the minute.
It would have sounded bad if he said that he didn't know what to do with his life without Joshua's company, but it was true. He had called Joshua a few times, sent messages that had been growing less and less casual and even gone to the mansion. Joshua had told him that he was busy, in not so many words, and he had seemed tired when he did. Just tired, exhausted. Not necessarily sad or irked, though Neku might had preferred some sort of emotion.
He had been to Bleecker once since he visited it with Joshua, only to have Beat inform him that he was moping and ask if Joshua needed to be roughed up or something of the sort. He didn't know what to say to that, mostly because everything sounded more or less stupid or pathetic. Screw that.
The only reason why he didn't actually demand Joshua let him in and explain himself was that he reasoned the other boy could need some space. Obviously he was having a hard time and while they had had fun during the last… few months, it was understandable he needed some space to deal with life, too. Neku didn't currently share the same restraints, and that was why he didn't really know what to do.
Maybe, he reasoned while finishing a work that was neither satisfying nor satisfactory, it wouldn't be the end of the world if he admitted to himself that he missed Joshua. He didn't exactly want his friend to realize, while reading a thick book and sipping tea up on the fourth floor of his huge mansion, that Neku just wasn't worth his time.
"Neku."
"Joshua, why are you calling me at… whatever the time is? It's night. I'm sleeping. No wait, never mind that, I'm kind of glad to hear from you. What's up? Also—what the hell have you been doing?"
"Don't I deserve a 'no questions asked' favor too? I think I do." It was true and Neku didn't exactly need any other incentives to agree, but the fact was that Joshua seemed shaken.
"Sure, sure. What do you want?"
There was a short silence on the other end of the line, and Neku looked at his phone to make sure the call hadn't disconnected. The reception in his flat wasn't always great.
"…Let's go somewhere." It wasn't a question, for one thing, and it didn't end with a mocking comment or a snarky joke, not even a clever remark. That was a legit reason to be worried, and Neku started looking around for his keys. He imagined this what Joshua had done, when Neku called him from jail. They were… since when had they been best friends?
"Okay. Do you want to pick a place?"
He laughed, short and biting, not really amused. "Sure. The stairs."
"Alright. I'll be there in fifteen."
"Fifteen? That's quite a commitment. I… appreciate it."
Everything definitely wasn't alright.
"You made it here in seventeen," Joshua muttered, perched at the top of the stairs already. Neku supposed he might have been there to begin with. "That's still quite good, I imagine."
"What's up?" Neku asked him,
"Life's a mess?" Joshua said, like a question, like an answer. He looked at the sky and Neku wondered if this was another existential crisis.
"That's… quite a vague definition."
"It can't be that difficult for you to understand," Joshua quipped, looking at him suspiciously. He shivered a bit, enough for Neku to consider being concerned but not enough to have him do anything about. "It's a mess."
"It's a lot of work," Neku agreed, not really knowing what he was supposed to say there but guessing it had to do with Joshua's chosen profession. Maybe it was a testament to how much time they had spent together, lately. Shiki would have a fieldtrip if she knew. Neku could already hear her laughter all the way from California.
"Not anymore it's not," Joshua sighed. "It wasn't really… I wasn't really the right person to do it, I guess. And that's why it's a mess. Are you even following me?"
"Not really," Neku admitted, "Start from the top, will you?"
He shook his head, laughing. "I messed up and realized that it really wasn't for me. You might have mentioned that before, too… And now I suppose I need to plan my future again… do you still think international crime is a valid option?" He grinned a bit uncertainly, but it was a start.
Neku grinned back at him, glad to see the other in better spirits again, for the first time in a long while. "Anything's an option; you'll figure it out," he replied with a shrug, biting back the sudden need to quote one of his favourite CAT murals because that would have been lame. "Though I think you could maybe try to refrain from going to jail. I need someone to bail me out, right?"
Joshua smiled at that, an actual smile without ulterior motives – or so it seemed. "Thanks. I think that's what I needed to hear right now."
"Anytime," Neku shrugged. He felt like the open space came with its own elephant, but he couldn't quite put a name on what it was.
"Along with that…" Joshua started, trailing off and looking away, fixing his gaze on the sky again before returning to Neku. "I think I need to rearrange some other things as well." It was a statement that shouldn't have made any sense, but in that moment it did, and Neku was left trying to fight back a pleased grin.
"You think?" he mocked, "I think there have been some things just awaiting to be sorted for quite some time now." They had been flirting, all this time, and it had been mutual. Fuck.
"Yes," Joshua agreed, "But you haven't been exactly helpful about it, either."
"You're fucking rich," Neku complained, crossing his arms across his chest. It was kind of difficult to pretend being upset in a situation like that, though. "I'm a fucking mess… But you didn't say anything about it when I got thrown in jail. You didn't even ask for a reason."
"I suppose I'm a mess too." He shrugged, like it wasn't exactly a big deal. He still wasn't asking for the reason, and Neku had never appreciated him more than he did right now. "Is that a yes, though?"
"You didn't even ask anything."
"You get it, though," he said, and if he had been happy before, there wasn't a way to begin explaining what he was now. "This is the only thing that actually works, in your life or in mine." He was hardly shorter than Neku, but he still tiptoed ever so slightly as he crossed over into Neku's personal space. "We should," he muttered quietly, and Neku only caught it because he really wanted to.
"I hope you're happy being fucking cryptic," he feigned a sigh, shaking his head, but he couldn't help laughing. "You know it's a y—" he started to agree before Joshua decided he was all too slow and tugged at the back of his neck insistently. And yes, Neku decided, words didn't really matter right now. He wasn't just a waste of Joshua's time.
"I can't believe I'm willing to date someone who doesn't understand Oscar Wilde," Joshua lamented, shaking his head and letting Neku look at him in a disbelieving did you just stop to talk about literature sort of way.
"You're a master at killing the mood."
"The pot, the kettle…"
He had to laugh at that, and Joshua was quick to join in. They weren't any less of a mess, but he was pretty sure he didn't mind it that much anymore.
Show me your love, before the world catches up..~