Title: April 19, 1992

Author: sockie1000

Summary: One day, four perspectives. My take on what happened to Steve's mom.

Author's note #1: Sorry it has been so long since I posted a story. The beginning of season 2 really threw me for a loop, as well as my muse. But recently, I've started to feel like the characters we know and love are coming back to us. It's about time.

Author's note #2: Thanks to Cokie316 and Rogue Tomato not only the beta, but for promising to send me nachos and diet coke if I would just write something. Who knew junk food could be such an effective catalyst?

And thanks again to those of you who dropped me a PM during my absence, asking if I had anything in the works. Your encouragement really made me feel good and started me thinking about writing again.

Author's note #3: I'm easing back in, so this is a short story- only 4 parts. I'll post them fairly close together so we will be done in less than a week.

April 19, 1992

5:47 p.m.

'

Click-clack. Click –clack.

My heels sound incredibly loud on the marble floor as I walk as quickly as I dare across the State Capital.

Calm down. Slow down. Nobody's looking at you, I remind myself.

But I'm not sure that's the truth. I'm really not sure what, if anything, is the truth. Not anymore.

Click- clack.

I glance around quickly. Sure enough, nobody is paying any attention to me, other than Mr. Hapu, who shines shoes in the lobby. I tell myself he's admiring my cute brown pumps. But I know he's looking at my legs, like he always does. And today, I am simply not in the mood.

I reach the heavy, ornate doors and push the right one open. The sunshine almost blinds me and I slip my sunglasses out of my purse and onto my face. Good. Now nobody can see the terror in my eyes.

I inhale the humid air deeply, trying to calm myself, as I walk along the sidewalk towards the street. The parking lot was full this morning, so I had to park a few blocks away. Normally, I wouldn't mind the walk. The weather in Hawaii is beautiful, after all. But today, the few blocks stretch out before me as if they were miles.

I see a pay phone on my right, just down a block, in front of Lau's deli. I could call John. I'm sure I have a quarter in my purse somewhere, probably buried beneath some Double-Mint gum wrappers and extra ponytail holders for Mary Ann. No matter what I do, her hair is always a mess. Her little blond curls are as stubborn just as she is.

I glance over my shoulder, then back at the phone booth one more time before dismissing the idea. I'm afraid someone is watching me, would see me. And would wonder why I would use a pay phone when I have a perfectly good phone in my office back in the Capital. The only thing I can do is go home, just like normal. John will be home soon. We'll send the kids outside and then I can tell him, in person. In private. Where no one can hear. Where no one can see.

I'm so lost in my thoughts I'm surprised when I see my car, just a half a block ahead. I start to dig through my purse, looking for my keys. I pull them out and manage to find the right one. I stop beside my car and my hand is shaking so badly it takes me a moment before I can slide the key in and turn. A reassuring click sounds, and I hurriedly open the door. I throw my purse across to the passenger seat and slide behind the wheel, quickly shutting and locking my door.

I grab the steering wheel like a life-line and just sit there for a moment, trying to calm my ragged nerves. Breathe. Just breathe.

And I try. Try to breathe. Try to calm myself down. In. Out. Slower. That's it.

I look in my rear view mirror, back at the Capital building. At the sidewalk that connects me to the place I once thought stood for justice. That protected its citizens. That worked for the good of us all. Could it really only be six months ago that I thought that?

I shake my head. How naïve I was… I should have just stayed at home. With Mary Ann. And Steven. Things were so much easier then.

But, no, I wanted something more. The kids were growing up. They still needed their mom, granted, but they were both in school and the daytime hours at home wore on me. I didn't want to play Bunco on Tuesdays with the ladies on the block. I didn't want to be PTA president again. I wanted to serve my state. To work to improve Hawaii.

The common love of service is what first drew John and me to each other. Two kids at the University of Hawaii, serving on the student senate together. Our seats were across the aisle from each other, and I couldn't help but notice the tall, good-looking guy who spoke so passionately about the issues facing our campus. And, like Mr. Hapu, John couldn't help noticing my legs. Which, as it turns out, was a nice ice-breaker. We spent hours debating issues after the senate meetings were over, which turned into dinner dates to continue the discussions. The rest, as they say, is history.

I keep staring in my rear-view mirror. Nothing seems out of place. People are walking down the sidewalk, by my car, and across the Capital grounds just like every other day.

And it dawns on me. Nobody followed me. Nobody is trying to get me, to keep me from telling John what I found out today. Nobody is even looking in my direction. My hands stop shaking. My breathing evens out. I am so relieved I almost laugh.

I pick up the keys from my lap, where I dropped them when I got into the car. I find the right one and slide in into the ignition. I'll go home. I'll tell John. Tell him that it's so much worse than I imagined. Than either one of us imagined. And we'll figure it out. Together.

With one last glance at the Capital, I turn the ignition.

And my world explodes.

to be continued...