Disclaimer: ToS, not mine. Be quiet.
AN: Oh dear, I'm sorry Kratos. Please forgive me. And to everyone who's read my other fic 'Her Reason', sorry too. This isn't the tomato-based fic I mentioned before, but it's equally fun, I think. Also, finally, I submitted this to the Sno Phoenix Collaboration as my test chapter, so if you're on the SP mailing list you've already seen it. (But hey, why not read it again, right?)
Kratos scowled as he walked up onto the beach, shaking his head to get rid of the droplets of water that clung to his hair and the ones that had made their way into his ears. He still couldn't believe Lloyd had actually managed to convince him to break his vow and go for a swim, but that wasn't what had the mercenary so on-edge. Despite what he had told Lloyd, Kratos rather enjoyed swimming. It was good exercise. What he didn't enjoy was the attention.
When he, Lloyd, and the rest of their comrades willing to rise at the early hour snuck out of the hotel for a pre-dawn swim, the beach had been utterly vacant. Unfortunately, once the sun rose the throngs of tourists Altamira was so famous for descended on the beach like locusts. Sunbathers, swimmers, surfers, volleyball players... It seemed as if the entire population of Altamira and the surrounding cities had suddenly decided it was a good day to go to the beach. Not a square foot of sand remained that wasn't covered by a towel or shaded by an umbrella and all around him Kratos could hear it, the sound he had learned to fear millennia ago.
The sound of giggles.
Kratos could not deny the fact that he had a very attractive body. Fighting for your life several times every day is quite an effective workout. Partner that with the fact that Kratos made a point of eating well (and any fat he did consume was never metabolized) and the result is what Zelos would have described as a babe magnet. Kratos knew that if he didn't get dried off and changed very soon, the sight of him in naught but swim trunks would earn him a following. Something he very much wished to avoid.
Being careful not to kick sand on anyone, he dashed across the beach to the stairs heading up to the main street. A quick peek back over his shoulder confirmed that no one was following him.
-x-
It took approximately fifteen minutes for Kratos to make it back to their suite in the hotel, towel off, and change; every second thanking his lucky stars that he would not have to relive that horrible experience he and Yuan suffered during their first journey. He remembered it with painful clarity...
"So this is Altamira..." Martel gazed at the city around her. It was truly grandiose. Huge and almost completely encrusted with magitechnology.
"Wow, it's so big! Come on sis, let's check it out." Mithos snatched his big sister's hand and tugged her forwards, urging her to explore the gleaming metropolis.
"Perhaps we should use today to relax." Kratos remembered being a little impressed by the city as well.
"Agreed." Yuan was a little distracted as he searched the city map, helpfully provided for travelers, trying to find an inn or a place to eat. "We could all use a break. Let's rest today and start investigating the Exsphere broker tomorrow."
"Whoo-hoo!" Mithos darted off, pulling Martel along with him.
As they hurried away, with Martel throwing an almost sheepish smile and wave goodbye their way, Kratos remembered calling after them, telling them to be careful. How ironic.
Of course he and Yuan would never have run into trouble had they simply been careful themselves and gone off to find food and lodging like they should have. But no, Yuan just had to challenge him to a swim race, and he just had to accept. Kratos sighed. Stripping down to their swim trunk-like skivvies and hopping into the ocean, leaving their clothes completely unguarded, wasn't their most brilliant move. Doing it in front of all the unmarried, man-hunting young ladies on the beach was even dumber.
The two of them ended up running for their lives and ultimately spending the rest of the day hiding crammed together in a large trunk in the basement of the casino. They never did recover the clothes that they left on the beach. Kratos suspected that the garments had been torn to shreds and that the fragments were still being passed down among the female lines of Altamiran families as heirlooms. Regardless of what happened to them, when all was said and done, he and Yuan swore a vow never to speak of the day's events, or go shirtless in public, ever again.
Fortunately, it seemed as if this time Kratos would escape from his broken promise without repercussion.
-x-
Kratos was on his way out the door down the hotel steps to find the rest of his party when the sound of high-pitched screaming reached his ears. His hand was on the hilt of his sword in an instant as he scoured the street for the source of the disturbance. To his horror, the source was half the population of the beach, the female half, bearing down on him. Above the squeals of "That's him!" and "There he is!" the part of Kratos' mind concerned with self-preservation howled one thing: Move!
He was back inside the hotel, up the elevator, and locking the deadbolt on the suite door before his horde of admirers even made it up to the hotel steps. Safe, finally. As his heart rate slowly returned to normal, Kratos decided that perhaps it would be best if he stayed inside for the remainder of the day. As long as he stayed on the upper floors of the hotel where the public's general access was restricted, he would be fine.
Kratos was about to start into the laborious and time-consuming task of inspecting his equipment for flaws, a perfect job for days when there was little to do, when there came a knock on the door. He ignored it. Another knock, more insistent this time. Kratos paused in his examination. Maybe it was Lloyd, requesting to be let in after losing his key, again... But no, if it was Lloyd he would have said something, not just knocked. A third knock. Kratos' heart rate soared again. No... How could they have gotten up here? How?
"Mr. Hot Swordsman, are you in there? Please come out!"
Kratos raced to the door and looked out the peep hole to confirm his worst fear. They were out there! The crowd of girls outside his room filled the entire floor. They were crammed into the hallway so tightly he doubted they could even move; and there were most likely more waiting in the elevator and in the lobby downstairs. At least they couldn't get in. Once they realized he wasn't going to leave the sanctuary of his room, the girls would lose interest and drift off. He hoped. From what the peep hole showed him, the girls were very intent on meeting him.
He was about to go back to inspecting his armor when something strange caught his eye. Out in the hall he could see something moving through the throng. It looked like... A pair of bunny ears? A resort employee! No doubt come to drive off the crowd for making a disturbance and bothering the guests.
"Let me through! Get back! Get back, damn it!"
Kratos breathed a sigh of relief. While he knew he wasn't in any real danger, it would still be nice to have those girls gone. It would be bad if any of his comrades ran into them when they returned.
"I said move it! Get away from the door! Honestly, how am I supposed to open it if I can't get close...?"
... What?
Kratos could see it now that she was closer, he recognized her. That bunny girl was the one standing by the hotel door when he ran by in his swim trunks, she must have been smitten too. And she had a key! He had to do something, and fast. Moving quicker than ever before Kratos grabbed the nearest piece of furniture, a heavy armoire full of the party's equipment, and tipped it on it's side, jamming it across the doorway with a burst of desperate strength.
With the barricade safely in place, Kratos grabbed his sword and sprinted across the room to the open double doors that looked out onto the balcony. Unfurling his wings, Kratos vaulted over the balcony railing to freedom. He knew he had very little time, mere minutes, before his admirers discovered the suite empty and the object of their desire missing. When that happened he would definitely be spotted anew and escape would not be as easy a second time. He had to get somewhere safe. Kratos ran.
-x-
The casino's basement was much larger than Kratos remembered, they must have expanded it greatly over the centuries. What was once a tiny root cellar had sprawled out into a vast underground complex or storage rooms and service tunnels that easily rivaled the size of the hotel Kratos just fled. It was really quite impressive. Kratos was sure that, were he not so fixated on finding a place to hide, he would have enjoyed looking around. Unfortunately, he had a trunk to locate.
AN: Fangirls. They're terrifying, especially if you're the one they're after. And this is why, even though I have an awesome Ed coat (Ed of FullMetal Alchemist that is), I will never cosplay him at a con EVER AGAIN. I feel sorry for Kratos, who can't take off a costume and disappear into the crowd in order to lose the horde of hug-craving, wrench-wielding Winrys... (Shudder)