A/N Please, please, please don't shoot me! I've had a lot going on lately, and haven't really had any ideas for my stories either. (The only ideas I seem to have had are when Evie's eight in LiAaR, which isn't very helpful seeing as that's ages away!) I don't have to think of ideas for this anyway, as it's a roleplay that me and Gillian Kearney Fan have been/ are writing, (which has over 8400 messages so far!) and we always give each other ideas, so I won't get writer's block on this FanFic! XD Hope you enjoy it!
I need to say a massive THANK YOU! to Gillian Kearney Fan for roleplaying with me and suggesting that we upload it as a FanFic. :-D
Just as a little note, I'm Sam in this, and Gillian Kearney Fan is Tom. (There will be other characters later but I'll say who plays them when we get to it.)
Sam and Tom were sitting in Sam's flat when he noticed she was being quiet.
"Sam, are you OK?" he asked.
Sam turned her head to face him. "Yeah, I'm fine," she said. "Why did you ask?" She then flashed him a smile, hoping he wouldn't pick up on her lie.
Tom saw straight through her. "I don't know, you just seem a little unlike yourself."
"What do you mean?" asked Sam, still trying to pretend she was fine.
Tom saw straight through her again, and began trying to get to the bottom of what was bothering her. "Have you had an argument with Zoe or Fletch?"
Sam began to get annoyed. "No, we're getting on fine. I'm fine, everything's fine. Just stop questioning me!" she shouted.
"Sam, I care about you OK!" shouted Tom, and then began to walk out of the flat.
Sam ran after him and grabbed his arm. "Tom, wait!"
"Tell me what's wrong, you know I'll help you through it," said Tom, giving her a reassuring smile.
"OK," said Sam, sitting back down on the sofa. "Um, I-I-I don't really know how to put this..." She looked a the floor, wondering how to tell Tom what was wrong.
Tom thought he knew what she was trying to tell him. "Are you pregnant?" he asked softly.
Sam shook her head. "No, no, it's not like that. I wish it was!" Tears began to roll down her cheeks as she continued staring at the floor.
"Sam, come here," said Tom, wrapping his arms around her.
Sam sat there for a few minutes in Tom's hug before she decided to tell him. "Yesterday there was that patient, remember the little girl, Milly?"
"Sure," said Tom, trying to make Sam feel comfortable to continue.
"Well, she came in with only a broken leg, as you know, and I treated her," said Sam. "I gave her some blood, but it was from the wrong blood group. Her body rejected it and she... She d-d-died." More tears began to roll down her cheeks, so much so that she couldn't speak anymore.
"Shh, Sam, that wasn't your fault," said Tom, holding her close. "Shh, calm down, it's OK."
"It was though," said Sam through her sobs. "She's dead now and it's all because of me." She then paused, took a deep breath, and looked Tom in the eye. "Tom?"
"What?" asked Tom.
"C-c-can I tell you s-s-something else?" asked Sam nervously.
Tom nodded and tightened his grip on Sam. "You know that you can."
"After Zoe told me that she had died I had a... A p-p-panic a-a-attack b-b-because it w-w-was all m-m-my f-f-fault." Sam stuttered, more tears running down her cheeks. She buried her head in Tom's chest as she sobbed.
"Sam, we'll get through this, that I promise," Tom told her.
Sam looked up at Tom and gave him a grateful smile, even though tears were still rolling down her face. "Thank you."
Tom smiled back. "It's fine," he said. "Should I make us something to eat?"
"I'm not really hungry," said Sam, shaking her head.
"OK, but tell me when you are and I'll make you something," said Tom.
"OK, I will," said Sam. "Are you going to have something?"
"When you are," replied Tom.
"I might not have anything tonight: my stomach feels really weird," said Sam.
"Sam, you need to take a test, you never know," Tom told her.
"OK, I will tomorrow," agreed Sam. "It's not weird in that way though, it feels empty. Not hungry empty, just weird empty. I don't know how to describe it."
"Do you want to go to bed Sammy?" asked Tom.
"Only if you come with me," Sam replied.
Tom smiled. "Sure."
"Come on then," said Sam, yawning. She took Tom's hand and lead him upstairs to the bedroom, not letting go of his hand all the time.
When they got up the bedroom Tom went over to the draws where he kept his things for when he stayed overnight at Sam's house.
"Want to borrow a T-shirt?" he asked Sam. "I know how you love to sleep in them."
Sam considered it for a moment. "Yes please," she said. "They're a lot nicer than my pyjamas."
Tom laughed. "Here," he said, throwing her a T-shirt.
Sam laughed as she caught it. "Thanks." She then put on the T-shirt along with some pyjama bottoms.
Tom then pulled back the covers and they got into bed. "Comfortable?" he asked Sam.
Sam snuggled her head into Tom's chest. "Yeah, thanks."
"Good, good," said Tom, stroking Sam's back.
Sam was about to go to sleep but she still had something on her mind. "Tom?"
Tom smiled at her reassuringly. "What is it?"
"W-W-Will y-y-you..." Sam stuttered. She took a deep breath and started again, this time whispering. "Will you stay with me?"
"Sure," said Tom, "if that's what you want."
"N-n-not just tonight, b-b-but every n-n-night? Please?" Sam pleaded. "You don't have to if you don't want to, b-b-but..."
Tom interrupted her. "Sam, shall I move in?" he asked cautiously. "I don't want to pressure you, but I think it makes sense."
Sam looked at him anxiously. "Would you?"
"Sure, I'll go around tomorrow after work and pack my things," said Tom. "Do you want to come with me or would you rather stay here?"
"Could I come with you?" asked Sam. "I just, I don't want to be on my own." A few tears slipped out of her eyes.
"Sure," said Tom, smiling at her.
Sam smiled at him gratefully. "Thanks."
"It's alright, Sam," said Tom. He then paused for a moment before he spoke again. "Have you thought about seeing someone?"
"What do you mean?" asked Sam.
"To help you over Milly's death," explained Tom.
"I-I-I, I don't know," stuttered Sam.
"It could help you," reasoned Tom.
Sam began to panic slightly. " But, what would I say, what would I do, who would I tell...?"
"Shall we go to the grave, pay our respects?" asked Tom, trying to calm her.
"I-I-I, I don't know where she was buried," stuttered Sam. She began to cry again, and buried her head in Tom's chest to hide her sobs. Tom stroked her hair, and she began to relax into his embrace.
"Shh, it's OK, you've still got me, Zoe and Fletch," Tom whispered into her ear, trying to make her feel more happy and relaxed.
"I know, it's just..." Sam trailed off, not knowing what to say.
"You feel responsible as the doctor in charge of her treatment," finished Tom.
"No, it's not that," said Sam. "Well, it is, but, I, I just, I feel like I should be able to cope with this by myself, that I should just be able to let it go, like I always have in the past." She pushed herself away from Tom and curled up small, shaking as sobs overtook her small body.
Tom just lay there, not knowing what to do. Sam then curled up smaller, and her breathing began to increase.
"Tell me what you want," said Tom, desperately wanting to help her.
"I... I don't... know..." said Sam between rapid breaths. "I... can't... breathe... Tom... help..."
"Just try and breathe for me Sam," said Tom. "Deep breaths."
Sam tried to breathe deeply, and after a few tries her breathing began to slow.
Tom smiled at her. "That's it, keep going, you're doing good."
Sam's breathing returned to normal, and tears began to roll down her cheeks.
Tom's phone buzzed, but he ignored it. "Tea?" he asked, thinking it might help her relax a bit.
Sam shook her head. "No thanks, I'm going to try and get some sleep." She wrapped her arms around Tom again and rested her head on his chest, listening to the besting of his heart. They both lay there for a few minutes, before Sam fell asleep.
A/N So, first chapter done! I hope you liked it! I should update this quite frequently as most of it is already pre-written in the roleplay, which makes my life a lot easier! Please read and review! :-D