Hey guys, that's my new one-shot about Bonnie and Damon. They're my favorite couple. Go, go, Bamon!) I don't know if it's making any sense, it just popped into my silly head)))) So just read and review. Yeah, and I'm really sorry if there is any grammar mistakes, I promise I will do my best.

And, oh, I own nothing.

ADRENALINE

(or as I searched for perfect man)

I entered the church. I didn't really want it, but it was only one way to face the truth. Besides they used to be my friends. I didn't dare to go far into the building. I was standing in the very end of the church. I saw my friends sitting on benches. They seemed to be happy. What was I doing here? Oh, yeah, proving my insignificance. It hurt to stand there. Breathing was hurting me, moving was hurting me. In fact, everything was hurting me. I decided to leave immediately, but couldn't make a single step, couldn't tear my eyes from him. And he was standing right there. In black tux he was even more beautiful then I remembered him. Why everything has to be this way? I thought, a single tear escaped from my eye and was quickly dried by my white tremble hand. I wouldn't cry. I had told myself I wouldn't. But how not to cry, when everything, I ever wanted, everything, I ever dreamed, was breaking down and fading away?

There was when music began to play and everyone's heads turned to see the bride. I took a deep breath. Here we go, I thought.

Oh, you don't know anything, right. Okay, then. From the very beginning.

PAST

After all Stefan-things, I mean Stefan getting Elena back, Stefan missing, Stefan rescued by Elena, Damon and Matt, he had decided against coming back to Fell's Church and gone to Florence with Elena. I was slowly getting used to normal life. And I discovered it to be very boring thing. I missed Elena and Stefan terribly… and I even missed Damon. I had thought that Damon and I would be at least friends after all those damned-twins things. But no avail. When Stefan had been rescued, Elena had obviously stayed by his side. And no one had seen Damon since then.

My life became very quiet and peaceful. And for once I didn't like it. I missed something… Whom was I kidding? I missed adrenalin. I had tried everything. I even had dated with Matt. But it had been no good and we decided to stay friends. That's when Damon first showed up. I was reading some vampiric book and laughed wildly, he knocked into my window saying that he was led by sound of my wild, uncontrollable laughter. Half an hour later we both were on the floor crying with laugh and making sarcastic remarks about book and author. Then he visited me once more. And then once more. Then he used to visit me almost every evening. And that was what I needed. At first he scared the hell out of me, bringing me my long-awaited amount of adrenalin. Then, when I finally got used to him, we just talked. Hell, he did know how made me laugh, especially with his five centuries seasoned stories. Damon had changed in that no-see time. A lot. And I did like it. I could tell him about wherever happened in my life. And I did. And what was extremely not Damon-like – he told me about his life. Well, maybe he didn't tell me everything, but considering who Damon was, he told me a lot. I guess, that's when we became friends. I used to tell him about my dates and he laughed wildly while I was describing how guys tried to kiss me or something and how they turned crimson when I made same sarcastic comment. And once he almost did kill me with his "hunting story". He told me that some day he happened to hung out in one of many New-York's night club, looking for some pretty girl to eat – he winked to me at that – he had spotted some guy staring at him. Later that guy turned to be not quite a guy… but a gay. And he had chosen Damon as his sacrifice to endless love. Damon had done his best to escape maniac.

Damon helped me in my searching of a perfect guy. But once, after another uncounted failed date of mine, we decided that a perfect guy was Damon. But I told him I didn't want him right now. He looked pissed. I laughed at him, as always.

"Maybe I should get back with Matt…" I mused, hurting him with it even more. Not on purpose.

"Who? Mutt? You prefer Mutt over me?!" he nearly yelled. Funny.

"You're my friend." I explained simply.

"He's your friend too!"

"Sex ruins friendship, you know", I smiled at him. "And I don't want to ruin ours."

"You're so stupid, Bonnie McCullough!"

"What?! I'm stupid?!"

"Yes, you are" he said. "And stupid me to stay here" he added more to himself than to me.

And for the first time I felt something not friendly at all to Damon. In fact he pushed me. I had thought about him as dangerous creature of a night, a vampire. Then I had thought about him as my close, understanding friend. And now I thought about him as Damon-handsome man. No, not handsome, beautiful. Extremely beautiful, charming, free man. Had I been blind or what?! I wanted to kick myself hard. Why I told him I think he's my friend? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid Bonnie! He probably saw guilt and regret in my eyes, he always told me he could read my thoughts my eyes. Anyway, the expression on his face became calmer at first and then he smiled. "I told you you're silly, didn't I?"

"Yeah, I know I am, I only hoped for otherwise" I sighed.

"And?" he raised one perfect brow.

"Hope's dead." I declaimed, he laughed.

In a week or so was our first kiss. We were sitting on my bed, talking, when our voices trailed off, we froze and then our lips met. Uncertain at first, like not knowing what to do, but then he crushed hungrily his lips on mine and I responded with just the same force and longing. Not long after was our first sex. Usually I didn't sleep with guy at our second day of dating, but it was Damon. Who could ever resist him? After two weeks there was more and more his stuff at my place – there he had left a shirt, a pair of jeans there. A few more weeks and he basically moved in with me, kind of.

Next week was pretty crazy. I didn't have any chances to get up from the bed. Living with Damon was simple enough and pleasant in a way… in many ways actually. I didn't even notice how much I got used to him. In a way I did love him, but I didn't understand how strong that love was until Stefan made him come to Florence to deal with some immediate case. Damon was gone for three weeks. I didn't know what to do in those damned three weeks. I missed him so much. In second day his absence I caught myself on sitting in the bed and inhaling his scent. And I really wanted to kick myself for acting that way. How could I let myself feel what I felt to him? He was a vampire. Even worse – he was Damon. Damon, who never stayed for too long with anybody, who didn't care about anyone and hated mortals. The thought, that I wasn't just anybody to him, I pushed away immediately. I knew if I would keep thinking that way it would hurt far more than necessary when he would finally dump my ass. I tried to do something, tried to distract me from thinking about him. I tried it only to fail miserably.

Just when I began to think he was never coming back from that damned Florence the door in my apartment flew open and he stepped in. We both froze for moment than, without a word, he made his way to me and kissed me passionately. That night he showed me how much he had missed me. I though my head was going to explode from all the thoughts and feelings. I thought I had a wonderful life. I thought he loved me. And he did. He did love me. I could feel it in every kiss, every touch of his. And he knew I loved him. I wish he didn't, but he knew.

Everything was going perfectly fine. Until Elena came. With the tears in her eyes she told us about her and Stefan's fight and said she needed to think. So she decided to stay here, in Fall's Church. Since then something went wrong. Damon wasn't quite himself. He became colder and started to drift away. I felt that an end was close. And it would be no happy end for me. Elena was a bitch, it was an unspoken statement, but she couldn't want to take Damon from me, could she? In a week I knew that Elena very well could. Elena thought hard and decided that Stefan was definitely great but not for her. Now she wanted my passionate Prince of Darkness. I didn't know what to think. I couldn't depend on Damon. He might love me, but that old unsatisfied thing for Elena still bothered him. So what would win?

Unsatisfied thing won.

Elena and Damon left my apartment with 'Sorry Bonnie' faces.

Five month later I got an invitation to their wedding ceremony. They just don't waste time, do they?

PRESENT

So now I was standing in the church watching a woman in long white dress going down the church to the man I had used to love. I stood there in trance – couldn't see them, couldn't look away. Fuck. That didhurt! I did an effort and closed my eyes. I wish I didn't. I saw the same church in my mind, the same people, and the same man beside the altar, waiting for… me? Yes. There I was – white dress, long veil, red hair. I had to open my eyes then and come back to reality. The two of them were beside the altar, facing each other. Then priest began to speak "Do you Damon Salvatore – blah-blah-blah – take Elena Gilbert – blah-blah- blah -" priest asked. Everything went silent and still. Slowly Damon turned his head and looked directly into my eyes. He knew I was there, he felt my presence. Fuck! Damon, say 'no' and I will forgive and forget everything, we will go to the edge of the world and will be alone there. I really didn't know if heard me, because I didn't know if I had said that to him or to myself. Still looking into my eyes, he sighed and smiled a sad smile. Then he turned his head to Elena, who seemed to get nervous. She was afraid… of me? Ha- ha, how funny. Damon closed his eyes and small quiet "I do" escaped from his lips. My heart broke. And pieces were so small that I would never mend them back. No one would.

I didn't have to see Elena's face lightened up, didn't need to hear her "I do", loud and excited. I didn't notice closing my eyes, but when I opened them ceremony was over. I saw Damon, looking at me again. But it was pointless now. Nothing mattered anymore. And never would as it used to once. I sent him "Be happy" mentally and made my way to exit.

What else could I do? At least I saved my pride. But damn my pride, where's my heart? Maybe he had been waiting me to say something, to plead him about coming back. I hadn't done it. Maybe I should have. Doesn't matter now.

I entered my hotel room. Did I tell their wedding was in Paris? No? Elena always loved France. How romantic! I was lying on the bed staring at white ceiling. My head was empty now like a big black vacuum. I forbid myself to think about Damon. And recently my every thought was about him. So I did my best in trying not to think at all. Failed. What am I gonna do now? Cry? No, pointless, again. Try to live like nothing happened? Ha-ha, impossible. Just then I heard someone knocked at my door. It can't be, can it? No, Bonnie, that's not him – I told myself – get used to it. Slowly I made my way to the door. Deep breath. Door opened. Hope's dead. But still unexpected.

"Stefan? Well, come in" I said calmly. He did as told and stepped in.

"What, Bonnie? We're two broken freaks" he smiled sadly.

"Yeah, that's right." That was very, very, fucking right. "Great ceremony, isn't it?" I said with a mock excitement. "Today got marred your 'Angel' and my 'perfect man'" I sighed. That's sad indeed. And pathetic.

"Yeah. Did I tell we're freaks?"

"Yes, dear, you did."

And, oh, if you like it tell me (or if you dislike it). If you do like it I'll try to write more. But I do not know where it's leading me. Just tell me)