You Always Save Me
Disclaimer: I don't own…only borrow
AN: Logan's break up really bothered me…hadn't he saved her enough to know that she needs him? Still Veronica needs a wake up call…she has a good guy and should appreciate him!
Review and I'll write more…
Veronica woke up with a scream in the middle of the night. Her heart was beating wildly as blurry images of Mercer and Moe filled her mind. She could still see the hair falling from the closet, and although it never happened, she could feel Mercer's weight on top of her as she lay limp and helpless underneath. Again. A shudder ran through her body as she imagined, as clearly as her dream portrayed, the sick feeling she would have had afterwards, the hung over and sore feeling she felt once before. Veronica gagged as she shuddered once again with the feel of his hands running up and down her body.
She tried to think of something pleasant. Her mind naturally shifted to imagining Logan on top of her…touching her. She gagged again. Her previous rapes didn't mar her enjoyment of sex. Why did an ALMOST rape that didn't even take place seem to be putting her off to the whole idea? She was shaking now, images coming relentlessly in her mind that she couldn't shut off. She looked at the clock; predictably it was too early to get up. 4 am…another night of insomnia. Another night alone.
Fuck that. As she got out of bed and threw on a sweatshirt, Veronica decided she didn't want to be alone. Her father was out of town, as usual, and it was really too early to call Mac or Wallace. There was only one person she knew she could impose on. Broken up or not, she knew Logan still cared. He told her so…and she had it on good authority that Mercer and Moe were handcuffed to hospital beds in her name. God knows how, but Logan managed to get off after that…Lamb let him go. It was a strange twist of events that Veronica still wasn't quite sure she trusted. All the same, she knew he would let her in. She was tired, stressed and scared enough, that Veronica figured it was time she set the record straight.
His door seemed to tower higher than it did in the past, more intimidating and cold than in the days when she just let herself in with his key. She took a deep breath and knocked, loudly enough to wake someone up, because night owl though Logan was, 4:30 am was past even his late bedtime. She was still quite shaky and she could feel that she was pale. Her skin was clammy, and although her gags from earlier in the night didn't result in her actually being sick, Veronica knew it wouldn't take much to push her nauseous stomach over the edge. Unsurprisingly, Logan opened the door half asleep and cranky.
"Jesus, Veronica…what do you want? It's fou…" he opened his eyes and seeing her trembling, pale body, shut his mouth and opened the door further. "I'm sorry, come inside, are you ok?"
"I'm sorry, Logan. I know we're not together anymore, and it's not ok to just barge in…but you said you'd always be there for me if I needed you" Veronica started to choke up, the stress over the last few days catching up with her. What was it about the middle of the night that made everything so much more emotional than it usually was?
"You said I never needed you…that I never needed anyone. How could you say that? I always need you, Logan. I needed you on the roof; I needed you in that parking lot. I need you now" her soft cries slowly turning into sobs. "You always save me, and I'm sorry you think you're sitting on the sidelines in this relationship, but you're not! I'd be dead without you…don't you get it? God Logan, I know I'm a pain in the ass. I know I am! I hate myself, too, you know? I don't mean to be this way, but I can't help it! I can't lose you…please don't leave me. Please don't leave me, too" She was hiccupping now in big sloppy gulps. And he was standing there, frozen, just staring.
Logan couldn't believe what he was hearing. Admittance that she needed him…she was literally crying for help. She had come to him.
Logan reached forward to pull her towards him, to let her know it was ok, that he still loved her, but as his hands reached her waist she shrieked and fell backwards onto the floor.
"Veronica! Veronica, look at me" She was huddled against the wall. He had never seen her look so scared. Did she think he was going to hurt her? Logan was confused…hadn't she just come to him for help? "What's going on, Ronnie? I'm not going to hurt you," Logan inched forwards, hands in front of his torso to show that he didn't mean any harm. For her part, Veronica just sat where she was, concentrating on keeping her dinner down. She knew she wasn't being rational, she knew Logan would never hurt her, but the images of Mercer came back in full force as soon as Logan had touched her. Once again she could feel him coming closer, images that didn't make sense because they never happened, but she couldn't stop them. As Logan approached, Veronica jumped up faster than she thought she would be able to. Within seconds she was ill in Logan's bathroom.
She was sure as soon as she was done being pale and shaky, she'd be beat red and mortified.