A/N; I originally published this story on HPFF back in 2005. It was my first fanfic ever, and I have been recently inspired to write more as a practice for my own work, so I decided to re-post it here along with my new work. It is not a song-fic, but it was inspired by the song "On My Own" from Les Miserables, and since it was written five years ago, it would now be considered AU. I hope you enjoy!
A solitary figure, walking slowly down the deserted night time street. A young woman, beautiful but for the haunted eyes, which were swollen from millions of tears shed in vain. Grief was written on every line of her face and in every movement of her body. Alone in the night.
Ever since the war had ended, everyone around her had been filled with such joy. They grieved for him as well, but only on the surface. Her grief was genuine, deep, and painful. She had removed herself from society. Let them sing and dance, she thought. I will mourn you as the hero you died to become. For with his death, he had saved them all. No more fear of shadows and darkness. Children were once again allowed to play in the streets. She did not join in the celebrations. She hid from the day, and only left her house at night, when she could be alone with her grief. When she could be alone with him.
He would come to her in the night. She could feel him; sense him, all around her. Only when she walked with him did she feel whole. But with the dawn, he would flee, leaving her desolate and despairing.
He had always been there for her, strong and capable. His arms had held her, his voice had soothed her, and then, his lips had kissed her. She had known of his feelings for a long time. She had known, however, that he had to make his own decision. He had to come to her.
A scent in the air. Aftershave. She turned quickly, but he was faster. Always behind her, or beside her. Just at the edge of her vision. She closed her eyes and he was there, holding her. She wept on his shoulder and told him how much she missed him. He wiped away her tears and kissed her forehead. She kept her eyes closed, so he would stay.
Darkness and fear. The air was filled with screams of terror, anger and loss. There were curses flying through the air all around her, outnumbered only by the dead and wounded on the ground. A dark figure sprang at her. She stunned the hooded man, and then bound him before confronting the next threat. She had become separated from the other members of the Order in the confusion. A noise behind her, but she was too exhausted from the hours of fighting to dodge anymore. She fell forward, unable to move. The Death Eater who had immobilized her kicked her onto her back.
"Well, well," the voice drawled from inside the hood. "What a catch. Don't worry my dear; I'll keep you safe from the nasty Death Eaters. For a while at least." A cold laugh chilled her blood; she couldn't even shudder in disgust.
"You bastard!" an enraged shout on her left, and the Death Eater turned, bringing his wand up once more. She couldn't see most of the battle as it raged around her. She trembled inwardly, fearful of the outcome.
The sounds of fighting had ceased her and she found she could move once more. She grabbed her wand from the ground where it had fallen and prepared to defend herself if necessary. A sound on her right caused her to whip around, a curse ready in her mind.
He was victorious. He had defeated her captor. She lowered her wand, tears forming in her eyes. He went to her and folded her in his arms. "Shhh," he calmed her as she began to sob hysterically.
That night, they had declared their love for one another. They had lost so many friends that day. They grieved together, and in their grief, they had forged a bond that would prove stronger than their previous friendship. They vowed they would never let anything part them, and throughout the many battles ahead of them, they would be together, stronger than they had been apart. They never saw the figure in the shadows just outside their clearing.
Another figure crept along the street, keeping hidden among the shadows, using every craft and skill available to remain unnoticed. It stalked the young woman as she moved erratically down the road. The figure moved briefly through a patch of light thrown down by a streetlamp, revealing the tall muscular form of a young man. He was around the same age as the woman, just starting adulthood. He was young, but his eyes were old, holding enough pain and misery to last any lifetime. He followed the woman at a distance keeping her in sight, but not intruding on her dream-like wandering.
He ached to see her like this. She had once been brilliant, and cheerful and outgoing. Now, she was a miserable hermit, a shadow of her former self, who lived only for her late-night walks. He would follow her on those walks, always making sure that she was oblivious of his presence. It wounded him to see her talking softly to no-one, laughing quietly at jokes no-one told. Sometimes she would stop, and lean back, as if into another's arms, or she would hold hands with the air. He knew that she had nearly been destroyed by Ron's death, but now she was being destroyed by her madness. His beloved Hermione.
"Leave her be lad. You can't follow her where she's gone. You have to let her go some time." Moody's harsh voice cut through Harry's ruminations as he spun, wand at the ready. "That's right Harry," Moody grimaced, "Constant vigilance."
"What are you doing here, Moody?" he questioned. His voice was quiet and slightly foreboding. He hated the thought that while he had been guarding Hermione, someone might have been guarding him. It reminded him too much of those days before the war, before he had proven to them all just how powerful he was.
"No need to worry Harry," Lupin's voice floated out of the shadows behind him. "We're just taking our turns watching over our Hermione."
"How long has this been going on?" Harry demanded softly, so as not to disturb Hermione from her dreams.
"Since she got worse and started taking these walks," Moody said.
"Why didn't anyone tell me? I could have told you it was unnecessary. I can take care of her myself."
"Harry, it would be better if you let us-" Lupin started, but Harry cut him off.
"Let you handle it? Why not? Because the Order's done such a fine job of protecting her in the past!" He whispered venomously. "Need I remind you that it is the Order's fault she's like this? That while I was battling Voldemort, she was cradling Ron's dead body? That while I was destroying the Dark Lord once and for all, she was being tortured by his last supporters? And where was the Order then? Oh no. It's much easier just to care for her after the battle. After she's lost her fiancée, and her baby, and her mind." Harry choked back the emotions welling up inside of him.
"Harry-" Moody said in as calming a tone as he could manage.
"Don't," he spat. "Don't cheapen what she lost with your feeble excuses." He turned abruptly away from the two older men to stalk once more after the retreating form of the woman who had at one time been so much to him. She had been so close to him, engaged to his best friend, soon to be the mother of his god-child, and she had also been his true and secret love.
He had loved her for so long, but he had kept his feelings from her. He had always promised himself that he would tell her, for better or for worse, once he had defeated Voldemort. He hadn't felt he could jeopardize her life by telling her sooner, for once she knew, how long would it have been before someone else knew? Only by keeping his love secret, could he keep her safe. For if Voldemort had ever discovered the truth of Harry's feelings, he would have stopped at nothing to use Harry's love for her against him.
So he had waited, content for the moment to love her from a distance, in secret. But another had harboured a love for her as well, and he had had no such reason as Harry's to keep it a secret.
Harry had stood in the trees that night, his heart tearing in two as he watched his best friends declare their love for one another. Once again he had sacrificed himself, as he had done before, and as he would do again. He smiled for them as they held hands and announced their engagement, and again when they told him about the baby. The hole in his heart was torn open anew at every glance and caress they shared, at every kiss she gave that did not fall on his lips. But he could not bring himself to tell them the true reason for his increasing silence and solitude. He would step aside for their joy and love, and he would never say a word.
"Darling, I miss you so much," she said softly to the presence behind her. "I know, I know. Be strong. But I can't, not without you," she replied to his almost inaudible encouragement. She listened for another moment and then laughed softly. "Don't tease me, love, I'm doing my best." Closing her eyes, she sighed. Worry lines that had not been there just a few years before stood out in the odd light of the streetlamp. Taking a step forward, she paused and spoke again to the man she loved. "Love? Stay with me, just a little longer. I don't know what would happen if you weren't watching over me." She heard a step behind her and turned, her breath catching in her throat and tears springing to her eyes as she saw for the first time in months what she had been aching to see.
His strong jaw, determined eyes that saw into her soul, his broad, comfortable shoulders, his glorious hair. She gasped and threw herself into the safe haven of his arms. He grasped her tightly and she looked up onto his calm blue eyes. "I knew you were there all along. I love you so much. Now we can put all this pain behind us and live happily ever after." She kissed his lips, hungering for his love which had been denied her for so long.
Harry pursued her, watching her closely. She stopped and he paused some distance away as she murmured something he couldn't hear. He was exhausted and he closed his tired green eyes, running a hand through his hair in a now instinctive attempt to make it behave. He hadn't slept well since the night he had defeated Voldemort. Now, instead of the nightmares he had had at school and before the last battle, he was plagued with visions of all the loved ones he had lost. They would scream and cry, trapped forever in his mind as he had last seen them, pleading with their eyes for him to save them, to release them from their torment. Instead of trying to sleep, he would follow Hermione as she wandered at night, watching over her.
He opened his eyes and moved closer to the still-stationary Hermione. Her shoulders were slightly tense, as if she was focusing her attention behind her. He heard her speak, and he stopped just a few steps away to listen to her quiet voice.
"Stay with me, just a little longer. I don't know what would happen if you weren't watching over me." His heart pounded as he realized she was speaking to him. He never could fool her, he realized. His stomach clenched as he took a hesitant step towards her, desperately hoping he hadn't imagined the tone of love in her voice.
She turned, and looked right at him. He gazed hungrily at her delicate features, her stubborn mouth, those deep brown eyes. His heart soared as she flew into his arms and he thrilled at the sensation of her slight body pressed against his.
He breathed deeply, catching the scent of her shampoo, and looked down at her, gazing into her eyes. He opened his mouth, ready to tell her everything, to release all the emotions he had been bottling up inside himself for so long. She cut him off, and his heart soared as she spoke.
"I knew you were there all along. I love you so much. Now, we can put all this pain behind us and live happily ever after." She kissed him fiercely, and he returned her passion with all the love he felt for her.
They parted, and he continued to rain gentle kisses upon her face, her lips, her neck. She moaned, and in her passion, she spoke his name.
"Oh, Ron."