HAPPY BIRFDAY, ERINLICIOUS!!111
So anyway, this is more random 2:00 AM "Clare's-brain-gone-crazy" drabble. But it was awesome to write. Enjoy and review, you freaks! Blarg!
Mr. Tblz Saves Mega Glomp
Mr. Tblz was a very sexy, awesome, and busy man. If he wasn't being awesome and sexy, he was doing something for his Chicago news station. If he wasn't doing something for his Chicago news station, he was in being fangirled over by the female Mega Glompers. If he wasn't in being fangirled over by the female Mega Glompers, he was saving some dim-witted person that dared interrupt his day. But Mr. Tblz was very excited. Mr. Tblz Day was coming up, the one day of the year that he was off.
There would be no saving people for an entire day! He felt bad about people getting hurt, but hey, he needed a day off. Badly.
This year's Mr. Tblz Day fell on a Saturday. No news reporting and no saving people from small things they could overcome themselves. Like this morning, Bekki called for his help because she couldn't find a glue stick! Although it had been the morning of his day off, he had popped in anyway and put it behind her when her back was turned. Then she called again because she couldn't open the &)?'8+!"(# thing!!
Ah, Mr. Tblz Day. The best day of the year. Mr. Tblz sat down on his couch and turned on the TV, in that sexy awesome way he had.
The news was on, and a brunette girl in a studio was screaming into her mike. "WELL LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT SEEMS THAT A FREAKING GIANT METEOR IS HEADED STRAIGHT FOR MEGA GLOMP LAND! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!! I'M LENNI, HERE IN THE STUDIO, LET'S GO OVER TO ERIN!"
The camera showed a brief shot of a giant meteor heading for Mega Glompia. A giant meteor!! Inside his head the kids of Mega Glomp Land were screaming "Mr. Tblz! Mr. Tblz!" Mr. Tblz thought for a second, eating the meatball sandwich he had just made (he had a very awesome, sexy way of chewing.)
A blonde girl appeared on the screen with a microphone.
"Thank you, Lenni. I'm Erin, here in the seaport of Artist's Alley, looking out over all of Mega Glomp Land. Users are running through the streets screaming for the Sexy, Awesome, Great Mr. Tblz. Why isn't he here?"
The girl beside her spoke. "It's Mr. Tblz Day, Erin, did you forget?"
"Oh yes! You're right, Clare, it is. Wow, the world is coming to an end on Mr. Tblz Day! There's irony for you."
The news editor (Jacque) cut to a shot of a tall strawberry blonde boy with a mike.
"Hey, it's Aubrey, reporting live from Role-Playing City. I am here watching roleplayers dig holes to hide themselves in." Aubrey paused for a moment, watching Tank run by brandishing a sword and screaming "COME AND FACE ME, VILE METEOR!!"
Aubrey turned seriously back to face the camera. "Many roleplayers seem to be under the impression that their role playing skillz will save them from the End Of The World." He was interrupted again as Erad raced by with a feebly fizzing "flaming" mace.
"FEAR THE POWER OF MY FLAMING WEAPONS!" screeched Erad in a deranged sort of way.
Aubrey watched as a few more roleplayers leaped into their holes and started to burrow deeper into the earth. "However, the more sensible of us realize that unless someone with REAL powers can saved us, (coughMr.Tblzcough), WE'RE DOOMED."
He jumped into a hole beside Jake Sky, who was gibbering to himself.
"That's the news from Role-Playing City. Back to you, Lenni."
000
Mr. Tblz watched with sexy, awesome interest. He certainly hoped no one really expected him to give up Mr. Tblz Day to save them from this stupid meteor! The Mega Glompians were notorious for making their problems seem worse than they were. Pfah!
He went to the kitchen to get some juice, in a sexy awesome way. He was so sexy and awesome that everything he did was sexy and awesome.
000
The camera had cut to Lenni, spazzing randomly in her desk chair. "Wait . . . are we on air?" she asked Ari, the camerawoman.
"lolololololol, YES! Go!" hissed Ari.
"OKAY! Ummmm . . . WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!! Anyhoo. What is our government doing to save us all? Probably zilch, 'cause that's what governments do, in general, but let's find out from Bekki, reporting live from the seat of our government, the Forum Info Section!"
000
Bekki quickly stopped eating her glue stick when she noticed that the camera was filming her.
"Ahem. Well, here in the various government buildings of Forum Info, Rules and Regulations, and Suggestions and Help, our Mega Glomp Government is hard at work trying to save us all! Prime Minister Jazz is about to give a press conference."
Prime Minister Jazz stepped out onto the balcony of the Suggestions and Help building. The anxious crowd of Mega Glompians waited hopefully for her wisdom to save them.
"People of Mega Glomp!" she said into her megaphone. "My cabinet and I have deliberated long and hard on this matter—" she gestured to her cabinet, the team of mods who included Mustang, Molly, and Leaf "—and we have decided . . . decided . . . Okay, we got nothin'. However, Seth has ventured into the secret Area 51 of Mega Glomp, the Staff Only Forum, to find our secret supply of paper bags. He is passing out these paper bags in Randomtropolis, and we suggest you wear them over your heads. We believe that Mr. Tblz is our only hope . . . however, Molly also has a very useful advice on this matter."
Molly stepped forward, clearing her throat. "Good people of Mega Glomp. It is my professional opinion . . ."
The crowd leaned forward with bated breath.
Molly continued. "That now . . . is the time . . . TO PANIC!!" She ran off screaming.
"AAAAAAHHHHHPANICCCCC!!" screamed the crowd, running around frantically. Saria crashed into Bekki and her mike was trampled into dust.
A chant of "MR. TBLZ! SAVE US! MR. TBLZ! MR. TBLZ! MR. TBLZ!" rose from the panicking crowd.
000
Mr. Tblz sniffed shmexily. He hoped they didn't think that he could be cajoled into giving up his free day by their whining about their problems! Sheesh. Being a superhero was so demanding . . . only someone as sexy and awesome as himself could handle it, and even he needed a break!
000
The camera quickly switched back to Lenni in the studio. She was eating something purple off the floor.
"LENNI! We're live! lololololololololololol!" hissed Ari.
"Wha—" Lenni looked up quickly. "OH! Errrrrrrrrrrrr . . . HEY LOOK! A PURPLE THING ON THE FLOOR!" She laughed nervously. "OKAY! Squight is reporting live from Randomtropolis, our capital! Take it away, Squight!"
000
Squight had appeared on the screen. "Thank you, Lenni. Here in our great city of Randomtropolis, users are hiding in their 300-page long threads, hoping this will save them. Seth is passing out paper bags, and as you can see, many have taken to lying on the ground with the bags over their heads." She prodded Sploofeh with her toe.
"Anyway, I'm going to interview the crowd. Ah, here's Kat. How do you feel about the End Of The World As We Know It, Kat?"
Kat, who had been running around screaming frantically, skidded to a halt. She looked intently at Squight with crazed eyes and shouted "DUCKS!!"
"Er, okay . . ." said Squight. "Kat, what do you want to accomplish in life before you die?"
In answer, Kat threw herself at Seth, who was passing by with a stack of paper bags, and kissed him passionately. They began making out.
"Disturbeeeeng . . ." mumbled Squight. "As you can see, the populace is slowly going even more insane than usual. Rin! How do you feel about the end of the world?"
Rin snatched the microphone away from Squight and took a small bite out of it, then threw it back to her.
The microphone hit Squight on the head, and she immediately passed out. Beth grabbed the microphone.
"RIGHTO! Beth taking over here! So clearly, everyone's acting like maniacs and shizz!" she began. "We can only hope that Mr. Tblz will save us! PENS, PAHA!!"
Suddenly, Chris fell out of a 300 page thread and plummeted downwards, plopping onto the ground beside Beth.
"CHRIS! MUH SHTEAMY LOVER!! NOOOOOO!!" screamed Beth, throwing herself down beside him.
000
Mr. Tblz chewed thoughtfully (and also sexily, and awesomely). His meatball sandwich was very, very good. And it was his day off. They should have picked another day to be killed by a meteor. So inconsiderate. Well, he was tired of always being called here and there to open their glue sticks! He was going to enjoy his day off in that sexy awesome way he had!!
000
The news report was now showing Kari, standing in the middle of the MG's Heart section.
"Here in MG's Heart, users are trusting in the power of their LURVE for each other to help them survive the meteor!" she said, gesturing to the nearby group of Mega Glompers. They were standing in a circle, holding hands.
"Ooooooohmmmm . . ." CrhisaHoa hummed. "Ooooohhhhhmmmm . . ."
"Someone's singing, my lord . . . Kumbaya . . ." sang the crowd. "Someone's singing, my lord . . . Kumbaya . . . Someone's singing, my lord . . . Kumbaya . . . Ohhh, lo-ord, Kumbaya . . ."
Kari looked seriously at the camera. "Most of us are praying that Mr. Tblz will listen to our cries for help and stop the meteor!"
"MISTER . . . TIBBLES . . . MISTER . . . TIBBLES . . ." chanted the crowd. "MISTER . . . TIBBLES . . . MISTER . . . TIBBLES . . ."
Kari glanced at the sky fearfully. "The meteor is closing in on us, and no sign of the sexy, awesome Mr. Tibbles. And if Mr. Tblz won't save us, who or what will?"
Behind her, the crowd began singing "We Shall Overcome." Kari continued. "Whether our mutual love of each other (aww!) will save us, no one can tell. But I'll say this—at least we here in MG's Heart won't go to our deaths screaming and flailing. Let's check in with Clare in the Poetry section."
000
Great! thought Mr. Tblz sexily and awesomely. Maybe they'll find a way to save themselves, for once. Useless fangirls . . . He dabbed a little pickle relish on his sandwich. Mmmm . . . it was the BEST SANDWICH EVER. The sandwich was almost as sexy and awesome as he was.
He REFUSED to intervene. This was HIS DAY!! HIS! He saved the Mega Glompians 364 days a year, even on Christmas. Was it too much to ask that they didn't get into some terrible calamity and beg for his help for just ONE STINKING LITTLE DAY? He was sexy and awesome! HE DESERVED IT!
He had to save them from floods, server crashes, and epic feuds every other day. Yet they always managed to survive, the oversensitive, ungrateful brats that they were! Pfffffft . . . No one appreciated his sexy awesomeness as much as they should . . .
000
Clare stood in the poetry section, surrounded by a crowd consisting mostly of emo poetry writers and a few normal people who just happened to write poetry.
"So," she said nervously, glancing at the emos. "Hi. What's your name, dude?"
"DarkHorizon . . ." said the guy sadly.
"DarkHorizon. I haven't seen you around MG before . . ." mused Clare.
"I only post in poetry. Poetry is my life. There is no Mega Glomp outside Poetry," said DarkHorizon moodily.
"Er, right then . . ." said Clare. "Well, unbeknownst to most Mega Glompers, there is a subculture of The Pale Kids—Poetry writers we rarely see outside Poetry. What're y'alls plans for the end of the world?"
"We will stay here in Poetry. We are safe in Poetry. Poetry is life. We will stay here and write End Of The World Poetry," said a girl named MyTearsOfBlood. "I have a new poem entitled "'This Dark Abyss of the Soul Realized in the Fate of the World Crying With Anguished Cries of Wrenching Pain from the Blackness.' Would you like to read it?"
"Moving on then!" said Clare with a forced smile. "Lenni, can we . . . PLEASE move on now?"
000
Lenni quickly stopped stroking the large chunk of Ari's hair (which she kept as a pet) and looked semi-seriously at the camera.
"While the emos—I mean, poets—write poetry, and many in Randomtropolis run around with paper bags over their heads, other courageous users are searching for ways to escape from Mega Glompia. We are now joined via satellite by Tim AKA Hawk Blade AKA Twimmity AKA Timmify AKA Timmikins AKA Brimothy AKA Timmy-D AKA Mittens AKA Timmylicious AKA—"
"That's enough, Lenni! lololol!" hissed Ari from behind the camera.
"Fiiiine," sulked Lenni. "So Timmify! What's going on in the Leaving section?"
The screen split, half showing Lenni and half showing Tim.
"Well, Lenni-D," said Tim, "Here in the Leaving Section, a couple of Leaving Section regulars are trying to find a way to escape from Mega Glompia! I have here with me MinHawk, leader of the Escapist movement. Min, could you tell our viewers how you plan to escape from Mega Glompia before the meteor hits?"
"Yes. Well, as most people who regularly make leaving threads know, it's hard to leave Mega Glomp forever, even when you say you're going to. The Leaving Section is a psychological trap that actually drags you back into Mega Glomp!"
"BUT . . ." broke in another Escapist follower (Lucy) "There is ONE . . . Min has told us tales of the One who has escaped Mega Glomp Land, truly forever! And we are going to try to follow in her footsteps. MUSHY!"
"Who the hell is Mushy?" asked Lenni over the satellite connection.
"She's one user (from way back at the dawn of Mega Glomp) who actually said she was leaving Mega Glomp forever—and . . . and . . . DID leave Mega Glomp forever!" said Min. "Therefore, there must be an escape hatch SOMEWHERE in the leaving section! KEEP LOOKING, PEOPLE!!"
The Escapists started poking around among the Leaving threads, looking for the escape hatch, and wandering deeper and deeper into the dark woods of the Leaving Section, led by Min, Ann, and Lucy.
"As you can see, Lenni," commented Tim, "Users are dealing with this in a lot of different ways. I'm a proponent of the Paper Bag method, myself . . ."
"Thank you, Twimmity!" said Lenni. "I HEART YOU!" She made a little heart in the air with her fingers.
"Heart you too!" said Twimify, winking shmexily. His screen went blank, and the camera panned back to Lenni.
"Well!" she continued, attempting to hide her fluttering heart and dreamy smile. "Other Mega Glompers are trying to find other ways to escape Mega Glompia!" A picture of Jazz appeared on the screen.
"Many users believe that Prime Minister Jazz has some sort of escape hatch control on the Admin Panel, and pundits are calling for her to open an escape route from Randomtropolis! However, Jazz states 'Much as I wish the rumors were true, I have no secret escape route control thingy', thus crushing this hope. Now over to Saria in Introductions."
000
"BEWARE THE BUTT PIRATE SPORKS OF DOO— Oh. Thanks, Lenni." said Saria. "Well, the n00bs have scattered like goldfish around a shark. Or whatever. Nobody knows whence they came, or where they go, but they've all disappeared, and nobody can figure out where they go to—or how WE can escape in the same way!" The camera showed a few users burrowing among the Introduction threads, searching for a way to escape.
"So far, no regular user has been able to get out of here!" Saria continued. "And we're not sure why that is, if there's an escape tunnel we should be able to find it, right? Jehad, theories?"
"Yeah," said Jehad. "N00bs are all, like, not as cemented in this forum as we are. They can just drift away from it . . . but the rest of us, the addicted? We're trapped. We couldn't escape if we tried, and people have over the years. Ever wonder why people who are "Leaving" always come back? There's no way off this accursed forum, and we're all going to die a gruesome death here, because there's NO WAY OUT!! AND THAT DAMN FRICKING TBLZ WON'T SAVE US!!"
"Thank you, Jehad," said Saria seriously. "Here's Sami, reporting from Old Topics on other users and their attempted escapes."
000
Damn fricking Tblz? thought Mr. Tblz. They never appreciated his sexy awesomeness! This was why he didn't want to save these stupid brats. If only they'd show a little more respect, love, appreciation! No, he was sick of his treatment, and he was GOING to enjoy his day the way a man of his sexiness and awesomeness should!
000
"YO! Wus crackin, home girrrrrls?" said Sami. "Check it out! Here in Old Topics, a couple of crazies are planning to hide as deep as they can in the many locked threads, hoping to outlast the apocalypse! FOSHIZZLE!" She stuffed the mike into Geminex's face.
"Yes," said Gem. "We call ourselves the Survivors, and we are venturing into the deep, far reaches of Old Topics, where locked threads stretch on, and on, and on into oblivion. Either we'll reach the Edge of the World deep in those Old Topics, or we'll get far in enough in to survive the meteor, and thus we shall emerge to re-populate Mega Glompia!"
Taylor/PrinceCricket giggled. "Darling Gemmie and I will found a new civilization, and our children will rule the New Mega Glompia!"
"Your . . . children?" said Sami with a o.O face.
Taylor tossed her head and grabbed Geminex's hand. She and Gem, hand in hand, lead the Survivors into the great, dark cemetery/forest of Old Topics. Sami watched as they disappeared into the distance.
"Well. That was . . . interesting, dawwwgs. Let's go over to mah homegirl Erin, who is now in the Clubs section. Foshizzle."
000
Erin strolled along through the Clubs section. The members of the Zombie Survival Club were stockpiling food, water, and atomic ray guns, the Short People were out in Short People force, practicing their Short Person Kung-Fu, and the members of the Twilight House were getting in their last squees before the End Of The World.
"It's a sad day in Mega Glomp History," said Erin. "To think that the busy Club section will so soon be empty, that Mega Glomp will be left with only a few survivors . . . it's just downright depressing. Since there's little we can do about it, most seem to be partying like there's no tomorrow, because, well . . . there might not be a tomorrow. If only Mr. Tblz would come in time!"
"Erin . . ." called Keiro Hayase from the Dimension Jumpers Club (he was a roleplayer with no understanding of Tblz's sexy awesomeness) "Do you seriously believe in that Tblz crap? No freaking newscaster named after a cat in Harry Potter is going to save us! You don't really think he will?"
Erin glared at him. "Yes, I do! Mr. Tblz is our hero, plus the shmexyist most awesome thing ever! And he won't sit back and watch Mega Glomp be destroyed! Don't even imply it. You probably don't know how many terrible things have been averted because Mr. Tblz saved us!"
"FANGIRLS, ATTACK!!" screamed Lenni, via the satellite connection. A crowd of rabid Tblz Fangirls charged Keiro and flattened him. "MR. TBLZ! MR. TBLZ! MR. TBLZZZZ!" they chanted. "SAVE US, MR. TBLZ!" They marched towards Randomtropolis, and the crowd behind them grew, always chanting "MR. TBLZ! MR. TBLZ! WE LOVE MR. TBLZ! SAVE US, MR. TBLZ! MR. TBLZ! MR. TBLZ! SEXY, AWESOME MR. TBLZ!"
Crowds of Mega Glompers marched from the many corners of Mega Glomp towards Randomtropolis. Even the emo poets made their way there, and the roleplayers stepped out of Role-Playing City for the first time ever, looking around in amazement at Mega Glomp, for they had never left their respective sections.
Lenni and Ari came from the Mega Glompia Newz studio, Jazz and the Cabinet of Mods came from their government offices, Clubbers of all kinds came out of their Clubs and headed to Randomtropolis, Artists and Original/ fan fiction writers put down their pens.
Would-be shrinks made their way out of the Help sections (their arms around kids with suckish lives who were in need of advice), Escapists came from the Leaving and Intro sections, Gamers from the Game section, and fuzzy hearted people from the MG's Heart section! All together, they marched onwards, finally meeting their Mega Glomp brothers and sisters in the great city of Randomtropolis.
Finally, the whole Mega Glompia population was standing in Randomtropolis, screaming "MR. TBLZ! MR. TBLZ! SEXY, AWESOME MR. TBLZ! MR. TBLZ! MR. TBLZ! WE LOVE MR. TBLZ! MR. TBLZ! MR. TBLZ! SAVE US, MR. TBLZ!!"
000
Mr. Tblz's sexy, awesome heart had warmed as he watched the fangirls pound Keiro into the ground, then his heart positively glowed as the MG population came from the four corners of Mega Glomp and stood, united, in their capital, screaming his name. Finally, the public realized all the stuff he'd been doing on the DL (besides being sexy and awesome, that is) to keep Mega Glomp safe. And he wasn't going to let the forumland he'd worked so hard to protect be crushed on his day off.
He knew that if he gave into the cries, Mr. Tblz Day would be cancelled, and probably not given the respect it deserved in the future, if he showed the public he would even help them with their problems on Mr. Tblz Day.
But Mr. Tblz jumped up anyway and, not bothering to turn off the TV, bolted outside and stared at the sky. That was just the kind of sexy, awesome, self-sacrificing person he was.
He knew what he had to do. He concentrated hard and, within seconds, he was standing on the giant meteor, using his AMAZING Sexy Awesome Teleportation Powerz.
He had a certain magic called Sexy Awesome Mr. Tblz Magic, because when you're as awesome and sexy as Mr. Tblz, you have a certain sexy, awesome power.
"Whoa!" He held on to a large piece of the meteor while digging in his pocket for his axe. His pockets were magical, too. Mr. Tblz could store things in his Sexy Awesome Magical Pockets they'd never get full!
Once he found his axe, he started chopping the meteor. Within seconds (because he was fast. He was Mr. Tblz for crying out loud!), the meteor was just small bits of rocks. He was standing in mid-air! After doing some ballet moves (something of which got him strange looks from the germs that were floating around) he concentrated hard again and appeared next to Erin, the news reporter (using his Sexy Awesome Magical Teleportation Powerz.)
"Mr. Tblz!" Erin gasped. She shook his hand while gaping at his sexy awesomeness. "I'm Erin! It's such a pleasure to meet you!"
A great roar went up from the crowd. "MR. TIIIIIIIBBBBBLLESSSS!! YAAAAAYYY!! HE SAVED US FROM THE METEOR AND HE IS SEXY AND AWESOME AS WELL!!"
Mr. Tblz bowed awesomely and sexily to the screaming throng. He had saved Mega Glomp. Again.
Erin turned to the camera. "I'm here with Mr. Tblz, the sexy, awesome man who gave up Mr. Tblz Day in order to save us. Do you regret it?"
"Why would I regret saving Mega Glompia and the human race?" said Mr. Tblz in that sexy awesome way of his.
"Well... yes, that's true. I'm Erin with the Mega Glompia Newz."
Epilogue
Four Years Later
The Mega Glompers were having a party. Mr. Tblz was the sexiest, awesomest guest of honor ever, and he had brought sexy, awesome meatball sandwiches. They were celebrating the four year anniversary of the fateful Mr. Tblz Day when Mr. Tblz had saved them all (and been sexy and awesome while rescuing them from certain death!!) Everyone was partying hard in Randomtropolis, even the emo poets.
Suddenly, a man and a woman staggered into Randomtropolis (to the gasps of the watching Mega Glompians.)
They were dirty, unwashed, and covered with sticks and leaves, their clothing torn, their hair matted, and their eyes wild.
They were each holding a baby in their arms, and three older toddlers followed behind them, clinging to their parents' legs.
"Is this where the city of Randomtropolis used to be?" croaked the woman.
"Used to be? This IS the city of Randomtropolis," said Beth nervously (she stopped making out with Chris for several seconds to say this.)
"Who . . . ARE you?" asked Bekki. Of course, Mr. Tblz already knew, using his Sexy Awesome Prophetic Skillz, but he remained silent in that sexy, awesome, silent way of his.
"Was Mega Glompia destroyed?" croaked the man. "We've . . . come back . . ."
Erin stepped forward and wiped the grime from the woman's face. Everyone gave a huge gasp (except Mr. Tblz, who was too busy being sexy and awesome to gasp).
"PRINCE CRICKET/ TAYLOR?! AND . . . AND GEMINEX?!"
. . . The End