First, I want to thank everyone for the amazing feedback on this first chapter. If you haven't read it yet, I want to start by saying this is my first FanFic I have published and this community is amazing. PLEASE comment, I love you all to death and I will definitely come by your fics and read and rate as well. :)

Second, the feedback has inspired me to continue this story and add some chapters! Stay tuned!

PS. I don't own Castle, I only like to pretend I do ;)

Enjoy!

K.E.

His heart was pounding in his chest, threatening to leap out and leave him. He wasn't sure when he realized that there were drummers beating out a rhythm just as quick and terrifying, but he heard them somewhere, in the back of his mind.

Castle stopped breathing for a second as the hearse pulled up to them. It almost looked like it was gliding over the green slope - chasing the police horse to it's final resting place. Montgomery's final resting place. It wasn't a dark, cloudy day that day. It wasn't raining hell and high water down on them. Castle wasn't sure why Pathetic Fallacy was one of his coping mechanisms but he found himself angry at the sun behind his sunglasses; silently asking why the sun wasn't mourning too. The vast expanse of green grass was scarred with little gray stones, here and there, row by row and all Castle could think about was his friend Michael Connelly and the first book he published.

White stones sprouted in the manicured grass...

The hearse slowly braked and the engine was still. The back door opened - Castle didn't notice who opened it - he always noticed, he observed, that was what he did but he didn't see it this time. His mind was reeling with thoughts and words and colors he couldn't shut out. He couldn't turn it off.

Like row after row of baby teeth...All those graves.

There must have been rollers under the coffin to help slide it out of the hearse because there was a metal on metal sound - so small but he heard it. It was coming closer - he grasped the handle he needed to hold...and didn't let go. They began their march towards the plot where everyone waited. Everyone. Such a vague word, but he meant it. Family, friends, fellow officers and some people no one really knew. The ground crunched beneath his shoes and the coffin was getting heavier with every step he took. He wished the drummers would stop playing. He couldn't focus.

Such neat rows. I try never to look out the windows here.

The officers lining their wake saluted and the guests at the funeral stared. There was red, white and blue everywhere he looked. The coffin, the graves, people wore it and carried it...God Bless America and you...you Star Spangled Banner, you're everywhere and nowhere and all that red, white and blue and Protecting and Serving...What good did that do the Captain? He was down and done. He made his stand and Castle could only stare blankly and hope to whatever God there was that he had done enough. He certainly gave up enough.

Castle stopped. He was going to drive himself crazy. He didn't know he could think so much. He heard Esposito shout and they all lowered the Captain down. He shouted again, and the officers turned - walked away. They were just leaving him there for the dirt. He swallowed hard and was angry at the sun again. It was too hot and his sunglasses were pinching and slipping. He pulled them off and caught a glimpse of Montgomery's wife and kids...he forgot their names...he never forgot names. What was her name? Someone had taken the flag and they were folding it for her. Castle didn't want to look at her but he couldn't stop. His heart hurt for her in a way he hadn't felt before and he hated it. She was shaking as they handed her the flag. Evelyn. He remembered. Her name is Evelyn. His hands shook and he shoved them in his pockets.

Kate stepped up to the makeshift podium that that had been set up for the funeral. Castle rooted himself to the ground beside her. She wanted to say her piece, to lay him to rest with honor and dignity. He understood that. He had died a hero and if it wasn't for him Kate wouldn't be here alive. The thought shook him but fell silent as she started to give her speech - her eulogy to their friend, boss, teacher...Captain.

"Roy Montgomery taught me what it meant to be a cop. He taught me that we are bound by our choices but we are more than our mistakes. Captain Montgomery once said to me that there is no victory. There are only battles...and in the end the best you can hope for is to find a place to make your stand."

Castle scanned the crowd and his eyes fell on Jim Beckett. The last time he saw him (which was also the first) he had begged Castle to make Kate stand down. He hoped he had done alright in that department...she was standing, at least. He liked Jim, he was a good man and a good father, to raise someone like Kate. Castle knew about his past already, how he reacted when he lost Johanna. He made a mental note to sit down and have a good talk with him later. Maybe discuss something more pleasant than death.

His mother and Alexis were beside Jim, sitting like matching redheaded bookends, stoic and graceful. He hadn't liked the idea of his mother moving in with him a few years ago but things had changed and now he found himself actually enjoying her company. A lot had changed in the past few years, come to think of it. He found it difficult to breathe or swallow again. He held back what threatened to be tears, finding a spot in the grass to stare at.

"And if you're very lucky you find someone willing to stand with you." Kate paused and he looked at her. Their eyes met and locked in a moment of "It's going to be okay" understanding. They were going to fight the fight together, official partners or not - they were okay. He took a breath and tried to find a spot to stare at again. So help him God he would not lose it today, she needed him to be strong. Alexis needed him to be strong too. Mostly, he just wanted to keep himself together. His eyes fixed on a row of graves the next field over and he stared a hole through it, willing himself to be stronger.

"Our Captain would want us to carry on the fight," He heard Kate speaking but his breath hitched when he saw something glint in the sun. What was that? He tried to focus on the spot it came from - behind one of the gravestones in the distance...Was it just a glint from a kids toy or memento someone left? He had seen small picture frames left on loved one's gravestones...there it was again. It was moving slightly...shining under the sun and pointed straight ahead...He looked at Kate then back at the flash, back and forth, but his brain wouldn't compute...his body wasn't listening to his brain now - too slow, think faster Rick...move...you know what that is...now move! It can't be...it was like a bad dream, a nightmare where you want to run, but can't move and it seems like you try for an eternity...move, Rick! Say something...

"...and even if there is...is one - " Finally his body worked, but it wasn't enough. He heard something pop in the distance...like air being released too quickly, a silencer. He heard himself yell her name but just as he felt his hands brush the fabric sleeve of her uniform, her face went blank.

Then everything exploded.

He collided into her and they were knocked into the grass. Her hat flew off on impact, somewhere, he didn't know...

Everyone was screaming, ducking for cover, running for help...

"Where'd that come from?"

"Lanie get down!"

People leapt over their chairs, hit the grass, ran for a safer place...some just sat and stared...

"I think it's over there!"

Is someone going to call for help? Has anyone called? All he could see was green...He lifted his head up from the grass and glanced at her - there was a hole in her uniform and a dark, wet circle spread from it, growing every second. She wasn't wearing her Kevlar...no one expects to get shot at a funeral...he should've made her wear it anyways...he should've been faster...

Kate's hand was still up, reaching for something to grab onto, but coming up empty. Her glove was stained red and he didn't want to see it, he couldn't think about it. Her eyes were searching for something, anything to focus on. The world was spinning and it was so loud...

"Kate?" He thought he heard himself say. He wasn't sure anymore.

"Beckett's down! Beckett's down!"

He couldn't look at her like this. She wasn't talking and he couldn't read her eyes...they were frantic...that's all he could tell. His hands were shaking violently but he tried to keep them still. He slid them under her neck to hold her head. Her hair was damp, sweat from her neck and dew from the grass...

"Shhh...Kate please...stay with me, Kate." He tried to get her to focus, to look at him and stop her from going into shock, but she was already there, he could feel her breathing staggering, see her struggling to swallow her breath...Focus...

"Don't leave me," Her eyes met his, locked into a place of understanding again. That place they met when they knew "whodunnit", when they shared an idea...He couldn't lose her, not now, not after all this... "Please...Stay with me, okay?" A tear tumbled down her cheek and he wanted to just wake up from the nightmare they were both trapped inside...he couldn't watch her cry.

His eyes were burning, and his heart felt like it was being squeezed. His chest was tight and he had to tell her. He didn't even realize he had said it until after the words had come out.

"Kate...I love you." He looked in her eyes for any sign she heard him. He had to say it again, she needed to hear him, "I love you Kate..."

He felt her pulse skip...her eyes lost their focus and she closed them slowly. There was no more energy left in her to keep awake. No, no, no, no, no...not her...not Kate...He felt her whole body shut down and go limp, and a tear rolled down his nose and dropped...

Red, white and blue...he was losing it...her gloved hand was stained with blood...he fell backwards into the grass and stared. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak. The sky was starting to fill with clouds. Finally his pathetic fallacy...pathetic...he couldn't think. Goodbye to the blue sky...so this was his red, white and blue...He saw people whizzing past him, EMTs and family and officers pushing past to help the officer down...

He was not going to keep it together...he couldn't anymore.