The funeral had been two months ago.

Carswell Thorne knew that from his journal. His notes, the ones his parents made him keep so that he didn't forget things. Or as a reference to things he was supposed to know, but didn't. This was one of those things.

In his mind, it seemed, the funeral was real. It had happened and Cinder was dead. But his heart, his soul, if such a thing was real, couldn't seem to comprehend that his best friend, his first sweetheart, was gone from this world and everything forever. So it was a conflicting thing when he would look up to see her in front of him, or to hear her voice in his head, or to feel her arms around him when he was at his worst.

His mother thought he was crazy. And, sometimes, he thought so too. Wouldn't that automatically mean he couldn't be? After all, crazy doesn't recognize self. Besides, he could function. He could socialize. He had friends, a life. But when he had these "visions" and "episodes", as his therapist called them, it was impossible to separate the so-called imagined from reality. In that moment, Cinder was real, more alive than she had been even before. Her skin was tanned, as it was in the summer, cheeks sunburned to the shade of a sunrise; her brown hair was thin and wiry but soft, still wet like she had just climbed from the river.

The river.

Carswell hadn't gone back there since that day, and he didn't know if he ever would. The memory was to fresh in his mind; god knows that it replayed every night, before and behind his eyes for hours upon hours upon hours until the pills kicked in and he could finally sleep.

Sleep was something he thought about often these days. How easy it would be for him to just close his eyes and let go. There were pros, of course: getting out of and away from the stares, the sympathetic though far from well meaning whispers, the sighs of people who had stopped caring long ago. Cinder. Most and least of all, Cinder. But then the cons. The terrors, visions he never wanted to see. A hand slip. Over the trees. Finally, watching that hand fall back again. Sometimes, and he knew it best of all, it didn't even work. That guarantee of sweet release was only a warranty, not always temporary. And the price was just too much.

All said and done, the funeral had been two months ago. Two months ago, and one week after that was the first time Carswell had seen her. Cinder.

"What'ya doin'?"

"Nothing, just reading this story for English. Kinney is bringing me my work."

The greeting had been so familiar that he hadn't even flinched. Hadn't even stopped to think that the person who came along with it shouldn't come with anything anymore.

"So you're still in here, then. I was wondering. I've been out of here for almost a month. Actually, I wasn't even here in the first place. Free, but...dead, I guess. That's what everyone's been telling you, huh? Ha, I guess so, by the look on your face. The question is, who got lucky in this situation?"

This had to be a dream. Why did he have to have the digestive system of a sloth? Why had he asked for the extra painkillers? They were taking effect now, surely. The only explanation for this was drugs. He pressed the NURSE button next to him while Cinder was taking in the room. Maybe they could help him get this out of his system.

"Lucky? Did anyone get 'lucky' from this? My parents are paying bills that cost more money than they have, the whole school is closed because no one could pay attention, and the moment I woke up your brother came in to scream at me about why. Why I had survived, not you. Why I, the one who had been driving and oh-so-obviously caused the whole thing, got to live. Can you tell me, Cinder? Can you answer me why?"

The nurse had entered, then, lips puckered with the unasked though already known question of what was wrong. Cinder was gone, sometime between when he turned his head at the nurse's movements and when he looked back to where she had been. And the question was never answered.

.

so, there you guys go! i hope you like it, and if there are any errors feel free to tell me. I just found and replaced for the names in this from the original, so i hope I got that at right at least XD feedback is much appreciated. hope you all had a wonderful day-

kaylynn