This is quite a random story which I had the idea for weeks ago and finally decided to get around to writing this weekend. It was meant as a fluffy one shot, but it's turned out rather angsty and so long I'll have to do a few chapters! That being said, I hope you enjoy reading it and please review! I love knowing what you think, good or bad.
ETA - I'm picking up this story again and, now that we've had series 2, it is rather AU. I hope you enjoy reading it anyway!
Mary, Matthew and Sybil sat awkwardly in the large and majestic library in Downton Abbey. Once all the usual topics of conversation had been exhausted, from the lovely spring sunshine to the state of health of the relatives, the conversation had somewhat ground to a halt. If Matthew had known how long the awkward silence would continue for, he never would have accepted Sybil's kind invitation to wait in the library for her father. He only wanted a quick word with Lord Grantham and had rather used the reason to visit him as an excuse to take a nice walk on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. He just had a few queries about the renovations to the workers cottages, which had begun once more now that the dreadful war had finally ended and peace had been declared last autumn. When Mr Carson had reported that his Lordship was currently walking the grounds with her Ladyship and his labrador, and would be returning in the next hour, Matthew had quickly refused Carson's offer to find him and announce Matthew's arrival. It was after all, a trifling matter of business and so Matthew considered returning again later that afternoon or tomorrow.
However, he was just about to say his goodbyes and thanks to Carson, when Sybil appeared from the library. She had heard Matthew's arrival and was quite eager to see him, so she hurried towards the door and greeted him, entreating him to stay and wait in the library. Her kind and welcoming words had been enough to convince Matthew to remain and wait for Lord Grantham, though he had adamantly refused the offer of tea being brought, not wanting them to go to any trouble on his account. He regretted that decision now though; at least the distraction of drinking tea and eating cakes and sandwiches would have provided some excuse for breaks in the conversation, and perhaps may have even provided conversation itself. Of course, if Matthew had known how things would turn out, and that he would find Lady Mary sat in the library reading, he would have declined even Sybil's kind invitation immediately. As it was, Matthew didn't notice her presence in the library until Carson had shown him in and Sybil, entering behind him, had called to her. Mary had been sat on one of the large red settees, facing away from the door, with her head down and her back towards them. She'd looked up and turned around in her seat at Sybil's words and the surprise on Mary's face must have been clearly reflected in his own. He could hardly turn down the invitation then though, and so he'd had no other choice but to speak a few pleasantries and sit down on the settee opposite her, with Sybil settling down beside her sister.
And so it was that Matthew found himself caught in an awkward and uncomfortable silence in the middle of the enormous, cavernous library, which only seemed to echo and intensify the silence between them. Despite Sybil's enthusiasm on seeing him, he was very much aware that he was intruding on his cousin's privacy and that he was stopping both from reading. Mary herself had seemed rather displeased at his unexpected arrival and he had obviously interrupted her quiet solitude which, unlike her sister, he had not been invited to. She was too polite and well mannered to say anything, or to continue reading with Matthew present, but this only made Matthew feel all the more uncomfortable and unwelcome.
Of course, being in Mary's company had never been easy or straightforward, even before he'd fought in the ghastly and horrific war. Since he'd returned, and he thanked the Lord every day that he had, with only a deep scar on his back and another across his brow, things between him and Mary could only be described as civil at best. They spoke to each other when they were required to, polite civilities and mundane words, the rest of the time they avoided each others eyes and company. It wasn't often that they met now anyway; Matthew and his mother rarely ventured up to the great house and dinner invitations were not frequent. It wasn't that the great family at the Abbey were trying to avoid them, but that they'd adapted to a rather more simplistic way of life during the war and, even now, extravagant dinner parties were few and far between. This suited Matthew very well, as it meant there was little chance for him to find himself in her company.
Matthew didn't regret his decision to continue at Downton after the war; moving to Manchester seemed somewhat irrelevant now, after all that had happened, but he had been resolute that if he did stay, it would be his way. He had determined that he would no longer allow himself to be a puppet to the Grantham family and had been adamant that he would not only go back and continue his work as a lawyer in Ripon, but would conduct his life on his terms. The war had surprisingly given Matthew a refreshed sense of independence and control and he was glad that Lord Grantham had not taken offence at Matthew's more stubborn attitude in his learning from him the matters concerning the great estate. On the contrary, the Earl seemed to respect Matthew's wishes and his need to take charge of his own life again and they had actually grown closer since Matthew had returned. Whilst Robert had not fought in the battlefields of France in this war, he understood from his past memories of warfare what effects it could have on a man's life and their shared experiences had further increased the respect they had for one another.
Whilst Matthew had found the balance of spending more time with Lord Grantham, and less time with his family, quite acceptable, there was still one major disadvantage to remaining in Downton, and that was the beautiful lady sat across from him in the library. Her body was twisted round towards the window and her gaze was distant, detached, giving Matthew the rare opportunity to look upon her beautiful face unobserved. Despite the four years he'd spent away from her, the four years he'd spent fighting in a gruesome and terrifying war, despite how much the experiences had changed him and scarred him, the simple fact remained that he was still, even now, deeply in love with Lady Mary. It was a fact that he'd tried to deny many times over the years, ever since the garden party when war had been declared and he'd renounced his offer of marriage towards her.
His time away in the war had helped to dim both the painful and pleasant memories he'd had of her and the anger, bitterness and regrets, which plagued him whenever he thought of what had happened between them, had helped to fuel his own desire to become indifferent towards her. But it wasn't enough, it would never be enough. Even through the terrible experiences of horrific warfare and bloodthirsty battles, she'd been ever present in his thoughts and in his dreams. The memories of her had simultaneously given him the reckless desire to throw himself into oblivion so he'd be free of her and the strength of mind to want to continue fighting, surviving, in the hope that one day he may see her again. And he had seen her again, briefly in his few visits home during the war and then when peace had been declared and he'd finally been allowed to return home for good.
Matthew remembered clearly what had happened when he'd first seen her again. He remembered not knowing what to expect, how to behave and how things would be between them and these worries had troubled him as he'd prepared for dinner at the great house that evening. When he'd seen her before, in his rare visits home, she'd been so formal and distant towards him, as if nothing had ever happened between them. As if she hadn't, so long ago, kissed him so tenderly and considered his proposal of marriage. That meeting, that night, had been no different and her icy, reserved, almost heartless demeanour, when the rest of her family had been so welcoming and delighted to see him again, had caused all the anger and bitterness and frustration Matthew had felt towards her to burst forth. He'd been lucky to even survive, to even be standing there, in front of them, and all she could do was politely greet him and avoid his eyes and his conversation. He wasn't sure what he had hoped for, but some reaction, any reaction, from her was better than that, that coldness and detachment, as if nothing had ever once existed between them. The feeling of betrayal had mixed with his frustration and bitterness and it had helped him build up a front, to keep himself distant from her and to hide his feelings and thoughts away. Even now, many months later, those feelings still remained and plagued him whenever he thought of her. He held onto them though, took comfort in his bitterness and anger towards her, even encouraged it, for it made it far easier to hide what he truly felt for Mary, both from her and from himself.
It did not, however, make it easy to think of stimulating conversation and, as the silence grew among them, Matthew wondered if perhaps he should just go. He was just about to make his excuses and leave, when Sybil suddenly started speaking and tore him from his painful memories.
"Whilst you are in the library, Matthew, perhaps you may find some books you'd like to read. I know papa would be only too pleased for you to borrow some." It was a pretty dire conversation starter, Sybil knew that well enough, but she'd been struggling for something to say for a while now. It wasn't like Sybil to struggle to maintain discussion, but when her sister and Cousin Matthew were in the same room, and their dark and despondent moods descended, it could stifle anyone's optimism and cheerfulness. Normally, when the whole family were present, there were enough people to keep the conversation flowing and they'd all learnt very quickly to ignore Mary and Matthew and their misery. Occasionally, they tried to bring them into the conversation, but for the most part, they let them be, with their eyes cast down, their faces hard and their countenance melancholy. With only Sybil present now, it was up to her to keep them entertained and she herself was feeling quite dispirited that she was failing in that duty. She was determined to keep trying though, not only because she did usually enjoy her cousin's company and didn't want to discourage it, but because she, unlike the rest of the family, had not yet given up the hope that a reconciliation was still possible for her cousin and sister. Matthew's head, suddenly turning from her sister towards her as she spoke, only reinforced Sybil's resolve.
"That is very kind of you, Sybil," Matthew replied, hoping his voice didn't sound too relieved that someone had finally spoken, or betray what his thoughts had been fixed upon a moment ago. "Perhaps you could be kind enough to recommend a few books to me." He looked around at the many walls, shelves and tables stacked with books in admiration and awe. "With such an astounding and magnificent collection as this, I wouldn't know quite where to start!"
"I'd love to," was Sybil's enthusiastic response, pleased to have found a subject of interest to Matthew. As she stood up, she couldn't fail to miss Mary's reaction. She'd been staring into the distance for a while now, obviously worrying over some thought or other, for she was fiddling with her necklace. At Matthew's words though, her attention had been caught and she'd suddenly looked round at him. As Sybil had replied, a look of dislike and annoyance seemed to flash across her face and she glanced at Sybil disapprovingly. She looked as if she were about to say something, but thought better of it and instead returned to gazing distractedly out of the distant window. Sybil couldn't help but hide a small smile as she continued to stand, hopeful that she had seen a flicker of jealousy in Mary's eyes at the attention Matthew was giving her. All is certainly not lost! Sybil thought as she discretely collected the books she had been studying before Matthew had arrived. Feeling slightly self-conscious, she did her best to hide their titles from Matthew as she picked them up, before heading over to one of the great many shelves to return them.
It was Matthew's turn to hide a smile as he noticed Sybil carefully collecting the books. He had a feeling he knew what they were about and when she returned them to the section of the library Matthew knew was devoted to politics, his suspicions were confirmed. No doubt they were some less mainstream books on politics or women's rights and Sybil wanted to keep her study of them secret. He knew that whilst the Great War had caused her father to relent enough to give his consent for Sybil to marry the family's old chauffeur, he couldn't quite come to terms with his daughter's avid interest in politics and the suffragists'movement. Of course, Lord Grantham's allowance of the engagement of his youngest daughter with a chauffeur may have something to do with the honours and medals Branson had received during the war and that he was now studying politics down in London.
Sybil quickly put her books away before heading over to the fiction section of the great library. Her father always insisted that everything be kept organised and alphabetised in his library and if ever a book was out of place, it would not be long before it somehow found it's rightful position in the shelves once more. Whether it was her father or Carson who upheld this great discipline, Sybil did not know, but as a child she had taken much delight in deliberately testing her theories. Now, it made it easier for Sybil to see what books were present and which ones may appeal to her cousin. She ran her fingers along the spines, skimming titles and authors with little attention. It wasn't long before one book caught her eye though, the author's name grabbing her interest; Austen, Jane. Sybil smiled to herself as she remembered well how she'd devoured all of Austen's books and had read them many times when she was younger. One in particular had been her favourite and she pulled that one out now, opening the book to the first page of Pride and Prejudice. She grinned as she read the first line of the book and remembered how she had loved the characters; the handsome and proud Mr Darcy who had fallen in love with the clever and free-spirited Miss Elizabeth Bennett, though she had at first held Mr Darcy in little esteem and made her dislike of him quite apparent. Sybil found herself eagerly reading the first page again, quite forgetting that she was meant to be finding a book for her cousin. It was only when Mary called out that Sybil remembered her purpose.
"I thought you were choosing a book, Sybil, not reading one." Mary's voice was reproachful, but her expression was teasing and Sybil grinned in apology.
"Oh, I am sorry," she quickly apologised and turned to face her sister. Mary had turned back towards the window though and she was fiddling with her necklace once more, as if she was quite determined to avoid Matthew's eyes, which had focused on her as she had spoken. Sybil let out a silent sigh as she saw all too well that things between her eldest sister and her fourth cousin were far too similar to how they were when they had first met, so many years ago. Sybil remembered well enough the fierce, determined dislike Mary had taken towards Matthew when he'd first arrived and how things between them had been very cold, just like... Something suddenly clicked inside Sybil's head and she looked at the book in front of her in astonishment. She quickly snapped the book shut and a smile began to play across her lips as a new scheme started forming in her mind. There was another book by Jane Austen she had loved when she was younger and there it was, sat in its correct position on the shelf, leaning to one side as it filled the space left by its neighbour.
Trying to hide her smile and the joy dancing in her eyes, she quickly grabbed the second book and turned towards her sister and cousin.
"Matthew," she asked, trying so very hard to keep the delight and playfulness from her voice, "have you ever read any books by Jane Austen?"