Before You Go

A/N: I don't own Inuyasha. This is the prelude to Before You Go that I'll be adding an epilogue for this as well. The prelude is in first person, Inuyasha. I read somewhere that first person is the hardest and they were right because this is really short in my opinion. I posted this second because I didn't want the reviews for the original story becoming incorrectly mixed together. The original story will be revised when I post the sequel. Promise. So please enjoy.

Revised Note: I decided, since the original story is so long, even for a one-shot, I shall split it up. Even when I read stories, sometimes when it's too lengthy I sort of lose interested. Also with the division, I can add more because I also felt things were a bit too quick in the original. This is the longest chapter, I promise. I rather enjoy slipping into Inuyasha's complex mind. (7/25/07)

Pairing: Inuyasha/ Kagome, mild Miroku/Sango

Summary: Kagome's getting married--but not to Inuyasha! Inuyasha won't take this sitting down, no way! He refuses to let this wedding go forward and will do anything and everything to get the girl that got away back. When it comes to love, playing dirty is the way to go!

Rating: T — Language

Genre: Romance/Humor

"I'm going to smile and make you think I'm happy,

I'm going to laugh, so you don't see me cry,

I'm going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me- I'm going to smile"

The Hardest Thing — The Prelude

I don't know who the fuck is reading this but all I know is, you better not tell anyone or else. So if you're a fucking big mouth I say you better put this back where you found it. If not, I guess you can read it. Not like I care one way or another.

Kagome's mother gave me this journal, telling me that she knew I wasn't a very vocal person that she understood that I didn't like expressing myself. She was right. I have a lot of pride, I had to because of the way my life is. I didn't know exactly what to write. She said to just write anything, how I felt, a word or two to just get things off my chest. It started out simple. I would just write down my feelings but now it looks like a fucking novel. The word was love.

Love.

What is love?

I never thought of it before. It never came to my mind because I was always too damn busy running for my life, defending myself against humans and demons while trying to better myself with each passing day. Not to say I didn't know what love was. I think…no I know what motherly love was because that was the only thing I had, the only thing I could count on.

My mother was everything to me. She is to every little boy especially when you have no father figure and a bastard of an older brother. Half-brother. But she died. And I guess I started to understand the length of the human life, their weaknesses and their vulnerabilities. I didn't want, if I could ever fall in love, to have to deal with this loneliness again. But I doubt I would since humans hated me, demons scorned me and no one wanted me. I believed this for so long and then when someone finally cared, I jumped the wagon too fucking quickly and ended up pinned to a damn tree for fifty years. Talk about a damn waste of my life.

Love only made things complicated. Love didn't belong between a mortal and a demon, between a half-demon and a priestess. That's what I always believed. Now look at me? I had to do exactly what I told myself not to and now I would have to destroy everything for her sake.

"You know, she's right." I had said, chuckling and trying to sound as cruel as I possible could.

I could use one of those damn Grammies Kagome's always talking about. Because I don't know how the hell I was able to say what I was saying without denying it.

Kikyo was looking at me as if she didn't understand what I was saying. I think she saw through my lies but she said nothing. It's not like I expected any less from her. After all, when this was done, I'd be going to Hell with her. Whether I really wanted to, that's a whole other story. I think I realize just how thin the line between love and hate really is. I love Kikyo, I do, but I wasn't in love with her. Not anymore. She was the first woman I loved, yes, but not the only. It's this woman I would do anything to save. It's this woman I would say all this bull to protect. It was for her.

"I-Inuyasha?" Kagome had looked at me with much confusion, clearly she didn't see behind my lies.

Good.

"It was just a little fun, Kagome; it's not something to get bent out of shape. You didn't think I meant what I said, did you? Come on, I'm a guy."

It was easy, I knew what to say. I would just say the opposite of what I felt.

I would break her.

I would destroy her.

I would annihilate her and all her dreams.

Oh but this was all for you, Kagome. It's all for you, I swear it.

And because it was for her, I had to ignore my human side, denounce my demonic nature's need to stay with the woman he chosen. God. I sound like some fucked up poet or something.

But that didn't matter at the moment. I couldn't allow myself to fall prey to her sadness, to let suffer because she didn't understand this world. We couldn't be together, it just couldn't happen. But I think it's too late. After all, I love her. I want to protect her from anything that would bring harm to her. And that is why I am protecting her from myself because I too will bring harm her way. And I didn't want that, not for her or the family we could've had.

"That's not true." Kagome had whispered.

"You should find a nice human boy for yourself because the way I see it, things between us aren't going to be the same. I have things to do, I've got a promise to keep and you're in the way."

"It's not true! It's not. It's not!"

Kagome had so much faith in me, so much trust and now I had to pretend to enjoy breaking it. Pretend the hours of touching her, of ravishing her lips and her body meant nothing to me. That it was all just because of need, not love, but instincts. Gods, I was a fucking liar.

"If someone says 'I love you,' doesn't mean they mean it? I can say it all day and use it like an everyday word. I don't love you, I don't love anyone. Demons aren't capable of love. It's your fault this happened. I never asked anyone to love me."

"Why are you saying such things? Why are you lying to me?"

Seeing the hurt in her eyes, it took all my willpower to stay where I was, to keep this emotionless mask on my face. Because all I wanted to do was to pull her into my arms and tell her it was all a lie that I never meant the things I was saying. But I couldn't. I was doing this all for her. In time she would see they could never be together. They were from two different worlds, two different kinds of people. I've come to terms with being a half-demon months before but that didn't change how the world saw me, how people acted towards me.

"If they won't have us, then we'll build a world of our own."

Kagome said she didn't care about my parentage and I believe that. But I also believe that deep down that the spiteful words of other people would break her and destroy her spirit. I know at times I can be a selfish bastard but I could never allow neither of us to be vulnerable. After all my talk, it happened. I had gone and fell in love with her. And as painful as it was, I had to let her go. And if she touched me, cried before me, I knew I'd crumble and tell the truth.

But I had to be strong, for both of us. If this would save her then so be it. I'm use to being alone, use to pain. If she found happiness, then I'll be happy too.

Right?

Kagome, just please forgive me.

But the look of pure anguish in her eyes suggested she couldn't. And why should she? For I could never forgive myself and I just stood there watching as Kagome leave the world behind, with me in it.

Kikyo hadn't looked at me until she was gone. I can vaguely remember our conversation; I think I walked out in the middle of it. I gave up everything, my happiness, my love, my life, just to go to Hell with her. I don't think she understood what I just did but maybe she does. I think there was a tear in her eye, I think, maybe, just maybe, that tear was for me.

I couldn't tell the others what had happened but I guess they figured it out themselves. They're not exactly dense or stupid, but at times like this sometimes I sort of wish they were. The second I arrived they glared at me, wouldn't speak to me and downright disrespected me. But I didn't care; I did what I had to do. I did what I did for Kagome's sake…and maybe my own. They would all understand one day, I'm sure of it. Actually I'm not but I can only hope.

It had only been a few hours but I felt like I was in agony. I couldn't stop myself and I found my feet planted on the soil of the Higurashi shrine. Just months before I had come to ask Kagome's mother for her daughter's hand in marriage. I had been so fucking nervous I felt like I was sweating buckets. But she had surprised me by giving her blessing and the old man gave his too, after sticking several sutras on my ass, of course. Souta offered his own blessing, which came to no surprise to me; because I knew I could count on him.

But it wasn't the joyous celebration that had occurred that drew me near. But it was the fresh smell of salt and I knew instantly where and from whom it was coming from. Again my feet led me as I they always would. I knew this plot of land like the back of my hand. I knew each bush, each tree and each room in the house as if I had lived there myself. And I sort of did.

There was a tree nearby Kagome's window and because I was a half-demon I didn't need to be all that close to hear and see what was happening. I wish I hadn't looked because what I saw hit my worse than my stomach being ripped apart by Sesshoumaru's poisonous claws. Watching her sob upon her bed, the scent of her sadness and tears were like a punch to my gut, that I was the cause of it was painful in itself. But no more than knowing I couldn't comfort her, I couldn't tell her why I had done it. To do so would only hurt her in the long run.

Soon she'd forget me anyways. She wouldn't be alone forever. Only a fool wouldn't love her so I knew I had to ignore the pain inside. But it was so hard because all I wanted to do was stop her crying. I've always wanted to protect her and I swore I'd always protect her. And the way I see it I was protecting her still, I was protecting her from reality, protecting her from me.

First mother and now Kagome. Why did I always make the people I love cry, why did I always make them suffer? It had to end. And it began with letting Kagome go, letting her live a normal life. This was the only way I knew she would be safe from me and from my world.

I clench my fists, my claws dug deep into my palms and blood oozed slowly from the wound. Still it couldn't numb the pain and all it did was make a mess from where I sat hiding in the tree. I think now I understand why I couldn't allow myself to fall in love before, because it hurt too much when you did.

To love someone then to end up having to let go, it had to be the worse feeling ever. Put a hole in my stomach any day, it just didn't seem to inflict as much pain as what I was experiencing now. The more I cared, the more I hurt. And I couldn't go on hurting her. I had to make this a clean cut and I had. I just wished it didn't hurt her so much. I wanted to take the pain away but I couldn't.

Why did you ever care so much about me? I wanted to ask her but I never really could. I remember her telling me she liked me as myself, as a half-demon. I thought it was lame, or that's what I said. I was surprised that she felt that way and even more surprised that she said it aloud. I think my heart stopped in that second she said it. The feeling wasn't abnormal because I felt it for some time now. I didn't kiss a girl if I don't have feelings for her.

I just wanted her to forget me, to go on with her life…without me. It's not like she loved me, ok maybe she did. I think back to all those times we were together and now I feel foolish because I think she did all along. But love just wasn't enough. My mother loved my father and he in return loved her. But that didn't prevent some obsessive suitor from killing her or my father. Love just wasn't enough, not in a place were we'd be scorned and mocked. She didn't belong in my world and I didn't belong in hers. I wish we could create a place of our own, but that's just fantasy and reality just wouldn't stop butting in.

Kagome deserved so much more, to love and be loved without shame or fear. It may hurt now but I promise you, Kagome, you'll feel better and my presence would just be a dream. And I watched her mother comfort her, saying soft words of comfort and telling her it was ok. I moved away from the tree branches and stepped back into the darkness. At the well house I looked back at Kagome's bedroom window.

I didn't see her for several more months. It's not like she's obligated to come anymore since all the shards are back together. The old hag is placing all the pieces together into larger shards. It's a tiring thing so she does this ever so often. Not many demons are stupid enough to come after the jewel now, knowing I'm around. But stupidity wouldn't just die off with Naraku, now would it.

When Kagome came back, I wasn't sure whether to be happy or angry. I was… happy, yes, that's she's back. I love her remember? But I'm angry that after all that shit I did to and for her, she came back. She always comes back because I know that she knows that I care about her. Have always cared about her. But you know someone once said 'time changes everything,' and that 'people change in time.' Damn it. I wish that stupid saying never existed.

"I'm getting married." Kagome said, she was smiling and looked all happy about it.

Me?

How was I feeling?

I was feeling like Hell.

Yet she never looked at me once, other than the quick little 'hello' she gave me but it wasn't even sincere, not really. Even so she looked well, womanly and appeared happy talking with Sango and the others. But what really got me, the guy who knew the trees better than the forest animals, fall out of his tree was the lucky bastard that was taking my place. You'll be shocked as hell to know it's that spineless son of a bitch named Hojo. Who would've guessed? I knew I should've gotten rid of that I'll-bring-over-useless-shit-just-to-make-myself-look-great Hojo. I mean who the hell brings charms to a shrine? What the fuck is that?

But no matter how I felt, I knew I had done the right thing. But it irks me to think that she could just turn her love off for me so quickly. Maybe it never existed at all yet I wished I am wrong, wished that she was feeling as shitty as I was. But from the looks of it, it all returned to a one-sided love.

Everything. My hopes, my dreams, everything I had ever hoped for was there resting within that one mortal woman. But I couldn't stay. I couldn't watch anymore. Any longer and I just might rush in and tell her the truth, ruin her life because of my own selfish desires.

But I loved her, didn't I? And because I did, I'd want her to be happy with someone else. It was only right because if Kagome was happy, I'd be happy. And that's all I've ever wanted was her happiness.

Who would've known even I couldn't fool myself or my heart.

Next Chapter: Preparations
I think perhaps I'll be doing Kagome and Inuyasha's POVs, one for each chapter. I think I've gotten a hang of it and since there are no initial action scenes, it's much easier. I'm thinking perhaps the final chapter might be Ms. Higurashi, just to give a little twist for the end.

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