A/N: Felt kind of in the mood for some angst.
Don't own it.
Numb
Numb. That was the only way to describe how she felt in this moment the moment that her whole world was ending. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be, he was supposed have realized that she didn't really mean it, that she was just scared. He was supposed to forgive her and give her time and wait until she was able to deal with sorting out how she felt. Maybe that sounded selfish but that's how it had always been between them, she would lash out, he would take it, maybe he wouldn't talk to her for a couple of days but then he'd be right back to making his smart alec remarks and all would be forgiven.
Not this time though. This time she had said too much. She should have gone after him she realized a little too late. Whether it had been her pride or her steadfast belief that he would come back to her, there was no one else left to blame but herself. As Max looked up and saw his hazel eyes filled with such an overwhelming amount of love, she couldn't help but feel the pain that cut through her heart shattering the numbness she had been using to protect it, as she remembered that he had looked at her with that same look. It had been followed by a look of absolute hurt after she had blasted him telling him that she could never love a tomcatting sociopath like him. It wasn't fair to take it out on him like that especially when it was the furthest thing from the truth.
Everything inside her had screamed at her to go after him to tell him she was sorry, that she loved him as well. He would have forgiven her she knew it with every fiber of her being. But she hadn't and now here she was sitting in this church watching as another woman made her way down the aisle towards him, towards her mate, her Alec. It was all too much as Max felt a sudden surge of emotion wash over her and the tears began to run down her face. She felt OC's hand reach over and take a hold of her hand giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sorry boo." Max gave her best friend a shaky smile but said nothing not trusting her voice.
A year. She had let a whole year pass her by. How hard would it have been to stop him after one of the morning meetings or on one of the countless missions they went on and just tell him the truth? And then he went on that mission for Eyes Only protecting some contacts daughter and he fell for her. She was the complete opposite of Max physically as well as personality wise. Max still remembered the day she had found out about them, they had been together for more then six months and nobody in terminal city had let it slip to her. The only reason she found out was that she had found the box with the ring when she had been in his office. In that moment she never thought she could feel more hurt and sadness, that is until today. She hid it though pretending that it didn't hurt even went as far as congratulating him and offering to take over some of his duties so he could plan the wedding with her. She made him believe that she was nothing more then a friend that was happy for him. Max never gave him any inkling what her true feelings for him were. And over time they fell back into that uneasy friendship they had always had.
Cindy had tried to talk Max into telling him. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. He seemed so happy and he deserved to be happy. Max couldn't risk that her confession would cause him any pain and deep down she believed what Renfro had said that she was poison. In the end she knew she would always end up hurting him. So instead she let him go, knowing that Kasey would never cause him pain.
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A/N: So when I first wrote this I intended this to be a one shot Max POV. But now I'm thinking maybe I should continue with an Alec POV and possibly even a Kasey or OC one. Let me know if that's something you guys would like to read.