As far as I was concerned, everyone would get their fairytale wedding. Everyone, except me. My perpetually bad luck was the worst of anyone I had ever known.
For example, a few minutes ago, I was attempting to lead Bucky, my brother's horse to the water, like the nice person that I am. Now, I, myself, am sitting here unfortunately wetting my favorite dress in the process. Another thing to rattle mother's already high strung nerves.
See, I was supposed to wear the dress to Sae's sewing bee. She's my best friend, you know, and she's getting married come March. Sae was getting married to Katashi; It was a good match, made by the village matchmaker. Both of their personalities and looks complimented the others, and as a bonus they got on splendidly well.
The meeting was actually called because she wanted to put everybody else's love life on the spot. Not that she needed to- just about everyone attending was between the ages of 17-21 and had a man in their life. It was Samantha and I- but Samantha's husband had been stricken by the terrible spell last winter and couldn't make it- leaving Samantha and two year old John alone. Even still, she had her eye on my brother, ugh. A widow she was, she still joined us in the gaiety of the life of us girls. Because that's what we were- girls.
The village matchmaker had recently gotten married, and that was quite odd because she wasn't supposed to- once you signed the contract you couldn't back out of it. It was quite the talk of the town, alongside Sae's wedding.
But whatever. I didn't care.
I'm not going to tell you that I am any different from other girls- perhaps a bit more outgoing and headstrong that what society suggests, but you'll find I really don't mind. Nor am I going to tell you that I am the same, because I don't have any silly notions of love and romanticism.
I blame father for the way I turned out to be, he was always encouraging me to be a boy, so that he won't have to worry about suitors coming for me when I was older. His efforts were not in vain- because I really don't have any suitors to worry about.
As I walk back to the house still in a sodden white dress, my older brother catches my eye and smirks, shaking his head, with an I told you so expression. He had- he warned me that Bucky wouldn't take very nicely to me. The wonderful person that I am, I ignored the advice.
Eventually mother will find out about my dress, but I would rather that happen after I get inside, lest the chill get to me. Of course, I also hope I can change out to my second favorite before Maria, the head maid, tells mother of my wet appearance.
...
Eventually, even with my penchant for being late (I blame it on my bad luck) I manage to get out of the front door before sundown, which is saying something. Sae lives next door, so I wasn't that much in a hurry. Thankfully, mother decided that since there was a chaperone and no men invited, she found it fine to let me go without an escort.
Rapping my knuckles sharply at the door, I expected Goodwife Moore to open the door, but was instead met with Sae herself, with a happy glow, looking so excited. I was excited for her, but in the process I was losing my own best friend since the day we were in nappy sacks, having been neighbors for the entirety of our lives. Our mothers were polar opposites, but they both had that grace us girls were envious of.
Sae decided that a good knock to the side of my head was a good enough greeting and wordlessly motioned me to head to the room next to the kitchen, kept warm by the cooking fire.
Armed with my sewing kit and belief in my bad luck, I bravely entered the room with Sae following behind. Only to be met with a group of girls sitting in a circle, not a sewing kit in sight.
Did I miss the message?
...
My bewildered expression must have set them off the edge because all the girls burst into nervous giggles. I raised my eyebrows, wondering if they had finally gone off their rocker. Even though they clearly realized the line of my thoughts, no one seemed inclined to explain what was going on. Instead, the giggles went on into full blown laughter.
As they were laughing, I spied a basket in the corner, with everyone's sewing kits inside. Wanting to look closer, I tripped on the hem of my dress. Aah. I grimaced as I realized why this was my second favorite dress- it was too long on me.
"We're sorry; we thought it would be funny to see your expression!"
The sudden high pitched statement startled me and I turned around immediately, which loosened my bonnet that was already threatening to fall off, revealing my wild, curly and unruly red hair.
Flushing in embarrassment, I went off with everyone to do the normal things we do at sewing bees.
…
I was right; everyone's love life was put on the spot. Jennifer Livingston told us of how her beau had called on her and had brought her the newest Swedish chocolates that just came in- an expensive gift. She smiled dreamily with stars in her eyes.
The Fitzgerald family was well known and suited to Jennifer's tastes- William was a good catch. They, too, were set up by the village matchmaker over a year ago. Their own wedding will be come winter- on Jennifer's birthday.
I wasn't really close with Jennifer- but it was the common bond of being girls in the same circle that had us getting along with each other.
Darling little Shirley with blond curls, fair skin and sapphire colored eyes had gotten the most attractive of all of the boys-turning-into-men. Her mother was a French woman on business in France. Together, they had moved to America. Her sweet, shy nature and heart on her sleeve had drawn her to Jonathan Wells. Jonathan himself was an honest man and a favorite of all the older women of the small town. They were engaged and the wedding was set two weeks after Sae's.
Shirley was naturally shy and all of us had prodded her into visiting the matchmaker. I think I am the only one who hasn't yet visited her.
Next was Destiny. Her parents had wanted to name her something different, and that was what they came up with- it had become a subject of town gossip, just as everything eventually does, at the time of her birth. But Destiny had won them all over with her apples for cheeks and sweet heart shaped face framed with brown ringlets.
Her husband's name was just as normal as hers was different- Mason. He'd told Destiny that when he went to the matchmaker, he'd asked for someone different and had gotten her. She had a streak of temper that he was soon privy to after their honeymoon- and he'd said he didn't mind it at all.
After Destiny, Isabel went. She had been promised to Edward, her neighbor from back in the day. We all thought it was a horrible match, because Edward was a timid person, and Isabel's force of nature type of personality would have ended in him being walked all over.
A quick visit to the matchmaker had fixed that problem- she had immediately said no to it and matched her to Stratton instead, who was as stubborn as she was but had clear thinking on his side- as Isabel often didn't.
Felicity was an almost look alike of me from the back- we both had the same hair, but hers was tamed. Her pretty features and spunky personality had the matchmaker put her with Danny Finch. They were engaged and had a wedding set for next spring, so that they could put Felicity's beautiful backyard to good use. They had an outside banquet and dance floor planned. Her wedding was going to be the hype of the town for the year afterwards.
She was a headstrong girl that knew how to act and when to do something. Alongside Sae, she was my best friend.
There were a couple others- Katherine, Sakura, Elizabeth and some more.
And finally, the circle came to a close, with me as the bridge. Sae's mischievous eyes turned to me with a knowing look- a grin on her face because she knew I would have nothing to say.
It seemed everyone else knew as well because the talking immediately turned to the family who had just moved in yesterday- to the empty house next to mine.
I had been ignored. How much better was that then having nothing to say?
…
I guess time just drifted along and we were all lost in talking because I felt something prick my finger. My no focusing act had caused my finger to slip, which revealed a couple of drops of blood.
Quickly hiding my hand, hoping to escape the notice of the hostess, I excused myself to the powder room. Only to have Jennifer follow me. Putting my hand under the cool steady stream from the faucet, she stood to the side, as if waiting for me to talk. I inwardly sighed- I highly disliked having to begin unnecessary conversations. I already knew why she was here- she wanted to accompany me to the housewarming party the new family, the Stewarts, would inevitably throw.
I almost regretted having to tell her no- it would have been nice to have someone my own age there- but mother had been adamant about telling me not to hand out invitations to a party not mine.
Almost rushing through the small talk we got to the meat of the matter where I would have to tell her no- just as I expected. I rejected her attempts to invite herself and headed back to the main room.
Looking back, I realized that my bleeding finger was also a result of my bad luck.
...
I didn't want to go home in the dark, nor did I want to meet Mother's question as to whether or not I embarrassed myself. The answer almost always leaned to the affirmative, and they were one of the worst conversations.
But I ended up going home anyways. It wasn't like I could stay. That would be called imposing and that is bad manners.
Even though it was after dark, the distance was short and I ended up walking alone. I grimaced; it would cost another lecture from mother not asking for an escort.
...
Sitting in my own room- I had successfully evaded most of mother's questions by mentioning the broken vase, courtesy of my little brother. It was actually me, and I had the cut on my hand to prove it- but she didn't need to know that!
In the dark of my room, I could pretend I was in another world, away from here, where there was an adventure everyday- not just the monotonous of society. I wanted to travel, see the world, and not be needed to be saddled by a guy just like everyone else around me.
Mother said sitting in the dark couldn't be good for my thought processes- it would induce the need for solitude and not becoming of a young lady.
Sometimes, I wish I could tell mother where to go. But I know I cannot- she could make me lose everything. That and I love her too much, of course.
...
The housewarming party mother predicted happened, and it was absolutely wonderful. Mrs. Stewart had decorated her house well- considering it had only been three weeks since moving in. Even though it was only half furnished, I could easily tell that the Stewart family had plenty of money- even though they chose a smaller house then they could probably afford to live in.
There were three boys- ages five, fifteen and twenty-two; and three girls- ages five, fifteen and seventeen. They had two sets of twins! Mother told me having twins was the hardest thing to do.
The older girls and I got on splendidly- I was so happy. The youngest set of twins were absolutely adorable. The fifteen year old boy was well on his way to being a charmer- the looks were developing and he had such beautiful hair and a straight nose, he looked like a younger copy of his older brother.
I stayed well away from the eldest son, mother had warned me of what would happen if I didn't. That didn't mean I couldn't admire him. He was a work of art, but his sister had been sure to point out he was a charmer that loved to impress women and break their hearts at the same time.
Joseph had the face of someone sly, but it was clear from the rest of him that he participated in every possible outdoor activity possible, and then some.
I don't think I would get mixed with him, even though I got the feeling we would get along exceptionally well.
...
Today, Misao, the eldest Stewart girl, invited me for a luncheon- as a get together for the two of us. I think her ulterior motive is that she wants to know all about the men of the town.
After all, that's all that's on a girls mind the minute she is able to notice her surroundings.
...
I was partially right. The luncheon was excellent, she had made it herself. It made me like her even more- I would love to come over for food.
She hadn't minded that I ate a lot, because she herself ate a lot too. I can surmise from talking to her that the Stewart family is down to earth and family oriented. Her mother had a say in the decisions of both business and house.
She did ask me a lot about boys, particularly centering on my brother. I hope she didn't befriend me for the sake of getting to my brother- that would be awful. I told her about everyone else, their beaus, descriptions, their mothers and everything else I could think of.
In turn, she told me of all the places she and her family had visited, and more about her own family. Her story of her Japanese name- considering the rest of her family had American names was a bit out of the blue. It was an old tale of some old family friends and a promise.
She told me she had once been promised to the Duke of Sculley's son, but her parents had separated them. She was quite interested in the matchmaker, wondering if she could still visit even with her retirement.
The matchmaker hadn't named someone else yet.
Her younger sister, Cecily had joined us midway, having come back from riding quite late.
I actually enjoyed my time there, as I am often not prone to doing.
...
As good neighbors, my mother invited them to dinner Thursday night, as a welcoming party. She invited a lot of eligible bachelors and young ladies, probably for the eldest of the Stewart children, as well as me. Jennifer Livingston had been invited with her family and she had smiled nastily in my direction.
I can't imagine why!
Her mother had caught her and proceeded to reprimand her in the corner, much to my delight.
Even with the numerous numbers of people, there was a light hearted and casual air around us. Of course, if something scandalous happened, I wouldn't have known because I slipped out into the gardens quite early.
Earlier then society calls for but it's not like I've ever minded. And mother knows it's nigh impossible to have me tamed.
...
Well, I thought I had slipped out unnoticed.
My older brother Stephen told me that one of his friends, a mysterious Mr. Kenshin had noticed my absence from the main hall and had decided to inform my brother.
How troublesome!
Stephen promised not to tell mother of my escaping the parties I so dislike if I promised not to meddle in his love life.
I blinked at him, because I had never done that before, why would I start now? Neither of us had ever meddled with the others- because we knew of each other's secrets- we could easily get the other in trouble with Mother very fast.
...
I found why he was so concerned.
For once, Mother decided to acknowledge the fact that I knew my brother better than she did. She said, and I quote "As he is the first born, his marriage must last and therefore must be a happy one." She was asking my advice on the girl of Stephens's current fixation.
Turns out he finally realized Samantha's availability. Samantha was a pretty girl, but her personality was boring. I didn't have anything against Samantha; I just didn't think she was perfect for my brother.
In fact, now that I realize it, I've always pictured someone like Beatrice with my brother, she was somewhat like me. She would spice up life for him; make him not nearly so drab.
Samantha wasn't a girl anymore- she had experienced life outside of her parent's home.
I didn't want that for my brother.
Even though I promised not to, I will do everything I can to prevent Stephen from courting Samantha. Including telling mother of my opinion of the match as often as I can.
...
My plan went perfectly. I told my brother of two year old John, Samantha's son from her previous marriage. He must have known about her son, but he probably didn't know of his sickness.
John was a sickly child who was constantly ill, and predicted not to live until his tenth birthday.
Definitely not what he wants his son to be like.
It was a dirty tactic and I kind of felt bad, but then again, I really don't care.
...
Traipsing to the stables, I did a quick glance around me before lifting up my skirts above my ankles and running.
It was such a wonderful feeling, to have the air rushing past, blowing my sweaty bangs-as a result of summer- away from my face.
I had desperately wanted to see Misty, my own horse for the past couple of days but I had been kept busy with Mother who wanted me to help with preparations for the future stay of my Aunt and her husband, along with their four sons.
I guess her intention for doing so was to make sure I was learning something from her and not just from my private tutors when it came to running a smooth household. But in the process, I was cooped up inside when I could have been outside enjoying the last few days of agreeable weather before Jack Frost decided to make an appearance.
As it was, I was currently sneaking out. Mother was under the impression I was resting in my room and I had no intention of telling her, or anyone else for that matter, otherwise.
Running up to Misty's stall, ready to take her out to a quick run in the fields, I also accidentally ran into the stable boy who happened to be talking to Joseph, the eldest Stewart son. I know I had said I would stay away from him, but his mischievous smirk made me want to know what he was doing in our stables anyways.
...
Turns out, he was running from his mother.
Well, running would be a bad use of the word because he wasn't really running, oh no, he was merely avoiding. Which is why he was in our stables.
What an odd place to be. I shrugged, an unlady like thing to do that would 'ruin my posture and chance for a husband' as mother liked to say, but I was currently in my free time.
Turning away from him, I swung bareback over Misty after leading her out and rode out into the day.
I couldn't shake off the feeling someone was watching me.
...
When I returned home, Mother wasn't at the door questioning me, which surprised me because I would think she knew of my absence by now. When I walked past the foyer and neared the parlor door, I realized it was because someone had come for a house call.
I flushed in embarrassment- it would look bad on mother's part that I wasn't there to greet her.
I entered the room with a flush on my cheeks, testimony to the embarrassment, prepared to meet my doom.
...
It turns out that I needn't have worried as it was only Mrs. Stewart, who had come for the company of my mother on this fine afternoon. However, the glint in mother's eye told me I wasn't off the hook completely- I had lied to her.
It was good for me that mother partially understood my need for the outdoors, otherwise I would have a lot more confinements to my room then I already do.
I stayed in the room for the duration afterwards, after changing out of my riding dress I only wore to keep up the appearance of a lady. If it was up to me, I would be permanently in a pair of men's breeches I had once snuck from my brother's laundry.
The fact that I wear dresses testifies to the true statement of it not being my choice.
...
Mother's punishment hadn't been a confinement to my room- it was a much worse situation. I had to entertain our lunch guests this Saturday afternoon. I had initially winced at the timing- those were the times Beatrice and I caught up with each other near the lake situated on the boundary line.
As it was, I had to be dressed well, as it was a luncheon for all eligible girls for my brother. Mother wanted to meet them, and get to know them first before introducing them to my brother based on their wealth alone.
I was a bit surprised- mother was not known to be this generous when it came to our own choices. He was nearing the age of twenty three and had to eye a girl, a troubling fact for mother.
The lovely ladies invited had, much to my delight, included Beatrice who I had known was smitten with my brother. I desperately wanted it to be her mother introduces to my brother.
In fact, regardless of what my brother says, I was going to make sure it happened.
...
The day Aunt Kate arrived with her family had started off with a whirlwind of activities. The days before had been packed with activity as well, but not quite to this extent, as everyone was panicking.
She is my father's sister, and the fact that she had four sons, allow me to correct myself, three eligible sons and one soon to be charmer, had us rushing to prepare.
As is custom when a family with eligible children arrived, a party or some sort of welcoming banquet had to be thrown, inviting everyone over. I think that had mother stressed out more than the actual arrival of Aunt Kate, because the two had always gotten along surprisingly well.
It was no surprise that at the moments mother needed calming the most, father would just disappear from sight. I think he is afraid at times like that, and I don't blame him. Mother is quite the sight when provoked.
Honestly though, I don't know why she was so worried. Each of the events she has ever planned have always gone off smoothly with only a few minor hitches.
...
I found what has mother so worried. It's a minor thing, really.
There was a family of mice living in the rooms that hadn't been aired out for ages. It was no surprise, and mother was worried the new curtains and sheets wouldn't arrive in time for their arrival.
I rolled my eyes- I knew Aunt Kate well enough to know she would never embarrass mother enough to comment on anything going wrong.
To be honest, I was a little excited for her arrival, and God knows it has nothing to do with her sons. I have grown up with all of them and consider them to be brothers- even though we had to hide our interactions from the adults, although I suspect they knew all along.
Aunt Kate was a good, down to earth person with interesting stories to tell and great advice to give. Even though she was about twenty years my senior, she and I had the wonderful ability to understand one another.
That, and she thought the idea of the matchmaker was utterly bogus. Just like me.
...
I suspect mother knew of my plans to get Aunt Kate alone to ask her all sorts of questions, so she kept as busy and away as possible. Well, not necessarily busy because how much needle work could she force me to do before people suspected something was up?
Summer was almost over, and soon spring would come, and then winter. After winter passed, March would hurry along to grace us with its presence. There were two weddings this winter, and I was excited and sad.
Thinking about weddings gave me the brilliant idea that I should go over and visit Sae- I hadn't seen her since her sewing bee and that was nearly a fortnight and a half ago, almost breaking the record of no contact between us.
Looking around for any that might be spying on me, I slipped out of the gate and headed over to Sae's.
...
She had been delighted to see me. We caught up on all the gossip I had been estranged from, and in return for it, I told her of the happenings of my own house.