Serena:
Well I've heard there was a secret chord
David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this...the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall
And the major lift,
The baffled King composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
The Hampton's were a happy and sunny place to vacation at. Maybe that's why she liked it so much, it seemed the perfect place to go just to be herself. She would also remember all the times that people had called her happy and sunny too. People would say her very presence could light up a room.
She came to the Hampton's to have fun, but since arriving two weeks ago, all she did was stay in her spacious room. She had stopped crying over Dan, but she couldn't get him off her mind. All her existence seemed to revolve around him when they were dating and even though he was done with her now, he still haunted her. She wondered fearfully if she could be good without him, or if she would drift into her old, party girl ways.
Forever seemed like a silly thing to have said to her mother now, because now she knows forever was just a lie.
When Nate finally did come over to "think alone together" she let him, because for the brief second when he first enters her room, she forgets about Dan. And for that brief second, she can be the happy, bouncy, sunny person they all want her to be.
The person Nate wants her to be.
Silently, in the dead of those hot nights, she wondered if she even knows who she is, or if she will always just be playing the part people see her as.
One day near the end of summer, Nate brings by a copy of the Times. A poem that Dan Humphrey submitted is in there, in glossy black print and she can feel Nate's eyes bore into her as she reads it. She doesn't show it, but she is oddly happy to know that Dan is hurting and lost too. But visibly, she looks as if it doesn't matter, because her boyfriend Nate is rubbing her back and talking about a party he wants to go to tonight.
She goes to the party with him, and is the bright, sunny, happy person everybody expects her to be. But in the back of her mind, all she can think of is the title of Dan's poem.
"Angel."
Chuck:
Well, your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you.
And she tied you her kitchen chair
She broke your throne
She cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
The cold marble stone looks back at him, the name engraved on it the only thing he has left of his mother. Memories of her smile flash in his mind like a slide show. Standing before the grave a few hours a day is the only thing that keeps him sane this summer, amidst all the women and drinking.
More drinking then women, he didn't think there had been a moment of sobriety since the very beginning of summer. Because sobriety mean thinking, and all he could think about was her. And even though he wouldn't admit it, thinking about Blair hurt far to much.
He wondered why love existed anyways, why feelings had to be so… profound. Love could pluck a person up, change them, then let them fall down into darkness all in the same day. It hurt worse then anything imaginable, but at times it tried to drive him into doing things he usually mocked other people for doing.
Romantic gestures should not be in his repertoire.
In the early morning hours, he would sit in his club trying to hang onto consciousness and look at the stage, remembering the night when the butterflies first took hold of him. And if he was honest with himself, he knew they never died, but were still fluttering away, furious at his stupidity.
Just as he was furious at himself, because he knew Blair could have given him everything he craved so desperately. Acceptance, banter, happiness, and most importantly love.
But the problem was that he knew himself. In those hours when he would watch the dark stage, as if willing her to appear, he knew why he choose to stay. He wasn't worried about getting his feelings hurt, or having to change. He knew he would never change, and there in lie the problem.
To save Blair from eventual heartbreak, he had to kill his only chance at happiness. At love.
Nate:
Well baby I have been here before
I've seen this room, and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew ya.
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
He doesn't talk to his mother much anymore, and as far as he will ever be concerned, his father is dead. It is much easier for Nate to think his father dead, then as the coward he really was. He stands by his mother like he is suppose to, and knows deep down that without him, she would have been lost years ago.
He is scared that eventually he will turn out like his parents. He feels like the future is a trap, filled with only failure and sadness. Not that he hasn't already had his fill of failure and sadness.
So he runs to the only thing that has ever really made him happy. Even saying Serena's name seems to save him, if only for the second it takes to speak it.
Together all summer, they finally cave into long suppressed feelings. And he can finally say to people that the she is his girlfriend. In his mind he calls her his savior, because without her, he would have fallen into nothingness.
He is not stupid though, he can see the dreamy look on her face when she looks out the window, and he knows she isn't thinking about him.
And it would break his heart if he would let it, but he lies to himself, the only thing he's ever been good at doing.
Dan:
Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do ya?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
He could remember every moment they spent together clearly. He could also remember how exquisite his heartache had been the moment he realized Serena would never let him all the way in. Would never trust him.
He spends his summer days with Vanessa and pretends like it doesn't bother him. He never tells his best friend that with every passing blond, all he see's is Serena's face. He talks about dumb things, and together they go to see dumb movies, but never romances. He doesn't think he could handle a romance, but he can't tell Vanessa that, so he hides behind his macho guy façade and says he likes the explosions in action movies.
At nights, he sits on his fire escape and writes. He hasn't written much since his mother left, but here he is again with the pen and paper, the only things that can comprehend the depth of his loss. Even then, he doesn't write her name. All he writes is Angel.
In the moments before sleep takes over, he wonders if it was all his fault. The pedestal he put her on was never meant to cut her off from him, but in the end, he knows it did.
Blair:
Well maybe there's a God above
But all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you.
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Oo Hallelujah, Oo Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
She was shopping when it finally hit her. All it took was a look at the scarf rack, and she was a goner. She was pleased that she at least had the strength to wait until she was in the dressing room before the tears broke free.
Sliding down to the floor, she tried to convince herself that it wasn't about him. As the silent tears ran down her face, she hugged herself and tried to convince herself that even though it was about him, it wasn't this big a deal. But when she finally looked in the mirror and saw herself, broken in every way that can't be physically shown, she knew it was about him, and it was a big deal.
Until Chuck, she hadn't know that people's hearts were suppose to beat faster when the one they loved was in the same room. She didn't know that people's faces flushed when the one they loved would smile at them. She didn't know the joy a soul could feel when holding hands with the one they loved. She didn't know about the butterflies that would flutter in a person stomach when they kissed the one they loved.
And she couldn't believe it was Chuck Bass who taught her these things about love, and not Nate.
She also didn't know that love could hurt this bad. She silently scorned herself for being such a fool. Of thinking that she deserved anything but pain. But, for that one brief week, she had known happiness in every sense of the word. In the end, she should have also known that he was, and would always be, Chuck Bass.
Near closing time, the sales clerk knocked on the door politely and asked if everything was fine. Picking herself off the floor, Blair wiped her face, and put on her best smile. She opened the door, and lied that everything was perfect and left.
Though she would never tell anyone, not even Serena, those few hours spent weeping silently in the dressing room had destroyed her belief in love and happiness.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
AN: Hey! I hope everybody who read this liked it. I tried to match the sections of lyrics to the people, but I don't know how well it worked! Heh :) Anyways, Please R&R.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl, or the song.