Hi All. This is My First Fan Fic so any comments would be most welcome!!!

Please be aware that this story does contain spanking of a non-sexual nature, if that in any way offends you please do not read it - you have been forwarned.

The rating M just to be on the safe side - there is only mild allusions to adult themes, excluding the spankings. Not sure if people would be comfortable if I rated it T though.

Disclamer: The Charaters are Stephanie Meyers - not mine. I in no way support ritualistic spanking of except between consenting adults.

*-*-* symbolises the start or end of one of Alices visions

*****

APOV

I entered our room to find the love of my existence perched on the windowsill, utterly still. It had been three days since the incident and he had barely moved an inch. Had anyone else seen him they would not have thought anything amiss, but I knew better. Beneath his stoic expression he was experiencing the most acute pain and regret. I had let him wallow for over 72hrs but enough was enough.

"Jasper," I called, he did not move "Jasper." I said more firmly. He looked up forlornly "Jasper, that enough, I know how much you regret what happened but staying here like this is not going to help." I made my way over to him at human pace so as not to startle him. I had only seen Jasper like this twice before in the 200yrs we'd been together. I knew that if I let him he'd become stuck in a rut of self loathing that was almost impossible to break, but I also knew that if I was not careful he would shut down and it would take me weeks to coax him out of his mental cave. It was a precarious situation.

I placed my hand on his arm. "Jasper," I said softly "talk to me." he sighed, letting out a breath that had been held for far too long. His body unfroze and he relaxed into my embrace. I held him as he spoke. "I just don't know what to do," he began "I've apologised to Esme and I know she says she forgives me but how can I forgive myself? She was so understanding she didn't even reprimand me verbally." his anguish was strong enough it began to slip through his barriers and I could physically feel his pain.

I secretly believed this was partly what caused him to withdraw into himself – knowing that if he spoke about it he would not be able to stop his emotions from spilling into the room and causing me to experience them too.

"When I was with Maria, " he continued " I would have been ripped limb from limb for showing her half the disrespect I showed Esme, but here nothing." I understood then, he could not forgive himself without first having to face some form of consequences for his actions "Jasper," I said, lifting his chin and attempting to force him to look me in the eye, his eyes however remained stubbornly downcast "I think you should go see Carlisle" "Why?" he repied his eyes still downcast. I sighed in exasperation "Jasper look at me" I commanded, he hesitantly looked up and in his eyes I could see all the emotions he was now, unwillingly, allowing me to feel " Jasper, you will never be able to forgive yourself and move on unless you have some sort of consequence for your actions. You need to see Carlisle." he struggled with that for a moment and I could see a small glimmer of fear in his eyes. Although we had been with the Cullen's for over a centaury, unlike the rest of us, he had never been disciplined for more than a minor infraction "But.. but he'll s.. me." he said, his panic breaking through, in truth it was ironic, given what he had been put through in the past, that something as mild as a spanking scared him "Yes love he may well do so." I replied giving him a light kiss "but you'll feel better afterwards." "Shouldn't Esme be the one to punish me?" he asked confused "No, for serious incidents Carlisle always punishes the boys, even if the wrong was against Esme. He is her husband." in truth I was sure Esme would have been the one to punish Jasper had he asked but I knew my love. He had grown up in a time where a husband was expected to right wrongs committed against his wife as opposed to her doing so herself. I knew that even if Esme punished Jasper he would still feel at odds with Carlisle. Also I did not want to have to put Esme in the position of disciplinarian, it would put her in more pain because she would feel she was punishing him unnecessarily and Jasper would feel this and he in turn would feel worse for putting his mother through it. I was pretty certain however that Carlisle would see how much Jasper needed this and even if he did not agree I knew he would be able to control his emotions enough that it would not affect Jasper during his spanking. Then I had a vision and knew what I had said had convinced him.

*-*-*-*-*-*

Jasper walked hesitantly into Carlisle's study. Carlisle was seated at his desk and looked up in surprise. "Jasper, what can I help you with?" "Carlisle, first I would like to apologise to you for the way I treated Esme on Sunday." "It's already forgiven" Carlisle replied immediately "I know but I cannot forgive myself." Carlisle opened his mouth to say something but Jasper held up his hand to stop him. "Please, I must say this." he begged. "Alice feels that I will not be able to forgive myself until I face some consequences for my actions." "Do you also feel this to be so?" "I think I do." "And what consequences do you feel would be appropriate?" "I am not sure, that is for you to decide. I will abide by your decision." Carlisle looked thoughtful for a moment "I must say I am not sure what would be appropriate. Had it been any of your brothers who behaved that way I would have spanked them without hesitation but you are not them and your circumstances are different. I have never spanked you before and will only do so now if you feel it to be an acceptable punishment. If you can think of an alternative I will be happy to consider it." Jasper hesitated "If it is how the others would have been punished…" Carlisle nodded affirmative "…then I must conclude that it would be appropriate for me to be punished likewise." "Very well." Carlisle stood and began to move around his desk. "Jasper," he began, his voice taking on an edge of authority, Jasper stood a bit straighter " I want you to pull that chair to the centre of the room." he instructed, indicating a large, high backed studded leather chair, the type appropriate for a reading corner in a mahogany panelled library. Jasper did so. "Now want you to loosen your belt and undo you pants buttons and zip before lying over the back of the chair. Jasper did as directed. "Now Jasper I must remind you of your strength and ask that you be careful not to grab any part of the chair so tightly as to leave any permanent damage." Jasper nodded to show he'd heard. "Now, I am going to lower your pants and begin spanking you. There is no set number of spanks and I will continue until I feel you have been sufficiently punished. You may only get up once I give you permission." Jasper nodded again. Without further ado Carlisle quickly lowered Jaspers pants and underpants to reveal pale white cheeks. He began spanking, alternating cheeks at a gradually increasing tempo. Jasper lay still taking his punishment in silence.

My vision shifted

Carlisle gave Jasper permission to rise and pulled him in for a hug "You can leave when you're ready" he said whilst still hugging him "Our room is empty if you'd like some alone time." Jasper nodded and they stood there hugging for a few more moments before Jasper began to pull away. "I'd better go and see my wife, I know she was listening" Carlisle nodded and Jasper made his way to the door "Jasper," Carlisle called. Jasper turned around with a puzzled expression "was she right? Do you think you can forgive yourself?" Jaspers expression relaxed into a half smile "have you ever known Alice to be wrong" he asked before turning to leave.

As I came back to the present, I heard the downstairs door opening and knew it would be Edward and Nessie leaving, Edward because it was always to uncomfortable for him to hear what one of us was thinking whilst being spanked and Nessie because Bella insisted she leave whenever one of us is punished, since, being her aunt and uncles, it would not be appropriate for her to hear. I kissed Jaspers forehead before murmuring. "Go on. You'll feel better afterwards." Jasper nodded and began to pull away. " I'll be here when you're ready." I called as Jasper left he room and made his way to our fathers study.

*-*-*-*-*

I sat down on my bed to wait. I could hear the click of the door as Jasper went in. I hated knowing that my love would be in pain but I knew that it was a much needed pain. I couldn't hear what was said, they kept their voices too low for which I was grateful, not because I didn't want to hear – I already knew what was being said but because I knew the rest of the family were in the living room and that as it was, they would already hear the spanking, they didn't need to know the conversation as well. All too soon the rhythmic thump of flesh against flesh could be heard. Each and every slap made me jump and had I been able to cry I think I would have been sobbing by now. As it was could feel my body begin to shudder and gasp; our equivalent of tears. I did not know how long it would last – my vision had not shown me that, and so I waited but the rhythm continued. Eventually, what seemed like a lifetime later it stopped. I hastily began to pull myself together – hell, Jasper took that better than I did and he was actually feeling it. I quickly thought of other happier times in an attempt to change my mood so Jasper wouldn't feel it when he came into the room in a few minutes. I settled on the image of Jasper and Carlisle embracing upstairs, the thought filled me with contentment – I knew I had done the right thing, convincing Jasper to go to Carlisle. Sure enough not three minutes later I heard a tentative knock on the door. At the same time I heard Esme and Carlise leave, running into the forest. They always did that after punishing one of us. "Jasper, come in – its your room too." he approached me hesitantly. We embraced and kissed.

It was soon made apparent to me that he wanted other things from me than a kiss. I stopped him, pulling away slightly. He looked at me confused. Then...

*-*-*-*-*

Jasper was lying on the bed and I was holding his legs up over his head and spanking him!!

*-*-*-*-*

I knew it would be soon because we had the same clothes on as we did now, but I did not know why – I rarely ever spanked Jasper and never like that. More confusing was I did not currently have any intentions of doing so.

"Alice?" he asked and I knew he was asking about my vision and not my hesitance. "Its nothing." he nodded knowing I would not reveal more, and resumed kissing me. I pulled away "Jasper, stop." I said firmly. "Jasper, I will not sleep with you right after you've been spanked." his face became puzzled "Why not?" I knew he knew the answer but I replied anyway "because Carlisle does not allow anyone to sleep with their mates for at least 12hrs after their punishment. He says it causes them to forget about the punishment and only remember the after pleasure, and" I added as an afterthought "because we have to go downstairs." this time he was genuinely confused.

"If you go downstairs now the others will be more sympathetic and let it pass with only a few comments." I explained. "If you wait for tomorrow they will never stop teasing you." he blanched "They heard?" "Well you hear when they get it, don't you?" "Yes but ... I hadn't realised…" "I know" "How can I go down there and face them? The embarrassment alone! And I can think of all the things Emmet will say." "I know but he'll say worse if you wait." I could see he was working himself into frenzy; he even began pacing, moving so fast from point to point he was only a blur even to my quick sight. "Jasper, they have all been spanked before, they'll understand." "No, no." he began mumbling to himself and was becoming incoherent. I had had enough; he was behaving like a child. I tried one more time -"Jasper," - before raising my voice, something I very rarely resorted to when it came to my love.

"Jasper Whitlock Cullen," I began, a small part of me aware that I was now speaking loud enough for the others to hear me from downstairs "that is enough!" my tone caused him to pause from his pacing and mutterings. "I don't know what is making you think you can behave like this but I will NOT put up with it. Now you will pull yourself together and come downstairs" I said at the same volume, I was quickly becoming furious "No" he replied and had I not been so angry I probably would have found it funny how much he sounded like a child being told to put a sweet back on the rack at a supermarket, indeed I probably sounded a lot like said child's mother, but at that moment I could not care less.

"Excuse me?" I said advancing on him, he visibly flinched but still held his ground. "No, I am not coming downstairs to be teased and made fun of and you can go to hell if you think I'll listen to you." The words seemed to come out of his mouth of their own accord and I felt like he had slapped me, never in 200 years of marriage had he spoken to me like that, in the shock my anger dissipated. " Jasper," I began in a quiet voice " please tell me there was some reason for that comment" he just stood there dumbfounded, we stayed there a whole five minutes, he hadn't moved from where he had stopped pacing. Slowly my anger started to creep back, blotting out the pain, as it peeked I spoke "Jasper, you will take off your pants and go lean over the side of the bed. NOW." I nearly shouted when he didn't move. Then he truly started to panic

"Alice, love. I didn't mean it." this was not helping "I know but you still said it, and if you know what good for you you'll go over that bed before I get, if at all possible, more angry than I am already."

"But hon' I've already been spanked once today." That was the last straw. I closed the distance between us in less than a millisecond, grabbed a hold of he left ear in one had whilst delivering 5 swats to the seat of his pants with all the strength I could muster. Jasper nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Ok, ok." he shouted. I began to literally tear off his pants, when he saw what I was doing he attempted to help, mumbling apologies all the while, so I resumed lecturing, punctuating every few words with a slap. "If you think. That. Being. Spanked. by. Carlisle . . means that you. Can. get. a. way. with that. type. of. .iour. then you. have. another. thing coming.."

By this time I had positioned him over the side of the bed. I began spanking in earnest. After a few minutes his apologising stopped and he just accepted the punishment.

I stopped and stood him up to look in his eyes. I could see remorse but also something else, as though he was willing me to continue, it was then that I realised the reason behind Jaspers behaviour. Carlisle had given Jasper one of the hardest and longest spankings I had ever heard him deliver and near the end I had realised that he was trying to get Japer to the point of breakdown to allow him the release of emotions that came with it but Jasper had never reached that point and now felt frustrated and let down that he had ot experienced the release that I had promised.

Okay I didn't actually promise but he felt I had – when I was last spanked I had told him about it and he was therefore expecting it would be the same for him. Carlisle must have stopped out of fear that he was going too far but I knew better. Jasper had been through so much with Maria that what Carlisle did seemed tame. His behaviour towards me was a way of both expressing his disappointment and also asking me to do what Carlisle hadn't. I was not sure if I could though. I was already regretting going so far with Jasper but I knew it was not far enough so I hardened my heart

"Jasper," I said tentatively "Jasper, you know I love you?" I asked quietly and was relieved when he nodded "Jasper, now I have already forgiven you for what you said and I am no longer angry." he looked into my eyes and in them was not only relief but an almost regretful longing, this confirmed my suspicion, so I continued "but I'm going to continue to spank you anyway because you need the release that can only be achieved through a spanking that end in tears"

He didn't argue. I was about to ask him to get back into position when I realized that I couldn't bear to put him a position that his face was hidden from me so instead I asked him; "Jasper, I want you to lay on your back, on the bed, and lift your legs over your head." I could see confusion and then embarrassment in his face but he complied immediately. I placed my left hand over his thighs to keep them in position and gave them a reassuring squeeze, stealing myself, I resumed spanking.

I could hear a gasp from downstairs as they realised I intended to continue spanking him. Of course there would be no lasting damage physically – you couldn't even see the effects now because our lack of blood prevented any part of us from reddening and the area would only be tender for a few days, a week at the most but whist I was spanking I knew Jasper was in absolute agony. A part of me was proud that he was handling this so well but another part of me shouted at him to stop being so stupid and just give in. I

wondered if I should have asked Carlisle to do this – I was sure he was holding out longer because he didn't want me to see him breakdown, but I knew Carlisle would not be able to do this for him. Even I could only just force my arm to keep moving knowing that it had to be done for Jasper to heal. So I kept going.

I would never get physically tired – a curse of being a vampire; I would have welcomed the excuse to stop but I had started this and would see it through to the end.

By the time I finally did get through to him I was emotionally ravaged and raw. He did not shout, or even moan, his body just started shuddering in silent tearless tears. I stopped immediately and removed my hand from his thigh.

I had not realised that my hand was all that was keeping him in position and so the second I removed it his legs swung down bringing his tortured cheeks in contact with the bedspread. Then he did make a sound, leaping up and cursing loudly. Still shuddering, he frantically began rubbing his bum and I went to him.

His emotions flew about the room and it took me a moment to block them out; I had enough of my own to deal with. I too was in tears as I pulled him into my arms and held him. Slowly we calmed each other until we were almost completely still. My remorse must have penetrated his emotional whirlwind for Jasper began comforting me – the irony! "Don't hate yourself for what you did love, I've needed that for a very long time and I am extraordinarily grateful that you were strong enough to go through that for me." Then I asked the question I desperately needed the answer to "Do you forgive me?" "There is nothing to forgive. Love of my Life, Love of my heart, My heart is eternally yours" he said repeating the vows we had made to each other at every one of our weddings. I smiled and knew that we were ok.

*****

So let me know what you think - I have a few more chapters in mind!! Possibly even a few in Carlisle and Rosalies POV. I know the start, with Alice telling Jasper to go to Carlisle is similar to another story I read (I cant remeber who wrote it but if anyone does and lets me know, I would be happy to give the author credit for the idea) It was my starting point but I promise the rest is my own work.

XOXO

Stargirl