My secret

I have a secret that can never get out. It would ruin me if anyone ever found out. This is what happened when someone found out my secret…and it was nothing that I ever expected.

A/N Ok this is a heads up, this is my very first fan fic. I've been a big time reader for years but this is my first attempt at ever writing one. I had a few friends look this over and edit it as best as I could but please keep that in mind. This fic contains sensitive subject matter. I would love constructive criticism and comments but please to not flame. I don't really know if I'm going to write more fic, I might even continue this one but I have to get public opinion on this one first

Disclaimer: as much as I LOVE twilight it is not mine. All things twilight belongs to Stephanie Mayer's. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND: this is a MA fic with vary sensitive subject matter. If sex and mention of rape fantasy offend you please do not read. I know for many this is a very sensitive subject. But like most kinks when done in a safe and controlled way in can be very enjoyable. Neither I nor this story in anyway means to advocate the acceptance of actual rape or that real rape is anything but a crime.

~~*MS*~~

I have a secret. One I can never tell. A secret that if it ever got out, would ruin me.

My name is Bella Swan, 19 year old collage sophomore. I am very average, 5'5", brown eyes, brown hair, pale clear complexion. My dad's the chef of police in my home town and my mom is a kindergarten teacher. My best friends are twins, Edward and Alice Cullen. I get decent grades in school and I volunteer when I have the time. All in all I am exactly what everyone expects me to be, except for my secret.

To many people my secret may seem insensitive, uncaring, and heartless even; to other it's dangerous and destructive.

I want to be raped. Yes you heard me right, I want to be raped. Ok let me stop right there. I do not mean the real thing. I know that, that kind of thing can destroy a person. I mean fantasy rape, much more controlled, you know its coming even if you don't know when and where, and most importantly you know who.

But you still see why no one can ever know my secret. What kind of woman WANT'S to be taken by forced, but I do.

It stared years ago when James Hunter held my face to make me kiss him; I was 14 at the time. The lack of controlled thrilled me, and for the first time I was turned on. That was really all he did, but it was my first taste.

Now however my fantasy is confined to my computer. Between my favorite porn sites, and my favorite fan fiction authors, I am pretty good at satisfying myself. Of course I never save anything and I clear all history when I have the itch. I would die it anyone found out.

~~*MS*~~

"Hey Bella, can I borrow your computer" my best friend Edward asked.

Edward and his fraternal twin Alice have been my two best friends since they moved to forks when we were 8. I don't think I could have survived this long without them. I was a terribly shy child. But thanks to their forceful personality I have come out of my shell a lot. I know I'll never be the life of the party but at least of not afraid to open my mouth.

I'm not blind I know my best guy friend is fucking sex on legs. Just over 6 feet tall, broad shoulders, chiseled pecks and a face that could make angles cry. But before you get the wrong idea, we are just friends, that all….unfortunately.

Yea, I have a thing for him, unrequited love and all that bullshit. But that's never going to happen, so I try not to think about it too much…even if it kills me sometime.

"What" I say, looking up from my well-loved copy of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

"Can I borrow your computer' he repeats holding up my laptop. "I still havent got mine fixed and I really don't want to spend the next, who know how many hours doing it at the library".

I shake my head and smile at him. "Sure go head just make sure to get it back to me in one piece" I reply playfully

He sticks out his tongue, turns and walks out my room and across the hall to his.

Yea we live together with Alice, as well as Jasper. Japer is Alice's boyfriend and Edwards other best friend. We all have our own rooms, even though we all now Alice only uses her as a closet. Edwards's parents own the property so none of us have to pay rent, which is a monumental help for a couple of struggling college kids.

I let out a sigh and go back to my book.

~~*MS**~~

It been over a week and Edward still has my computer. I don't want to bother him so I've just been going to the library. I love it in here anyway so it no problem for me.

I look at my watch and realize that Ms. Crawl, the librarian, will be closing up soon. I go ahead and pack my bag, and walk outside. I go to check my phone and realize its dead. Well so much for calling for a ride. Oh well it's not really a big deal. I don't live fare, the library is on the edge of campus and my house is only a mile or so down the road.

As I set out into the fresh fall air I can't help but feel like there is a pair of eyes on me. I stop and look around, but don't see anything. I shrug it off and keep going. In only a minute or so later that the feeling returns. I can't help but giggle at my own paranoia. I've been reading too much fan fiction lately I guess.

I decide to go ahead and cut down the alley way between the street I'm on and the street my house is on. I'm only about a block and half away and this short cut is quite a bit quicker.

I'm about half way down the alley when I hear the unmistakable crunch of a footstep. I let out a soft gasp and before I can even turn around I am pressed up against a wall. Two hands grab my wrist pinning them to the wall, a body presses into my back, so I am unable to move an inch.

"Don't scream, don't even make a sound and you won't get hurt. Got it?" a harsh voice whispers in my ear.

I shock myself by whimpering, and nod my head.

"Good. Now were going to have a little fun. You're going to do exactly what I say. No hesitation, arguing, no questions, no words at all. Do you understand" the voice continues quietly. Quiet enough to send a shiver down my body to my very core.

I nod again.

"You're a pretty little thing aren't you?" He moves both of my wrists to one hand and runs the other down my body slowly. I can feel him grind his hard on into my back.

Somewhere in my mind I know I should be fighting to get away, kicking, screaming, I don't know but something. But all I do is let out a low wonton moan.

"First things first. I want that cute little mouth of your wrapped around my aching cock. Do you feel how hard I already am, just thinking of hitting the back of your throat as you choke on my dick." He murmurs as he presses into my back.

He runs his hands under my shirt and I feel the snap of my bra as he pulls it from my body. His large soft hands move up my stomach to my hard nipples and he squeezes them hard. He takes the points in between his fingers and pinches to almost the point of pain. Instead of crying out in pain though I cry out in ecstasy. He's rough and merciless with my breast, squeezing, pulling and pinching until I'm almost ready to cum just from the stimulation. It takes everything in me not to scream, not in terror but in exaltation.

"Now get on your knees" his hand moving to my shoulder leaves little option but to comply. "And do not look up."

I stare at the concrete as he helps me turn around to face him. I see he is already straining in his paints. He is very excited.

"Now pull it out, and show me what those plump lips of yours can really do."

Shakily I raise my hands to lower his zipper. He's going commando so I see his thick, long, and incredibly hard dick instantly. I surprised at how much I want to taste it.

I pull his pants down around his ankles and wrap my hand around his shaft. I take a lick from the base to the head.

"Fuck" he mumbles "that's it my little slut. Lick me like I'm the best fucking lollipop you have ever had'

I slowly put the head in my mouth and start to move.

He gives me a moment to adjust to his larger size before he grabs the sides of my head roughly.

"Hold on to my thighs my little girl. This is not going to be easy or slow. This is for my pleasure not yours."

I grab his thighs and try to stable myself as he starts to pump fiercely into my mouth, hitting the back of my throat.

"That's it bitch. Take it. Take all of my dick. I want to hear you gag, to know I am the one who controls you." He growls "fuck yes. Suck it hard. There's a good girl."

I can almost hear him smirk

"You enjoy this don't you? I bet you've soaked right through those panties of yours right about now. You enjoy me fucking you're your face; you enjoy pleasing me, don't you. And you're doing such a good job."

I can't stifle the wonton moan that I release. He's right. I can feel my arousal actually running down my leg. Of all the days I pick to wear a skirt it had to be today.

"Tell me baby do you want me to do this to your pretty little pussy. Do you want it to be wrapped around my cock squeezing it like your throat is now? Do you want me to bend you over and take you against this wall? I think I will do just that" he says pulling out of my mouth and yanking me up.

I already know somehow that I'm supposed to look down and that's exactly what I do.

He turns me back around to face the wall. Bends me over slightly and places my hands right where he wants them

"But first before you get to feel my cock I'm going to see if you pretty pussy tastes as delicious and it smells"

He pulls my skirt up over my ass. He shocks me again by grabbing the back of my thong and pulling it hard so it's between my lips.

"God, you're turned on. Your little black thong is soaked. "He bends over and bites my ass, then licks the spot immediately.

He grabs the side of my panties and I hear a snap and feel a sting as he literally rips them from my body.

Once again I know I should be scared or at least angry. But I can't help the fresh flood of arousal as it drips down my now bare leg.

His finger glides through my folds as he lightly rubs my lips. He removes his finger far too quickly and I just know he tastes me.

"God damn" he snarls. "So fucking sweet. I'm going to fuck you with my tongue until I can drink you dry again."

Will that he drops down to the ground and spreads my legs further apart. With no other preamble he parts my lips with his thumbs and shoves his tongue deep inside me.

"Fuck" I can't help but shout, and am rewarded with a sharp quick sting to my ass. He slapped my ass, hard

"Be fucking quite I said. I'm trying to enjoy this fucking delicious meal in peace" he goes back to fucking me with his tongue, occasionally using the tip to flick my clit.

"So good. So fucking good." I hear myself whisper. Can't help but move my hips against his face.

I can already feel my walls tightening. Coiling inside of me ready to spring.

"That's it sweet girl, come for me. Come all over my face. Let me really taste you sweet essence." He goes back to fucking me with his tongue as his thumb rubs tight quick circles around my engorged nub.

I cry out softly as I release into his mouth. I can hear him noisily slurping up everything I give him as if it were a crime to waist even a drop.

"That was the best fucking meal I have ever had my sweet tasting little slut. Now. Now I will really fuck your tight little pussy. I want you to brace yourself on that wall. Wouldn't want you getting hurt and messing up our fun would we." He's back in my ear. I feel his cock right in the small of my back thrusting lightly.

He bends me over a little further making sure I'm stable before grabbing my hips and thrusting into me. Still sensitive from my last orgasm I feel myself immediately clamp down around him. He's so big, filling, stretching me; I have never felt so full before.

"Fuck you're so tight and hot. God you feel good. That's it suck down on my cock. Clamp down like you never want to let it go. Such a good little pussy, such a sweet little slut."

He pulls almost all the way out before slamming into me again. He starts up a hard fast unforgiving rhythm.

Once again the voice of reason in the back of my mind says that this is wrong. It isn't supposed to feel this good. I'm not supposed to be moaning and whimpering as he hits the amazing spot deep inside. But I can't help it.

This is every fantasy I could never talk about come true. This is what, normal or not, I have always wanted, and my body is responding to it.

"Fuck yes. Grind that perfect little ass back." He growls "I wonder has anyone ever had you here. Has anyone every claimed this perfect little ass"

I stiffen up as I feel his wet fingers slid up and down the crack of my ass

He grabs my hair and pulls back. Not terrible hard, but hard enough that I am forced to arch my back, bringing his lips once again right by my ear.

"I asked you a question. Has anyone ever claimed that perfect little ass of yours?" he snarls

"Nn-no" I whimper. Equal parts scared and aroused

"Good" he claims as he starts to push one finger into the tight little hole.

This is completely a first for me. No one, not even me has ever messed with my ass. And I am floored by how amazing it feels. This whole time his rhythm has never faltered even for a second. So with his cock pounding to my pussy and now is finger slowly moving in and out of my ass I am in sensory overload.

"That's it sweet thing grind that ass against my finger. You like that don't you. Do you want me to fuck you here? To cum deep in this perfect tight little virgin ass? Well that's exactly what I think I'll do. But first I have to prepare you a little"

He pulls his dick out of me and I can't help but sigh as the loss. However I forget about it quickly as he slowly starts to work a second finger in my backside. I can feel his saliva moising the area. He adds a third finger and starts to spread the hole wider.

"Fuck this is going to be a tight fit little girl. Don't worry ill make sure you feel good too"

With that he slowly starts to push his still very slick dick inside my ass. It's a little uncomfortable but not nearly as bad as I always feared. In a few seconds he is completely in and I start to relax a little

"That's it sweet girl just relax. See it's not so bad. Fuck you're so tight I'm not going to last very long like this" I think he's talking more to himself than to me at this point.

He starts to move inside of me, easy at first than steadily harder and faster. After a second I feel his arm reach around me and start to rub my clit in time with his thrusts

"Fuck I need you to come for me sweet girl. I need to feel you come one more time for me" he grabs my hair again and pulls it back, then bits down on my neck hard. I know it's going to leave a mark.

That's all it takes for me and this time I can't hold back my scream as my release rushes though me

"Holy fuck you're a squrter" he gasps.

I guess I am. That has never happened to me before

"I'm going to come in your cute little ass now. Are you ready? Fuck Bella I…" he can't even finish as he grips my hips with both hands thrusts two more times and spills into me. I continue to grind into him as he rides out he's climax.

I listen to his heavy breathing in my ear as he lays his head on my shoulder.

I wait a few more minutes before I speak.

"You ok, Edward" I finally ask quietly

He jumps at the sound of my voice and we both wince and he slips out of me. I give a second to pull up his pants as I turn about and look up into the greenest eyes I've ever known.

"When did you figure it out" he replies

"The moment you spoke. Edward we've been friends for more than a decade, how could I not recognize your voice right away. But how did you know. There is no way you didn't know this was what I've wanted for a long time.

"Your computer." He answered quickly. "I was look for a link I had accidentally closed and saw some of you history. Imagine my surprise when I realized sweet little bella swan had a thing for rape fantasy. I've been trying to get up the courage to ask you out for years. But whenever I get the courage to ask you I ways freeze up or choke. When I saw your history and realized your secret I thought maybe if I can't tell you how I feel about you I could show you. You know give you something you've always wanted but could never ask for."

"When we already know we can talk for hours or just sit in silence together. I know you never put your socks in the laundry basket but your bathroom stays in perfect conditions at all times. You know I hate when people drink out of the carton and I love small gestures over expensive platitudes. We know each other's likes dislikes hopes dreams and fears. And now after tonight I know that was the most amazing sex I've had in my life and I can't wait to do it again. So Edward Cullen will you go out with me" I finish and hold my breath waiting for his answer. I know it's silly but I'm still nerves.

"That was my line. But of course I would love to." He replays to me after a beat

After taking a minute to get ourselves ready we turn around and start back home together, holding hands. I can't believe the man of my dreams not only knows my darkest fantasy and does hate me for it, but has helped me make it come true. I can't help but wander as were walking, what is Edwards darkest fantasy and how would I go about giving it to him.

_
A/N so that was my first fan fic. I've edited a little bit of it before I reposted on this profile because after all this time I really wasn't sure about the ending and I like this one a lot better. So leave me a comment and tell me what you think. Don't worry about being harsh I don't mind it. In fact I appreciate criticism as much as comments so don't hold back. I'm thinking about continuing this to at least a two shot if not more but I want to get yalls opinion so let me know. Is it good enough to continue?