Running Away
or The Joy of Motherhood and other myths
By Lady of Spain
Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight.
This o/s is dedicated to Asa who shamelessly begged me for one. And here it is from my computer to yours.
Bella had given birth to a beautiful little baby girl. Jacob was ecstatic. That little girl had him wrapped around her tiny finger even at five days old. But the hiatus was up and he had to face reality, he had to return to work.
But . . . The last few days had been the absolute pits for Bella. She loved her little baby, but she wasn't feeling quite herself yet. Her breasts were swollen, her nipples cracked and sore, she still had trouble sitting, and to top it off, her bladder was infected. Good grief, motherhood wasn't exactly all it was cracked up to be. If only one little annoyance was removed, maybe she could see some hope rounding the corner.
Carlie seemed to nurse forever; she was always hungry. To make matters worse, she was only sleeping fifteen to twenty minutes at a time during the day, and for the past three days, had started crying non-stop from 6:00 P.M. until 2:00 A.M. At first, it seemed only natural—babies cry; that's an undeniable fact. But what was thought to be a coincidence alarmingly became a routine. Bella would put the baby in a swing, that didn't help. Then she tried pushing her in the stroller; that didn't work either.
Nothing that she did seemed to soothe the little one. Jacob apparently calmed her down a little. It was either his supernaturally occurring heat, or his devil may care attitude. Bella had to admit, she was frazzled and uptight, and they say that babies can sense that. Her sweetheart had taken a shift every night so Bella could get some sleep, but he was returning to work this week. What was she going to do? He couldn't go to work bleary-eyed every day.
Bella did the best she could to keep Carlie quiet so Jacob could get some shuteye that Sunday night. It was probably unnecessary as Jacob could saw logs through a tornado. Monday, by noon, she was exhausted. It was depressing anticipating that she would be getting little sleep again that night.
Two more days went by. The dark circles were becoming permanently etched under her now listless eyes.
On the third day, Bella snapped. Jacob came home from work to find her in the bedroom, angrily tossing clothes into a suitcase.
Jacob stood by the bed, his arms helplessly at his sides. "What's going on, Bells?" Her actions were scaring him.
Instead of responding verbally, she stuffed another couple of blouses into the case, and violently slammed it shut. She stormed over to the closet and grabbed her coat down from the hanger.
Jacob placed his arm around her shoulder; she shrugged it off and pushed him away. His voice broke as he said, "Talk to me, honey . . . please."
She started to put on her coat. "What is there to say, I'm leaving. I can't take it anymore."
Carlie's nightly ritual of crying was starting up just like clockwork. Bella walked over to the crib and scooped the baby up in her arms. She wrapped a blanket around her and handed Carlie to Jacob.
"You wanted a family, well now you've got it. She's all yours. I pumped this afternoon; there's three small bottles in the fridge. That'll give you time to get her some formula or milk or whatever—I don't care. You know where the diapers are."
Jacob was stunned into silence; his warm brown eyes, blank with shock.
With tears in her eyes, she blurted out, "I love you Jacob, but I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."
He found his tongue when she reached the front door. "Wait . . . Bells, please . . . Let's talk about this. Don't go, I'm begging you."
She turned the knob, and passing through to the front porch, slammed the door shut behind her. Jacob reopened it, and with the baby still wailing in his arms, followed in her wake. He yelled after he, pleading, "Bella, please . . . at least tell me where you're going."
Bella hopped in her truck, throwing the suitcase onto the seat. She shouted back at him, "Any place but here. Goodbye, Jake."
The truck pulled out of the driveway and sped down the road.
A heartbroken Jacob was on the phone immediately to his pack sister, Leah, who incidentally was Bella's midwife. He was hard to understand as his breath kept hitching with sobs. Leah could hear the infant screaming in Jacob's arms, and his repeated phrase, "She's gone, Leah . . . she's gone."
"Okay, you've gotta calm down, Jake. I can't understand what you're saying. Now, what happened?"
"I don't know . . . Bells won't talk to me. She won't tell me what's going on."
In all her days, she had never known Jacob to get this upset before. "Well, do you have any idea where she went?"
"No—and even if I did, I can't go after her, not with the baby here."
"All right—you take care of Carlie. I'll track down your runaway wife. I'd know her scent anywhere, especially since she's a new mother. Don't worry, I'll bring her back safely, even if I have to drag her by the hair."
Jacob positioned Carlie on his broad shoulder, patting her back one handed. She was still screaming bloody murder. "Can you talk some sense into her?"
"I said I'd bring her back, I'm not sure about the sense part. I'll leave that up to you."
His voice seemed to take on a calmer tone. If anyone could track Bella and return her to his aching arms, it was Leah. He had every confidence in her. "Yeah, okay. Thanks, I owe you one."
With her pedal to the metal, Bella was running the truck into the ground racing toward Forks. And from there, who knew? Suddenly, there was a familiar car heading straight toward her. She had to swerve, braking on the soft shoulder to avoid a head-on collision.
The car stopped—still facing Bella's truck—on the side of the road. Leah stepped out of the car, and opened the door to the passenger seat. "Get in" she growled.
Bella rolled down the window and shouted back at her. "I'm leaving Washington, and not you or anybody else is going to stop me. So go back in your car and go home."
Leah was getting pissed. She glared at Bella, her arms glued at her hips. "What the hell's goin' on, Bella. Jake called me cryin' his eyes out. Now you're comin' with me whether you like it or not. If I think you're right in leaving, then you can go. Until then, you're my prisoner."
"I'm not getting out of this truck," Bella snarled.
"Dammit, Bella. Don't make me haul you out of there. You know I can do it. Now, c'mon." She strode over to the truck. "Give it up, you can't escape from me. I'll go wolf if I have to."
Clicking her tongue in irritation, Bella surrendered. She knew when she was licked, and so, climbed down from the cab. "What about my truck?" she asked petulantly.
Leah's eyes did a voluntary roll. "Just leave it here. No self respecting person would dream of stealing that ancient behemoth. Besides, I can always send one of the guys to pick it up later. In the meantime, everyone knows it's yours and wouldn't dare risk a beating from Jacob Black."
Bella reluctantly sat down in the car and the two of them returned to La Push. It was a short quiet ride to Leah's place.
Escorting Bella to the couch, Leah readied herself to uncover the seat of the problem. She put out a couple of cups, and made some hot chocolate to fill them. "So, you wanna tell me what this is all about?"
Bella huffed, clearly not happy to talk about the tense situation. "I left Jacob, and the baby."
"No foolin' . . . I already knew that! What I don't know is why? You two have a fight? Is he insisting on being naughty while you're trying to heal? What is it?"
"It's nothing like that." Bella covered her forehead with her hand, and tearfully explained. "I haven't slept in three or four days. I'm exhausted; I can't go on like this."
Leah put down her cup. "You knew that's what you signed up for when you got pregnant. All babies have to be fed at least once during the night. Just take a couple of naps during the day. When the baby goes down, you go down with her."
"I would but Carlie doesn't sleep for more than twenty minutes at a time during the day. And she's awake every night for hours on end crying. I can't stand it anymore."
Leah stood up from the couch, staring at the pitiful woman before her. "I am your midwife, right?"
Sniffling, Bella choked out, "Yes, why?"
"Why? Why do you have to be such a martyr? Why didn't you tell me this sooner? Did you even let Jacob know?"
Bella placed her elbow on the coffee table and rested her cheek on her fisted hand. "He's so happy being a new daddy, and I'm supposed to be a deliriously happy mother. He would be devastated if I told him how miserable I am."
Sitting back down, Leah kept her eyes level with Bella's and hit her with, "I've got news for you, sister, Jacob is already pretty devastated. It was a toss up as to who was cryin' the loudest, him or the baby."
"Honestly, Bella . . ." she sighed. "The kid has a classic case of colic. I'll give you a bottle of gripe water. The directions are on the label. Now what else can I do for you?"
"Well, my breasts are swollen and hard, and the baby wants to nurse all the time. I'm so sore, it's painful."
Leah got up again. "I've got some cream to put on; that should prevent any further soreness. And the swelling will go down on its own in just a few more days. Carlie is nursing non-stop because her stomach hurts; she just thinks she's hungry. The gripe water should help both of you."
Leah went into her bedroom and returned with the gripe water and the nipple cream. She handed them to Bella and said, "Do you still want to run away? 'Cause if you don't, I'll take Carlie tonight, and you and Jake can have a good long talk and get some rest. Whaddya say?"
The waterworks began again, and Bella hid her face in her hands. "Oh god, Leah. I really hurt him tonight, didn't I? The truth is, I probably couldn't have stayed away from him for more than a day. I started missing him as soon as I walked out that door. Can you take me home?"
Even before Leah's car pulled into the driveway, Jacob caught Bella's scent. He quickly put Carlie back in the crib and literally ran out to the car. As she stepped out, he dove for her, his lungs about to burst and his heart pounding in his chest. With eyes closed, he enveloped her in his arms and lifted her in the air, kissing her over and over, traveling from her hair and eyes, her ears, and her throat.
"Jacob," she gasped between his deluge of kisses. "I'm so sorry,"
Tears ran down his cheeks as he pleaded with her, "I thought you'd gone for good. Don't ever leave me again. Promise me, honey. I can't last a single minute without you."
She wrapped her arms around his neck; Jacob picked her up and carried her inside, Leah taking up the rear. "I couldn't stay away, Jake. Even if Leah hadn't found me, I would've been heading back to your arms before I reached Forks.
Taking Bella's coat, Jacob turned to Leah, and mouthed, "Thank you". He hung up the coat in the hall closet, while, Leah walked toward the bedroom to gather up the diaper bag and the screaming child. She came into the living room with Carlie all bundled up and in her car seat, the diaper bag slung over her shoulder.
Jacob was confused. What was Leah doing with his baby?
Leah laughed at the look on his face. "Hey, don't worry, daddy, I'm an excellent babysitter. I'll return her safe and sound in the morning. Go get me mom's milk and I'll be on my way."
Bella nodded at him, affirming what Leah had proposed. He went into the kitchen and retrieved the bottles from the fridge inserting them into the pockets of the bag.
"Okay, then. See you all soon." She nuzzled her face against Carlie's little button nose, and said, "Say bye, bye to mommy and daddy, they have to iron out some issues." The baby wailed even louder. She shook her head at the new parents and confirmed a fact. "I'll say this for her; she has a great set of lungs."
Jacob drew Bella to his side as they sat together on the couch. She turned, pressing her head to his shoulder as she let her supply of tears deplete themselves.
Stroking her hair, Jacob murmured softly, "C'mon, honey. Whatever's wrong, we can fix it together, I promise."
Bella lifted her head, pulling away slightly so she could look into his eyes. "Jake . . . You're happy being a dad, aren't you?"
"I don't think I could be any happier, why? Aren't you?"
"No," she blurted out. "I should be, but I'm not! I feel like a terrible mother. That's why I couldn't tell you. I haven't slept in days. Carlie doesn't sleep day or night, no matter what I do. I didn't want you to miss work, so I didn't bother you about it—that is, until I couldn't go on like that anymore."
Bella could see the hurt in his eyes when he realized that she had kept this from him. "Jeez, Bells, why didn't you say something sooner? You didn't need to suffer in silence. We could've worked out a plan, or gone to an expert, like Leah for instance. Speaking of Leah, what did she have to say about all of this?"
"That's just it; she says Carlie has colic and gave me some medicine for it. That's why she's not sleeping."
He hugged her tight again. Tucking her head under his chin, he kissed her hair once more. "Everything's gonna work out fine, sweetheart. But, I want you to love being a mother to our baby. I want you to be as happy as I am. So, in the future, you've gotta tell me when something's wrong, okay? Don't hold it inside, and don't ever run away from me again. I would die inside without you. I love you Bells—you can't even imagine how much you mean to me."
That being said, she shifted in his arms. Their eyes met and lingered there for several minutes. He couldn't help himself; one word fell from his tongue, the one name forever upon his lips. "Bells . . ." he murmured. Then, leaning down, he let his lips find what he was searching for. Cupping the back of her head, his mouth moved with hers, long and deep and passionate. He had to stop before it became a fire too hard to control. He loved her too much to hurt her, so he would wait until she was ready to give herself physically to him again.
He sat up and took her hand. "C'mon, honey, I'll heat up some leftovers for supper. After we eat, we'll go to bed early, so you can catch up on your sleep."
In the next few weeks, Bella indeed got her rest. Jacob arranged for the members of the wolf pack to take turns coming to the house, on lunch breaks and after school. They would take the baby out in the stroller or stay with her in the living room while Bella napped. Even big bad Paul could be often seen sitting in a rocker crooning a lullabye to Carlie. It was no secret that she had bewitched them all. They were even a little disappointed when their services were no longer needed.
So, now that she wasn't sleep deprived, Bella's heart began to overflow with love for her little girl. She never did get the urge to run away again—that is unless she could coax Jacob into running away with her. And let's face it—knowing Jacob, it wouldn't take much, ya think?