This story was going around in my head for a long time. Now I finally had the time to write it down. I hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from The Big Bang Theory. I don't own any of the characters.
Leonard's life was in turmoil. The day before Penny had broken up with him during a match in a bowling alley. She did not explicitly say that it was over between them, but Leonard knew only too well their relationship that started eight months before, after he had returned from the North Pole, was history. Sometimes no words are needed to understand what has happened. Everything since this moment in the bowling alley when Penny said 'No, this isn't fair to you, Leonard. I'm sorry.' was playing out like it happened in a state of emotional stupor. He felt totally numb inside, like an empty shell.
And now he was standing in Stuart's comic book store, dressed as Supergirl, because of a lost bet. In addition to his broken heart, he had to endure this humiliation. It was really hard to take. Fortunately this ordeal in the comic book store lasted only a few minutes, although he knew the humiliation would go on, as Stuart took several pictures with his phone, which definitely would find their way to the internet.
As soon as Leonard and Sheldon were in Leonard's car to drive back home, Sheldon started to speak."Leonard, can I ask you a question?"
Leonard glanced over to his lanky roommate. "What is it?" he replied in an apathetic tone, clearly showing that he was not interested in a conversation.
"Well," Sheldon proceeded. "Since we returned from the bowling alley yesterday you spent a disturbing amount of time looking at photographs of Penny and I could see you sitting on your bed, smelling at the pillow she slept on. I also could hear you crying a lot and you didn't make any attempt to talk to Penny. So, I guess your relationship with Penny is really and definitely over and you and Penny are no longer having coitus. Is that right?"
Leonard sighed and darted a sad look at Sheldon. "Yes, that's right. Penny and I are no longer in a relationship and if Penny doesn't want us to be friends with benefits we are also no longer having sex."
Sheldon just nodded.
"Oh, before I forget it," Leonard continued to speak after a few moments of silence. "Don't dare to tell Penny anything about me looking at photos, smelling at pillows or that I cried, when you see her. Do you understand?"
"I understand," Sheldon answered. "I won't tell Penny anything."
When Leonard and Sheldon were finally back home, Leonard instantly went to his room. As soon as he was in, he tossed the blond wig he was holding in his hand into a corner and threw himself on his bed with his face down. He just wanted to lay there and never get up again. What purpose would it have anyway? As Leonard's thoughts drifted more and more into a dark place, Sheldon's characteristic triple knock suddenly could be heard on his door.
Knock, knock, knock "Leonard!"
Knock, knock, knock "Leonard!"
Knock, knock, knock "Leonard!"
"Leave me alone, Sheldon!" Leonard mumbled into his pillow.
"I just wanted to remind you that we have to return the costumes to the costume rental tomorrow," Sheldon said through the door.
"Okay. And now go away. Please!"
Leonard heard footsteps and a few seconds later the sound of a closing door indicated that Sheldon had gone into his room. After just lying face down on his bed for a few minutes, Leonard slowly got up and took off the Supergirl costume. He put it into a cloth bag together with the blond wig. Looking at his watch he saw it was way too early to go to bed. Actually it wasn't even dinner time, but he wasn't hungry anyway. So he put on his usual clothes and decided to go the roof to get some fresh air.
When Leonard stepped out of apartment 4A his eyes fell on the door of the apartment across the hall and a deep sadness overcame him. For a moment he had the urge to go into Penny's place and confront his ex-girlfriend. He wanted to have an explanation. But he knew she would immediately built up a wall around her, so he just sighed heavily and went upstairs to the roof.
As soon as Leonard was on the roof he took a deep breath and walked over to the waist-high brick wall that surrounded the roof. He sat down with his back leaned against the wall and looked up to the clear sky. Dusk was approaching, and the setting sun let the sky appear in brilliant shades of red and orange. But Leonard had no eyes for this beautiful spectacle of nature. The only thing he could think of was Penny. He wished she would be here with him, so the two of them could look at the setting sun together. While the sun slowly disappeared behind the horizon, the world around Leonard became darker and it didn't take long until he was lost in thought. He cursed himself for saying 'I love you' too soon, that he had put pressure on Penny in the bowling alley to say it back. But he just couldn't help it that night in bed a few days ago. He had the overwhelming urge to tell Penny how he felt in this moment, when she quoted Yoda. And he did love Penny. He loved her since the moment he saw Penny for the first time, when he walked up the stairs and saw this blonde girl through the open door in apartment 4B.
Penny sat on the turqouise couch in her apartment, holding a glass of wine in her left hand, while she held the remote control of her TV in the other hand and switched randomly through the channels. Twenty-four hours had passed since she had broken up with Leonard.
"There's only crap on TV," Penny said in an angry voice, switched off the TV and threw the remote control into a corner of her couch.
Penny closed her eyes, and immediately memories from the day before came back into her mind. She could see Leonard's sad and puzzled face.
"I'm sorry Leonard," Penny whispered upon opening her eyes again. The setting sun that shone through the big window created an interesting interplay of shadow and light inside her apartment, but it also created a somewhat melancholic atmosphere, which let Penny utter a deep sigh.
She took a sip of wine, closed her eyes again and recalled the events since she left the bowling alley twenty-four hours before. She remembered how she could barely hold back the tears when she walked to her car, started the engine and drove home. But she couldn't remember how she came home or if she had disregarded any traffic rules. She had driven as if she was in a trance. As soon as she arrived at home, she climbed up the stairs, opened the door to her apartment and ran into her bedroom where she finally wept freely. She didn't know how long she had cried, but eventually sleep overpowered her. When she woke up it was broad daylight outside and a look at the clock on the nightstand next to her bed revealed, that she had slept for almost ten hours in a row. She quickly leapt out of bed, took a shower and had a little breakfast, consisting of a cup of coffee and a bagel. Just in time she arrived for her shift at the Cheesecake Factory, lucky for not running into Leonard on her way out of the apartment building or when she returned late in the afternoon. Back at home she took another shower, had an early dinner and watched two episodes of her favorite show on DVD, before she wanted to watch some TV.
Penny opened her eyes and looked at the long shadows the setting sun threw on the wall behind her TV. Taking another sip of wine from the glass she held in her left hand, she became very tired all of a sudden. She yawned and put the glass of wine on her coffee table. "I could need some fresh air."
Penny got up from the couch, took a colorful hoodie that hung over the back of a chair and put it on. Grabbing her keys, she opened the door of her apartment and stepped out into the hall. At first she wanted to take a walk around the block, but then she decided to go to the roof.
After passing the hall of the fifth floor, Penny took the last few steps that lead to the door of the roof. When she stepped on the roof she noticed Leonard sitting at the wall on the right side and stopped dead in her tracks. 'Oh no!'
She was about to turn around, when Leonard looked up and noticed his ex-girlfriend standing at the door.
"Oh..um..Hi Leonard," Penny stumbled sheepishly. "I...I don't want to disturb you."
"You don't disturb me, Penny," Leonard said. "Would you care to join me?"
"Um, I don't think this would be a good idea," Penny answered. "I should probably get going."
"Don't be silly," Leonard replied. "We're neighbours. We're going to run into each other, whether we like it or not. So, why don't we get used to it."
Penny nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right." She walked over to Leonard and sat down beside him.
"Are you used to it yet?" Leonard asked.
Penny shook her head. "Nope."
"Me neither," Leonard said.
Penny shyly looked at her ex-boyfriend. "Um, can I ask you something?"
Leonard returned Penny's shy look. "Sure."
"Are you mad at me?"
"No, Penny. I'm not mad at you. If I'm mad, then I'm mad at me. I got too intense, you had to back off."
Penny looked at Leonard but said nothing.
"I hope we can at least stay friends," Leonard added.
"Of course, Leonard. You are my best friend. And you will always be my best friend, no matter what."
Leonard smiled sadly. "Can I ask you something too?"
Penny nodded.
"A few days ago in the laundry room you told me, you said the L-word before. Was I the only one you didn't say it to?
"No, Leonard", Penny said in a sad tone. "But every time when I said it the relationship fell apart shortly afterwards."
"Well, our relationship fell apart, although you didn't say the L-word."
Penny now sensed anger in Leonard's voice and wanted to say something. "Leonard, please understand..."
Leonard cut her short. "I told you we're in two different places emotionally and that I'm a little ahead of you. I would have waited for you, but you thought it was better to dump me."
Tears began to form in Penny's eyes. "I didn't want to string you along. It wouldn't have been fair to you."
Leonard looked away from Penny. "I see. It was foolish from me to think you would love me anyway. Well, now you can go back to those tall, buff and handsome guys. To the Kurt's, Doug's, Mike's and David Underhill's of this world. Those are the right guys for you. Not a short, asthmatic nerd like me."
A single tear now rolled down Penny's cheek. "How can you say that?"
"Because..." Leonard didn't finish the sentence. He took a deep breath and looked to the floor. "I'm sorry."
"I never wanted to hurt you. Please believe me," Penny said pleadingly.
Leonard looked at her with tearful eyes. "I believe you, Penny. I really do." His words were tinged with sadness.
The deep hurt Penny could see in Leonard's face made her gasp and it broke her heart. "But I did, didn't I? Not just yesterday. I hurt you many times," she said amid tears, that were freely rolling down her cheeks now.
Leonard didn't respond. For a few minutes they just sat next to each other without saying a word. In the meantime Penny had stopped crying and wiped the remaining tears away from her face.
Then Penny got up and walked towards the rooftop door. When she arrived the door, she turned around and looked at Leonard, who still sat on the floor leaned against the wall. "I'm sorry, Leonard. I'm so sorry for hurting you."
Leonard just nodded, looking at Penny with a vacant expression.
"Good night, Leonard."
"Good night, Penny."
Back in her apartment, Penny felt like crying again after closing the door behind her. She slowly walked over to the couch and sat down. Bent forward with her elbows on her knees and with her face buried in her hands. It took a lot of willpower not to cry, but a few minutes later she had managed to compose herself. Taking a deep breath, she then took the wine bottle and the wine glass that were standing on the coffee table and brought them to table by the window. She took a seat on one of the chairs and opened the laptop that was situated there. The computer was a gift she had received from Leonard after her own laptop broke a few weeks ago. Penny felt that she owed Leonard an explanation for breaking up with him, so she decided to write him an e-mail. She couldn't give him an explanation face to face, because she was sure she would struggle for words in such a situation. But thirty minutes later not one single word was written. Instead a few glasses of wine were emptied and Penny was a bit drunk to say the least. So she switched from writing an e-mail to recording a video for Leonard.
She cleared her throat, hit a button on the laptop's keyboard and started to speak in a tipsy voice. "Hello, Leonard. I was gonna write you an e-mail, but I'm a little drunk, and spelling is a sober person's game, so..." She had to pause for a moment to draw breath and then continued. "I feel I owe you a 'splanation." Penny had to giggle, because of the mispronunciation of the word 'explanation', so she tried again, but to no avail. "I'm sorry. A 'splanation."
Suddenly someone knocked on her apartment door.
Knock, knock, knock "Penny!"
Knock, knock, knock "Penny!"
Knock, knock, knock "Penny!"
'Oh no!' She really didn't want to deal with her annoying neighbor, Dr. Wackadoodle, in this moment. "Sheldon, go away," she said. "I'm making a video."
"Oh, I'm sorry," he replied through the door. "I'll come back when you're alone."
Penny was puzzled. Apparently Sheldon thought she was making a video with another man. She had to set the record straight. "No, no, no. I am alone. I'm just telling Leonard why I broke up with him."
"Oh, he knows," Sheldon said. "The video I want to see is why you went out with him in the first place."
Penny was more bugged than ever. "I went out with him because he's great. And if I kept going out with him, I probably would've married him, and that's a little scary because I just don't think I'm ready for that. You know. Plus I have got to learn how to spell Hofstadter. I...I know there's a 'D' in there, but it keeps moving every time I try and write it. Sheldon, what do I do?"
"Try to pass out face down, so you don't choke on your vomit," he suggested.
In fact, Penny was on the verge of passing out. The wine she had consumed this evening was a bit too much after all. "I am not gonna pass out. But thank you anyway," she barely brought out, only to be in la-la land seconds later.
After Penny had left the roof, Leonard stayed on the roof for a few more hours. For most of the time he just stared into the clear nightly sky, racking his brain what he had done wrong. It was almost midnight when he returned to his apartment. To his relief Sheldon was already sleeping, so he didn't have to grapple with him. Taking a bottle of water out of the fridge, he went to his room, he took off his clothes to get ready for bed. Ten minutes later, after finishing his night time routine, Leonard lay in his bed and tried to sleep, but like the night before he wasn't able to fall asleep. And while it was impossible for him to find sleep, his thoughts incessantly revolved around Penny. Sometime between 2 a.m. und 3 a.m. in the morning Leonard finally drifted into a restless sleep.
Suddenly Leonard felt a presence next to him. But it didn't scare him, because he smelled the scent of green apple shampoo. He turned around and looked into a beautiful, smiling face with sparkling green eyes.
"Penny? What are you doing here?"
"I felt lonely, all alone in my bedroom," she answered. "So, I deciced to come over to your place and keep you company."
Leonard was stunned. "That's nice. But you broke up with me."
Penny put a finger on Leonard's mouth. "Honey, shush, shush, shush." She leaned over and kissed him. I didn't take long and the kissing became more intense. And a few seconds later a full-fledged make out session was underway. When they both had to break the kissing to gasp for air, Penny looked deeply into Leonard's eyes. "I have to tell you something."
Leonard looked at Penny full of expectation. "Yeah?"
"I lov..."
Knock, knock, knock "Leonard!"
Knock, knock, knock "Leonard!"
Knock, knock, knock "Leonard!"
Leonard opened his eyes wide, and for a few moments he didn't know what was going on. He looked to the side where Penny lay, but she wasn't there. Only now he realized that he had dreamed. A rush of disappointment shot through him."Dammit," he said with clenched teeth.
Knock, knock, knock "Leonard!"
Knock, knock, knock "Leonard!"
Knock, knock, knock "Leonard!"
"What?" Leonard practically yelled, which let Sheldon wince on the other side of the door.
"I just wanted to remind you, that we have to return the costumes to the costume rental today," Sheldon said.
Leonard sat up, grabbed a pillow and hurled it against the door. Then he turned around and buried his face in the pillow he was sleeping on.
Two hours later Leonard sat at the kitchen island and had just finished a cup of coffee, while Sheldon sat in his spot on the couch and watched reruns of 'Dr. Who'.
"OK Sheldon, let's go."
"Alrighty. And after we have returned the costumes, we drive to the train store," Sheldon said.
Leonard sighed. "To the train store? Really?"
"Yes. Of course. Why do you sigh?"
"Nevermind."
Leonard grabbed the car keys and a few minutes later he and Sheldon were on their way to the costume rental.
Penny woke up with a massive headache. She looked around and wondered why she was lying on the floor next to the table by the window. Getting up from the floor and seeing the open laptop on the table, she remembered that she wanted to record a video for Leonard, which obviously had gone wrong. She shut the computer, reminding herself to make another try to record a video later. But first she had to go to the bathroom to relieve herself and take a headache pill. Fortunately it was a non-working weekend for her, since a look at the time revealed she would have been late for work, no matter what early shift she would have.
When Penny came out of her bathroom she flopped down on her bed and almost immediately fell asleep. About four hours later, she woke up feeling a little better. She sat up and swang her legs to the right side of the bed. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she took a sip from the bottle of water that stood on her nightstand.
Penny wanted to get up, when she noticed that something was stucked in the drawer of the nightstand. She opened it to shove it back inside. In this moment her eyes fell on a little red bag. She took it out of the drawer and looked at its content. It was the snowflake, preserved in a one percent solution of polyvinyl acetal resin. Leonard gave it to her when he returned from the North Pole eight months ago. Penny looked at the snowflake and sighed deeply. "Leonard, you are really a great guy," she wispered and put it cautiously back into the little red bag, which was put back into the nightstand drawer.
Penny got up and went into the bathroom to take a shower. Afterwards she made herself a little meal and listened to some music on her iPod. It was three o'clock in the afternoon when she decided to go to the roof again to get some fresh air. Grabbing her keys and her phone, she left apartment 4B and went upstairs to the roof.
When Penny stepped out on the roof, she took a deep breath. It was a nice May afternoon in Pasadena. The sun was shining and the temperature was very pleasant. While she walked towards the wall that surrounded the roof, the last remnants of her headache literally vanished with every step. Standing at the wall a few moments later, she looked over the houses toward the Pasadena City Hall. The muffled sound of the traffic in the streets beneath her, had a strangely calming effect on her.
Penny turned around and sat down on the floor with her back leaned against the wall. She closed her eyes and immediately Leonard was on her mind and a rush of sadness came over her. She had to admit to herself, that breaking up with Leonard had upset her heavily. Suddenly Penny was brought out of her thoughts by the ringing of her phone. She looked at the display and saw it was her mother Susan.
"Hi, mom."
"Hi sweetheart. It's been a while since we have talked the last time. How are you?"
"I'm fine. Everything's all right. How are things in Nebraska?"
Susan frowned. Penny sounded strange. "Well, business as usual. But it seems there's something going on with you. Something puts a strain on you. I can hear that in your voice."
"Mom, nothing is going on with me. I'm fine. Really!"
"Hmm, I'm not convinced. C'mon Penny. What's going on?"
Penny was annoyed now. "Nothing is going on. Just drop it, okay?"
"Okay, but the way you react tells me, there's definitely something going on with you."
Penny sighed. "Fine. You won't let it go anyway.
"That's true. I won't."
"I broke up with Leonard."
"Oh no, why? What happened?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Did he hurt you? I mean, physically."
Penny was shocked, her mother could even think of something like that. "Oh god, no. He would never do that. Never," she exclaimed indignantly.
Susan apologized. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. Did he cheat on you?"
"No mom, Leonard didn't do anything wrong. I was the problem. I alone."
"What did you do?"
"Like I said, I don't want to talk about it."
"Penny. You always get defensive and build walls around you when you are miserable and people want to help you. But I'm your mom. You can trust me. I will listen and I won't judge you. So please talk to me." There was silence for a few moments. "Penny?"
"Leonard told me he loves me and I couldn't say it back," Penny blurted out.
"Oh, I see," Susan said quietly.
"You know, I told other guys that I loved them. And everytime I did it, I got burned. Every single guy I told the L-word hurt me badly."
"So, you thought Leonard would hurt you too."
"Actually no, mom. I know for a fact that Leonard would never hurt me. Not deliberately. Leonard even told me he would have waited for me until we are on the same level emotionally. But I didn't want to string him along, it wouldn't have been fair to him."
"Okay. You said, that you couldn't say it back, that you didn't want to string him along. What are your feelings for Leonard?"
"I don't know. I'm confused. I feel so many things when I think about Leonard."
"Tell me something about Leonard."
"He is special, mom. He is the greatest guy you can imagine. He is smart and nice and caring. He is a loving soul and has a heart of gold. He is so selfless. He always thinks of others first, before he thinks of himself. And he is so romantic. One time he left a wonderful red rose on the windshield of my car. Just because. Or when he returned from the North Pole, he gave me a snowflake that was preserved in a special solution for all time."
Penny had to pause for a few seconds, as she felt tears welling up in her eyes. She tried to blink them away, took a deep breath and continued.
"Oh god! When I think back at that time when he went to the North Pole for three months. I missed him so much. I couldn't even think of anyone else while he was gone."
Some tears were now rolling down Penny's face.
Susan could hear the soft crying of her daughter. "Think about how you felt."
Penny recalled how she felt during those three months. "I was devastated. It felt like a hole in my heart, when he wasn't around. And this hole wasn't plugged until he had returned. He made me complete."
"And now compare your feelings when you told all those other guys you loved them with your feelings when Leonard was gone for a few months or during those time you two were a couple."
"I never felt the same with any of those other guys. I don't even think it was really love with any of those other guys. Infatuation at best, but nothing more. But with Leonard." There was another pause. "I...I would have married him, if we had stayed together."
"You say, you would have married him. Hmm. Penny, would you really marry someone you don't love?"
There was silence again for a few moments.
"Oh my god. I do love him. And I already love him for quite a while." Penny got up, a radiant smile on her face. "Mom, you're the best. I call you back. But I have to talk to Leonard. Now!" She ended the call and quickly walked back to the rooftop door.
While Penny had gone to the roof, Leonard and Sheldon sat in Leonard's car on their way back from the Cheesecake Factory, where they had ingested a meal, after they had been at the costume rental and the train store.
"Lucky for you that Penny didn't work today. That would have been an awkward encounter," Sheldon said.
"Why? We are still friends, and we will see each other all the time. We are neighbors," Leonard replied.
"Okay. Hmm...Do you think Penny will have a new boyfriend soon?" Sheldon asked matter-of-factly.
Leonard didn't say anything.
"Oh, is this question making you uncomfortable?"
Again, Leonard didn't say a word.
"What? I just wanted to start a conversation."
"Thank you, but no thanks," Leonard said.
"Okay, just as you like."
The rest of the drive was spent in silence. A few minutes later, Leonard had parked his car in front of the apartment building and he and Sheldon went upstairs to their place. While Sheldon entered his and Leonard's apartment, Leonard stopped in the hall and looked at the door of Penny's apartment.
"Leonard, come in and close the door," Sheldon demanded from inside the apartment.
"Just a sec," Leonard replied and closed the door. He walked over to Penny's place and was about to knock on the door, when he heard footsteps on the stairs coming down from the fifth floor. Leonard looked up the stairs and saw Penny coming around the corner.
Penny stopped dead in her tracks, when she saw Leonard.
"Oh...Hi Penny. Where have you been?" he asked.
"Um, I was on the roof, catching some air," Penny answered. "You wanted to talk to me?"
Penny walked down the remaining stairs and stood in front of Leonard.
"Yes...Well, I...I...," Leonard stumbled.
Penny smiled, put a finger on Leonard's mouth and looked deeply into his warm brown eyes. "Do not overthink this." She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close to her. And less than one second later Penny was kissing Leonard deeply.
It took a few seconds until Leonard realized what was going on and started to reciprocate the kiss. Penny's hands cupped Leonard's cheeks, while he had his arms wrapped around her waist. Their kissing became more passionate with every second and only the need to take breath interrupted their fiery exchange of affection after a while.
"Wow," Leonard exclaimed, breathing laboredly. "I think I need my inhaler." Looking at Penny who grinned like a Cheshire cat, Leonard was floored. "What's going on here? I don't understand."
Penny bit on her lower lip. "Um, I have to tell you something."
Leonard looked at Penny full of expectation. "Yeah?"
"I...I love you, Leonard."
Leonard's eyes opened wide. He couldn't believe his ears. "Whaaaat?"
Penny smiled. "I love you. And I love you for quite a while. I think I've already loved you way before you went to the North Pole."
Leonard was speechless.
Penny's smile became even brighter. "Yes, Leonard. I have come to a realization. I had an epiphany, if you will. When you told me you love me a few days ago, I couldn't say it back because I was afraid of the consequences. Because everytime I said the L-word in the past I got terribly hurt shortly afterwards. But I'm sure that won't happen with you, because it wasn't real love I felt for those other guys. You Leonard, you are my first real love. I just couldn't admit it to myself, but now I know it. I know it for sure. What I feel for you is love. Pure love. And I've already felt it for a long time. And I feel it right now. In this very moment. There's no doubt about it. I love you."
They looked into each other's eyes, a warm and fuzzy feeling flowing through their bodies.
Leonard was still floored. "I love you, too."
Penny beamed. "Will you take me back? Will you be my boyfriend again?"
Leonard looked deeply into Penny's beautiful green eyes. He could see a sparkle, as she waited for his answer. Penny really loved him, and this wasn't a dream. It was real. Of course there could only be one answer to her question. "Yes, Penny. I will take you back. I would love to be your boyfriend again."
Penny let out a joyous squeal, flinging her arms around Leonard.
When Penny pulled away she looked at Leonard with a mischievous grin. "How about a celebration of our reconciliation?"
"What do you have in mind?" Leonard asked, knowing exactly what Penny had in mind.
Penny opened the door of her apartment. "Follow me," she said to her boyfriend with a seductive smile on her face and stepped inside.
Leonard smiled and followed his girlfriend, closing the door behind him.
THE END
Thanks for reading. :-)