TPOV:
I lightly ran my fingers down Four's back; gently gliding my finger tips on the curved lines of his tattoo. There were five faction symbols imprinted onto his back. Why all of them? He choose Dauntless, bot Abnegation, Candor, Erudite, Amity, and Dauntless.
"Five factions." I whispered just loud enough for Four to hear.
"Why do you have all of them?"
Four seemed to tense slightly at my words, so I brought my hand away from his back. Turning towards me, Four said, "I don't want to be just one thing."
"I want to be brave and selfless, smart and honest, and kind." His words reminded me of what thoughts ran through my head constantly every day since the test. They haunted me. Your results were inconclusive. They call it Divergent. I didn't want to be one thing either. I couldn't be. Maybe I will never fit in. Maybe they'll kill me.
"I'm still working on the kind part, though." Four snickered. I laughed. He surely does need to work on that. Four then looked at me, his eyes a deep storm of colors. In this dark lighting, his eyes looked like the color of the sky when a thunderstorm is nearing. Mysterious. Deadly. Beautiful. I desperately knew that this was wrong. He was my instructor, not my…my special other, but my eyes seemed to dive into his; taking in all of his features that made him who he was. I realized too late that Four was looking at me with awe and even almost admiration. Just as I was thinking of lowering my gaze from his, Four toke a step towards me and placed his lips on mine. Mysterious. Deadly. Beautiful. His kiss sent waves of electricity through me, and suddenly a spark lit inside me. It was desperate, and felt animalistic. But just like that, the spark went out. What am I doing? We can't do this?! No, no no…
What if he doesn't like what he sees.
I intercept the kiss with my finger and try to catch my breath. It felt good; so good, but I can't, because…because,
Because I'm scared.
Four looks down at me, and he almost looks shocked. Even disappointed. I immediately want to reach out to him and kiss him again, but I hold back. I can't do this. I mean what happened if someone found out? What if..what if…
"I-" I begin. I take a breath. "I want to take things slow." My voice is so quiet that I can barely hear it, but from the look on Four's face, I can tell he heard me. His features are filled with understanding, thoughtfulness, and maybe desperation. It was a look that quickly disappeared. Did he really want me the way I want him? Maybe he really does care about me more than I thought. I know I did. Seeing him so defeated, I look away, and for some reason, I feel something inside my chest that felt like I was caging myself; placing myself in a dark pit rather than a bright, and beautiful world. I close my eyes. It's that feeling again. That feeling that makes my whole body want to lash out and do-do what? I haven't felt this way before, not before…
Before Four kissed me.
Then it's a spark again; a burning sensation that is radiating around me, and inside me. It's everywhere, making me want to do things that caused fear to strike up my spine. Four is still standing there in front of me, with a concerned look on his face as he looked at me. I was holding onto the handle bar next to me tightly, trying to contain the spark, and extinguish it. Think of anything, anything-
"Tris?" Four whispers. His voice makes the feeling only grow larger. I'm embarrassed, scared, and even worse. I feel so vulnerable standing here not two feet away from Four. Get it together. You're an initiate of Dauntless. Control it, be brave. Finally gaining my courage, I answer Four.
"Yes?" Four's staring at me with curiosity and concern. I wondered how scared I looked right now. No, how vulnerable and weak I looked. I prepare myself for the harsh words of how Dauntless members don't ever look weak, and they never back down, and never get scared, but instead, Four asks,
"Are you okay?"
I inhale deeply, attempting to conquer the feeling that was becoming brighter and greater. No, I won't do it. Not now, I'm scared, so scared. I don't want to do this, I don't even know if he wants to! Calm. Be calm, be brave, control.
"Yeah," I manage.
"Yeah, I'm fine." That's when Four places his hand on my cheek. I don't realize then that I'm shivering, and practically swaying, until Four puts his other hand on my waist to steady me. Just the feeling of his warm hand on my cheek and his firm, yet gentle hand placed on my waist, sends another wave of fire into me. I look down to the floor; away from Four. I try to distract myself with the small patterns on the floor, from the small cracks in the floor, to the smallest trace of dust gently gliding across the ground.
"Tris," Four sounds worried. I'm so surprised that I almost fall over, except Four's hands keep me from falling. Then the spark is gone, and my head begins to pound, like when Molly punched me in the face during training, yet it feels worse.
"Tris, you're burning up." Four is then placing his hand on my forehead, and looking into my eyes frantically. I've never seen him so worried, except when he helped me to his room after I was nearly thrown off of the edge of the floor. The pounding into my head suddenly spreads to my legs, then to my whole body. It hurts; it really hurts. I moan in pain.
"Four," I begin. I'm about to tell him that I was going to be sick until my legs give away beneath me.
"Whoa," Four says surprised. Four then places me into his lap; sitting cross legged to support my body. "Tris, hey, Tris." I look up at Four. His eyes read worry and fear. So he's afraid of more things than I thought. "Stay awake, alright? Stay awake." Four advices. The pain in my head is throbbing, but my stomach feels worse. It's I curling and pulling sensation that I only got once when I had the flu when I was seven. It burns. That's when I know I can't hold it in much longer.
"Four-" I mumble. Four immediately pulls me into him tighter. "I'm gonna be sick," I manage. Four leaps into action; lifting me up firmly, but not too firm, and quickly sprinting to the bathroom. Just as I lose my control over keeping the feeling away, Four gently sets me down in the bathroom in front of the toilet. Just in time, I cough up all the bile from my stomach, not even attempting to pull back my hair. Four beats me to it, and gently pulls back my hair as I continue to cough my guts out. The bile burns my insides and throat, and I have to clench the sides of the toilet in order to not pass out. I can feel my whole body shaking, and I can't stop it. Then, I feel Four's hand sooth my back; rubbing my back comfortably and softly. It was soothing, but the sensation of pain was so horrible, even after the bile was gone, I kept my head planted on the seat and tried to not wince. Wincing meant you were weak, and couldn't handle pain. This is Dauntless. Yet, it hurt. It hurt everywhere. My stomach especially.
I felt tears build up in my eyes from the attempt of remaining still and quiet. Four was still holding my hair back; probably making sure I didn't have to puke again, and continued to rub his hand softly on my back. Finally, I couldn't hold back any longer. I let my sobs come out in rounds, and I felt tears roll down my cheeks. Four was fast, and scooped my into his arms and cradled me like a child. His hands laced in mine, and he let me rest my whole body weight onto his. I let my tears smear into his dark t-shirt, and he whispered soothing words into me ear. Suddenly, my stomach burst into pain. Fire. It felt horrible. I wince, loud.
"Tris?" I close my eyes, and squeeze Four's hands.
"Tris, look at me."
Gathering my strength, I open my eyes and look up into his eyes. "How bad does it hurt?" Even if his words meant to sound like a direct question, his eyes and voice were filled with worry and fear. Another wave rushes over me, and I groan, and release Four's hand to clutch my stomach. Four's grip on my hand grew tighter. "Bad," I moan.
"It hurts," Four kisses the top of my head, and holds me close. "I know, I know it hurts." Four says sympathetically.
"I gotta carry you over to the bed, though, okay?" I squeeze my stomach again.
"Okay."
With that said, Four as gently as possible lifts me up. The pain struck me like a burst of energy, but I manage to only wince softly. I close my eyes, trying to ignore the pain and focus on other things, like how warm Four's chest is through his shirt, or how embarrassing it was for him to witness me getting sick, but the pain conquered. I only open my eyes when I feel Four lay me down on the soft fabric of his bed sheets. Quickly and gently, Four pulls the soft covers up to my chest; letting my arms remain out of the covers, and then came beside me and placed his hand on mine and gave a squeeze.
"Tris, I'm going to have to get a doctor-"
"No," I quickly interject. Four looks shocked, and I quickly began to explain.
"I-" A sharp uncomfortable feeling came in my throat, and I then coughed. I wince at the burning sensation from the coughing, and it sounds horrible. Four immediately runs to the kitchen and runs back with a glass of water and puts his hand behind my head.
"Here," Four whispers.
"I'll help you." Four hands me the glass, and helps me sit up, bringing another round of stinging in my stomach. Four helps to steady me into a sitting position, and I raise the glass to my lips and take three gulps of water. It helps sustain the pain a little.
"Is that better?" Four asks; taking the glass from me and placing it on the side table. Still feeling my throat was slightly in pain, I simply nod. Four then placed his hand on my back and helped me lay back down on the mattress. I sigh in exhaustion as Four places his hand on my forehead. His hand feels cool against my burning skin, and it felt nice.
"Tris, I need to go get some help." Four says worriedly. "You're so warm." Thinking about it, I did need a doctor, but after what just happened with Al and Peter and the other guys…I definitely didn't want to be left alone.
"Please…" I whisper. Four traces soothing patterns on my hand. "Please what?"
"Just," I cough slightly. "Just please…don't leave me."
Four grips my hands tighter.
"Tris, believe me, I want to stay, but I need to get help. You need some help. And after-" Four stops himself. Then I realize why he can't just carry me to the infirmary. Peter and Al might still be out there and with me in this condition, they could easily jump Four and I, and I'd be worthless. But that's also why he can't leave me.
"They'll kill me." I whisper. Four tenses and looks into my eyes with concern.
"Tris?"
"If you leave me in here alone, they might come back for me, and…and, they might.." I let my sentence hang. They might start to touch me. Just thinking about the events that happened not too long ago brought tears into my eyes. I remember their hands on me. I remember their animalistic words about what they could do to me.
"Tris," Four leans over and kisses my forehead.
"I won't let anything happen to you. I'm so sorry about what happened, and I will do what I can to make sure they never come near you or hurt you ever again, but you need a doctor. You're sick. Really sick. I left my communication device in the training room when I heard you scream, so I have to both go and bring someone back, or carry you." I thought for a long moment. He was right. I was sick, God I was sick, but being here alone scared me. Four carrying me could be dangerous, since Al and Peter could be anywhere waiting to attack again. I couldn't risk him being harmed, but I didn't want to be left alone either.
"Please, I promise if I'm not better by tomorrow morning, you can go get the doctor, but please," I began.
"Al and Peter…they're still out there, and in my condition…" I couldn't fight. Four looks at me with understanding and utter worry, and I knew then that he really did care about me, a lot. I smiled slightly, at the thought. Four, after a couple moments of silence, finally sighs in defeat.
"Alright, but if you're not any better by tomorrow, you can't fight me on going to the infirmary to get a doctor. Okay?" Four explains. I nod.