Dudley's Worst Fears

Disclaimer: No, I do not own Harry Potter.

Everything is so cold. What's happening!?

"W-what are you d-doing? St-stop it Harry!"

"I'm not doing anything! Shut up and don't move!" My cousin growled.

Liar! I thought. I'm not so stupid that I can't tell that he's the one responsible for making this place feel like Antarctica in the middle of summer!

Suddenly, everything was dark and I let out a scream of terror. I yelled at Harry, threatening to hit him if he didn't lift the spell. When he didn't comply, I punched him as hard as I could. It felt like I hit him in the side of the head. Then, I started running. I heard Harry scream at me to stop, but I ignored him. I wasn't going to let him have his way. This was all just a stupid joke. A stupid, scary, terrifying joke.

Unexpectedly, I felt even colder than before and strange visions flashed before my eyes.

I was sitting alone in a dark, cold room. I looked around for a way out, but when I finally saw the door, I found that I couldn't move. Just then, a little girl came walking in sucking on a lolly-pop.

"Do you want a cookie?" She asked pleasantly. I stared at her, confused. She batted her eyes, her expression sweet and innocent.

"Uh, yeah."

"TOO BAD, THIS IS MY COOKIE!!" She shouted, waving a gigantic chocolate-chip cookie in front of my face. I could feel the drool coming out of the side of my mouth. Then, she pulled out an enormous basket of candy that she'd had hidden behind her back.

"You know you want some." She taunted in a sweet, sinister voice.

"HAND OVER THE CANDY!!" I yelled as the little girl laughed demonically. She then proceeded to slowly unwrap a candy bar. My eyes widened in horror as she deliberately brought it towards her mouth – and took a bite!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

The torture continued until, suddenly, the door swung open and my parents walked into the room. I grinned; now the little girl would pay!

"Mom! Dad! That little girl won't give me any candy!" I whined. To my surprise, neither of them did anything.

Looking nervous, my mother began to speak, avoiding my gaze.

"Diddy – sweetheart; your father and I have decided to send you to boot camp. We have finally realized that you are . . . well – fat. So we're enrolling you at a facility where your food intake will be monitored and you will be helped with your weight problem. It will be fun! You'll run 4 miles each day with all of your new friends at camp!" (AN: *snorts* I've run far more in one day than that!)

I was horrified; it was as though my worst nightmare had come to life! Abruptly, the door slammed open and a bunch of soldiers ran into the room.

"Holy crap, that boy's fat! I'll bet he's one of the biggest we've had yet!" One of them practically shouted. I glowered at him, wishing I could move and teach him a lesson in pain. Speaking of which, why couldn't I move? I struggled to get up, but my body didn't respond.

"Get him up and out of here!" The commander ordered. Two of the soldiers grabbed me by my arms and hauled me to my feet, grumbling about how much I weighed.

"I DON'T WANNA GO! I DON'T WANNA GOOOOOOO!!" I screamed as I was dragged through the doorway.

All of a sudden, everything was dark. I could feel the coldness of the concrete against my skin, causing me to shiver. When I went to wrap my arms around myself for warmth, I discovered that they were clamped over my head. Odd. Just a moment ago, I was being dragged away.

Someone was shaking me, telling me to get up. I wanted to comply, but, for some reason, I couldn't get my body to work. I felt someone haul me to my feet and, in a daze, I managed to open my eyes.

I was greeted by the sight of my cousin supporting me, but didn't say a thing as we started moving forward. I was too numb and exhausted to care.

There was never a more welcome sight than home. By now, I'd decided that it had all been a dream. A horrible, bone-chilling dream. After the horrors I'd had to face, having my parents fussing over me was exactly what I needed.

But the first thing I wanted was a giant chocolate sundae with two cherries on top!

This is my first time attempting humor, so please review and tell me what you think! (seriously, humor is not my thing, so I need to know how I did)

Thanks! :)