Author's Note:
Hi there! Welcome to my very first Castle fic. I am a huge Caskett/Stanathan fan, and have the hugest girl crush on Stana Katic. And I also have a huge crush on Nathan Fillion. If you haven't, you should see him in Dr Horrible's Singalong Blog – he is such an amazing singer! I think Stanathan should sing together again, like they did during the Piano Man scene. That was probably my favourite scene. :)
Anyway, once I saw the season 3 finale (yes, I just saw it yesterday, I'm quite behind the times, haha!) I HAD to write something about it. I will hopefully have another chapter up by tomorrow. Also, if you take a minute to R+R and let me know what you think of it so far, that would be much appreciated. :) Also, feel free to tell me my writing sucks and I should never write again.
September 19th couldn't come soon enough!
Now about this fic – I know there are a bunch done already of these, so I'm hardly original, but I enjoyed writing it, and it just seemed to write itself, so I thought I'd go through with it anyway. This is Kate's POV during/after the "thing that happens to her" in the season 3 finale. Hope you enjoy it, and feel free to give suggestions as to where you want this to go. Anyways, here goes. Apologies for the bad spacing. I tried to fix it, but it kept returning right back to this. Sorry. :(
Chapter 1: Open and Shut
I was falling. Very slowly. I was sinking and sinking, and being pulled down, down, down...
I didn't know who I was, I didn't know where I was, or even if I was anyone.
Or anything.
All I could do was feel myself sinking..."Goodbye" was a word that kept flashing in my mind. It felt like I was submerging in a pool of water, but there was no bottom. I could not see, I could not hear, I couldn't stick out my tongue to taste anything. I had no sensations besides the feeling of sinking. There was no light. There was nothing but darkness, and an infinite abyss of pure...nothingness.
Was I dying? Had I died?
Who am I?
"Kate!"
What?
There was a dull thud. I'd somehow stopped sinking. Now I felt suspended. Treading water, with my mind. Supported by something immovable on my back. I could feel that. I was face up.
Who was there? What was that?
I had heard a voice. In my mind. It was an echo of an unfamiliar voice that resounded within my skull. Who was it? Reveal yourself! I suddenly felt a fiery strength awake in me. If I was anything, I was brave.
"Oh, Kate."
The significance of that one word was unbeknownst to me, but it captivated me enough to listen. It was begging, pleading, fearful, but most importantly, it was tangible, the only thing I knew was tangible at this point. It felt real; it felt like it was reaching for me. I forced myself to stay floating; I wouldn't let myself sink further.
"Ssh, Kate, please."
More words. I knew the voice. It was familiar, but I was not recalling anything, or anyone...It was a man. That's all I knew. I felt compelled to listen further, and it was becoming more and more difficult to prevent myself from sinking. I reached out to where I felt the voice was coming from.
"Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me, please. Stay with me, okay?"
Who is Kate? Was he calling for me? Did he want me?
And then it clicked. I am Kate.
"Castle..." I whispered, in my mind. He was calling for me.
With all my strength, I focused all I had on my weakened muscles and reached out. As I opened my eyes, I felt like I was surfacing, as the pressure lessened gradually. When I reached the top, I struggled, and felt nothing but pain when my eyes were open.
I gasped for air like a fish out of water. I got none. I blinked, and searched through the fuzzy, white mist that filled my field of vision. I felt hurried, like I had limited time. I was still not breathing, but that wasn't what I wanted. I was desperate, but not for air. Desperately needing to see a face. His face.
Castle. Where are you?
I felt the wound. A small hole, somewhere between my neck and my left breast. It was all coming back to me. I felt the shot. It had been a dull crack, followed by darkness. The pain was intense, but I didn't have the energy to cry out. I managed to separate my body from the pain, as if I was just a spectator. My energy became consumed with looking. For him. I reached out to Castle, but my body wasn't doing what I wanted it to. I looked in a direction that I felt was up. I was in fear, not knowing what was going on for the first time in my life. I still couldn't breathe. I felt panicked, and a sense of impending doom.
Where is my partner? Where is my friend? Where is the man that I love more than life itself?
But then, I felt his presence. I knew he was there, even though I saw nothing. The white in my field of vision was slowly metamorphing into grey. I was quickly running out of time. But despite this, I was relaxed. I felt hollow, not even feeling the once-intense fear and pain. I felt nothing but warmness towards my Castle. At this moment, nothing mattered except that, once again, he was there for me when I needed him the most.
"Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate."
Finally. I was still blinded, but I heard and felt the worry and love in his voice. He was concerned and terrified, more than I was. My heart broke for him. He finally figured out what we were, but now it was too late for us. I wished I had let him speak; I wished I had told the truth. But now was better than never.
Castle.
I turned to where I heard his voice, and felt his presence the strongest. Still too weak to speak, I did the last thing I thought I would ever do at this moment.
I smiled. It took a few seconds for my muscles to respond, but I somehow managed it.
I smiled, because at that moment I was truly happy. At that moment, I officially knew that I was loved, and that my feelings were reciprocated. It was the first time I was willing to admit they existed, and that they had existed for years. For the first time, I wasn't in denial about these feelings for my Castle.
My life flashed before my eyes, and I knew I was going. I saw the moment where we kissed, and the turning point of our relationship, where we became partners, in a different way. I was his Turner, his best friend, his voice of reason, his hero, his muse. He was my Hooch, my spunky sidekick, my laugh track, the love of my life, my silver lining.
I was the Nikki Heat to his James Rook, and for the first time I was finally convinced that was all I wanted to be.
Castle. Castle. I love you, too.
I wished I could speak, and tell him I loved him back, and I wished I could stay with him more than anything. I felt overwhelming guilt for not telling him my feelings before. I screwed up. All the others had been right. Lanie, Roy, Mike... I should have said something when I had the chance. But at least I could go now knowing that all along, I had had Castle on the same page with me the whole time. I just hadn't known it until now.
So, with a smile on my face, I relaxed. I put my head down, and closed my eyes as I was pulled under again.
Good night, Castle.
Author's Note:
I don't know if this tugged at your heartstrings enough, but if not, then I shall certainly try harder in the next chapter.
And as for where it is going, let's just say that our dear Beckett SHOULD have said "see you tomorrow," because it's more hopeful. :)
Next chapter will be mostly Castle's POV.