A/N: I do not own Twilight. Smeyer does.

Things Emmett Is Not Allowed to do.

(No matter how fun he thinks it will be)

1. Emmett is not allowed to break Esme's favorite china.

2. Emmett is not allowed to break beds or houses with Rosalie.

3. Emmett is not allowed to switch Rosalie's shampoo with honey.

4. Emmett is not allowed to convince Jasper to make Edward feel in love with Carlisle

5. Nor is he allowed to convince Jasper to make Edward feel in love with Mike Newton or anyone else

6. Emmett is not allowed to convince Jasper to make any of the girls feel in love with anyone either.

7. Emmett is not allowed to say crack-a-lackin'

8. Or anything like it.

9. Emmett is not allowed to wear a tu-tu and tell the freshman that they must bow to him because he is Princess Butterfly.

10. Emmett is not allowed to make a scar like Harry Potter's with lipstick then tell the freshmen he is Harry Potter.

11. Nor is he allowed to tell the freshman that Voldemort is real and his true name is Aro Volturi.

12. Emmett is not allowed to post true information about the vampire race and/or the Volturi on the Internet.

13. He isn't allowed to post anything about vampire for that matter.

14. Emmett is not allowed to provoke the Volturi in any way.

15. Emmett is not allowed to blame his provoking the Volturi on Jasper or Edward.

16. Emmett is not allowed to tell Bella and Edward that Jacob kidnapped Nessie.

17. Emmett is not allowed to tell Reneesme that Edward killed Jacob.

18. Emmett is not allowed to bite random fruits, claim them as his vampire army, tell them to attack Jasper and the freshmen, then throw them at everyone when the fruit doesn't attack like he wants it to.

19. Emmett is not allowed to make Jasper or Edward eat human food.

20. Emmett is not allowed to skip class by faking sick and fake vomiting on the nurse.

21. Emmett is not allowed to light fireworks. Ever.

22. He isn't allowed to be near fire period.

"Did Emmett really do all of this?" Bella asked as Alice, Rosalie and Esme framed the list and nailed it to the wall.

Alice nodded, "Does this really surprise you?"

Bella smiled, "No, it's seems normal to me." There was a loud crash and everyone spun around to see what happened. Emmett was standing in the middle of the kitchen with pancake mix and a firecracker in his hand. Alice took the pen Rosalie held out for her.

23. Emmett is not allowed to cook with firecrackers. Or any type of explosive.

"Should we just say he isn't allowed to cook at all?" Bella asked. Alice scribbled another sentence on the paper.

24. Emmett is not allowed to cook in general.