Notes: You know, all I want to type is "nrghhhhh," but I think that might get me kicked off the site, head cold or no. Pity me.
The Standard for Homicide
Aquarius had put up with a lot of shit. First there was that brat who had never been introduced to a tissue. That was just revolting. And then there was that moron who called her "My Little Mermaid" with a heavy, fake accent that sounded more like serious congestion than it did French, and then a long stream of obnoxious, holier-than-thou girls who were really just jealous of her great bod.
And then there was Lucy. And that was just it.
"YOU," she roared, and the heavens wept in terror, "WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT TUESDAYS?"
"Today's Saturday." Gray pointed out. Aquarius idly sent a tsunami in his general direction and then returned to the task at hand. Lucy looked rather peeved.
"Are you blind? Do you not see the gun he has pressed to my head? I was forced to call you!"
"Like I care!" she dragged some of the deeper waters up from the depths and held them compressed, heavy and dark in her hands, "I was very busy."
"He would have shot my head off!" Lucy snapped indignantly. The Generic Sinister Villain smiled toothily behind her. Aquarius shrieked.
"GOOD. GO OFF AND DIE." Cyclones formed at her whim, spinning dangerously closer to the humans clustered at her almighty feet. Far, far below her, Lucy had begun to squint suspiciously. She was then apparently struck with a brilliant idea.
"…Are you on your period too?"
God.
There must be someone out there who'd hire her. Anyone.
"I am a celestial being," Aquarius enunciated with great dignity. She trembled with rage.
"So am I." Lucy piped up cheerfully. Natsu tore his eyes away from his wild gape at Aquarius' midriff long enough to stare at her dubiously. Lucy flashed him a wild thumbs up. "I'm—"
"A pain in the ass."
"—an angel." Lucy frowned. "Gray, I thought you were dead."
"No need to look so disappointed."
"I'm hungry," Natsu butted in, "This sucks. This guy's a total pussy. Just beat him up already so we can go home."
The Generic Sinister Villain looked slightly affronted, "Hey, no fair. I let you have at least two minutes of pointless dialogue!"
The least they could do, Aquarius decided, as she unleashed the flood, was drown for such impudence.