Demonically Depressed

by DarkSecrets666

Sebastian's convinced that the young demon he's chained to is no longer his young master. Then the nightmares begin and Sebastian begins to think that maybe, just maybe, he's wrong. Meanwhile, Ciel is trying to find a sword that will allow him to die. Will Sebastian come to his senses or will he end up killing the only thing he has ever loved. That has ever loved him back. . .

I looked down at the small burden in my arms. Mismatched eyes of mauve and cerulean gazed back up at me. They flashed an eerie demonic red for a brief moment confirming the fact that the young burden, Ciel Phantomhive, had indeed inherited an immortal life of a demon.

"Where I have inherited the curse of eternal servitude." I commented coolly.

The thing that had once been Ciel clung to me when I said that.

As if my words had stung him.

I frowned at that then shook my head before taking the once-earl to a nearby inn to rest.

XxxxxxxX

Young master wouldn't allow me to dress him for bed that night. He shooed me out of the room and told me to leave him alone until he called. I stood outside the room with what I'm sure was a clear expression of confusion pained upon my face. He had never objected to me dressing him before. When he was still human.

My jaw clenched as I was reminded yet again that, in the other room, the person that was readying for bed was not my young master. I would not have admitted it at the time but . . . I was upset by this.

I retired to the room next door and tried to sleep. Not that demons really need to, we just like to every now and again. I was feeling emotionally drained and sleep sounded like a good idea. Actually, it was more the idea of a few hours of oblivion that appealed to me most.

Unfortunately, it wasn't until the early hours of the morning when I got any sleep. The strangest noises coming from the young Lord's room kept me awake.

It sounded like . . . well . . . it sounded like the sobs of a grieving child.

XxxxxxxX

The young newborn demon was tired, so very tired.

It wasn't a physical thing; it was purely emotional.

He was tired of life, of putting up with the impassive, blank stare of his butler, of giving orders.

There was an ache in his chest. An ache that filled the very centre of his being and filled up even the darkest corners of his ever present soul.

An odd longing took up residence in his heart. A longing for some form of affection. Even a simple hug would have sufficed but that wasn't what he needed.

He needed warmth and understanding.

He needed love and care.

He needed Sebastian.

Of course, this wasn't to be. The elder demon could never love the younger. The elder had spent years hating the little one for becoming what he is. The elder didn't seem to realize that, inside this demonic body, the soul of Ciel Phantomhive was still very much alive.

So, yes, the young Lord was tired.

Tired of life.

XxxxxxxX

There was something different about the young master when I awoke him an early Sunday morning. He silently allowed me to dress him but his mind didn't wander like it usually did. His eyes remained focused on me as if he wanted to say something but was afraid to speak. I met his eyes for a moment as I tied the ribbon around his neck. There was an odd look in his eyes, a look that had me struggling to maintain my apathetic façade.

He looked just so . . .worn through.

So lost.

So sad.

I stood. "Will that be all?" I asked impersonally.

The young demon opened his mouth then closed it again before speaking. "I. . ." he let out a sigh. "This is ridiculous. I want to go home."

Frowning, I studied my master. "Home?"

"The estate, Sebastian." the young one said with a hint of the attitude I hadn't seen in a couple of years. "I am quite certain you remember the place. You spent three years there."

"I remember, my Lord." I retorted frostily. "May I inquire as to why his Lordship wishes to return?"

"I only want to visit, Sebastian, nothing more." was his reply.

There was something else. Something he wasn't telling me.

I could understand that. To a degree. That didn't mean it didn't irk me some.

XxxxxxxX

It had been a long time since Ciel had visited his parents' resting place. Of course, the crypts were empty but their presence seemed to be there nonetheless. Ciel suspected that it was only his imagination. The illusion, however, was comforting so the young Phantomhive allowed himself to believe that his parents' essence really was there.

By his mother's stone, Ciel placed a single white rose. A symbol of the innocence he had lost the night she had perished. The little lord then fished out the sapphire ring that marked one as the Earl of Phantomhive. With his fingers, Ciel made a small but fairly deep hole and dropped the ring inside before refilling the hole with the cold soil.

At last, the young one wiped his eyes and rose to his feet.

Ciel turned to look at Sebastian who had been watching the young lord intently. "I miss them." the young one said softly before making his way back to the carriage.

And the angels upon his parents tomes wept tears of blood as the young demon left the Phantomhive Graveyard.

XxxxxxxX

The young master had unexpectedly told me to go amuse myself for the afternoon since he had business to attend to. I nodded and bowed and said "yes, my Lord." then, discretely, I followed him.

It was only out of curiosity, really, and out of annoyance at the young master not telling me what he was up to.

So, yes, I followed him. I followed him until he came to a halt before a place I would have never suspected the young master would to go. The Undertaker's.

"Hello, young earl Phantomhive." Undertaker said as soon as the young lord stepped inside the shop. I hid among the shadows and watched as the young master gave Undertaker a brief nod. "Didn't expect to see you here. What could call for such an unexpected pleasure, I wonder?"

"I need information." was the blunt reply.

"Well, now." Undertaker said with a chuckle. "You know the price for that and we both know you have little if any sense of humour."

The young master looked down at his hands. "Then I shall tell you the best joke I know." he said before straightening and clearing his throat. He looked up at the ex-reaper and said "I want to die."

I gasped loudly but this was drowned out by the sound of Undertaker's laughter. "Th-that's a good one, your Lordyship. You could out do that butler of yours."

A small, sad smile pulled at the corner of the young one's mouth. "I haven't even got to the best part yet."

Undertaker stopped laughing and looked at the once-earl. "Oh?"

"I came here to ask you how."

Opened mouthed, I watched as the Undertaker straightened up. "You're not jesting, are you?"

"No." Ciel said solemnly.

"May I inquire into why the little lord longs for Death?"

A tired sigh escaped the master's lips and he sat upon a coffin. "I can't keep going on like this. I expected to be dead and gone by now but. . ." another sigh "and that damn butler isn't helping. I'm not exactly thrilled with the idea of being tied to him forever either. I wanted to die, I was quite ready but things changed. At first I thought that maybe, just maybe, things wouldn't be so bad but that impassive bastard had to have his head shoved so far up his backside to see he isn't the only one suffering here." I watched him run a hand through his hair as a frustrated sigh broke free. "He isn't happy. He hates me. This is the only way. Now, tell me. What can kill a Demon?"

The Undertake sat down and studied my master for a moment before speaking. "You remember Sebastian killed Claude with a sword, ne?"

"I remember."

"That is one of the Seven Demonic Swords." Undertaker explained. "Each one owned by a Deadly Sin. They are the only things able to kill another demon. If you want so badly to die, little lord, you'll have to seek one out. There is, however, a problem."

"Oh?"

"A demon can't use the sword on themselves, you see." Undertaker grins. "So you'll have to ask another to do it. You see the dilemma, ne?"

"I understand." my young Lord said softly. "I must find one of these swords and ask Sebastian to run me through. Can you imagine the glee on his face when I ask him?" I suddenly felt sick. "Can't you just see the eagerness he'll possess as he takes the sword and slices me open?"

There was a long silence before either of them spoke.

Finally, the young master stood. "Do you know where I can find these Deadly Sins?"

Undertaker shook his head. "You don't go to them. They come to you."

The young one nodded showing he understood. "Thank you."

The young one left the room.

"Hear anything that interested you, Butler?" Undertaker asked turning to my place in the shadows. "I wonder why he didn't notice you."

"Most likely because he's used to my scent and no longer pays mind to it." I suggested stepping out of the darkness. "That or he wanted me to hear every word."

Undertaker grinned. "No, my dear Demon. The young Phantomhive never wanted you to know how he feels about you." he walked over to one of his 'customers' and began to work.

"Exactly how does he feel?" I asked bewildered.

Undertaker looked up at me. "I would have thought that was obvious, ne?"

My head was beginning to ache. "All that has been made clear to me is that he dislikes me as much as I dislike him." I said coolly.

"That's only due to your belief that he's not the earl you knew and loved." Undertaker's grin became eerily knowing. "He's still there, my dear Demon." he told me. "The thing keeping that delectable body alive is a soul. It may be trapped inside but it's still there. It's all him. He's just been immortalized."

Folding my arms, I arched an eyebrow. "If that's the case then why can I not sense it?"

"Because it's locked inside him." Undertaker repeated. "Haven't you had a real conversation with him since he was turned demon?"

I thought back and I had to admit "Uh . . . No."

"And there, my dear butler, lies your problem."

XxxxxxxX

Ciel waited in the carriage for Sebastian to return to him. He only had to wait an hour which was less time than he thought he would have to. Sebastian climbed into the carriage and sat opposite his master. The carriage began to move and they left London. Ciel shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

A long silence echoed between them. A silence which Ciel broke. "I'm sorry."

Sebastian looked up at his master who was looking out of the window. "For what, my Lord?"

"For . . . For everything." Ciel glanced at Sebastian who was staring at him now. "I. . ." he let out a sigh. "I'm tired."

"Well, young master. I'm sure no one will object if you sleep until. . ."

"No, that's not . . . that's not what I meant." Ciel interrupted looking at Sebastian with desperate eyes. Or, at least, from what could be seen of the one that wasn't covered.

Sebastian frowned. "I don't understand."

The young one looked down at his hands for a moment. "I think I will sleep now." he said lying down. Ciel closed his eyes and curled his body slightly.

Sebastian watched as the young once-earl fell asleep.

XxxxxxxX

My conversation with the Undertaker left me somewhat confused.

If my Ciel was indeed locked inside that demonic form, then why had the young one not said something or given some sort of indication that what the Undertaker spoke of was true? I had seen no evidence that the proud, headstrong young master I had once known was still there. Before me, all I saw was an abomination that flinched whenever I touched him.

I watched my curse as he lay down and fell asleep. 'I'm sorry' he had said but he never specified what exactly he was sorry for. I tilted my head to the side slightly so I could watch him sleep better. Innocence was something my young master had been deprived of when he had turned ten but now . . . Now he looked far more innocent than he ever had been. I could almost believe Undertaker's words as the young Lord slumbered on. I could almost believe it really was Ciel sleeping before me.

I reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.

"Sebastian." he mumbled in his sleep, sensing my touch. I swallowed and tried to pretend that it meant nothing to me. That he forlorn way he said my name didn't hurt. That I didn't long to take him into my arms and tell him everything was going to be alright.

XxxxxxxX

Avarice was the first of the Seven Deadly Sins to visit the young Demon. She wasn't what Ciel had expected but Ciel had leant to have no expectations when it came to that sort of thing.

Avarice was an attractive female demon dressed in a fine gown of what smelt like silk. Diamonds and other such jewels adorned her body and clothing. She wore a coat of animal fur and shoes of the finest make. She could have passed for a Duchess if it were not for her cold, burning amber eyes that flashed red when she smelt the power radiating off the young one. "You wanted to speak with me, little boy."

Ciel narrowed his eyes. "I am not a boy. Not anymore. Surely you can detect that?"

Avarice didn't answer.

"Yes, I wanted to speak with you." Ciel confirmed. "I need your Demonic Sword."

The she-demon took a step back. "You wish to kill another." she hissed. "For money? For power? I can respect that if that is the case."

The young Phantomhive let out a sigh. "I hold enough power. I want to end it. Greed was never really one of my sins." Ciel said softly.

"Then, I cannot help you." the she-demon said.

Ciel blinked and the other demon was gone.

XxxxxxxX

'Mist seeps in through the darkness. I can't see a damn thing and it's getting on my nerves. All demons can see in darkness.

"Sebastian."

I turn to see the young master standing behind me with an inconsolable look on his face. I reach out and stroke his cheek with my fingers. I kneel down before him and he starts crying. Tears of blood run down his cheeks. "What is it? Ciel, what's wrong?"

"Seb-Sebastian." he whispers. "How do you kill a demon? Will you kill me, Sebastian? Will you run a sword through my heart, Sebastian?" he pushes my hand away and starts clawing at his chest until blood oozes from the wound. "Kill me, Sebastian, Kill me."

"Ciel," I say grabbing his hands. I let them go and cup his cheeks.

"Just . . . Just want. . ." he snivels "just want Sebastian to stop hating me."

My mouth opens put I can't say anything. Instead, I rest my head against his.

"Will you kill me, Sebastian?" he breaths, his mouth inches away from mine.

"No."

"Kill me, Sebastian."

Then, suddenly, there is a sword, much like the one I used on Claude, wedged in Ciel's chest.

"No. . .Ciel. . ."

"It's all falling down." Ciel says but he sounds odd, like there's many of him speaking at once. "Will you kill me, Sebastian, if I ask you to? If I order you to? Will you kill me?"

And he falls to the floor.

"No." I'm not sure if he says it or I but the word is said and I can't help but wonder if I really would hesitate to kill my master.'

I jerked awake and ended up falling out of the bed.

Reaching for my pocket watch, I headed for the bathroom to wash quickly. It was almost fifteen minutes past five in the morning which meant I had plenty of time before I needed to wake the young master.

XxxxxxxX

Ciel wasn't so surprised to have a visitor the next night.

Envy was yet another she-demon but that didn't really surprise Ciel considering how many viewed women as easy targets when it came to surrendering to the Darkness, to sin.

Envy, ironically, wore green. She carried the colour well with her hair of russet and eyes a deep shade of envious green. Her skin was tanned and youthful but she was quite plain to look at. Not exactly someone Ciel would have pinned down as being a Deadly Sin but 'Judge not, lest ye be judged' as the Bible said.

"You wanted to speak." she stated more than asked, her eyes flashing red as her own sin took hold of her at the sight of the young demon and his obvious wealth and beauty.

"I did." Ciel agreed. "I need the sword of a Deadly Sin. Avarice wouldn't let me use hers since greed is not a sin of mine. Will you do the same?"

"Have you ever envied someone, longed to have something someone else has?" Envy asked coolly.

"I do long for something but nothing another has." Ciel replied.

"Then I am unable to assist you." and she left just like the first.

XxxxxxxX

'Rain pours down from the heavens and a figure flies down to me. It takes me a moment to realize the figure is Ciel with angel wings and nothing but a bit of cloth around his waist to hide his most private parts.

"Sebastian." he says and the feathers fall way until they are nothing but broken bat wings.

I reach out to him to pull him closer but he backs away and his ugly bat wings vanish into nothingness.

"Sebastian doesn't want me." he says tearfully. "Sebastian wants to see me dead."

"That's not true!" I object before I can stop myself.

"Just want Sebastian to stop hating me." he sobs handing me a sword that appears from nowhere. "Only way. Kill me, Sebastian. Want Sebastian to be happy."

My fingers are there stroking his face before I realize I've moved. "Ciel. . ."

He collapses, falling into my arms. "Still here, Sebastian." he whispers. "It's all still me." he looks at me, his eyes a demonic red. "I'm still here." he lets out a shuddering breath and turns to ashes in my arms.'

My eyes snapped open. That was the second dream in two nights about my master. I wondered, briefly, if I was going mad. I decided I probably was.

XxxxxxxX

Sloth was a male demon with half-lidded, lemon yellow eyes and messy ginger hair. He didn't stand up like the others had, he sat there lazily such was his sin.

"You wanted me?" even his voice was indolent and slurred.

"I need a Demonic sword." Ciel said firmly knowing full well that Sloth was not one of his sins. "I suspect, however, that you will refuse me."

Slowly, Sloth looked at him. "What makes you think that?"

Ciel let out a sigh. "Because you are not a sin I participate in. Perhaps I did once but I was a child then."

Sloth yawned sluggishly. "Can't help you, then."

Ciel nodded. He had expected this. "It was. . .an experience meeting you."

"Hmm." said Sloth and he disappeared.

Ciel wasn't expecting another visitor until the next night and was very surprised when Gluttony came to call just under an hour after Sloth. He was a large male demon with dark piggy eyes and little hair on his scalp. He had wine stains on his shirt and was eating something out of a bag.

"You wanted and audience with me?" Gluttony asked between mouthfuls of food.

Ciel let out a sigh. "What I want is a bloody Demonic Sword." he snapped, his patience wearing thin. "But you Sins are being difficult. Would I be correct in assuming you'll not give me yours simply because I don't indulge in gluttony as I did as a human?"

"You would," Gluttony replied. "Now, if that's all, I've got things to eat and people to drink with."

Ciel nodded and the demon vanished.

XxxxxxxX

I watched the young master as he yawned. I frowned.

Perhaps he had been getting as little sleep as I? I shook my head. The young master slept like the dead whether he had good dreams, bad dreams or didn't dream at all. He glanced up at me but looked away quickly. He seemed uncomfortable, like he was afraid I was going to lunge at him with a sharp object. That in itself was enough to make me want to smile; simply because of the sheer irony of it all.

The awkward hush between us had become screaming, raging silences. Every now and again I thought he was going to speak but then our eyes would meet then he would look away and remain mute.

On my part, I tried to avoid his gaze as much as possible. My dreams were becoming ever more vivid, as last night's had proven, and something about them frightened me. Though, asked I would never have admitted it.

'The spicy but sweet scent of my master's soul fills my nostrils. I turn to see Ciel standing among the shadows, clad in darkness. Within his chest, however, there is a faint blue, white and silvery light that I can only describe as his soul.

"Do you believe me now?" he asks, his voice echoes around us. "I'm still me." Blood stains his chest and starts rolling down what I can see of his chest through his open shirt. "You're killing me, Sebastian." his eyes flash red and blood runs from the sockets. "Sebastian isn't happy. Sebastian hates me. This is the only way." more blood runs out the corner of his mouth as he stumbles towards me. "I'm sorry. For everything. Kill me, Sebastian." he collapses to his knees and I find myself on my knees before him.

"Ciel, stop it." I demand.

He looks at me with his mismatched coloured eyes. "Will killing me make Sebastian happy?" he whispers. I reach up and cup his face. "Will Sebastian stop hating me?" his eyes are so sad, so full of pain. "I just want. . .just want Sebastian to stop hating me."

"Ciel. . ."

He strokes my cheek with a bloodstained hand. "Sebastian. So sad. So lost. So sorry, Sebastian. My Sebastian." he falls into me. I catch him and sit him up but his head lolls back. I smell the scent of death coming from the body I hold in my arms.'

I swallowed as I remembered the dream. I glanced at the young master who was staring down at his hands, still as silent as usual.

I wondered why my dreams -my nightmares- disturbed me so. Shouldn't I like the idea of the young master dying? Or did some part of me, however small that part may be, still hoped that it really was my Ciel in that newly demonized body?

XxxxxxxX

Lechery, or Lust as she was more commonly known as, was next. Ciel could plainly tell who she was by the fact that she dressed just like one of the whores the young Lord had seen on the streets of London. Of course, Lechery was cleaner and a little tidier but there were signs she had been indulging in her sin before hand. It was evident in her smudged lipstick and her messy hair.

"You're a bit young." she said with a flirtatious smile.

"Yes but you're not a sin I want to indulge in." Ciel said wearily. "Besides, you're not my type."

That caused an arched eyebrow. "Oh? Does my form not please you?"

A small chuckle escaped Ciel's lips. "I'm afraid not. Besides, it's a Demonic Sword I want."

Lechery studied the young master before she spoke again. "You're a virgin."

It was Ciel's turn to arch an eyebrow. "Given my age, are you truly surprised?"

The she-demon frowned. "I would have expected you to indulge in my sin as soon as you became a demonling." she replied. "You haven't really changed despite your rebirth, have you?"

Ciel smiled slightly. "Not really. I think I may have mellowed out a little, though."

"Perhaps," the she-demon said with a laugh. "Sure I can't persuade you do act out my sin with me?"

"There is only one person I would do such an act with and that will never happen." Ciel answered.

"Then, farewell." she said wiggling her fingers suggestively. "Let me know if you change your mind."

And she was gone.

XxxxxxxX

My nightmares took an odd turn. They began much like the others, still containing my master, but then. . .it changed.

'There's something different about the darkness that surrounds my young master. It seems less empty, a little more desperate and slightly warmer.

Ciel looks up at me with a forlorn gaze. "Will killing me make Sebastian happy?" he asks like he has done for the past few nights. I cup his face in my hands. "Kill me, Sebastian." I shake my head. "Please. Want Sebastian to be happy."

"Ciel," I say softly. "You made me happy."

His eyes widen as he stares up at me. "What changed?"

I stroke his cheek with my thumb. "You did. You're not my Ciel any more."

He shakes his head. "You're wrong, Sebastian." he tells me, his mouth not even a centimetre from mine. "I'm still me."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Lies don't become you, young master."

His mouth brushes mine. "I have never lied to you?"

Suddenly I'm on top of him, my mouth pressed firmly against his. He parts his lips and allows me to explore his mouth with my tongue. His hands make their way up my chest in the little space between us and he touched my face before burying themselves in my hair. He tastes how I imagine his soul tastes. Sugary and spicy at the same time. Rich with innocence and taint. Sprinkled with sweetness and zing.

I find myself running my hands down his body, savouring the feel of him beneath my finger tips. I slowly move against him and he moans as our clothed groins rub together. He's shaking but not from fear. It's from want, from need. The same feelings I have, that I have always had, for him.

I want him.

I need him.

I love. . .no. I cannot deny it. I love him.

Our mouths part and we stare at each other. "Sebastian." is all he says before allowing me to kiss him again.'

I awoke half expecting Ciel to be beside me.

I sat up and ran a hand through my hair. I wanted to believe that the Ciel I knew was still the young master I'm bound to but I couldn't. If I did then I would have to come to terms with how cold I was acting towards him. With how much I was hurting him.

XxxxxxxX

Ciel waited for the next sin to appear to him. He would never get used to these nightly visitors and he hoped that he wouldn't have to try.

Wrath was a hot headed male demon with burning red eyes. They weren't the same shade as Sebastian's but they were close enough to make Ciel feel uncomfortable. He stormed up to the young demon and folded his arms impatiently. "What do you want?" Wrath snapped crossly.

Ciel let out a sigh. "I need a Demonic Sword." he said simply.

Wrath narrowed his eyes at the younger. "You're not angry."

"No. You are yet another sin I haven't indulged in since I was human." Ciel smirked. "I'm sorry to have wasted the time of the Deadly Sins."

Wrath hissed at Ciel angrily and left. The door would have slammed shut behind him if it were not for another visitor. This demon was tall and dignified. He had a proud air about him and Ciel knew that this was Pride. "You wanted to speak with me?"

"Yes."

"You know I do not take kindly to people summoning me." Pride said coolly.

"I understand that." Ciel said. "I need your Demonic Sword."

Pride arched an eyebrow. "And why the hell would I let you use it?"

"Because Pride is the Deadly sin I indulge in most." Ciel replied.

Folding his arms, Pride replied "prove it."

It was something Ciel had expected but he still hesitated. Then he smirked smugly. "I'm too proud to tell someone I love them and that I'm doing all this just so they can be happy."

Pride blinked. "That is proud." he commented. Ciel nodded his agreement. "Then I present you with the Demonic Sword of Pride"

And there it was. It was exactly like the one Sebastian had killed Claude with except this one was silver.

Ciel took it. "You'll get her back." he said.

"When you've finished with her, just chuck her in the fireplace." Pride said leaving the room. "She'll find her way back to me." and Pride left.

XxxxxxxX

A knock at my door kept me from sleeping that night which was fine with me. I honestly didn't want my dreams to get any more out of hand. I rolled out of bed and opened the door only to find myself staring down at my young master.

He looked at my attire, or -rather- lack of given that I was only wearing my trousers, and looked back up at my face. "I don't think I've ever seen you so ill composed before." he said softly.

"I'm sorry young master," I replied coolly. "I wasn't expecting anyone."

He shook his head. "No. . .I never said it was a bad thing." he paused, then "can I come in, please?"

I thought about telling him no but then figured he'd just order me to let him in anyway so there wasn't much point. I stepped aside and he came in. That's when I noticed the sword he was holding. I closed the door as he sat on the bed and made himself comfortable before talking.

Was he really going to ask me?

"I've been a demon for several years now and you've barely looked at me nor said a word to me unless you had to." the young master said. "I'm tired of the same old thing each and every day, watching you acting so cold. I may be a demon now but that doesn't mean I can't feel human emotions. You hate me and I understand that, I do. So. . .I want you to kill me, Sebastian." he met my eyes with a guarded gaze. "Neither of us will be happy if we continue with this contract and the only way to destroy it is to destroy me."

I stared at him. "You want me to kill you?"

Ciel nodded and handed me the sword. "I'm tired, Sebastian. Besides, killing me will make you happy, won't it?" he said as I took the sharp instrument from his hands. "Just stop hating me, Sebastian." he closed his eyes as tears began to spill over.

I knelt before him and pointed the sword at his chest. I watched the tears roll down his cheeks and, unexpectedly, I found myself realizing the Undertaker was right and that I had been a fool not to see it. A true demonic child would not have asked for Death. If my master had truly gone, I would never have seen these tears and I would never have been asked to participate in assisted suicide.

I flung the sword away, grabbed hold of Ciel and pulled him into me.

"Seb. . .Sebastian?"

I buried my face in the hollow of his neck. "I can't." I pulled away and looked into his confused features.

"I don't understand." he said glancing at the sword on the floor. "I thought killing me would make you happy. I want you to be happy, Sebastian."

Stroking his cheek, I removed his eye patch. "You want me to do what makes me happy?"

He nodded and closed his eyes, bracing himself for Death.

I left him waiting for a moment before pressing my lips to his. Gasping, he unintentionally allowed entry for my tongue. Just like my dream, he ran his hands up my chest and touched my face before burying his fingers in my hair. He tasted exactly how I imagined, that taste I knew I would never get enough of. I was fast becoming addicted.

Surprised by my actions, Ciel jerked back. "Sebastian. . .why would you. . ." he trailed off.

"I was a fool." I told him moving a strand of hair out of his face. "I was so wrapped up in self pity, I couldn't see it really was you inhabiting this body. Can you ever forgive my idiocy?"

"Of course I forgive you." Ciel replied with a frown. "I just don't understand why you would want me to."

"Because I am in love with you."

His mouth was on mine before I could utter another word. With that kiss, I confirmed something. Ciel loved me too. I could tell by the way he clung to me, by the tender way his mouth moved against mine and by the way he caressed my face.

It was the need for oxygen that had us pulling away this time.

"I love you too." he replied, softly.

I was tempted to whip out a joke, to say something witty butt, in the end, I couldn't bring myself to ruin the moment. So I just smiled and reconnected my mouth to his.

To my surprise, he lay back, pulling me with him. I pulled away to look down at him. Realization of what he had done made his eyes widen and his cheeks turn pink. "Sorry." he whispered, embarrassed.

I frowned. "Do. . .do you want to?" I asked uncertainly.

He went an even darker shade of pink. "I want. . .I want you to. . ." he let out a sigh. "I want you to make love to me but. . .only if you want me too."

I blinked; that wasn't exactly something I ever though would come out of his mouth. Then I smiled. "I've always wanted you." I responded "and I'm sorry I made you think otherwise."

The young one moved a hand to my cheek. "It's alright."

I shook my head. "No. No it's not. You needed me and I. . ."

Silenced by his lips on mine, I stopped talking and just kissed him. The kiss became rougher as Ciel sat up, pressing his body against mine as I helped rid him of his shirt and jacket. Fuelled with the desperation to get as close to one another a physically possible, our kisses became almost forceful. Comparatively small hands flew to my belt and he struggled to unbuckle it.

Chuckling, I pulled back only to find him glaring at me. "If you want to make it up to me" he said "get a belt that isn't a bitch to undo."

"Careful, now, young master." I said with a smirk and unbuckled it in one swift movement. "One would think you were impatient for me to claim you."

"But I am impatient for you to claim me." he huffed.

Surprised at his bluntness, I ceased moving.

He studied me, trying to figure out what was wrong. Once he became aware of what he had said, he put his hands over his face. "I'm acting like some wanton whore."

I shook my head. "No, my Love. Don't belittle yourself to their standards." I assured him, kissing him softly. "You are nothing like that filth who freely opens their legs for any given stranger. You don't want me just for the sexual pleasure and you don't want me because you receive any sort of payment. You want me because it's me and no one has ever given me that much before." and his mouth silenced mine once again.

We continued to ravish one another with kisses as we removed the rest of our clothing. I moved my mouth to his neck, sucking and nipping and kissing until it left a mark. I ran my hands down the sides of his small, never-changing body and his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

I was so careful with him, terrified I would break him despite his demonhood. I didn't want to hurt him any more than I had already but I knew it was inevitable considering what we were about to do and the fact that Ciel didn't seem to even want to dominate me.

I lifted my head to look up at him. "This will hurt, you know."

"I know," he said with a slight smile. "But I want you and I know you won't hurt me any more than necessary. I trust you."

I return his small smile with one of my own. I hold out my fingers to him. "Mind wetting these for me?"

He took them into his mouth and began to lace them with saliva. Ciel sucking on my fingers was quite an erotic sight; it made me think of how erotic it would look to have him sitting between my legs, sucking on my. . .but it was a thought for another time. Tonight it was about the young Demonling beneath me.

I pulled out my fingers and he made an odd sound of disappointment so I replaced my fingers with my tongue as my wet fingers found their way down to his entrance. He stiffened slightly as one finger pushed inside him then, he relaxed and continued our kiss, nipping my bottom lip gently and sucking on my tongue.

The young one gasped in slight pain as I slid in a second finger and began scissoring them, stretching him.

The gasp became a groan of pain when I added a third.

I gently thrust my fingers in, trying to find that one spot that would have him withering in pleasure . . . "Sebastian!" I found his prostate and brushed my fingers against it several times. I extracted my fingers and he whimpered.

"Shh." I cooed. "This will only hurt for a little while."

He nodded and I positioned myself at his entrance. Slowly, I pushed inside him, groaning at the heat that engulfed me. He was so tight. It was bliss and the urge to pound into him was strong but I refrained from doing so. I gradually slid in and his nails dug into my back as he tried to find some sort of relief from his pain. I held still when I was fully sheathed inside him, waiting for him to adjust to my . . .size.

He rolled his hip experimentally and I fought to keep myself still.

"Sebastian . . . Move." he said breathlessly.

I pulled out slowly, then pushed back in a little quicker than I should have but Ciel moaned, voicing his pleasure, so I didn't feel too guilty. I did this couple of times until the younger's demands of "Faster" and "harder" had me ramming into the young master with more speed and force. Ciel's cries of pleasure egged me on, encouraging me to keep up the fast pace I was pounding into his prostate with. His legs had been wrapped around me at some point, allowing me to go in deeper. Soon I was making my own little noises of pleasure of which consisted of low growls, grunts and his name.

I was nearing my end before my lover, so I reached between our sweaty bodies and began pumping his neglected member.

"Sebastian," he moaned as he was overwhelmed with pleasure. He came, his milky essence soaking our chests and my hand. I came soon after, soaking his insides with my own juices.

I stayed there on top of him for a moment as we came down from the high our orgasms gave us. Ciel didn't seem to mind the weight. In fact, judging by the whine of complain he let out when I rolled off and out of him, he quite enjoyed it.

Pulling Ciel into me, I allowed him to rest his head on my chest. His arm draped over my middle and his legs were tangled with mine.

"Does this mean you're not mad any more?" Ciel asked.

I laughed. "Well, depends what you mean by mad."

He gave a small giggle then sat up before claiming my lips. The young one then snuggled back into me and let out a content sigh. I held him tight as we fell asleep, wrapped in our own perfect piece of forever.

And, at long last, I was happy.

We were -are- happy.