Raito had experienced many boring nights, but this one was especially boring. Criminals finally got the hint that if they commited a crime, they would get fucking killed. Like, poof! Bitch be gone! So, Raito had no one to kill. He sighed a big sigh. Like the sigh of a bored man. Ryuuku was hunched over in the corner eating all the god damn apples like a fatass. It was sickening to Raito listening to him slurp and munch and swallow shit whole in that god damn corner drenched in spitty apple juice. "Aw man, Ryuuku-Kun..." Raito looked over at him. "I'm so god damn hot right now. I have the weirdest boner right now." He poked at his hard on and stroked his nipple. "Apples give ME boners, Raito-Kun." Ryuuku took a break from shoving those god damn apples down his throat to make that very disturbing, un-needed comment. "Is there anything other than apples that give you boners?" Raito said, stripping off his pants because it started hurting his wierd ass boner. "Well, there is ONE thing..." Ryuuku turned around, leaving his fucking corner for once. Raito gasped. "THAT. IS THE WEIRDEST. FUCKING. BONER. I'VE EVER SEEN." Ryuuku looked down at his boner, which happened to be OVER 9000 meters long and made him 20% cooler in 10 seconds flat. "Boners like this are normal for Shinigamis', Raito-Kun." He smiled like a retar- Er, I mean, A "Special Person". Raito finally stopped staring at it. "Anyways, what was that other thing that gives you boners?" Ryuuku got a serious look on his face. "YOU." Raito looked at him. "Lolwut? I give you boners?" Ryuuku nodded. "Is that why you have a boner right now?" Ryuuku nodded again. Raito stood up. "Oh my god do me." Ryuuku looked at him for a second. "OKAI~" He ripped the clothes right off of Raito. He started thrusting in and out of Raito's tight ass. Though, with all the time he spends with L, there's absolutely no fucking reason why it's so damn tight. Raito starting moaning like a little bitchtit. "OH, DADDY. OH DADDY YES." Ryuuku bitch slapped him. "Shut the fuck up while I cock slap your prostate!" And cock slap his prostate he did! In fact, he was cock slapping his prostate so hard, the whole house was shaking. Too bad Light forgot his house was still bugged, because the FBI got quite the show that night. They all stared at the screen, unable to look away. Finally, Old Man Yagami had enough. "I-I have to go... Do something, now..." Old Man Yagami left silently. He drove 5 miles and shot himself in a packed McDonalds parkinglot right in front of a troop of girl scouts who screamed like little bitches. Aizawa-San started puking all over the place. Matsuda-Kun was rocking back and forth repeating "True suffering is not known, True suffering is not known..." And L... L was fapping like he- no, ANYONE- had ever fapped before. "Hot damn. Ghost porn." His hand was moving so fast, you would have thought he was the fap master. Actually, he is, but... That's a whole other story.
"NOW!" I closed my fan fiction notebook, smiling upon the looks of terror on my children's faces. "That was the story of how Uncle Raiuuku was born, and why his name is so god damn weird!" I stood up and turned out the lights as the children glanced at each other, shaking. "Good night~ Sweet dreams~!" I closed the door. The children looked at each other again. The first one gulped. "I'm never hugging Uncle Raiuuku again..." The second one shuddered. "Me either..."